NFL 2009 Week 8 picks

Almost every game last week was a blowout.

On the other hand, I barely squeaked by with my picks (7-6 week, 69-34 season). This week, I’ll try to give myself a little more breathing room as I handicap some interesting week 8 matchups.

HOUSTON @ BUFFALO
I need one more week to believe Houston is really breaking away from their “perpetually 8-8” reputation. I know Buffalo sucks, but this is the kind of game (on the road in a hostile environment and dealing with the elements) that Houston usually loses.

CLEVELAND @ CHICAGO
I apologize to Derek Anderson (pictured, left). I’ve been so fixated on how bad JaMarcus Russell is that I’ve unfairly neglected Anderson’s hideous performance this season. How bad is Anderson? Last week, I needed a bye week fill-in on my two-QB squad and I seriously considered leaving that slot empty out of fear that Anderson would give me negative points. Anderson gave me negative points.

SEATTLE @ DALLAS
Last week, the Cowboys finally beat someone good (Atlanta). I’m now on board and they should take care of a Seahawks team that is not very good.

ST. LOUIS @ DETROIT
As many shots as I take at the Bucs, the Rams are MUCH worse. I feel bad for their fans.

DENVER @ BALTIMORE
I just don’t see the Ravens losing four in a row, and the Broncos have to lose eventually. (Right?!)

SAN FRANCISCO @ INDIANAPOLIS
I’m currently wearing a cast on my ankle – I broke it jumping off the 49ers bandwagon. Seriously though, the season is crumbling and the fate of the team has been placed in Alex Smith’s (tiny?) hands. No thanks.

MIAMI @ N.Y. JETS
The Dolphins are just a REALLY bad matchup for the Jets. (And most people)

N.Y. GIANTS @ PHILADELPHIA
The Giants have lost two straight, but the Eagles haven’t exactly set the world on fire with a lackluster win against the Redskins and an embarrassing loss to the Raiders. Still, I like the Eagles at home.

JACKSONVILLE @ TENNESSEE
I don’t think Vince Young is any good. However, I believe his mere presence will energize his teammates (especially that defense) and help them get their first win. Or, he could completely stink it up and lose by three TDs. I wouldn’t be surprised either way.

OAKLAND @ SAN DIEGO
The reason Russell is still worse than Anderson is that Anderson has at least had ONE good season.

CAROLINA @ ARIZONA
Hmm, Arizona’s defense thrives off of turnovers and Jake Delhomme threw a pick while I was writing this sentence.

MINNESOTA @ GREEN BAY
I believe Green Bay will pay a LOT more attention to Brett Favre than they did in that previous Monday Night game because the last thing they want is for Favre to come into Green Bay and embarrass them the way he did in Minnesota. Unfortunately, for them, that means Adrian Peterson will likely run wild.

ATLANTA @ NEW ORLEANS
What else do the Saints have to do to prove they’re REALLY good? Let’s just hope they don’t fall asleep at the wheel. (I don’t believe that’ll happen on Monday Night Football.)

Nip/Tuck/Thoughts: Cross(dressing) the line

Only on “Nip/Tuck” could an hour featuring Mario Lopez dressed in leather women’s underwear be considered the second-weirdest episode of the season. (This just in: we’re only three episodes in!)

Yet that’s exactly where we were, with Dr. Mike Hamoui following Christina’s advice and dressing up for his new girlfriend Kimber.

In an otherwise predictable hour, the one twist was that Kimber was actually into it and Christian’s prank backfired. Well, she wasn’t as much into the lingerie as she was into the idea that the seemingly-perfect Dr. Mike is insecure and loco enough to actually go through with something like that. (Apparently, he’s now a regular on Crossdressers.com.)

Once again, it seems like Mario Lopez’s insufferably douche-y character — undermining Christian in his own office during a consult WAS low — is leading a charmed life, but this is “Nip/Tuck.” We just KNOW something horrible is going to happen to him, right?!

It appears as if something horrible might soon happen to Annie, who appeared to be in her rebellious, “I hate everything” teenager phase. (My, how little Kelsey Lynn Batelaan has grown.) Annie came out west for a visit and rudely refused to remove her hat. It turns out she had good reason. Annie’s been ripping out her hair and eating it, resulting in the yuckiest moment of the episode for me (yes, even yuckier than the leeches) — Sean removing that slimy hairball during surgery.

Unfortunately, she’s not completely out of danger. She and/or Connor may turn out to be Teddy’s next victims.

Sean (who appears to be sleeping perfectly well now) and Teddy announced to the rest of the staff that they had eloped (I didn’t fully get Christian’s cranky reaction, but I loved the fact that he re-gifted he and Liz’s gifts.) Of course, we all know Teddy has her eyes on Sean’s $5 million life insurance policy.

I’m still having major troubles with Teddy this season. With Rose McGowan on board this year, they seemed to change her from a completely unstable chick to a more conventional character that really cared for Sean. Then, after Sean dumped her, she’s all of a sudden a crazed killer again who’s also money hungry? Whatever. I suppose I’ll take crazy Teddy over boring Teddy, not matter how little sense it makes.

It was pretty clear that plastic surgery addict Briggitte Reinhold — a sort of European Mrs. Grubman — was a goner as soon as she recognized Teddy from her Vegas days. Was Teddy wearing that creepy “Woman” mask creepy? Yes. Was it necessary? Not really, but I’m kind of ok with that. Thanks to Teddy we got our first death by leech in “Nip/Tuck” history.

Sean and Christian had made the mask for a male transsexual who wanted a woman mask to wear when he was in his female guise, whose name was Modesty. I suppose that’s why we never saw the end result. I was really curious to see if it actually looked believable or if we had another Buffalo Bill on our hands. (“I’d f--- me. I’d f--- me hard.”)

Drs. McNamara and Troy also had my favorite moment of the episode. Since Sean is an idiot so often, I liked the clarity with which he stated what we all know: Sean and Kimber are mirror images of each other. It probably won't be long before we see those two together again.

So what’d you think of this episode? Will Teddy get to kill either Annie or Connor? Will Liz figure things out first? How said is it that Matt’s mime/robber career is probably his best idea yet? Finally, are you looking forward to the return of Julia? (I weirdly miss the cracks in Joely Richardson’s “American” accent.)

Project Runway: Zip it!

Has there ever been a bigger disparity between the haves and the have-not-a-clues on “Project Runway”?

Don’t get me wrong – I’m perfectly ok with the fact that we’re CLEARLY headed for an Irina/Carol-Hannah/Althea finale. Those three designers have definitely stood out (albeit, in an underwhelming season) and deserve to battle it out for the title. Irina even makes for an imminently hiss-able villain.

The only problem is that the only “drama” until we get to the finale is which of those three women will win the weekly challenge (the judges seem hell bent on not having the same person win two weeks in a row) and which of the crappy designers will be asked to leave.

(Actually, I think it’s pretty clear by now which crappy designer might NEVER be asked to leave — our boy Christopher. Again, he seems like a nice guy, but his continued presence would be a little easier to take if he wasn’t so painfully delusional about his performance this season. I especially liked the part where he was describing his dress and said the judges are “going to look at it and go, ‘That’s a Christopher piece.’” The only problem is that Christopher honestly believes this is a GOOD thing.)

That sucking sound you heard at the start of the episode was just Christopher and Logan hanging out in their room. They joined the rest of the designers for the week’s challenge. After asking everyone to turn their backs to the runway, Heidi revealed that everyone would be creating a companion look for a previous challenge winner.

Well, everyone except Logan. Not only had Logan never won a challenge, but Althea informed us that he’d never even be in the top 3. (How is that even possible?!) Instead, Logan had to work with the zipper dress from the first challenge that no one remembers. (I REALLY should’ve seen the night’s outcome coming.)

The designers had $100 and headed off to Mood, where Carol-Hannah got a head start on the weekly mentoring session with Tim. C-H was worried about the fact that she’s only made dresses so far and was considering trying something else. Tim WISELY advised her to do what she feels comfortable doing, but to knock it out of the park. Crisis avoided. I understand the need to stretch creatively, but I’ll never understand why designers think completely changing who they are deep into the competition is a good idea. That’d be like me saying, “I’m going to write this recap in Italian this week — I’ve never done it, but really I want to show I can do something different.”

This week, the recently-snoozy workroom portion of the show was livened up by semi-genuine drama. Althea noticed that Logan was making a zippered collar, which is what she did during the Christina Aguilera challenge. Althea complained to Irina over lunch about how she “hated” Logan for stealing her design. If it’s any consolation, I don’t believe Logan knowingly “stole” Althea’s idea. I think the dude is too clueless to be that conniving. This was especially amusing, given that Althea would later be accused of plagiarism herself by her lunch buddy on the runway.

Tim eventually came by for his mentoring session. He saved Carol-Hannah again, advised Althea to make her pants less diaper-y and appeared to (figuratively) throw up his hands of Christopher and his ridiculously voluminous dress. Irina actually had the line of the night, asking “Why is one dress throwing up another?” (See, THIS is the kind of clever villainy I can get behind — she should tap her inner Michael Kors more often.)

Speaking of Kors, he was absent this week, but thankfully replaced by popular season 2 alum Nick Verreos. The runway show was, once again, pretty underwhelming, but that was to be expected given that the looks were complementing previous designs.

