Dancing with the Stars: Prime Rib

How injury-plagued has this season of "Dancing with the Stars" been? Now the replacements are getting hurt!

We’ll talk about that unfortunate development - as well as the two awesome-for-their-own-reasons group dances - as we take a look at the six remaining couples in order of appearance.

Gilles Marini and Cheryl: In addition to the group dances, each couple took on a Latin dance. Unfortunately, my brain still has trouble processing that Lindy Hop (and jive) are "Latin" dances. We found out Gilles has a separated shoulder (ow!) but will use cortisone to treat/numb it. Maybe Gilles dropped Cheryl on her head so that she’d stop cursing at him. I actually think the injury was a blessing in disguise for the Lindy hop, since he had to ditch most of the lifts and actually, you know, DO the Lindy hop. Gilles kinda looked like a cartoon character which (I guess) suits the dance. I still think he’s infinitely more convincing as a heartthrob than he is as a spazz. Finally, Ace Ventura called - he wants his hairdo back.

Lil Kim and Derek: After last week’s Diet Lil’ Kim performance, she was truly unleashed for her paso doble and the results were fantastic. Just a GREAT traditional paso. (I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - Derek is a genius choreographer.) I suppose the only thing missing was more of a wow factor in the routine. Still, how did this only get one more point than Gilles?

Chuck Wicks and Julianne: Now that Chuck finally realized he’s on a ridiculous show and there’s no way to NOT look ridiculous, he’s considerably more fun! Even the rehearsals seem more relaxed. For the first time, I didn’t feel like Chuck and Julianne were trying to act like a couple - they just WERE a couple. Very impressive hip-action from Chuck during his cha cha, but the routine felt familiar and there were some stretches where Julianne was doing all the work (both of these things are Julianne’s fault). Very nice job from Chuck, but it didn’t deserve two 9s.

Shawn Johnson and Mark: Did someone slip some Ambien into Shawn’s Gatorade? Sure her samba was competent and well-performed, but she just didn’t seem like she was into the performance at all. (Which made Mark look more over-the-top than usual.) She actually seemed like she’d rather take a nap than be out there. Fortunately for her, Carrie Ann inexplicably gave her the 10 this week that she withheld for Shawn’s superior cha cha last week. Fortunately for us, the rehearsal footage (featuring Mark’s awesome mom Shirley admonishing Shawn for her baseball bat arms) sort of made up for the sleepy performance.

Melissa Rycroft and Tony: Just a damn shame. That pretty much sums it up. Ok, I’ll say more. There’s no doubt Melissa is one of the season’s best dancers, so the possibility that she might have to bow out due to a rib injury (I know from having BRUISED ribs that they’re no joke - I wouldn’t want to feel a hairline fracture. I mean it only hurts every time you breathe) is a damn shame. I also felt bad for a clearly embarrassed Tony after the judges had to assess their jive rehearsal footage, which featured Melissa forgetting her steps, hiking up her jeans and performing without bedazzling her back tattoo. Maybe the fact that Melissa was wearing a black sports bra will attract some extra votes and keep her in it. Just a damn shame.

Ty Murray and Chelsie: Ty is this season’s participant in the semi-annual Jerry Springer/Jason Taylor semi-necessary spray tanning field trip. (The difference between he and Dmitry WAS pretty jarring). Either way, I enjoyed his fun salsa routine, despite the fact that there was a noticeable lack of salsa after the beginning. LOVED Jewel’s "She’ll cut a bitch" face after Len suggested it was time for Ty to hit the trail.

Team Mambo: I swear to God I’ve been telling people that SOMEONE was going to perform a dance to "Single Ladies." With most of the season gone, I’d kinda given up hope. I should’ve known the producers were saving it for a special occasion. While the routine was fun, in the end, it was more of a tribute to Beyonce’s iconic video than it was a proper mambo (and it was scored accordingly). That being said, here are the things I liked as they jump into my brain:

Nice job by Lacey stepping in for Melissa with little notice (I know she’s a pro, but STILL); so Melissa was supposed to dance to a song with the lyric "If you want it, then you should’ve put a ring on it"?; wake up Shawn!; finally, Chuck is a bigger man than I for donning matching bra straps with his girlfriend.

Team Tango: I was still high from Team Mambo’s routine, but Team Tango for the win! If it weren’t for Kim’s obvious blunder during her solo, they might’ve earned 30. (Although Gilles footwork was apparently atrocious.) Though it’s probably easier to synch up a tango than it is a mambo, the team’s work at the end was fantastic. I LOVED having the celebs start by themselves (and having Gilles and Ty shirtless for no apparent reason) with Kim as the flirty Queen Bee. I still don’t think Len saying that Ty’s tango work will keep him in the competition will save him from getting a beat down by Jewel in the near future.

So what’d you think of this episode? Do you think Melissa will be back? Should someone be eliminated if she bows out? Finally, who do you think is going home? (Assuming Melissa comes back, I think it might be Chuck. I think Len’s diss would’ve spurred Ty’s fans to vote for him hard.)