America's Next Top Recap: Bus-iness as Usual

Is the “America’s Next Top Model” universe the only place where calling someone “pretty” is an insult?

I think so, as another contestant was slapped with the dreaded “pretty girl, not a model” tag and was sent home for the second straight week.

The episode picked up with a couple of the models dealing with the fallout from last week’s judging panel. Tahlia’s confidence was in shambles and Truth or Dare specialist Nijah seemed puzzled that the judges had criticized her for a lack of personality. On the flip side, Natalie was so confident after her positive reviews that she didn’t seem to mind that Teyona was actually the person who’d been given “best picture” honors.

We learned that Natalie has already had plenty of modeling experience, which begs the following question: what the hell is she doing on THIS show? Aren’t “ANTM” winners notorious for never being seen again after their Cover Girl commercials stop airing (unless they marry a Brady, of course)? Natalie may have been better off trying to become a model on her own.

That point was sorta reinforced when Cycle 9’s Chantal and Bianca dropped by Ms. J’s “Charm School” for runway walkers. (Bianca, in particular, seems to be doing great for herself judging from that “Top Models in Action” segment later in the episode). Natalie exuded an incredible amount of (appropriate) cockiness and badass-itude in her walk, while Tahlia and Nijah faltered. Allison also struggled because she was over thinking her walk, leading Ms. J to put books on her head for her posture.

Back at the house, the girls played a game of truth of dare. Noses were licked, and Tahlia was called out by Natalie for having the worst photo last week. Like many people, I feel for Tahlia and I’ve been rooting pretty hard for her to get her act together, but her photo WAS bad, and Natalie was simply adhering to the ironclad rules of truth or dare. Tahlia needs to stop being a wuss and start being FIERCE.

The week’s challenge involved a Jill Stuart fashion show, and the contestants using everything they’d learned about catwalk etiquette. The results were perfectly predictable — Nijah, Tahlia, Allison struggled; Celia and Natalie thrived — except that I would’ve given Celia the win because Natalie’s twirl in the middle of her walk was hella dumb.

With Natalie’s head about to pop from getting so big, and Tahlia being so down on herself that I actually thought she might quit, the models headed to their photo shoot. This week, they had to work in pairs of 2 (and in one case 3) to act out different sections of New York City while posing on top of a bus.

Of course, the reversal the show set up came to pass when Tahlia outshone Natalia (and Teyona) in their tourist picture. I actually didn’t think Natalie came off quite as fake as the judges told her she did, but I was happy to see her get smacked down to Earth a bit.

My favorite picture of the bunch was Fo and Aminat's, simply for the fact that they were equally strong and conveyed their businesswomen characters clearly. By contrast, I still have no idea who the artist and the muse was in Nijah and Kortnie’s photo, while Sandra slightly outshone Celia in their photo and London was stronger than Allison.

Sandra was named the winner after taking a week off from being a horrible human being (or maybe the editors just took a week off from showing us her beastly side), and the bottom two came down to Allison and Nijah.

Let’s take a close look at this one. Would the judges get rid of the quirky girl who’d taken two VERY good photos up to that point, or would they get ride of the “pretty girl” who had also taken a bad picture last week. Needless to say this was one of the least suspenseful decisions ever.

Nijah’s gone, but she gets kudos for taking her ouster with grace and maturity. (That really just means she didn’t cry or say anything stupid on her way out of the house — which is a real accomplishment on this show.)

So what’d you think of this episode? Is it bad that, when the light hits him right, Ms. J looks more like a women to me than fellow “Charm School” hostesses Mo’nique and Sharon Osbourne? With Nijah gone, which of the remaining models can do the best Carlton dance? (My money’s on London.) Finally, with a few weeks under our belt, who do you like to win the whole thing? (I’m still feeling good about my Ridiculously Early Pick of Celia.)