To absolutely no one’s surprise, Irina, Carol-Hannah and Althea were in the top 3. Carol-Hannah made a lovely (if safe) little black dress, so the challenge winner came down to Irina and Althea’s dueling oversized sweaters. Things got a bit awkward on the runway when Irina pointed out that she’d done the look first, but Nick helpfully pointed out that sort of thing just happens in the workroom. Also, we’re talking about a big sweater here – not exactly as unusual as a zippered collar.

Nina thought Irina’s dress looked cheap, but all the judges (especially Heidi) unanimously swooned over Althea’s version of the similar look and gave her the win. To be honest, I would’ve gone with Irina on this one. To me, Althea’s model looked positively sloppy — I guess the lumpy sweater/boobs-around-the-stomach look is “in” now (or at least it was last year when they filmed this). Of course, there’s a decent chance Heidi and Co. know more about this subject than I do.

Christopher, Logan and Gordana were in the bottom 3. Christopher actually improved on his performance from the past month and actually escaped the bottom 2, where Logan’s tragically 80’s/lizard with a floppy neck getup faced off against Gordana’s depressing Polish office worker.

Personally, I would’ve sent Gordana home. While Logan’s look was bad, it was more misguided than anything. Gordana’s jacket was ill-fitting and the whole look just kind of made me sad. Really, really sad.

Still, Logan’s had it coming for a long time now. Given that he added nothing to the show, (at least not for me) it was time for him to go. I might’ve been sad to see him pack his bags if not for his elitist, “I don’t design for middle America or 90 percent of the population” rant.

So what’d you think of this episode? Did you enjoy guest judge Kerry Washington? (Though pleasant, she was no Milla Jovovich.) What exactly is the point of the challenge wins at this stage? (There’s no reward and past work didn’t save people like Ra’Mon and Epperson.) Finally, do you think the show should bring back more alums as guest judges? (I think there’s a place for someone who can relate to what the contestants are doing through.)

Heroes: Slaughterhouse Four

Yes, “Heroes” has been “better” this season, but does that mean that it’s actually “good”?

I can’t fully go there because I feel every episode has only been about 66% good. Most of this year’s installments have been focusing on three storylines (which certainly isn’t a bad idea). Unfortunately, one of those storylines has been an absolute dog every week.

Best in Show this week goes to the Parkman/Subconscious Sylar saga, which only promises to be more interminable.

Poor Greg Grunberg. Not only has his character CLEARLY outstayed his welcome on the show, but it appears as if the producers insisted Parkman keep his shirt on in his love scene with Janice, while Zachary Quinto got to be shirtless when Subconscious Sylar was romancing her. (You know — because Grunberg is fat.)

Don’t get me wrong, I like Grunberg. It’s just that Matt has mostly lost the everyman quality that made him appealing in the first place and the writers now seem content to have him act like a Class A moron. I mean, what other explanation is there for Matt to actually believe that becoming a fall-down drunk (as a way of getting rid of Subconscious Sylar) was a GOOD idea? Though it was pretty obvious that SS was messing with Matt, the fact that Sylar is now in Matt’s body was a twist. (Notice that I didn’t say it was a “good twist” because it just means this nonsense is going to go on and on.)

A plotline I’m actually glad to see go on is Claire’s possible budding lesbianism. And, no, it’s not because I’m some sort of perv, ya pervs! It’s because “Heroes” is showing us that attention-grabbing kiss from a couple of weeks ago wasn’t JUST a ratings stunt. I liked how Claire’s initial resistance to Gretchen wasn’t so much because she’s a girl — it was more because entering into a relationship would jeopardize the “normal” life she’s pining after.

This storyline also gave us a bunch of nice moments, including Rebecca telling Claire, “You didn’t have to go all Buffy on us” when a bunch of sorority sisters tried to “kidnap” Claire and Gretchen for a Screamin’ Scavenger Hunt. Eventually, Claire, Gretchen and another pair of girls were dropped off in the middle of what looked like a “Resident Evil” game. Invisible Rebecca’s main goal was to kill Gretchen inside the abandoned slaughterhouse. Claire was able to save her, and Rebecca fled. The only thing I didn’t like about this storyline is that the other two girls didn’t get killed. I mean, one of them was annoying, and the other was bitchy — and they entered a room called “Kill House.” (Come on!)

Picking up from last week, HRG did his best to save Jeremy the Healer/Death Dealer, and the writers did their best to shoehorn Ali Larter into the proceedings. Noah had Tracy pretend to be Jeremy’s mom to get him out of prison.

In the midst of all that, Samuel (oh yeah, I remember that whole carnival thing now) wooed Tracy with the promise of a world where they would all be accepted. (I kinda wish Samuel would just do whatever it is he’s going to do already.) That promise looked more tempting after what happened to Jeremy.

A couple of hick deputies (the show wanted to remind us that they were in Georgia) kidnapped Jeremy, chained him to a car and dragged him down the street after Jeremy had accidentally killed another person. The melodrama and cheesiness of the accidental death sequence robbed it of some of its effectiveness, as did the fact that a person with abilities was basically outed and no one seemed to notice or care. (I’d probably ask questions about a guy who can kill people by touching them, even if I weren’t a reporter.)

Still, “Heroes” did show admirable restraint in the dragging sequence, by not actually showing us Jeremy’s death (although we did get the bloody aftermath). Once again, whatever feeling this may have evoked was undermined by bad writing. Aiming for poignancy, Tracy asked Noah, “Do you think we could ever just live in the open?” Noah responds with, “After today — no.” I get what they were going for, but a line like that pretty much sends the message that everything that’s come before (the company, Danko hunting heroes just last season) is insignificant.

So what’d you think of this episode? Has there been a “Heroes” episode you’ve TOTALLY loved this season? What was with the douche-y hat Sylar/Nathan (or whoever the hell he is) was wearing at the carnival? Now that Tracy is obviously on board, who will be next to join the carnival? Are there any abandoned slaughterhouses in your area? Finally, is anybody out there actually looking forward to Mohinder’s imminent return? (Bueller? Bueller?)

In the Heights at the Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center Review

“In the Heights” is both unlike and EXACTLY like almost every other musical I’ve gotten a chance to see.

The show opens with a crowd-pleasing number that introduces all the characters. Act I ends with conflict that gets resolved by the conclusion of Act II – but not before a popular character dies. I could be talking about “Rent”, “Spring Awakening” or any number of popular and terrific productions.

Lin-Manuel Miranda wrote the music and lyrics for “In the Heights” and originated the role of Usnavi, a charismatic bodega owner in Washington Heights, N.Y. The neighborhood itself is somewhat of a character (the deceptively simple stage design is VERY effective) and houses the rest of the cast.

Kevin and Camila own and operate a car service – with help from loyal go-getter Benny - and dedicate a major portion of their lives to providing for their bright daughter Nina, who has to figure out a way to tell her parents that she recently dropped out of Stanford. Meanwhile, Vanessa dreams of getting out of the barrio and buying an apartment downtown, Usnavi’s cousin Sonny is perfectly happy where he is, and Abuela Claudia just likes playing lotto.

Where “In the Heights” goes gloriously right is in the way it delivers what we’ve all seen many times before.

Miranda’s musical brilliantly fuses Latin music styles - like salsa and merengue - with Broadway conventions. (This show is actually the first time I’ve found reggaeton tolerable.) The story – which is basically told in Spanglish – also remains accessible to all audiences despite containing a wealth of details specific to Hispanic culture. (Abuela didn’t appear to actually be anybody’s grandma, the ever-present Piragua Guy, and the hypocritical racism against other minorities.)

I got a chance to check out this show in what turned out to be the opening night of its first national tour. The crowd was REALLY into it and the excellent cast seemed to feed off the energy.

Kyle Beltran was very good as Usnavi and did an excellent job with the character’s poetic rap-speak delivery. (THIS is what rap and hip-hop artists could do if they used their talents for good instead of for strippers and guns.) Rogelio Douglas Jr. brought a nice R&B flavor (and serious musical theatre chops) to Benny, and his romance with Arielle Jacobs’ Nina managed to be both sweet and hot. Elise Santora brought great warmth to Abuela Claudia, while Shaun Taylor-Corbett basically steals every scene he’s in as the immature-yet-well-meaning Sonny. I wasn’t too wowed by Yvette Gonzalez-Nacer as Vanessa. I was more impressed by sassy salon owner Daniela.

Still, what really puts this show over the top is the joy, enthusiasm and compassion pouring out of the stage, even when the show explores serious subjects like a father’s helplessness at repeating his own father’s mistakes and the sick feeling of letting down everyone who’s counting on you.

I mean, even the second-act death of that crowd-pleasing character is handled more as a celebration of life. This was actually the first Act II in recent memory that didn’t make me want to completely slit my wrists.

“In the Heights” is a terrific musical that tells a familiar story in a thrilling, affecting way. Even if your Spanish is limited to “Hola” and “Adios”, you should check it out.

This show is for everybody.

In the Heights…A

Dancing with the Stars: Mambo Kings and Queens

Black was white, up was down (speaking of down, that’s where Chelsie went during her jitterbug with Louie), and Carrie Ann and Bruno played bad(der) cop while Len was generous and good-natured.

