Hell's Kitchen: Three Men and a Lacey

You know how certain people, usually athletes like Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods, are described as “clutch” because they come through in big-time, pressure-packed moments?

Well Lacey (pictured, right) is the opposite of that.

Actually, after her sad, pathetic, exhilarating, amusing, hilarious meltdown last night, she’s actually worse than the “opposite of clutch.” “Clutch” would imply that Lacey tried and failed. However, Lacey’s performance on the meat station during dinner service would be the equivalent of Tiger Woods throwing his clubs in the water on the 18th hole and walking off the course BEFORE a big putt, or Michael Jordan running away from the rest of the team as they huddled during a tie game with 10 seconds to go in the fourth quarter and catching a cab outside the arena.

We’ll obviously get to that later, but the continuation of this “Hell’s Kitchen” recap found Carol (once again) complaining about Andrea and vowing to destroy her for daring to sabotage her on the pasta station (are we sure that even happened?) during last week’s dinner service. This just in: the women actually WON the last dinner service (easily), so Carol’s whining was equal parts puzzling and annoying. Thankfully, Giovanni (using his most soothing tone) settled her down temporarily by reminding her to focus on the team.

This week’s challenge was a “Hell’s Kitchen” favorite (at least for me): the blind taste test. Since the red team had more people, one member had to sit out and LA volunteered rather quickly. (I believe that’s the fastest we’ve seen her do ANYTHING on this show.) She said she dropped out partly because her sense of taste was out of whack due to her being a smoker. Has she SEEN this show? Doesn’t everybody smoke?!

Each chef would taste the same four items and try to correctly identify them. The men jumped out to an early lead as Ben finally (semi)won a head-to-head challenge by beating Andrea 3-2. (I laughed out loud at Ramsay calling Ben a fat “bleep” as Ben rocked out while wearing the headphones.) Giovanni and Not Bobby matched each other in ineptitude by missing all of their ingredients. (Lobster tastes like poached egg yolk, Giovanni? Truffles are your favorite thing Robert, and you can’t ID them? I can forgive you for not getting the peas, but you shouldn’t have to be Helen Keller to get the truffles right. )

Carol put the red team back on top by schooling Lacey 3-1, but for the last taste test Danny and Paula would have to take turns identifying 10 ingredients in the minestrone soup. Danny put the guys back on top, but Paula eventually tied the game. As is ALWAYS the case, the challenge came down to the wire with Paula edging out Danny and earning the red team the coveted TV Guide photo shoot.

Not only would the blue team have to prep both kitchens, but they’d have to wait on the red team as they had their hair done and photos taken (fortunately, the cider Ben accidentally spilled on the red team when he was frightened by a camera pop didn’t get in anybody’s hair).

The rest of the time, we got more stank face/attitude from Lacey who was ignoring her teammates and being a general pain-in-the-ass. Hey, at least she didn’t quit and walk out of the kitchen this time, right? (Depriving us of another Ben “We Need You” speech.)

Soon, it was time for dinner service, which would feature a couple of VIPs in the house, in the form of Eric “Will of ‘Will & Grace’” McCormack and Robert “T-100” Patrick. (I’m one of the few people who also like to think of him as Doggett on the later seasons of “The X-Files.”)

Except for McCormack’s entrée apparently being a little late, the celebrities turned out to be a surprisingly small part of the dinner service drama. Then again, when it comes to drama, they couldn’t really compete with the season’s undisputed drama queen.

I’m not sure if it was sabotage on the men’s part, but as soon as it was revealed Lacey would be on the meat station, I thought “Uh oh.” Before that, Not Bobby struggled to get some appetizers out before Ben jumped in and took over, I mean helped.

When it was time for the entrees, Lacey COMPLETELY blanked when asked to produce a Beef Wellington and lamb. I mean, she had NO idea what to do. I know she’s supposed to be inexperienced, but I don’t believe for a second that during all her time at “Hell’s Kitchen” (or in her own life) that she never learned how to prepare either of these meals. I think it’s more likely that the stress of the show and the situation simply caused her brain to shut down.

Ramsay tried talking to (yelling at) her twice, but finally ended up sending her home. On her way out, she shared with us that her mom had advised her not to make enemies in “HK”, and that she’d done the exact opposite. (Definitely should’ve listened to mom.) I thought the blue team was done for sure, but a funny thing happened – and I’m not talking about Not Bobby splitting his pants (thank GOD he was wearing boxers). The men rallied and delivered their best dinner service, by FAR. (Where the hell was THIS all season?)

The red team, on the other hand, was suffering from a combination of overconfidence and dysfunction. Paula made some salty risotto at first, but quickly made up for her mistake. The biggest problem in the kitchen was Carol. She was on the difficult meat station and she struggled, which is completely understandable.

What is not understandable is that she appeared to be ignoring Andrea’s repeated attempts to communicate for the sole purpose of setting Andrea (and, as a result, her team) back. She was successful and got a measure of revenge for the way Andrea screwed her up last week in the pasta station. (Again, are we SURE that actually happened?) Unfortunately, she ended up messing up LA too, and the red team was the clear loser.

Ramsay ordered the red team to come up with two unanimous nominees for elimination. Again, the red team failed to work together. Everyone could agree on Carol (because she was terrible), but Andrea, Giovanni and Paula nominated LA for the second slot, while Carol and LA nominated Andrea. Now, I’m on Team Andrea, so I may be biased, but my take was that LA nominated Andrea because she’s trying to watch her own ass (understandable) while Carol nominated Andrea because she hates her. By contrast, Giovanni (who just got to the red team) doesn’t appear to have a bias one way or the other and he picked LA, so I tend to agree with his relatively objective view.

It didn’t matter because Ramsay called all three of the nominees for elimination forward and asked them why they should stay? Once again, Carol couldn’t get past her hatred of Andrea to objectively make a good case for Andrea to be eliminated, while LA defended her own soft-spoken attitude in the kitchen. In the end, Andrea successfully survived the double team and LA was sent home.

I like LA, but I thought her not taking part in the taste test was what killed her (why did no one bring this up?), especially since people had been telling her that she needed to step up and show leadership.

So what’d you think of this episode? Don’t the women always seem to win the photo shoot reward? (Just sayin’) Are you on Team Andrea or Team Carol? Finally, is there one small part of you that’ll miss Lacey? (Nah!)

(Sorry I posted this recap a few days late, but I was away from home most of the weekend. As is the case with the food on "Hell's Kitchen", better late than never, right?)