Desperate Housewives: Desperate Husbands

Last night’s episode of “Desperate Housewives” was just weird.

Of course, that could have something to do with the fact that the show has only aired one new installment in the past month or so, resulting in a lack of storytelling rhythm. Nevertheless, I feel like last night’s episode would’ve seemed odd even if it had come after 20 straight original episodes.

For example, what is going on with Gabby and the storyline involving her keeping Carlos’ boss’ affair a secret? All this time, I though the $30,000 bonus Brad had agreed to pay Carlos was to cover up that ONE time he cheated on his wife Maria. I guess I missed the part where everybody agreed that the money would allow Brad to continuously cheat on his wife.

Eventually (as is always the case these days) Gabby and Carlos’ conscience got the better of them. First, Gabby tried to guilt Sheila the slutty mistress into breaking up with Brad. We know she’s slutty because of the way her boobs were hanging out as she held Gabby’s hair hostage in the salon she works. Though that didn’t work, Gabby approaching Sheila freaked Brad out enough that he confessed to his wife — while she was holding a knife. You can pretty much guess how that ended.

What’s not so clear is why this is even happening? I mean, who cares if Maria kills her cheating husband? I would barely put either character on the show’s D-list, as far as importance. I guess we’re going to have to wait and see how Gabby and Carlos get dragged into this mess. Right now, I can’t think of a way that won’t feel like a stretch (but then again, I’m not very smart). I hope the writers show why they make the big bucks and either come up with something good to connect the Solises to this murder or just drop it completely.

Another really weird thing that happened last night was that I was actually (mostly) on Susan’s side for a change.

She and Katherine started out the evening cruising next to each other on the high road regarding the matter of Susan’s ex-husband Mike moving in with Katherine across the street. Of course, it wasn’t long before both skidded off and ended up in a fiery wreck off the side of the high road.

It started with Katherine taking down a painting she liked — until she found out Susan had painted it on her honeymoon with Mike — and lying about it. Susan eventually called her out on it during Katherine’s housewarming party, leading to a big fight with Mike. My feeling is that Katherine started this whole thing by taking down the painting and lying about it after Susan accidentally burned her by mentioning she painted it on their honeymoon (and I DO honestly believe Susan didn’t mean to rub things in).

Of course, the real issue is that Susan and Katherine’s “I’m ok, you’re ok” act was WAY over the top. As Edie summarized, Katherine is now shacking up with her friend’s ex right across the street — it’s perfectly normal for these two to not be BFFs! On the other end of the spectrum, they also don’t need to be sworn enemies and throw things at each other (Teri Hatcher does NOT need to do anymore slapstick!) However, the latter would be more entertaining than the BFF route. Yesterday’s literally “wink, wink” resolution with Susan taking the painting out of Katherine’s house by playing the petty ex-wife seemed silly.

However, for the second episode in a row, the competition for biggest tool came down to Tom and Orson. (I would nominate Dave too, but I’ve ceased to care about this storyline. It’s a shame because I was loving Neal McDonough at the start of this season. Now I just want something, ANYTHING to happen. And, no, having a random priest be the only person from Fairview who finally recognizes Dave Dash from when he lived there with his former wife does NOT count.)

Actually, I’m just going to go ahead and give the (no)prize to Orson. He may be unfailingly polite, but Orson doesn’t even have Tom’s respect. Was Tom too harsh on Orson after Orson went to Scavo’s to try to comfort his former Blue Odyssey bandmate? Yes, he was harsh. However, was everything Tom said absolutely true? Yes it was. It wasn’t polite, but it was true.

I get that Orson is frustrated about everything that’s happened to him, but he DID run someone over with his car, so not having the respect he did when he was a dentist, while a bummer, doesn’t seem TOO bad to me. I also don’t understand why his response to all of this is to become a kleptomaniac. It just screams of the writers saying, “We have Kyle McLachlan in the cast and he used to headline movies in the 80’s — we gotta give him SOMETHING to do (even if it doesn’t make sense), right?” (That would explain his weird imitation of Tom's Italian salt shaker.)

If they want to give Orson (not Orville) something to do, why not have him revisit his dark side. There was a hint of that earlier this season when he forced Bree to cook for him after a long day. And after being taunted by Bree’s book publisher, I saw potential for him to go back to his vehicular manslaughtering ways (the guy and his tape recorder DID deserve to get hit by a car).

Of course, the reason the publisher was at Bree’s house for dinner was to offer Tom a job. The only problem was that Tom was completely morose and disinterested after losing Scavo’s (the only thing he was missing was a “Milk was a bad choice” beard), so I cheered when Lynette jumped into the sweepstakes for the job herself.

After all, why shouldn’t Lynette be the one to go back to work? More entertainingly, this jumpstarted Tom’s competitive side, which is a delight because this couple is more effective when they’re on somewhat equal footing (as opposed to when Tom is acting like an idiot or Lynette is in super-harpy mode). In the end, things went from competitive to nasty with Lynette mentioning that Tom drove Scavo’s into the ground, and Tom striking back with “I hope your cancer doesn’t flare up again” (we have a winner/loser!)

However, in a shocking twist, the couple got over their incredibly insensitive remarks in a nice scene that you probably have to be in a couple to appreciate it. Was their reconciliation a little TOO quick and neatly tied up? Probably. But this is a TV show that needs to keep the pace moving. And the idea was that getting something out in the open (no matter how brutal) can be incredibly cleansing. Sometimes it breaks people apart, and other times it brings people closer together. These two (pictured, left) showed last night why they’re still my favorite couple in the show.

So what’d you think of this episode? Is Brad dead for sure? Does Teri Hatcher have any shirts that are NOT see-through? Why did it take so long for someone else from Fairview to recognize Dave? (Was he a brunette before?) Are you looking forward to Lynette going back to work? Finally, it’s no secret that Nicollette Sheridan is leaving the show — how do you think (and how would you like) Edie to be written out?