It was a topsy-turvy episode of “Dancing with the Stats.” Let’s jump right in and talk about the jitterbugs, waltzes and the show’s first competition mambo, in order of appearance.

Mya & Dmitry: Ok, so this was one of the few times Len acted like his usual crankypants self. Then again, Mya and Dmitry should’ve known the head judge wouldn’t appreciate the couple’s “messin’ about” with their “props” at the beginning of their jitterbug. (Everyone at home knew, right?) Mya danced very well, but, once again, her dance felt oddly disconnected. It felt like she was dancing really fast and pretty well, but it never really looked like fun. Mya needs to go back and watch her excellent rumba and re-learn how to connect with her partner and the audience.

Melissa Joan Hart & Mark: If nothing else, we know that Melissa Joan Hart is proficient at keeping her puppies up. Unfortunately, she’s falling short in the dancing department. Her waltz slightly plodding and not nearly glide-y enough (even after a tutorial from Mark’s mom Shirley). I told you her Charleston ‘10’ was a fluke.

Mark Dacascos & Lacey: Lacey made the controversial decision of actually giving her celeb partner most of the tricks and showcasing him. To his credit, Mark handled pretty much all of them (that lean move with Lacey sliding down his side was sweet) and delivered the second best jitterbug of the night. Maybe he was inspired by his trip to a “Jitterbug Club” (Would I be kicked out if I tried to bust out some Lindy hop?) He was so good that I almost forgot about his unfortunate “Dancing with you makes me so horny” comment to Lacey from last week. Yikes.

Aaron Carter & Karina: Reeling from two straight trips to the bottom 2, Aaron Carter pulled out all the stops: he acted like a gentleman (nice suit!) and a professional in rehearsal and delivered his best dance of the season. (This can’t be a coincidence.) His waltz was good enough to earn him a return trip next week. Hopefully, people will get over how much they’re annoyed by the idea of Aaron Carter (and Karina) and bring him back. (I can’t really blame the guy for being so desperate.)

Michael Irvin & Anna D: It’s official: the judges want Michael Irvin off this show. Yes, Len (and I, in my living room) praised his waltz, but how in the world can he get a lower score than Louie when the latter dancer DROPPED HIS PARTNER. Twice! I mean, Anna D’s choreography wasn’t as boring as usual and how can you not love the big (slightly inappropriate) smile plastered on his face? I’m not sure The Michael Irvin Show has enough listeners to keep him in.

Kelly Osbourne & Louis: Remember how Pink performed “Sober” at the VMAs while bravely (and inexplicably) swinging on a trapeze? Well, Kelly’s rehearsal footage was the opposite of that. Other than that, there’s not much more to say. For her jitterbug, Kelly had flashes of brilliance (though fewer than usual this week) that were completely undermined by the insecurity written all over her face. Same s---, different day.

Louie Vito & Chelsie: These two definitely delivered the evening’s most manic jitterbug, which was fine because, as Len told us, “More is more” in the jitterbug. What wasn’t fine was the aforementioned sloppiness in this routine. I still like Louie and I realize he’s not a pro, but dropping your partner (TWICE) because of carelessness (as opposed to an accidental drop) is inexcusable. This wins the Hot Mess of the Evening award. (It’s a trophy shaped like Macy Gray.)

Joanna Krupa & Derek: For the second straight week, Joanna drew a dance in which her model-y, noodle-y stiffness is actually an asset. That being said, I was very impressed and she delivered the best waltz of the night. I’d call her a contender to win everything, but I still want to see her deliver the goods (in technique, not boob-wise) in a Latin dance.

Donny Osmond & Kym: This was my favorite jitterbug of the night. In a stunning upset, Kym telling Donny “you’re gonna go whoo-whoo, and look at my butt” was only my second favorite comment of the evening. (See next entry.) Their jitterbug had loads of content, which Donny performed terrifically. (After this, and the competition mambo, I was actually a little scared for his health.) I would’ve given it a 10, since I didn’t really see the mistakes the judges were talking about. Oh well.

Competition Mambo: I REALLY enjoyed the competition mambo, in which all the couples perform simultaneously and an official eliminates dancers by tapping them on the shoulder until there’s only one duo standing. It reminds me of those ballroom competitions on PBS that I don’t tell people I watch. The only thing I didn’t like was that the show waited so long to do it.

Well, that and the fact that it seemed like the judges merely eliminated people in order of personal preference, as opposed to what was actually happening on the dance floor. If that’s the case, we’re in for a Mya/Dmitry vs. Joanna/Derek showdown in the finals, after the latter pair won the competition mambo. Of course, the real winner was Tom Bergeron. After Derek did a move that brought Joanna’s head near his crotch and bobbed it up and down Tom said, “Not sure what that move was, Derek.” This was not only the best comment of the evening (sorry, Kym), but probably my favorite comment of all time on this show. (And just for good measure, Derek did the move again toward the ened.)

So what’d you think of this episode? What exactly is the difference between the jive and jitterbug on this show? Did Joanna (and her dress train) deserve the win over Mya? Finally, which two celebs do you think are going home? (I think Louie will be voted out, and I believe Melissa will be asked to leave after a dance-off with Aaron.)

Conflict of Interest: Brandon Jacobs edition

Both of my fantasy football teams are 4-2, so I can’t really complain.

I’m not going to let that stop me.

Though my teams have thankfully been injury-free (searching frantically for a piece of wood to knock on), there have been a couple of letdowns, none bigger that the underwhelming performance of Brandon Jacobs. Panthers wide receive Steve Smith is a close second, but he’s dealing with a crappy quarterback and the fact that defenses can put two or three guys on him each week.

What’s Jacobs’ excuse for not producing? He’s on a good (great?!) team that runs the ball very well (teammate Ahmad Bradshaw has been more effective and productive). Part of the problem is Eli Manning’s success in the air this year, but this is still a team that scores a ton and Jacobs has not been good at all.

I own him in my Yahoo Sports league, and my opponent/league commissioner has him in my Yahoo Plus League. As I mentioned, my record in both leagues is identical, so I don’t really NEED a win in one league over another. (Obviously, I’d still like to win both matchups.)

As a result, I’m going to think long-term. I’m going to hope for a relatively big game from him if for no other reason than to see if he has a pulse and can help me the rest of the season. (The season started in September, Brandon – you’re welcome to start balling whenever you’re ready.)

Dream statline: 22 rushes for 101 yards and 2TDs, and 2 catches for 13 yards.

NFL 2009 Week 7 picks

I’m starting to sense a pattern here.

I’ve gotten nine picks right for three straight weeks now (9-4 week, 62-28 season). On the one hand, that’s pretty decent. On the other hand, I’m not really one to be satisfied with “pretty decent.” With only 13 games on the slate this weekend, it’s going to be tough to get 10 games right.

But I’m still gonna try.

GREEN BAY @ CLEVELAND
I realize I’m pretty much killing my chances of picking 10 winners by going with Cleveland, but I have a feeling about them home and I still don’t fully trust the Packers. (Warning: there’s a chance that this pick is wishful thinking since I’m forced to start Derek Anderson as one of my two QBs this week. Blech.)

SAN DIEGO @ KANSAS CITY
San Diego is not very good, but they’re still better than K.C., who might be a little too happy with themselves after their – what’s the opposite of “epic”? – win over the Skins last week.

INDIANAPOLIS @ ST. LOUIS
Just, no.

MINNESOTA @ PITTSBURGH
Minnesota is 6-0, but could easily be 4-2 but for a Brett Favre quasi Hail Mary and a missed field goal by the Ravens. The Steelers are actually 4-2 and I like them at home now that they’re a passing team and Minnesota can’t stop the pass.

NEW ENGLAND @ TAMPA BAY
Congratulations to the Bucs, who will become the only team to get stomped on in two different continents this season.

SAN FRANCISCO @ HOUSTON
Yes, the 49ers bandwagon is shakier than ever, but people are starting to believe in the Texans – which is precisely the time when they drop a winnable game.

BUFFALO @ CAROLINA
Jake Delhomme threw for 68 yards last week and had a pick returned for a touchdown – and the Panthers won! If they can overcome that, they can beat the Bills at home (especially now that they’re running the ball).

N.Y JETS @ OAKLAND
Yes, Sanchez was the one who threw 5 picks last week, but if you watched that long JaMarcus Russell-to-Zach Miller TD pass, the real MVP was Florida Gator (and Lakewood High School Spartan) Louis Murphy, who threw three great blocks down the field. What I’m saying is that JaMarcus Russell is STILL the worst quarterback I’ve ever seen.

ATLANTA @ DALLAS
The Cowboys haven’t shown that they can beat anyone who’s any good. In a related story, Atlanta is good.

CHICAGO @ CINCINNATI
Two years ago, my first playing fantasy football, I used/wasted a second round pick on Cedric Benson (pictured, left). I know he’s doing VERY well now with the Bengals, but I hate Cedric Benson. Go Bears!

NEW ORLEANS @ MIAMI
First it was, “Yeah, the Saints are good, but can they beat the Jets’ great D?” Then it was, “Yeah, the Saints are good, but the Giants are better and their D will stop them.” Even after the Saints passed both tests, now the talk is, “Yeah, the Saints are good, but can they stop the Wildcat.” What’s going to be everybody’s complaint after they win by a couple of touchdowns? Again.

