American Idol: Gone Country

The contestants on “American Idol” aren’t the only ones who usually dread “country week”, right?

Besides Simon, I’ve got to believe there’s a significant segment of the population that ranges from being mildly annoyed by country music to tripping over themselves to change the station when a country song comes on the radio (in case anyone still listens to radios). On the flip side, I realize the country genre is HUGE in many portions of the U.S. (votes from North Carolina and Alabama count as much as votes from New York and L.A.) and has some of the most ardent and passionate fans, who sometimes latch on to country-friendly “Idol” contestants and help them last longer than they should (see: Cook, Kristy Lee, for example).

Last night the contestants on “Idol” were asked to sing songs “popularized by members of the Grand Ole Opry.” Since pretty much every major country artist anyone’s ever heard of is apparently a member of the Grand Ole Opry, I wondered why they didn’t just call it “Country Week.”

More importantly, I was curious to see which contestants would rise to the challenge of the week’s theme. This particular group of finalists doesn’t appear to have anybody who’s interested in becoming a country music artist (no matter how much the judges want Michael Sarver to be a country singer, he just doesn’t seem to be feeling it) so I was eager to see who would bring it, and who would mail it in and be content with surviving.

It turns out that the most of the judges’ pets (Danny Gokey, Lil Rounds) were merely happy to pick safe songs and advance to next week (and the Idol tour). Of course, that opened the door for several other singers (Kris Allen, Anoop Desai and Matt Giraud) to become legitimate threats to win the competition.

Then there’s Adam Lambert (pictured, left).

I love how much of a gentleman guest mentor Randy Travis was throughout the night, but even he could barely contain his horror at Adam’s sitar-arrangement of “Ring of Fire” (and Adam’s black nail polish). A part of me likes that Adam brings something to this competition that we’ve never see before. In addition, his vocals were typically superb and impressive. However, a part of me was turned off by the fact that Adam chose to completely disregard the country genre and the night’s theme. I’m not saying the guy should’ve gone out there in a cowboy hat and pretended that he was a country singer, but this particular performance was the very definition of Simon’s patented “self-indulgent rubbish” critique.

His bizarre facial expressions and slinky body movements also made the performance 1,000% creepier. In my opinion, they made his choice seem less bold and daring, and more disrespectful and ludicrous. However, whether you like him or not, it’s undoubtedly the performance people are talking about today, so he’s not going anywhere.

I’m not so sure I can say the same thing about Lil (not “Little) Rounds long-term prospects. For the second week in a row, she delivered a competent, slightly awkward, but instantly-forgettable performance. She said she wanted to honor the country genre (and thank god she didn’t pick “I Will Always Love You” like Randy suggested), but instead came off as an R&B singer doing country. Danny fared considerably better on “Jesus Take the Wheel”, despite that ridiculous white jacket. He was a little wobbly on the verse, but hit his chorus very well (like pretty much every power singer in this competition). I liked hearing his husky tone on the Carrie Underwood song.

Danny, Lil and Adam are virtual shoe-ins to be back next week, but it was mostly refreshing to see the judges without their rose-colored glasses and give their pets objective critiques.

Or maybe the judges’ high praise was all saved up for Kris and Anoop, my favorite performers of the evening. Both made the right decision to strip down their performances to showcase their voices. Kris wanted to prove that he’s more than just the season’s heartthrob, while Anoop made the wise decision to focus more on his vocals than on pumping the audience up. Both proved wildly successful. I’d say Kris made the biggest leap. Whereas Anoop went from someone we weren’t sure belonged in the top 11 based on his vocals to someone who could finish in the top 5, Kris went from someone who could finish in the top 5 to someone who could win the whole thing.

I wasn’t as in love with Matt Giraud’s take on “So Small” as the judges. Yes, he was very good, but I thought he started to lose it a little towards the end. I think Simon’s assertion that he was the best of the evening was an effort to shine a light on Matt. He could get lost in the shuffle because, on any given night, Matt might be only the fifth best male singer (behind Adam, Danny, Kris, Anoop).

Speaking of getting lost in the shuffle, I worry for Alexis Grace and, especially, Allison Iraheta. Last week, I wrote that these two are probably competing for a lot of the same votes, and last night they didn’t really do too much to separate themselves from the rest of the pack or each other. Allison delivered another rocking vocal on “Blame It On Your Heart”, but the most Simon could muster was an insinuation that she couldn’t remember her lyrics. Though I enjoyed Allison, I agree with Paula who (in her own rambling way) suggested it might be time to show a different gear than “rocker grrl.” Allison certainly out sang Alexis last night, who missed more than a few notes and never seemed to get comfortable during “Jolene”, but I still think Alexis is the strongest female singer in the competition and should have no trouble making the top 10.

Someone who is in no danger of getting lost in the shuffle is Megan Joy (not Corkrey). Don’t look now, but she’s proven to be the smartest finalist BY FAR in terms of choosing songs that suit her voice. I kinda loved her take on “Walking After Midnight.” Ironically enough, the only time I soured on her (other than her “I have to go wee-wee” “dance”) was then the judges mentioned her flu and Megan seemed to go into a mini coughing fit on cue. I thought the performance was definitely solid enough on its own for her to advance, and hearing about her illness seemed like a play for pity votes (meaning more viewer manipulation) on the part of the judges.

All of that leaves Michael Sarver and Scott MacIntyre, aka “Team We’re Not Even Supposed to Be Here.”

Michael raced through a rendition of “Ain’t Goin’ Down Till the Sun Comes Up”, but the talk was dominated by how many words there were in the song. Michael was also upstaged by his harmonica player and backup singers. Still, I have a feeling he won’t be going home because the guy seems to have a surprisingly big fan base (if you remember, he was no wild card — America actually voted him into the finals).

In Scott’s case, I just don’t know what else I can say without ensuring a special place in hell for bashing a blind dude. I’ll just let the judges take it over. Paula suggested his piano was becoming a crutch (Scott amusingly said he could move it closer to the audience to help him connect), while Simon argued that he needed to pick better songs (so did Randy Travis, who is a better human being than me for not crushing a blind guy and telling Scott that “Wild Angels” was a bad idea). Meanwhile, Randy and Kara argued he just needed to sing better.

Guess what? They’re ALL right. Scott’s piano IS a(n understandable) crutch, but he needs to pick better songs AND sing them better. With titles like “Mandolin Rain” and “Wild Angels”, Scott’s musical selection has thus far been — I believe the technical term is FUCKING LAME. (This column is rated PG-13, so I can say the F-word once because there’s no other way to describe the garbage Scott has been singing.)

So what’d you think of this episode? Why does Simon get away with refusing to be the first judge to offer a critique when it’s his turn? (Because he knows if he speaks first, he can’t make some rude/snide comment about Paula’s latest ramble.) Is “you can sing the alphabet” the new “you can sing the phonebook”? Am I the only one annoyed at how the show’s director frames Paula’s critiques so that we can see Simon (and his condescending, rude facial expressions and remarks)? Finally, who do you think will be eliminated? (I actually think Matt Giraud will be the lowest vote-getter. He doesn’t have the fan base Michael and Scott seem to, and he doesn’t seem as popular as his fellow strong male singers. I also predict the judges will use their one “save” on him.)