America's Next Top Recap: Lighten Up

Everyone loves the makeover episodes of “Top Model,” right?

Of course, by “everyone” I mean those people still into Tyra Banks’ particularly brand of crazy, trash-tastic TV that keep tuning into new episodes of “Top Model.” (The people who actually WRITE about said episodes are their own special crazy.)

Anyway, the makeover episodes are an undeniable highlight for those of us who watch this show, so why did last night’s “makeover madness” feel like a let down? I mean, even Tyra’s “Agent T” persona was relatively sane — at least compared to something like the “Good Fierce Witch” (my personal favorite). (Ok, the “For Fierce Eyes Only” thing was pretty funny — thanks for catching that one, Erica.)

Maybe in its 12th cycle, the show just doesn’t have very many surprises left in the tank. If you have long hair (or “amazing bone structure”) it’s getting chopped off, if you have short hair, you’re getting extensions, and if you’re Natalie, you’re perfect and there’s absolutely nothing the judges can do for you except make you cry by pretending they’re chopping everything off.

At first I was annoyed that Tyra left, arguably, the second most annoying contestant on the show untouched. If you’ll recall from casting, Natalie is the stuck up rich girl who apparently entered the competition “just because.” However, the more I thought about it, the more I felt that if Tyra honestly believes that Natalie already looks like a model, then there really shouldn’t be a change made just for the sake of making a change. I suppose it’s better than the waste of time “makeovers” in which no one (at least no straight guy) can see any significant difference (as was the case with Jessica and Nijah, for example).

Finally, while I realize it turned out that Mr. Jay and Ms. J were kidding, I would’ve liked to have seen SOME repercussions for Natalie’s flat-out refusal to let the stylist touch her hair. I know they were messing with her, but what if they hadn’t been? In a semi-related story, my favorite makeovers were Celia, London, and Fo, though Fo did NOT care for her new cut as much as I did (more on that later).

Still, Natalie has a lot of work to do if she wants to catch Sandra as the most horrible person this cycle. That is, if the show’s editing is to be believed. Aminat, at least, appears to not be a fan of Sandra no matter how you edit the show.

This week’s challenge was a remake of last season’s Wal-Mart/Cover Girl makeup test. Except that there are no Wal-Marts in NYC (which I found both surprising and not surprising at all) so the show built a replica of the store’s makeup wall. The girls split into four teams of three and had to persuade a female passerby to allow them to teach her how to use the Cover Girl makeup. One team was too screechy and all over the place, another one thought they were competing in “America’s Next Top Makeup Artist” and applied the products themselves, but Team Celia, Aminat and (sworn enemy) Sandra won a photo shoot reward in the end.

Aminat was happy to win, but not thrilled with having to share the reward with Sandra. The two went on to have a tense moment when Sandra suggested to Aminat that she not get drunk after Aminat took one sip of a drink. Later, while Aminat was receiving a brutal critique during the judging panel, the camera cut to Sandra who had the smile of a little kid who just discovered 20 presents under her Christmas tree.

I’m no Sandra apologist, but the alcohol thing felt like it was blown slightly out of proportion, which is entirely possible given that there was nothing else interesting happening in the house other than Fo crying about her (lack of) hair. Also, the shot of Sandra smiling could’ve been taken from period of time during the panel. Then again, Sandra did say she can’t help but smirk when other people get negative critiques and continues to carry herself with a general “better-than-thou” air, so she’s still firmly entrenched as the most despised person this cycle.

This week’s photo shoot involved the models posing in groups of four and learning how to use light. The contestants also got to work with judge Nigel Barker, who gave them a WAY-too-quick tutorial on using the flashing glow-stick light thingy.

In a completely unsurprising turn of events, a lot of the girls struggled. The worst of the bunch were Aminat (her face DID look awful), Sandra (dead in the face), Nijah, (dead in the eyes) Tahlia (who insists she wants to inspire people, but so far is letting her burns kill her confidence) and Jessica (who just looked pissed). My favorites were Celia (fierce, as opposed to pissed), London (just an interesting person), Allison (doing great so far) and Natalie (she rocked it — can’t take that away from her.)

The judging panel — which was dominated by guest judge Nole Marin and his entertainingly bitchy remarks about pajama tops and telenovelas — convened and put Jessica and Fo in the bottom two. Fo’s picture wasn’t actually bad, but the fact that she couldn’t stop crying about her hair in the middle of a “professional” photo shoot really irked the judges.

In the end, Jessica (the “telenovela”-y Puerto Rican girl) got sent home for being just a “pretty girl.” On her way out, Jessica reiterated that she was absolutely clueless about the competition by telling us that all anyone had ever done is tell her that she’s beautiful. Way to completely miss the point of a show where people with freakishly big eyes dominate and “pretty girls” go home early.

So what’d you think of this episode? Could they have a more hideous mode of transportation this cycle? Were the girls seriously expected to know how to use the flashing light bulbs in a semi-competent way? Finally, we all know who everyone’s least favorite person is, so who is emerging as your fave? (I like London, pictured, left, and Fo, provided she gets her act together.)