ARIZONA @ N.Y. GIANTS
For the record, the Giants ARE really good, and their D should stop the Cardinals.

PHILADELPHIA @ WASHINGTON
Hmm, let’s see. The Washington coach is a dead man walking and Philadelphia will be pissed after losing to the Raiders last week. What do YOU think is going to happen?

Nip/Tuck/Thoughts: Sleep Disorder

After what was probably an overly-jokey season premiere (whatever, I kinda loved the infomercial), “Nip/Tuck” came back with its darkest hour in recent memory.

This downer of an episode was like a cross between “Fight Club” and, well, early “Nip/Tuck” before the show’s outrageousness became a parody of itself.

That’s not to say there wasn’t a laugh or two to go around (Christian whining, “I want my goddamned Yoplait!”) but this episode had both feet firmly, drearily and unsettlingly planted in the dark side – and I was digging it.

The tone worked because it probably reflected the hopeless bleakness Sean was feeling from his lack of sleep. Turns out he took too many sleeping pills at the end of the last episode and had to be revived by Christian and Teddy, who both scolded him. Christian then turned his ire to Teddy for being so clueless about Sean’s financial and personal stresses.

Eventually, Sean and Teddy broke off their engagement. When Teddy picked up her ring in Sean’s office, she spied his life insurance form. Apparently, Sean is worth $5 million dead and Teddy became interesting for the first time since Rose McGowan began playing her. If you remember last season – I didn’t since I had to go back and ready my own recap – Teddy killed a doctor in Las Vegas while living a double life there. From the previews, it appears that she’ll marry Sean and try to off her second doc (that we know of). I’m still not buying the McGowan for Katee Sackoff switch, but at least they’re doing SOMETHING with this character.

That being said, the MVP of this episode was guest star Amy Price-Francis as Sean’s scary insomnia buddy. He met her at a dinner and soon she was letting him slide into third base in the middle of an ER waiting room while she wallowed in other people’s misery. She was also at the hospital so she could stab herself with a fork and score free painkillers and sleep. When it was Sean’s turn to take cutlery to a limb, he came to his senses, so Vivian stabbed him in the leg. Sean scored the drugs, but (in a rare moment of clarity) left them at the hospital.

Price-Francis was absolutely extraordinary as Vivian. I felt like I was going to catch an STD just watching her on TV. (I swear that I mean that as a compliment.) All of the Sean/Vivian scenes had a transfixing creepiness to them that this show (or any other) hadn’t achieved in a long time.
Not too far behind was the patient of the week, a troubled teen who insisted people call him Enigma (pictured, right). He had lots of freaky scars and tattoos on his body that reflected the darkness inside. His parents brought him to McNamara/Troy to have them removed. I think we could all guess where this storyline was headed, even after “Jared” claimed there was a lightness in him, but his eventual murder-suicide was still affecting.

It certainly left a mark on Liz, who decided to drop her lawsuit against Christian. She saw what happens when a person lives in the darkness too long.

Earlier, she’d had a tense (and terrific) face off with Kimber. She scolded her for going back to Christian, insisting that there was no goodness in him, not matter how badly both women wanted there to be. I actually felt for both women in this argument. Kimber is simply too weak (and dumb?) to resist Christian whenever he comes calling (that almost sex scene was the hotness, no?) Liz is mad at herself because she’s smarter, should know better and STILL fell for it.

Speaking of people who are smart, I posed the question (is there any goodness in Christian?) to my girlfriend Erica and she came up with what I believe is the exact right answer: “Not towards women.” It’s easy to understand Liz’s anger toward Christian, but we’ve seen too many instances of Christian being protective toward Sean (including in this episode) before (sadly) ultimately sabotaging himself. He also ABSOLUTELY loves Wilbur. (There’s also a lot of goodness in Erica for having the patience to answer hypothetical questions involving fictional characters.)

Even with the lawsuit gone, Christian did not have a good week. He’d recruited Kim, aka “Orange Face”, to create a mold of his penis to sell as a sex toy. Unfortunately, Dr. Mike Hamoui swooped in and stole his thunder with his own urinal-splashing member (and probably snatched up Kimber in the process). Sure, Christian is down now, but it’s pretty obvious the show is setting Mike up for a MAJOR fall, right?

So what’d you think of this episode? Any chance we see Vivian again? Can Christian and Liz be friends again? (And should they be?) Finally, which relationship will last longer - Mike/Kimber or Sean/Teddy’s marriage?

Heroes: Clean Slate

There’s hope yet.

Not so much for “Heroes.” There are still too many repetitive storylines involving characters that should’ve moved on a long time ago and ridiculous twists that exist only to advance the plot and create conflict rather than because they make sense. (Don’t get me wrong: I’m actually enjoying this season, but I don’t see how it can ever go back to being a seriously good show.)

What I’m saying is that there’s hope for Hiro. The character has been so misused and wasted over the last couple of seasons that I’m a little tired of making the joke about how Masi Oka could’ve sued the producers for defamation of character.

However, in “Tabula Rasa” (which G4’s intrusive and occasionally helpful on-screen graphic informed me means “clean slate”) we saw the traits that made us kinda fall in love with the character in the first place.

Despite the fact that he’s dying (yeah, right) Hiro was optimistic and grateful to have his powers. While Peter teleported off to recruit Noah and find a healer, Hiro helped Emma come to terms with her abilities. All Emma wanted to do was learn how to turn her power off, but Hiro taught her about the responsibility of having an ability and accepting what life throws at you.

Which reminded him of what the lovely diner waitress Charlie had taught him in season 1. With a newly rejuvenated (and non-annoying) Hiro, I’m really looking forward to the Hiro/Charlie reunion. (We got a glimpse at Jayma Mays’ stand-in at the end of this ep.)

While Masi Oka had been floundering until this episode, I’ve been immensely enjoying Milo Ventimiglia this season. Peter has a clear (slightly misguided) purpose this year, which is to save as many people as possible with as little fanfare as he can manage. He and Noah went out to Georgia to recruit Jeremy, a kid healer HRG knew from his company days.

I liked how eager Noah was eager to spring back into action after his failed job search. Unfortunately, Jeremy’s power had changed from healing to killing and he had accidentally caused his parents’ death.

If you think about it, there really was no reason for Peter to allow himself to get shot, other than the fact that Jeremy would be forced to go back from Death Dealer to Healer. That being said, the brief sequence where he froze Jeremy’s shotgun blast was great if only for Ventimiglia’s “that was cool” smile after Peter stopped time.

After Jeremy came though, Peter took his power and rushed off (in a truck) to try to save Hiro. HRG stayed behind to help Jeremy deal with his issues and Jack Coleman confirmed the fact that he’s the best actor on the show by delivering the line, “My power is understanding people like you” and NOT making me vomit. (In case you think Noah is being a little too earnest, he still helped Jeremy engineer a carbon-monoxide poisoning cover-up to explain the death of his parents.)

If wish I had any sort of enthusiasm for the umpteenth “Sylar is trying to discover himself” storyline. After joining the Sullivan Bros. carnival, Sylar still had no memories, but appeared to believe he was Nathan. (Credit should go to Zachary Quinto, who is good at playing many different things, including clueless.) At least the brief Quinto/Adrian Pasdar face-meld when Sylar saw the planes fly above was cool.

In the leading candidate for “Decision You’re Going to Regret in Three Weeks” Samuel decided that the true Sylar needed to be unleashed. He had Sylar ushered into a House of Mirrors where he got to relieve his Greatest Hits/Murders. This sequence was very effective and would’ve been even better without Quinto’s slightly hammy acting.

Later, he ran into the dick of a detective who was pursuing him (Ernie Hudson was basically cast to play “Dead Meat”, so I’m not going to look up the character’s name) in the same House of Mirrors. (What the hell was the detective doing in there by himself anyway?) Though Sylar stopped himself from killing Dead Meat (yawn) the increasingly jealous Edgar swooped in and finished the job.

Now it appears Sylar will stay with the Sullivan Bros. (and, specifically, super-skinny chick Lydia) for the time being.

So what’d you think of this episode? How do you like Samuel taking over Mohinder’s narration duties? (Say what you will about Mohinder, but at least his accent was consistent.) If it wasn’t Peter, who sent the cello to Emma’s apartment? (Could it be Samuel?) Finally, what’s Samuel’s ultimate plan for Sylar?

Project Runway: Traveling Violations

So apparently Christopher is invincible.

At the end of my recap last week, I jokingly asked about the quality of the nude photos or sex tape that Christopher is CLEARLY holding over the producers’ heads.

After seeing him survive a FOURTH(!!!) straight trip to the bottom 2, I’m starting to think there might be some truth to that joke.

As ridiculous and cockroach-like as Christopher’s survival skills have been, I have to admit that I’m not exactly outraged. The guy HAS shown flashes of talent (granted, that seems so long ago, that it feels like the show was still on Bravo when he was good) and generally seems to be a nice (if hopelessly delusional) guy.

I’m also not too upset because the person who DID go home wasn’t really one of my favorites.

