I'm not particularly proud to admit that I've seen every performance episode of the American version of "Dancing with the Stars."Still, based on all those gliterrific hours of experience, I've learned two things. Ok, I've learned more than two things (many of which I wish I didn't know), but here are the two that apply to last night: the rumba is the most difficult dance for the non-pros to execute and the paso doble is the most difficult dance to perform.
So why not make a group of celebrities who are still brushing up on their technique AND getting used to the idea of ballroom dancing in front of 20 million people perform these dances in only their second week! With one day less of prep work! LIIIIVVVEE! (Sorry, I got carried away.)
I know a significant number of people out there like watching rich and famous people fall on their faces, but I didn't particularly enjoy watching this group struggle to master two difficult dances. That made for a mostly lifeless and frustrating two hours (thank goodness for Warren Sapp). Honestly, if I had taken a shot every time a celebrity or pro complained about the time constraints this week, I'd be in the (black) market for a new liver today.
Anyway, I didn't even realize people were still referencing "The Matrix" until Warren and Kym's paso doble (pictured, right), but I'm glad the bullet time and leather lives on. Warren's paso tied Brooke for high score of the evening, but I much preferred the former's performance. He even made the pleather wardrobe malfunction at the end seem endearing, and, once again, impressed with his shockingly nimble footwork. I also got a kick out of the fact that he genuinely loved his outfit.
Brooke, on the other hand, performed an oddly passionless paso. The technique was there again, as usual, but I was pretty surprised at how much I didn't care for this performance (it looked more like a tango to me to be honest.) This week also marked the return of the inane field trips that are supposed to help the celebrities' dancing, and Brooke and Derek's trip to a karate class was, by far, the most inane field trip of all.
I think I even liked Cloris and Corky's paso better than Brooke's, but that didn't stop them from landing in the bottom of the leaderboard. Cloris considerably dialed down the crazy this week, and seemed to really put forth an effort. I thought the judges blew a great chance to give her generous reviews (which I felt she'd earned) for her engaging performance. Other than Warren's, Cloris' traditional paso was the most engaging of the night.
Lance and Lacey's paso was also engaging, but mostly because of the fact that it didn't look like a paso at all. There's a line between trying to do something different and antagonizing the judges (and by "the judges" I mean Len). Lance and Lacey now seem more preoccupied with doing their own thing and "pleasing the fans" than with trying to get good scores from the judges. That's good for them, but bad for me after I picked Lance to win this damn thing (I blame you, Lacey). This show isn't "So You Think You Can Dance" Lacey, and some of us are ok with that. Next week (if they're back) I'd like to, at least, see them try doing the dance they're supposed to do, just for fun.
Meanwhile, Misty May Treanor seemed too preoccupied with keeping her angry face to have fun during her paso. The fact that her and Maks were dressed almost exactly like Maks and Mel B. during their (excellent) paso two seasons ago didn't help matters. Misty performed decently, but still somehow managed to be too powerful and too hard for a dance that actually demands those things.
At least the paso, isn't as much of a chore as the rumba which calls for hip action and precise leg and arm action while telling a romantic story. So it's not really a shocker that almost all the couples failed.
Failing most spectacularly again was Kim Kardashian who, after a visit to the Pussycat Dolls (wait, THIS was the most inane field trip), still delivered a disconnected, herky-jerky wet mop of a performance. For some reasons, the judges are really pulling for her. Len probably just likes looking at her ass. Speaking of which, I got in trouble last night when, while watching with Erica, I commented that the camera cut away as Kim was shaking her ass. So not only is Kim's dancing boring, but she's getting me in trouble with my girlfriend. I think (hope) she's done after tonight.
Rocco's semi-disastrous, hip-action free rumba was mostly noteworthy because he appeared to feed partner Karina with some glitter towards the end. Meanwhile, Maurice continued to be oddly enthusiastic for someone who's just meh. The judges sense that he's holding back, though he wasn't holding back during he and Cheryl's visit to a belly-dancing show (getting up and joining the dancers), resulting in one of the few instances in hip action from the celebrities during his rumba.
Susan Lucci's rumba was lovely and competent, but fell closer to her tentative first performance than the quickstep that earned her "Most Improved" dancer honors last week. I was more interested in her commute between New York and L.A. to appear in "All My Children" and "DWTS." She got a pep talk from DWTS-alum and AMC co-star Cameron Mathison, who spoke a mile a minute about something. I was mostly distracted by all the baby pictures plastered on his wall. I hope that's his kid, otherwise it's time to call "Dateline."
Cody closed the show with a tunic, I mean a rumba that was entertaining and perfectly decent except that it made the already young contestant look even younger. Also, it made him look a bit like Ellen DeGeneres.
In fact, I'd say Toni Braxton was the only celeb to pull of the paso doble. Her performance was precise, confident (you have to be confident to perform in your underwear like Braxton did) and the chemistry was there with her partner Alec. And if that wasn't enough, the couple had the most entertaining field trip, even if we had to endure a few bars of Alec singing "Unbreak My Heart." And there's Edyta serving as the third wheel for a date between Toni and her husband! Good times.
So what'd you think of this episode? Was the Lance/Lacey kiss the least hot kiss this year or the least hot kiss ever? Which couple do you think Edyta's going to hang with next week? Finally, who do you think is going home?
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