Despite the fact the great majority of dancers stepped up their game from Monday night's season premiere, I just wasn't feeling the second performance episode as much.
Maybe it's because the novelty of Cloris Leachman's gleefully crazy behavior isn't there (and, dare I say, is getting a little irritating). I also don't think it has to do with the (cruel) way of having the contestants stand on the dance floor while awaiting their fates and then instantly have to dance. Think about it — you're standing there, waiting to get your name called and perform this routine that you learned in a few days' time, and then somebody else gets called. And then it starts over and over again. Except for Jeffrey (pictured, right), who didn't get to show us the quickstep he'd presumably learned. I thought the guy deserved one more chance, but he'll probably be glad to get out of there with at least one working eye.
I think it has to do with the fact that I probably jinxed the judges. One day after praising them for diversifying their scores and raising their standards a bit, they made themselves mostly irrelevant last night — 8 out of the 12 couples who performed last night scored between 21-23 points.
Brooke Burke to the top of the leaderboard again with a 26. However, her most significant achievement was accidentally discovering a way to put babies to sleep — strap them onto your chest and do a quickstep! This came after Derek kept telling her that her breasts shouldn't be touching his chest, which made the dance better and probably saved him an ass kicking from Shannon Elizabeth.
While Brooke got the highest scores, I'd definitely have to give the Most Improved Award to Susan Lucci. All things considered, I thought she was the worst dancer Monday night, but the technique on the quickstep was good and she appeared surprisingly lively (good job by Tony in calming the perfectionist down.)
My Least Improved Award has to go to Kim Kardashian. I WILL give her credit for showing remarkable restraint by waiting until her second performance to use "Baby Got Back" (Heather Mills never dared dance to "Gold Digger"). But if Kim is going to go there, I would've liked to have seen her have some fun with it. Maybe it was because she was the last person to be safe and was stiff from standing on that dance floor with a nervous smile for the better part of two hours, but she just seems totally unwilling to let herself go and enjoy the show.
That hasn't been a problem for a few other contestants, including Misty May Treanor, Warren Sapp and Maurice Green.
Treanor has proven to be a surprisingly good performer and her "attacking" style of dancing actually worked for her mambo, one of my favorites. I'm not surprised that Sapp is a good performer (he's always been a ham), but I WAS a little shocked at how well he moved around the dance floor during his quickstep. Len and Carrie Ann busted him for sloppy footwork that I didn't see because I was too busy marveling at Sapp. He's like that hippo in "Fantasia" (and I swear I mean that as a compliment.) On the other hand, Maurice Green is clearly having a blast, but he's not very good on technique. Still, bonus points for busting out "the worm," which led us to find out that Len had no idea what it was and called it "that 'Free Willy' move."
Meanwhile, Cody scored a higher score for his quickstep (which was pretty good) than he did for his opening cha cha, which I liked better. Oh well, better late than never on getting love from the judges, I suppose. I just wish they'd stop referring to how "young" he is. We get it already!
In another corner of the ballroom, fresh off of being crowned by me as the eventual winner of the competition (I haven't been right yet), Lance performed a quickstep that was, to use the technical term, pretty damn shitty. On top of that, he told all of
Toni Braxton, on the other hand, remembered to breath, a delivered a fun, solid quickstep. I just wish she wasn't such a downer during her rehearsal packages. I get that she's worried about her health, but with the way she constantly frets, I'm honestly afraid she's going to drop dead during one of her performances. Not fun times.
Ted and Rocco both performed mambos that were almost identical in their stiffness, awkwardness and joyful dorkiness, but Rocco's inexplicably scored 2 points higher. Sorry, but I just don't think Rocco's any good, but then again neither does he. I get self-deprecation, but sometimes he just takes the "I don't know anything about dancing thing" too far. Then again, it's entirely possible I'm just annoyed because I like Ted better.
Finally, there's the Cloris Leachman show. I actually loved the line about how she's older than the mambo, but I wasn't loving her red-hot mess of a performance. Here's a quick multiple choice:
"Which of the following were NOT featured in Cloris Leachman's mambo?"
A. Crotch-grabbing
B. Faux-growling
C. Tickling
D. Fondling
E. Mambo
On top of that, I feel like her antics are getting to be too much. Maybe they can fence off the judges' table when they're giving their critiques. By the way, the answer is E.
So what'd you think of this episode? I'm pretty sure Brooke isn't the only one on her show, so why do we only hear about her being a mom? Is Cloris' act getting old or are you still loving it? Finally, I've never watched "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" (I swear!), so tell me — is Kim always this boring? I've got her going home, what about you?
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