Anyway, on to a happier subject - Michael Kors (pictured, right) and Nina Garcia were back on the judging panel this week for the first time since the season premiere (seriously!). The designers actually met with the former for this week’s challenge: create a look based on seven of Mr. Kors’ favorite locales from around the world. To be honest, all I could think about during this entire segment was how weird it was to see Michael standing.

Irina went first and picked Aspen. After her, Carol-Hannah picked Palm Beach, Althea drew St. Tropez, Gordana selected New York, Christopher settled on Santa Fe, Nicolas found New York too easy and picked Greece (in the words of Scooby-Doo: “ruh-roh”) and Logan had no choice but to do Hollywood (which didn’t seem like a bad thing to me at all).

With fewer designers in the workroom, the editors are running low on ways to create drama/keep things interesting. Unfortunately, that means they’re relying too much on Irina’s nasty comments about her competitors to pad the middle portion of each episode. I’ve written before that I kinda dug Irina’s bitchiness because it kept things interesting and, more importantly, she had the talent to back up her smack talk. I don’t feel that way anymore. This feels like the fourth of fifth straight week we’ve heard Irina cruelly bag on her fellow designers’ work and personality and it now feels completely stale. (The fact that her observations are 100% malicious and 0% witty certainly doesn’t help matters.) Even crazy Kenley from last seaosn was nuts-o in a compelling way.

At least the other designers (Nicolas last week, Carol-Hannah this week) seem privy to Irina’s “I’m not here to make friends attitude.”

Tim stopped in for his weekly visit and gave out excellent advice (as usual). He warned Carol-Hannah that her print Palm Beach dress was in danger of becoming cliché and urged Gordana to stop slaving over her necklace and actually work on her dress.

On the other hand, short of actually reconceptualizing and sewing the guys’ looks himself, there’s really nothing Tim could’ve done to save their looks.

After another underwhelming runway show, Christopher, Logan, and Nicolas found themselves in the bottom 3, while Irina, Carol-Hannah and Gordana were in the top 3.

The panel swooned over Gordana’s (detachable) necklace and (rightly) lightly scolded her for her defeatist attitude regarding the gray dress. (How are we supposed to believe in you, if you don’t believe in you, Gordana?) Carol-Hannah smartly added a braiding detail to her green print dress, which the judges (including guest Milla Jovovich) LOVED. That braiding detail is really the only thing that prevented the dress from being a total (yet lovely) cliché. (I actually wondered if Uli hadn’t stopped in this week and guest-designed an outfit.)

My favorite was actually (sigh) Irina’s look. Yes, the color palette wasn’t the most exciting in the world, but seeing all the work she did (and the quality) simply put her outfit at a different level than her fellow top 3 dwellers. I guess you really DO have a lot more time to sew when you don’t bother forming friendships with other people. Still, the win went to Carol-Hannah, but the judges didn’t seem unanimously in love with ANY of the top 3 looks.

That’s really been the story this season: a general lack of excitement. The sentiment was summed up perfectly by Jovovich. Heidi had weakly defended Logan’s “Hollywood” outfit by saying, “I didn’t mind it.” Jovovich responded with, “If this was called ‘Project I Didn’t Mind It’ he would win.” (If this show were ever to adopt a permanent fourth judge, my vote would go to Jovovich for that comment alone. I was also amused by how emotional she got during elimination and asked her fellow judges how they did it each time.)

Back to Logan’s outfit. There was just so much wrong. Personally, if I heard Hollywood, I would’ve thought 1940’s glamour. However, I get that it’s not Logan’s style and I respect his decision to modernize the concept. However, what’s exciting and fashion forward about a pair of skinny jeans and a T-shirt? On top of that, why would you ever cite Lindsay Lohan and Mary Kate Olsen as your young Hollywood inspirations? Yikes!

That being said, he didn’t even make the bottom two. Here’s the difference between Nicolas and Christopher (and the reason I’m not so mad at Nicolas anymore): at least Nicolas is self-aware to realize his outfit had nothing to do with Greece. His gray pants/jersey combo was actually pretty cool for a person going to work – unfortunately, it had nothing to do with Greece. Kors joked that it looked more like “Grease” the movie, a joke that might’ve been funnier if it made any sense.

On the other hand, Christopher’s outfit was matronly and flat-out terrible before he decided to lop 20 inches off the skirt. After that, it still looked matronly yet managed to look slutty at the same time. (That’s a hard combo to pull off.) Even after all that, he STILL managed to squeeze through to next week. While Nicolas CLEARLY didn’t believe in his outfit on the runway, maybe the judges like that Christopher is fully invested in his disastrous looks.

In the words of Althea: “If Christopher can put that garment down the runway and not get eliminated, then I don’t know what’s going on.”

Me neither.

So what’d you think of this episode? Can Christopher or Logan stop an all-female final? (I have a sneaking suspicion that the reason the judges/producers keep bailing Christopher out is because they want him in the finals.) Were you glad to see Michael and Nina back? Finally, do you think ANY of these designers are going to step it up and wow us this season?

America's Next Top Recap: Insider Knowledge

Rule #27 in the Reality Show Guidebook (I haven’t written yet):

“If a reality show contestant is shown talking about how much he or she misses his or her family, there’s a good chance said contestant will be rejoining that family soon.”

Granted, the latest girl who is no longer in the running toward becoming “America’s Top (Petite) Model” didn’t do the annoying thing where reality show participants completely break down and cry over not seeing their families for two weeks. (It would’ve been understandable, in this case, given that we were talking about missing a young child here.) Still, as soon as she pined for her kid, I had a bad feeling that she was a goner.

But we’ll talk about that slightly disappointing end result later.

First let’s talk about the rest of this mostly predictable hour, which had the models shooting their annual (train wreck-y) “Cover Girl” commercials.

Before the girls met up with “The Insider” host Lara Spencer (and her curiously low-cut dress), we saw Nicole kinda fitting in with the rest the girls. Well, except for Erin, who continued this season’s tired theme of trashing Nicole’s personality (we fear what we don’t understand). Erin reasoned that her own personality would be more appealing to a larger number of girls. Translation: “I’m more generic.”

We also learned that Laura is dyslexic. (What a coincidence that this came up for the first time during the week the girls would be asked to read from a teleprompter and write a script. Hmm.)

The girls met up with Spencer who was faux-interviewing comedian Ant. Ant helped the girls brush up on their interview skills by pretending(?) to be a bunch difficult characters ranging from “high-strung actress” to “diva.”

From there, the contestants took what they “learned” for the week’s challenge – an actual interview with “90210” star Jessica Lowndes that would be riddled with (intentional) technical difficulties. I only watched two season 1 episodes of the new “90210” so I don’t really know who Lowndes is. However, I think she deserves some sort of merit badge for patience for answering the same questions from a bunch of amateurs over and over again.

The highlights from this segment included Nicole asking the 20-year-old Lowndes (pictured, left) if she’d had a baby and Laura’s dyslexia preventing her from even realizing the teleprompter was displaying nonsense. The best part of this segment was Sundai’s reaction to the victory by Erin (who CLEARLY did the best job). After the judges praised Erin’s charm, Sundai blurted out “Erin is NOT charming at all!” in her confessional. Just what I was thinking. Either way, Erin (and two friends) earned a “beauty” photo shoot in Seventeen magazine.

Shortly thereafter, the girls got a package at the house that wasn’t shoes. Instead, it was the instructions for the week’s elimination challenge: write copy for your own 25-second commercial.

To be honest, I was kind of blown away by how well all the girls did. It’s not so much that having the girls write their own material made it easier for them to memorize it. (We still had our number of blank outs.) I was impressed by the substance in some of the commercials (Sundai talking about making the brown eye standout, Laura talking about being from a small town, etc.)

As for the commercials themselves (directed by Nigel Barker), the judges (including guest Kim Kardashian, who I suppose was there because she knows what it’s like to perform in front of a camera as an amateur) fell all over themselves praising Jennifer’s commercial, which won the top prize. I agree that it was good, but it felt a bit phony baloney to me, though it’s entirely possible I feel that way because I don’t really care for Jennifer.

By that same token, Nicole is my favorite remaining contestant and I thought her commercial was a success (unlike her straight hair at panel). After her (entertainingly) disastrous interview with Lowndes (hey, it WAS memorable!) I thought she might be in major trouble for this commercial shoot. However, besides being one of the few girls left who really knows how to model, she’s a hard worker. She recognized the commercial was something she’d struggle with and instead of going into “whoa is me” mode, she stayed up later than anyone else and worked on it. It wasn’t excellent, but it was certainly better than anyone expected. (I’m already mentally preparing myself for the day she gets kicked out in favor of someone more generic.)

On the flip side, Erin went to bed early and had a meltdown on the set of the commercial. Several meltdowns actually. She was joined in the bottom two by Rae, who had a REALLY rough time of it this week. Rae’s commercial was simply uncomfortable to watch, as opposed to entertainingly bad, like Brittany's cyborg impersonation, Sundai’s audition for “Pitchmen” and Laura’s aw-shucks performance.

In the battle of alien-looking bleach blondes, Erin was kept over Rae, who wasn’t standing out enough in the crowd. Though Erin has a fresher look, I have a feeling Rae is a better model. Oh well, at least now she gets to go home and be with her baby.

