Dancing with the Stars: The New 30

I was especially interested in seeing last night’s episode of “Dancing with the Stars” because the show would be introducing the Lindy hop, my preferred style of dance for the better part of the last six years.

So it was both disappointing and a pleasant surprise that my two favorite routines of the evening were both Argentine tangos (also making its debut on the show.) As for the style of dancing I was REALLY looking forward to seeing, it was more like, “Would you like some Lindy hop with all those lifts?)

In honor of my and Samantha Harris’ sore throat (I SWEAR they’re not related), let’s take a cough drop and look at yesterday’s couples, in order of appearance:

David Alan Grier and Kym: I don’t remember these two doing anything really wrong in their Lindy hop. Then again, I don’t really remember too much about the routine in general (except for Grier’s cummerbund and a dual cartwheel) so that may be the problem. If you look at the brief footage of the Lindy hop club David and Kym went to, people weren’t flying through the air at all times — just sayin’.

Sadly, this would be the first of many cases in which the pros (unfamiliar with this style of dance) just seemingly threw a bunch of side-by-side dancing and lifts that have little to do with the Lindy hop into their routines. (I hate to go all Len on you, but somebody has to since Len seemed to take the night off from being all Len-ny.)

Lil’ Kim and Derek: This was one of my two favorite dances of the night and the first to score a 10 this year. Once again, Kim surprisingly looks the part of a ballroom dancer. One of the few instances in which Len DID go all Len-ny and slammed Derek for not interpreting the dance correctly. I didn’t care because I was mostly mesmerized by the move in which Derek quickly lifted Kim in the air and she kept her leg parallel to the ground. You can tell these two just enjoy each other. Kim is locked in a super tight battle with Shawn Johnson for that last spot in the top 3 this season.

Chuck Wicks and “Jules”: Question: if Chuck is so scared of landing on his head, why not just have him be the one who flips Julianne? Ugh, I’m just not into this “cute-by-design” couple at all. The judges seem to feel the same way, throwing out words like “competent” as “praise.”

Lawrence Taylor and Edyta: LT seems to have inherited the “: It’s Complicated” rehearsal mantle from Denise Richards. He’s still WAY over-thinking his dances and he and Edyta seemed to lose patience with each other. Appears to suffer from an inability to have fun. Still, while his tango WAS a bit plodding, Len giving it a 5 is probably the most preposterous score this year. Seriously. Finally, what is Alec Mazo doing with his time when he’s not helping former football players with their tango as a favor to his wife?

Ty Murray and Chelsie: Looked a LOT like Steve Wozniak when they started showing his video package (a brief oopsie by the producers). Do I dare say this was my favorite Lindy hop of the evening? Yes I do (if only for authenticity’s sake). Ty is still awkward when he’s dancing on his own, but he’s not nearly the train wreck he was in week 1. If you had bet me $5,000 that he’d EVER get a 9 after his week 1 cha cha, I would’ve taken that bet (and I would’ve lost). Chelsie should just change her name to Annie Sullivan (You know, because of “The Miracle Worker”? Nevermind, I’m a dork.)

Steve Wozniak and Karina: I liked that he looked at his improvement from a 10 to 12 as a “20 percent increase.” What else can I add that I haven’t already said about this guy (other than Karina wearing almost nothing to compensate for Edyta being almost fully-clothed)? I’ll turn it over to someone else. Who’s meaner? Bruno for cruelly saying the only thing Woz and his tango brought back from Buenos Aires was the stench (Argentinean burn!) or my girlfriend Erica for saying, “Maybe if he didn’t ride around on a Segway all the time, he wouldn’t be so out of shape.”

Melissa Rycroft and Tony: She makes extremely difficult routines look very easy. Unfortunately, this was really a freestyle masquerading as a Lindy hop, and her final lift was executed better in their rehearsal footage than it was live. Of course, since she’s destined to be in the finals, no one seemed to care and she got a 29 out of 30.

Holly Madison and Dmitry: I actually think she’s gotten a little better every week (emphasis on “a little”). Most of her work is still train wreck-y (almost fell off a stool this week) and she is almost certainly going home after being in the bottom two AND losing the dance off last week. Hopefully she can go home and go back to wearing shirts that allow people to clearly see her bra and rest her injured ribs (which, by the way, only hurt every time you breathe.)

Steve-O and Lacey: I had high expectations for Lacey’s/Katy Perry’s Lindy hop routine, since it’s right in her wheelhouse. However, there’s nothing she can do to keep Steve-O from constantly being a step behind. Am I the only one who didn’t think it was a terrible idea for him to perform in his clown costume?

Gilles Marini and Cheryl: The highest compliment you can give a celeb on this show (unless you’re third-place finisher Stacy Keibler) is that you can’t tell which person is the pro when they’re dancing. This is absolutely true in Gilles case. From the slicked-back hair and immaculate costume to the hot moves on the dance floor, he looked the part of an Argentine tango-er. Best routine of the season, so far. It also turns out he’s a brilliant actor, because I actually believed he was worried about his dance. It was so hot that Carrie Ann looked completely hot and bothered.

Shawn Johnson and Mark: These two are consistently delivering the most entertaining rehearsal footage. (Their trip to that gymnastics center was entertaining in every way). I couldn’t tell if their shirts said “Shark” or “Shmark” (probably the former). I agree that her steps were a bit plodding and the dance didn’t flow as well, but she had very good Lindy hop posture. Why did “too many lifts” become an issue all of a sudden in the evening’s last dance? I believe the goofy outfits (and the fact that she didn’t have heart broken on “The Bachelor”) contributed to her being underscored.

So what’d you think of this episode? Wasn’t Samantha Harris actually a little more coherent than usual? (I think her cold made her actually THINK more about her words?) Do you think it was too early for the season’s first 30? (I don’t buy into that — a 30 is a 30 no matter when it comes in the season.) Finally, which two celebs are going home? (I think we’ll say goodbye to Holly and Steve-O.)