Apparently, we’re at the halfway point of the competition.It seems like just yesterday that Denise Richards was making us uncomfortable by being uncomfortable in her rehearsal footage, Belinda Carlisle was making us uncomfortable by performing a handstand and exposing her Go-Gos to 20 million people, and Steve Wozniak was making us uncomfortable by going ahead with his “dances.”
I don’t like to focus on the negative, but it’s on my mind coming off of the weakest performance episode since the early weeks of the competition. Even the entertaining dances at the top of the leaderboard had their faults (sorry people, but Len was right pretty much every time). Why don’t we talk about them right here, in order of appearance, as they took on the jive and the super-challenging rumba.
Ty Murray and Chelsie: His body movement wasn’t quite as Terminator-esque as last week, but it was still closer to week one than it was to his better work. His performance was a good line dance, but not a very good jive. Despite being next to last on the leaderboard, he’s the most charming contestant, by FAR (he managed not to look stupid playing on a trampoline and with a hula-hoop) so he should be fine.
Shawn Johnson and Mark: VERY Nice follow-up to their tasteful Viennese waltz last week. It was my favorite rumba of the night. Mark somehow still manages to not come off creepy after performing a sensual dance with a 17-year-old. Coming up with an “I recreated your prom for you” stunt straight out of an 80’s movie probably helps, making him seem sweet instead of skeezy. The judges once again called Shawn adorable, but I thought her dance was sexier than they gave it credit for. (Great, now I look a little skeezy. Don’t call “Dateline” on me.)
Lawrence Taylor and Edyta: Probably not a good sign that LT had more fun in his brief visit from Warren Sapp than he has in the entirety of this competition. The judges gave him his highest score yet, but I honestly didn’t think his jive was any good. Len called it “basic,” I thought it was slow, plodding and boring. Methinks LT is done this week.
Melissa Rycroft and Tony: Probably the BEST rumba of the night . Despite the awkward moment where he told her to imagine she was wearing a ring (ouch!), Tony’s just gotta be so thrilled to have a partner under the age of 50 for a change. I haven’t been able to put my finger around why I’m not loving Melissa’s dancing. I’m not sure that Len’s advice to be more “earthy” is exactly it, since I’m not too sure what that would entail. I think it may be closer to Carrie Ann’s critique that she’s too balletic at times. When it’s appropriate, she needs to stop being so prim and proper and just get down and DANCE!
Lil’ Kim and Derek (pictured, right): Now THIS is what I’m talking about when I say “get down and DANCE.” Derek Hough is a genius at choreography, the song was perfect (“Jailhouse Rock” with ex-prisoner Lil’ Kim as a busty cop) and it was my favorite performance of the evening. That being said, I would NOT give it a 10 because, as Len said, the jive elements were lacking. If that had been a freestyle, I would’ve given it an 11. Finally, is there ANY way these two actually drank those ginormous milkshakes? (Ok, maybe Lil’ Kim, right?)
Steve-O and Lacey: This week’s lesson: Steve-O is really gross. (Insert mildewy farting noise). He thinks of Lacey as his sister, and his cute dog as the love of his life. Finally, the guy may be able to move to music, but he CANNOT dance. Sorry.
Giles Marini and Cheryl: Last week it was martial arts, this week Giles extracurricular activity of choice was showing off some nice soccer skills (and some weird affection for artificial grass). Maybe next week it’ll be cooking or something. The judges slammed his jive for being too fast and frantic. I don’t mind that it was fast because the jive is supposed to be fast (and because Giles can actually hit his steps). What I didn’t like was that the dance was too “hard.” The choreography was too hard, instead of being light and fun, and the leather outfits were too hard. We’ve apparently found Giles weakness — he may be able to do sexy in his sleep, but he can’t really do fun or goofy. Not yet, at least.
Chuck Wicks and Julianne: Definitely the hottest rumba of the night, though that’s mostly due to Julianne’s choreo-, um, well just Julianne. (My sources tell me Chuck also performed.) That being said, it was also the most desperate rumba of the night (“See people, we DO have chemistry!”) and the whole thing ended up being a few shades too porn-y/stripper-y. On the other hand, it was the most interesting thing Chuck Wicks has been involved in with this competition, so I guess that’s good. Unfortunately, watching the couple recreate their first date (aww honey, a camera crew — just like last time!) was considerably less interesting.
So what’d you think of this episode? I’ve had Lil Kim/Shawn battling for the “third-best” slot in the competition, but could Lil’ actually win this thing? Finally, who do you think is going home tonight?
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