So what’d you think of this episode? Have you ever seen Ant and Mario Cantone in the same room? Were you happy to see Teyona? (I was just relieved to see last cycle’s winner ANYWHERE.) Who is the worst winner in “Top Model” history? (For me, it’s between last night’s Top Model in Action Nicole and Teyona.) Finally, does Tyra seriously think that 1 plus 1 equals 3? (What was THAT about?)

Nip/Tuck/Thoughts: Be Like Mike

Even the boys at McNamara/Troy are not immune to the crappy economy.

Say it ain’t so!

“Nip/Tuck” kicked off the first half of its sixth season last week (I promise I’ll try to do a better job of writing a timely(er) recap in case anyone cares) with the voice of Oscar winner Linda Hunt snarkily detailing how Sean and Christian are now pinching pennies. (My girlfriend said the narration reminded her of a twisted version of the “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” cartoon and I don’t disagree at all.)

Business is decidedly not booming for McNamara/Troy. On top of that, Sean is dealing with expenses related to his ex-wife, kids and new girlfriend Teddy. Yes, I realize Sean actually started dating Teddy toward the end of last season, but seeing as how the show replaced Katee Sackhoff with Rose McGowan without a hint of an explanation, I’m referring to her as his “new” girlfriend. Also gone is the edgy Teddy Sackhoff portrayed, only to be replaced by a disappointingly-bland (so far) McGowan. I know this isn’t the first time a show has recast a role, but, given the show’s plastic surgery subject matter, they could’ve simply said Teddy had to undergo extensive surgery at some point. Oh well.

Meanwhile, last season’s cliffhanger — Christian finding out his cancer was in remission AFTER he married Liz — was tied up almost immediately. The couple quickly broke up after they returned from their honeymoon. I actually sort of followed Christian’s logic that it was for the best since he’d inevitably cheat on her, but Liz didn’t care. She hired a shark of a divorce attorney (played by Barry Bostwick of “Spin City”), while Christian hired Newman (guest star Wayne Knight). Liz is determined to take half of everything Christian owns (including 100% of his boat) as payback for all the women he’s hurt. Once again, I can definitely see where she’s coming from, and Roma Maffia gave another strong performance in the premiere.

I just wasn’t sure I wanted to see our real-life economic problems reflected in “Nip/Tuck”, a show I watch purely for escapist entertainment, given that it stopped being a serious show around season 3. On top of that, as downright deplorable as Sean and Christian’s behavior has been at times, they’re still our boys and I don’t really want to see them down and out for too long. (Where’s the fun in that?) At least the show is dealing with these issues with its trademark weirdness and outrageousness.

I know Mario Lopez gets a lot of flak for being kind of a douche, but I think he did a magnificent job reprising his role as the douche-y Dr. Mike Hamoui (pictured, right). I loved his slo-mo entrance with a girl on each arm before inviting Sean and Christian to a party on his boat. (If the show had used “I’m on a Boat” here, I might’ve fallen off my couch laughing.) Before, he seemed to aspire to be the next Christian Troy, now Dr. Hamoui is thriving on his own in Los Angeles. Sean and Christian quickly invited him (and his eager customers) into the McNamara/Troy fold.

It wasn’t long before Sean and Christian realized the reason Mike was so successful was because he was selling one of the few recession-proof commodities. He was selling sex, both in the form of vaginal rejuvenations and in the strongly implied sexy-time with his patients.

Pretty soon, Sean and Christian enlisted Kimber and jumped on the vaginal rejuvenation bandwagon. As soon as Kimber was on board, I assumed they’d be working on some of Kimber’s former porn star peers, but instead they co-starred in a legendarily cheesy infomercial with Mike (including freeze-frame high five) that resulted in a lone male customer who wanted to look more like Mike (and less like Sean and Christian). Honestly, if you took a shot every time Mario Lopez showed his abs, you could’ve had a decent drinking game on your hands.

Elsewhere, it turns out that Matt is a lot more interesting when he doesn’t talk. I had about the same reaction as Sean and Christian did when Matt told them he wanted to be a mime, but I actually thought that sequence at the beach was very effective (in its own bizarre way). We’ll see, if Matt continues to moonlight as an armed robber, but this foray into miming is (sadly) one of the more enjoyable Matt-related storylines in recent memory. (Props to John Hensley.)

Overall I liked the premiere. As I mentioned before, this stopped being a serious show a long time ago, but I still enjoy it. That being said, I’m glad we're approaching the final season. It makes sense that Sean and Christian are getting a little comeuppance after all these years, but I’m still hoping the show will go out with a bang without pissing off loyal fans. (See: the last season of “Oz”, where the writers basically decided to kill off a bunch of fan favorites just because it was the end.)

So what’d you think of this episode? Where does Liz’s blind lawyer asking Christian to masturbate in front of him rank on the show’s all-time weird scale? (Top 10, right?!) Is it ok to admit that you enjoy Mario Lopez on this show? Finally, when will Sean wake up from his sleeping pill coma?

Where the Wild Things Are Review

“Where the Wild Things Are” is one of the oddest, most visually-impressive and emotional movies I’ve seen in recent years.

But I honestly COMPLETELY understand if you see it and absolutely hate it.

Director Spike Jonze (“Being John Malkovich”, “Adaptation”) and writer Dave Eggers (“A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius”) have adapted Maurice Sendak’s classic children’s book and the results are predictably (and delightfully) unconventional.

Seeing as how the original book only had around 10 sentences of text, Jonze and Eggers had their work cut out for them.

The movie follows Max (Max Records), an energetic and mischievous boy who escapes his lonely home life by boarding a small boat and traveling to an island inhabited by gigantic and neurotic creatures who soon crown him as their king.

I’ve never read the book, but I imagine Jonze and Eggers took the biggest liberties in their characterizations of each of the Wild Things.

Carol (voiced by James Gandolfini) is excitable, prone to violent temper tantrums and desperately wants his group to stay together. Douglas (voiced by Chris Cooper) does pretty much what Carol says. Judith (voiced by Catherine O’Hara) is perpetually skeptical and sarcastic, while her companion Ira (voiced by Forest Whitaker) is really good at making holes. Finally, there’s Alexander (voiced by Paul Dano) feels like no one ever listens to what he has to say. Then there’s KW (voiced by Lauren Ambrose), who is warm and tender to Max, but seems ready to break away from the group.

I don’t necessarily buy all the talk going around that Jonze has made a children’s movie “for adults.” As far as I’m concerned, he’s simply made a movie that doesn’t talk down to children. Sure, the movie can be slow at times and certain ideas will float right over the heads of most young children (do the Wild Things represent different parts of Max’s personality or the different people in his life?), but the filmmaker’s vision of childhood feels honest.

Whereas most kids’ programming comes packaged with a life lesson and a happy ending, this movie is not afraid to depict the scariness and sadness of being a kid.

I actually thought the brief early scenes of Max in the real world were just as effective as his adventures with the Wild Things. Catherine Keener is great as Max’s caring, overworked single mom, and Mark Ruffalo pops up for an effective cameo as a smiling, barely-patient boyfriend.

Still, the star of the show is Max Records, who gives a terrific, exceptional performance as Max. The boy is no saint. In fact, Max is a downright terror (in that way little kids can be) in the sequence right before he escapes into his own imagination while wearing his wolf costume. Yet Records pulls us in by conveying the sadness and lack of fulfillment the character feels from his home life and the joy and uneasiness of the new world he discovers. Records is so good, he makes some of the movie’s more indulgent and confusing sequences more than tolerable.

The other stars of the show are the Wild Things themselves, or rather the seamless blend of live-action costumes and special effects that went into creating the expressive creatures. Sendak was right in insisting that Jonze — creator of some of the most visually-memorable movies and music videos of the past decade and a half — be the director to adapt his book. Jonze believably creates a stunning environment that people who smoke weed will be enjoying for years to come. (Especially on Blu-Ray.)

I also thought O’Hara and Dano were great in their beastly/neurotic roles. Gandolfini was also very good, but every time Carol spoke, I heard Tony Soprano. Sorry.

Overall, “Where the Wild Things Are” is both a challenging movie and readily accessible to anyone who actively uses his or her imagination. Then again, not everyone goes to the movies to see a slow-moving, challenging ode to childhood, so I completely understand if you hated it.

I kinda liked it.

Where the Wild Things Are…B+

Dancing with the Stars: Hustle and Flu

With Chuck Liddell’s elimination, the dancers who really suck are gone. (Sorry, Chuck.)

It’s happened just in time too. On Monday night, the dancers performed the Argentine tango and the paso doble, two of my favorite dances to watch.

Why don’t I just stop messing about and give you my stream of consciousness thoughts on all the couples, in order of appearance.

Natalie Coughlin & Alec: The judges touched on this and it’s absolutely true - Natalie DOES the choreography very well (as she did in her paso doble), but doesn’t seem to FEEL it. Her mild disdain for Alec is also not the most appealing thing in the world. Hopefully she’ll come back strong next week.

