Desperate Housewives: A Shocking Conclusion

Not bad, “Desperate Housewives” writers, not bad.

The fact is Edie’s impending death on this show was one of the worst-kept secrets on TV this year. Fortunately, the show’s writers and producers seemed perfectly aware of this and concocted a couple of amusing fake outs to mess with the audience.

Before I get to that, I want to talk about the rest the episode, which featured (as usual) a couple of husbands acting like idiots and Susan (for an unprecedented third week in a row) behaving like a mature adult.

Susan’s first ex-husband Karl was back in the picture because Karl’s son Evan was a new student in Susan’s class. Although Karl is a major a-hole, I enjoy the character because he’s the most interesting guy Susan has ever been with BY FAR. (Even in their hostility, the two actors have good chemistry.) However, the problem this week was Evan, an apparent serial-killer-in-training prone to drawing violent pictures in class.

Turns out the kid was just depressed about his mom (Karl’s wife) leaving him. Instead of doing her best Nelson the Bully (Ha-Ha!) Susan empathized with Karl because she knew what it was like to be dumped by your spouse. I know the two were holding hands at the end of the episode, but I don’t really think anything will come of it. These two are MUCH better as exes. (I’d rather see Susan with her female boss from school.)

Lynette was having a hard time easing back into the workforce, mostly due to Lucy, Carlos’ new right hand woman/she-beast. Lucy had a weird affection for glass figurines and was making everyone, including her boss Carlos, work late which was putting a crimp in his sex life with Gabby, which was in an unprecedented two-week draught.

While Lucy was undoubtedly horrible, I can’t say it’s 100 percent her fault. I totally get that Carlos is incredibly worn out from working so much, but when your wife pulls out the good lingerie, you have to (to use the technical term) man up and hit that. Nevertheless, Carlos eventually realized Lucy was an awful person after Lucy chewed out Carlos and Gabby’s daughters — whom she (racistly) thought were related to the cleaning lady — for playing with the figurines. Lynette (who’d organized the play date) stopped in at the end to rub a little salt on the wounds (Lucy doesn’t know that you don’t mess with Lynette).

Mostly, I was happy to see Gabby and Carlos acknowledge that they were reverting back to their overworked, unhappy selves (my main fear with Carlos going back to work) and do something positive about it.

On the other hand, I just can’t come up with anything positive regarding this storyline with Orson. Last night he revealed to Bree that his reason for stealing was to hurt her. I also finally came around to the idea that his stealing is the perfect mix of embarrassing and unnecessary to do the trick.

However, the problem is that, unless the writers’ goal is to get us to hate Orson, the storyline isn’t doing anyone any favors. Who would’ve thought a few years ago that Andrew of all people would be the voice of reason? He was the one who talked his mother out of selling her company for Orson’s sake because if he really loves her, why would he want her to stop doing something she loves?

Most importantly, the problem is that Orson is a big whiner. Maybe he should’ve thought about having a good job and being well-respected BEFORE he ran someone over with his car. I realize Andrew ran Carlos’ mom over with his car in the first season, and he certainly acted out in a bad way, but that character eventually paid his dues and came out the other side the better for it. Orson not only wants people to hand him things (a good job, respect) but he feels like he has to demean his wife to do it.

I kinda wish Edie HAD run him over with her car as he got chased out of a house by a feisty old lady, instead of swerving to avoid him and crashing her car.

This week finally featured the much-discussed camping trip. (Honestly, that thing was first mentioned like two months ago — and staying in a nice cabin does NOT count as “camping.”) In fact, we got to see how Dave’s revenge plan against Mike would play out in detail at the start of the episode, culminating with Dave shooting Katherine while she was on a hike with Mike, blaming those phantom hunters in the woods. The most satisfying moment for Dave appeared to be driving back into town with Mike as he cried over Katherine’s death, but the fact that James Denton can’t really convey any emotion made this scene a little funny.

Of course, when it was time to execute the plan, Dave was thwarted by a text from Edie (whenever I’m about to murder someone, I have the good sense to put my phone on silent)— she knew everything after receiving the fax about Mike killing Dave’s family in that car crash.

Dave came home and was confronted by Edie, and Nicolette Sheridan got to do a little acting (but not too much because her face IS frozen in time). Dave nearly choked her out (near death experience #1) causing Edie to run out of the house and crash her car after swerving to avoid hitting Orson (near death experience #2). Unfortunately, she’d hit a power line and was electrocuted when she stepped out of the car (strike three!)

I know the promos want us to think Edie is alive, but I’m not buying it at all. Though she was never a “main” housewife and had been relegated to the background in recent seasons, I’ll miss the edge she brought to the show. Hopefully her death will kick start some interesting stuff for Dave (who I’m finding more tedious every week) and the rest of the women.

So what’d you think of this episode? Does anyone else awkwardly keep a fax machine in their kitchen? (I sure don’t!) Can we get more scenes of Tom as a “Desperate Housewife” please? Finally, what was your all-time favorite Edie moment? (Mine was her first scene in the pilot episode — it pretty much tells you everything you’d ever need to know about Edie and it’s one of the best TV character introductions in the last 10 years. Seriously.)