America's Next Top Recap: McKey to Victory

By the way, if you're annoyed at me giving away the result from the Cycle 11 season finale in this column's title, then you haven't been watching the last couple of weeks.

Whereas last cycle's finale between Whitney (who made another cameo this episode) and Anya was a photo finish, the latest season finale was probably most predictable and least suspenseful in "Top Model" history.

Don't get me wrong — I'm not mad at McKey (pictured with Tyra) for being awesome. She's probably the contestant who improved the most from the start of any cycle in the show's history. She takes great photos, looks fantastic in person and, I think, has a low-key underrated sense of humor. Then again, anyone's sense of humor looks low-key and underrated next to Samantha's, her fellow finalist. The only possible speed bumps I saw with McKey were her awkward walk (which actually works for some models) and her personality, which had the potential to be construed as bland. Mysteriously, this never became an issue with the judges — maybe that has something to do with the fact that they obviously wanted her to win.

Unfortunately, this didn't make for terribly compelling television.

I didn't even enjoy the train wreck (boat wreck, actually) that is the Cover Girl commercial as much as I usually do.

Since Analeigh delivered what the judges called "the best commercial in Top Model history" about a month ago, expectations were high for her spot. The difference is that, this time, the models were working without a teleprompter and with a hint of Dutch at the beginning.

Seeing how McKey was the clear frontrunner, it seems likely Analeigh felt she had to nail her commercial to have ANY chance of winning the title. Unfortunately, it appears that pressure is what caused her to completely blank out, leading Mr. Jay to feed her the lines.

So, kudos to Analeigh for delivering the best commercial — Samantha's was (surprisingly) too sluggish, and McKey's was totally forgettable. Unfortunately for her, the fact that Mr. Jay (wearing a particularly gay-tastic shirt) had to feed her lines cost Analeigh big time.

Of course, the highlight of all this was Samantha recounting the scenario in the commercial — three girls spot a guy while on vacation and kiss him(?) — and hoping the male model didn't have herpes. What would we have done without Samantha this season?

The girls also did a Cover Girl print ad. McKey rightfully earned praise for her shot, in which she smiled without showing teeth and looked sexy AND pretty. Meanwhile, the judges told Samantha that her smile looked forced, while Tyra gave one of her classic, impromptu lessons to Analeigh — this one was about being sexy and NOT being sexy with your mouth closed. My second favorite part of the judging panel was the name Addy van den Krommenacker. That's a name and a half, people!

The decision predictably came down to Samantha and Analeigh and the judges (mildly) unpredictably sent Analeigh packing. Let's get this straight. Neither of those girls would've beaten McKey, but I think Analeigh (and her solid walk) would've made things a LOT more interesting. Then again, the only model who I thought could realistically beat McKey was Marjorie and she was sent packing last week.

As it stood, Samantha didn't have a chance. At least she seemed to have a good time at the Seventeen magazine shoot (holy cripes these girls are young — or I'm just a lot older now!)

Later, the finalists got a look at Mr. Jay's warped vision for the final runway show, which he called a mix of Dr. Seuss and Willy Wonka. Personally, I thought it looked more like a long, windy, hilly, bumpy tongue.

After a pep talk from "black mama" Tyra, the girls hit the runway. Well, they didn't so much hit the runway as nervously make their way out there. Can you really blame them when you consider the insanity included getting a running start for the Tongue Hill portion of the runway.

Neither of the girls' walks were great. McKey looked stiff and hardly moved her arms (which kinda freaks me out), but she "worked her face" and looked confident/cocky. On the other hand, Samantha looked absolutely terrified almost the entire time, but managed to work her van den Krommenacker garment.

To help stretch out the show's hour-long running time despite already having the winner in mind, we got an extended comparison of both models' past work. What was most surprising and interesting (other than Tyra deciding to dress up like Wilhemina Slater) is the fact that Samantha looks and talks like a commercial model, but is actually very high fashion in her photographs.

Of course, this wasn't interesting enough to snatch the title away from McKey, who may or may not be the first winner strong enough to lift Tyra multiple times after her victory.

Overall, it was a blah finale to a blah-ish season. Here's hoping for the next cycle that the show doesn't wait until the next to last episode to break out the shady, drunken hot tube proposals.

So what'd you think of this episode? Wouldn't you rather see a good commercial from a model who had her lines fed to her than a choppy commercial from a model who "memorized" her lines? Who's got a brighter future? Samantha or Analeigh? Finally, admit it — you're totally going to practice being sexy with your mouth closed, right?