Aaron Carter & Karina: So basically Karina said what most of us probably already think – she’s a “cold-blooded bitch.” (I love the self-awareness.) I’m not sure if Aaron “turned her on,” but his tango was a definite improvement. Mostly though, he seemed relieved that there are some people out there who actually like him (who REALLY him) after he got positive reviews from the judges. His tango was tight, and he thankfully toned down all the other unnecessary nonsense. (Yikes, I sounded a bit like Len just now.)

Michael Irvin & Anna D.: Whatever works. I think Michael Irvin will continue to stick currency in between his butt cheeks as long as it makes for an amusing rehearsal package and gets people to vote. It might even buy him enough time to make his dancing significantly better. I still feel like Anna is letting him down with the lame choreography. He moved around more than usual in his paso doble, but it was still pretty plodding. At least he finally got a decent score. (It seemed like the crowd was REALLY rooting for him.

Mya & Dmitry: Their Habitat for Humanity field trip – more or less random than Joanna and Derek’s Dog Adoption adventure? I feel like not having Mya do the “Cell Block Tango” was a missed opportunity. Still, what they did was predictably awesome (they didn’t even have to set foot on the dance floor for the first minute), but Carrie Ann and Bruno are right about her being a bit on cruise control (which is completely understandable).

Mark Dacascos & Lacey: Apparently, Mark is more intimidating in his “Iron Chef” intros than he is in real life (according to Lacey, anyway). Their paso doble was VERY entertaining. You know the dancing was good because it wasn’t completely overshadowed by Lacey’s crazy get-up. (I especially enjoyed the fierce, puffed up faux-hawk). More importantly, Mark FINALLY brought it! (I knew it was in there somewhere.)

Donny Osmond & Kym: I’m surprised we didn’t get the ol’ “I’m not going to be allowed back in Utah” joke after Kym told him they’d be doing the passionate tango. (Instead, he busted out a new, amusing “I got five kids, what do you think”? joke when she asked if he knew what the passionate dance would entail.) As for the tango itself, I thought it was very good, but I didn’t COMPLETELY buy it. It was solid, I still feel like he’s pretending to be passionate instead of actually being passionate. (Call it faux-passion.) I was even more surprised than he was when he got those two 10s. Now all we have to do is stop him from faux-hitting on Bruno. (That being said, I’ll admit Bruno’s “Donnie Darko” joke got more than a chuckle out of me.)

Louie Vito & Chelsie: Apparnetly, “Vito Loco” is “Vito Suave’s” crazier cousin. Nice to see him re-focused after last week’s totally phoned-in performance. (Actually, today I guess the kids would say it was a “texted-in” performance.) His posture was a little bad during his tango, but these two are just kinda great together. The dancing wasn’t aces (Bruno is right that he steps instead of dances), but the character was definitely there.

Melissa Joan Hart & Mark: Could they not find an eliminated male pro to fill in when Mark was sick? Wait a minute - having Anna Trebunskaya fill in was pretty terrific. (One day she’ll make it past the halfway point of this competition.) Anyway, back to Melissa. I’m a fan of hers and she’s a nice person, but I still have to agree with Erica who breaks it down thusly – “she dances like an old lady.” Watching her slight daintiness and tentativeness in this week’s challenging tango, she kinda does! Sorry, but I still don’t see her as a serious contender to actually win this thing.

Kelly Osbourne & Louis: Louis needs to have an eye makeup intervention. I kind of love her for being the first celeb to step back and ask, “I’m a cape?!” during a paso doble. I also kind of loved the use of Ozzy’s “Crazy Train.” I don’t know why that snuck up on me – “Crazy Train” is actually the alternate title for this show. It helped that her paso was really good. Finally, I’m assuming that Ozzy was applauding the routine and not the slightly whacked out ballroom version of his classic song.

Joanna Krupa & Derek: And by Derek I, of course, mean Maksim Chmerkovskiy. Last week, I suggested that people were voting more for Derek than for Joanna, so that wasn’t a good sign for Joanna. Fortunately, they replaced him with the other most popular pro. The “Get Well Soon” balloon during the staged phone call to Derek was a nice touch. As for the dance, the same stiffness that makes Joanna look awkward in the Latin styles, served her incredibly well in the tango (so did her model-y long legs). In fact, I initially thought Maksim was the one who had visibly screwed up. Despite the stumble, this was my favorite performance of hers BY FAR.

Group Hustle (pictured, right): First the Muppets, now a Quincy Jones get up – I like seeing bandleader Harold Wheeler in the mix. I paid more attention to Louie’s sideburns than anything he did on the dance floor. The end of Melissa Joan Hart’s dip was botched, but at least she laughed about it. I can’t decide whose wig was more epic – Louis Van Amstel, Alex Mazo, Donny Osmond or Mark Dacascos? (Michael Irvin’s afro and Dmitry Chaplin’s mullet made a late charge) I’m not sure if Natalie was awake for her portion of the Hustle. This was certainly less about dancing and more about the costume department showing off – and I’m ok with that.

So what’d you think of this episode? What was up with Samantha’s hair? (I understand this question could be asked every other week, but still!) Do you enjoy the just-for exhibition group dances? Finally, who do you think is going home? (I’ll just say I don’t believe Natalie Coughlin inspired very many people to vote last night.)

NFL 2009 Week 6 picks

It’s Sunday morning and I don’t believe the weather has been better all year. (I think we turned off our A/C for the first time since early March.)

The point is I’m feeling good. The Bucs actually have a chance to win (for the last time this season) and my girlfriend and I actually enjoyed (instead of dreaded) walking around outside for a little bit yesterday.

Of course, that means I haven’t actually sat down to do my picks. Like the Saints, Giants, Colts, Vikings and Broncos, I haven’t tasted defeat. Following another solid performance (9-5 week, 53-23 overall), here are my lightning quick picks for week 6.

HOUSTON @ CINCINNATI
The Bengals HAVE to be feeling good about themselves. Methinks a little TOO good.

DETROIT @ GREEN BAY
The Lions are good enough to not be lumped in with the truly awful teams from this season (Bucs, Chiefs, Raiders, Browns, Bills, Rams, Titans), but they’re not good enough to, you know, beat a good team.

BALTIMORE @ MINNESOTA
I’m just wondering which misguided defensive penalty is going to kill the Ravens THIS week.

N.Y. GIANTS @ NEW ORLEANS
I think we get a repeat of the Jets/Saints game and the Saints defense actually makes more big plays to win this one.

CLEVELAND @ PITTSBURGH
I’m not in love with the way the Steelers seem to be sleepwalking through this season.

CAROLINA @ TAMPA BAY
I just don’t see it. Sorry

KANSAS CITY @ WASHINGTON
If Kansas City knew how to tackle, they would’ve beaten the Cowboys last weekend. If the Redskins knew how to play offense, defense or special teams, they might’ve beaten the Panthers last weekend.

ST. LOUIS @ JACKSONVILLE
You wouldn’t like Maurice Jones-Drew (pictured, left) when he’s angry. (And I face him in one of my fantasy leagues this week. Yikes!)

ARIZONA @ SEATTLE
I would like Seattle at home even if Hasselbeck hadn’t come back last week and lit it up.

PHILADELPHIA @ OAKLAND
Not only is JaMarcus Russell the worst QB I’ve ever seen. He’s the worst quarterback of all time. True story.

TENNESSEE @ NEW ENGLAND
I’m feeling a patented 3 TD game from Randy Moss, who’s on the verge of pouting.

BUFFALO @ N.Y. JETS
The Bills are what the doctor ordered after the vaunted Jets defense got smacked around by the Dolphins. This matchup is sure to build their overconfidence back up.

CHICAGO @ ATLANTA
I love the way Atlanta stepped on San Francisco’s throat last weekend. They were mean and it was awesome.

DENVER @ SAN DIEGO
I don’t know why, but San Diego just has a knack for winning JUST before their season completely falls in the toilet.

Project Runway: What a Girl Wants

“Irina is actually a really good designer. The only problem with her is that she’s a bitch.”

It was a good week for Nicolas, and the above quote was the absolute highlight of an episode that featured yet another high-wattage guest star (and yet another infuriating elimination).

I haven’t been particularly kind to Nicolas in these recaps, but I’m more than happy to put our one-sided rivalry aside and give him credit for a very strong performance. He hit the nail right on the head when it comes to Irina. Unfortunately, I have to deduct points for his failure to realize that the same exact thing could be said about him - except, of course, the part about him being a good designer. (Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.)

Then again, I doubt that dig could knock Nicolas off of his Bob Mackie cloud nine, where he spent most of this episode. The designers met Tim Gunn and Sultan of Sequins Bob Mackie for the week’s challenge, which involved creating an extravagant stage worthy of a five-time Grammy-winning, multi-platinum selling superstar. And it just so happened the show was able to rope in one such superstar (Christina Aguilera) to serve as a guest judge. I appreciated that there was no confusion as to what the designers were supposed to do – “This is NOT fashion,” Mackie stated at the start and urged them to go for broke.

Back in the workroom, the designers seemed to be divided into the “excited for this challenge” camp and the (as Irina put it) “deer-in-the-headlight” division (hello Shirin and Carol-Hannah!) Obviously, Irina is as cold as Nicolas’ ice costume (nice to see a shorter version of you this week), but I actually don’t mind that she continues to talk trash about her competitors because she IS “a really good designer” and it makes things interesting. She’s sort of like an evil version of Padma Lakshmi. That’s being said, calling Carol-Hannah “annoying as f---” (or was it “annoying as s---”?) was too much.

We were also “treated” to some more Carol-Hannah/Logan showmance nonsense, which once again confirmed that there’s absolutely nothing interesting about Logan other than “he’s hot.”

Fortunately, Tim Gunn swanned in for his customary visit and we got to hear him utter the phrase “super-sexy slut” in regards to Christopher’s outfit being too restrained. Tim was also the first to point out that Nicolas’ outfit was a retread, but since none of the judges (besides Heidi) for this challenge were around for that, it didn’t really matter. From there, he tried to confront Gordana (who was basically in an extended meltdown for the entire episode, but had immunity) and Shirin, whose all-over-the-place outfit reminded him of “Guinevere meets Vampira.” (In fact, I think I saw a piece of that dress in my living room.)

The runway show came and went, and I have to agree with returning judge Nina Garcia (yay) – we didn’t really seen anything we hadn’t seen before.

The top three was comprised of Althea (personally, I thought the train was VERY questionable for a stage outfit), Nicolas (who I would’ve actually named the winner – gasp!) and Carol-Hannah who won Christina Aguilera’s heart with her classy, multi-layered black dress.

The worst look of the week belonged to Gordana, but since she wasn’t eligible for the bottom 3, Christopher, Shirin and Logan stood under the spotlights of shame.

Logan’s zebra print outfit was youthful, but reminded Christina of a cavewoman. Since he, at least, went for something hip (and since he’s hot) he was spared from the bottom 2.

Here’s where things get a little fishy. The judges absolutely slammed Christopher’s outfit for its concept (some nonsense about Christina covering Cyndi Lauper) its execution (Mackie didn’t like the corset and the whole thing belonged in a Pussycat Dolls road show) and lack of originality (Nina called it out for channeling “Lady Marmalade”-era X-tina.) The worse thing the judges said about Shirin’s misguided outfit was that the top was better than the bottom and that it looked like a high-end witchy Halloween costume.

So in what dimension does it make sense to send Shirin (making her bottom 3 debut) home instead of Christopher? If anything, there should be a rule that any designer making his or her THIRD straight appearance in the bottom 2 (as Christopher was) should be automatically sent home. (Call it the Mitchell Principle.)

Oh well, at least we have Nina back.

So what’d you think of this episode? Who do you find more tolerable – Nicolas or Irina? Did you notice how Christina only said, "I MAY" wear the design on stage? (What a jip!) Finally, how good are the nude pictures or sex tape that Christopher has and is using for leverage over the judges?

Heroes: Girl-on-Girl Action

Let’s jump right in and talk about “the kiss.”

Upon first hearing — and seeing, thanks to the NBC promo department widely circulating a photo of the kiss in the days leading up to this episode — that Hayden Panettiere would be locking lips with a female co-star, you probably thought it was a hopelessly desperate attempt by a once-popular, now-struggling show to get some attention. (I know I did.)

After watching the episode in question — titled “Hysterical Blindness” — I actually think it incorporated the kiss (which WAS an attention-getting stunt no matter how you slice it) in a clever way.

Claire and her fangirl/roommate Gretchen were being recruited by a sorority led by perky go-getter named Rebecca. Claire had been enjoying her newfound normalcy (and chocolate milk) so she was open to the idea of doing “normal girl” things.

I liked the speed-dating introductory sequence in which Claire realized how boring her life is (no boyfriend, dad sells paper, mom trains a show dog) sans her superheroic exploits. (Just like her dad last week.) Unfortunately, weird happenings follow Claire no matter where she goes. First, she found out that Gretchen had been doing extensive research on her online. Then, she was almost impaled during a sorority get-together with Gretchen being the only culprit in sight.

During the season premiere, I guessed that Gretchen had an ulterior motive for buddying up to Claire. Back then, I thought she might have a power and that she was probably involved in Annie’s murder. By last night, things were stacked so much in Gretchen’s favor that you KNEW she couldn’t possibly be the perpetrator. Instead, it turns out that Gretchen is simply “crushing” on Claire. (Is the show afraid to come right out and say she’s a lesbian? Would this make it easier to make the kiss a one-time thing?)

In the episode’s best twist, we learned Rebecca is part of the Sullivan Bros. carnival and has been using her invisibility to try and isolate Claire. Once we learned she was invisible, I think we could’ve all figured out that she was the one who almost impaled Claire, caused the book to fall on Gretchen’s laptop and pushed Annie to her death. Then again, “Heroes” isn’t the most subtle show, so we had to sit through a reenactment of all these scenes.

Speaking of the Sullivan Bros. carnival, there was a bit of movement on that storyline (for a change). Samuel announced that he had found a replacement for his brother Joseph. The only problem was that he had no idea who that was. I don’t mind a slow-building storyline, but we’re going to need answers on this carnie thing pretty soon. I’m feeling a flashback episode on the horizon featuring Joseph and the rest of the Sullivan crew’s exploits. I’m getting a little impatient with all of Samuel’s vague pronouncements.

Still, I think there’s plenty of hope. I liked how the carnival sequences were partly out of focus, giving off a cool feeling of disorientation. Then again, maybe the carnival itself has a life of its own. We learned it seemingly has the ability to raise stakes and move at will as it did to pick up its newest member — Sylar.

I’m going to skim a little on this storyline because I’m in a good mood and I don’t want to get into Griping Mode.

But honestly — Sylar has amnesia now? What’s the point? We all know where this is heading. Zachary Quinto is going to act meek for a couple of weeks, Sylar will feel accepted by the Sullivan Bros. crew at first before he remembers who he is and turns on them. The show seems to now be blatantly marking time until the power-hungry serial killer return.

This storyline also introduced “Ghostbuster” Ernie Hudson as a dick of a cop (a truly thankless role) and the sympathetic Dr. Gibson, who I have a feeling we haven’t seen the last of. (And who may have a power — I’m especially thinking of Sylar asking her how she KNEW to believe him.)

Let’s get back to the positives. I’m really enjoying Deanna Bray as Emma, who is able to see sounds as colors. Super-speedy Peter saved her life and accidentally absorbed her power. (Quick tangent: if Peter has no control over which powers he absorbs, how come he didn’t absorb Samuel’s power when they shook hands a few episodes ago? Consistency, writers!)

Peter and Emma ended up bonding over their now-similar power. I actually liked the idea of a character having an ability that wasn’t necessarily superheroic and was really just lovely. This being an action/drama, that sort of went out the window when Emma was playing her cello at home and accidentally channeled the pretty rays of light into a powerful blast that cracked her ceiling. Oh well, that was a lovely harmless little power while it lasted.

So what’d you think of this episode? Which actor is being wasted more Ernie Hudson or Oscar winner Louise Fletcher as Emma’s mom? What do you think Hiro wants from Peter? Finally, which two same-sex characters would you like to see kiss next time the show needs a ratings boost?

America's Next Top Recap: Hang Time

Last week we got Benny Ninja. This week the models dressed up as ninjas for their photo shoot. (And never the twain shall meet.)

We also learned the latest episode of “America’s Next Top Model” would feature the customary go-sees after a few of the girls misinterpreted the Tyra Mail clue in a truly spectacular fashion. (Then again, this show just might be crazy enough to feature a bumper car challenge.)

Instead, the “driving” part of their clue referred to using a car to manage Los Angeles’ notoriously beastly traffic to make the five stops on their go-sees. Somewhat taking the environment into account, the models traveled in pairs: Kara-Jennifer, Rae-Sundai, Brittany-Erin and the Dream Team, aka Laura and Nicole (my two favorite remaining contestants). I think a little more time could/should have been dedicated to watching these two try to figure out a parking meter.

This time the go-sees had a bit of a twist for our petite models. One stop had a casting call for television (Models MUST be able to provide believable British, Minnesota and “Hood Rat” accents), while another simply had the girls displaying jewelry. (Pierce those ears, ladies!)

This being go-sees, we also had the obligatory team that came back late. No matter what mode of transportation (car, boat, walking) or what country they’re in, there’s always some knucklehead model/team that gets back late. I’m honestly convinced that even if all the go-sees took place in the same office building, someone would manage to come back late.

This was an especially bad season, er cycle, to be back late given that the entertainingly prickly Sean Patterson, head of Wilhemina modeling, had CLEARLY stated that he hates models who are late. Sundai and Rae (who apparently drives like my grandma) were the targets of his ire. On the flip side, Nicole impressed the designers she visited enough to earn the win, and a piece from their collections.

Not much drama at the house, other than the inexplicably overconfident Kara guzzling a whole gallon of Haterade. For some reason, she was obsessed with Nicole. She hated that Nicole had the social graces of a fetus (huh?!) and that her monotone meant that she was slow. Not only is that a ridiculous statement, but it’s not even original as the same ignorant complaint was brought up a few weeks ago.

In fact, I have a feeling Nicole is the smartest one in the bunch. For the week’s photo shoot, the models would be dressed up as ninjas (the outfits were terrific) and photographed in three different poses, including an airborne one that required a harness. I think the concept behind the photo shoot was good, but the end result was a bit underwhelming. It didn’t really look like the girls were in “action” at all. It looked like Tyra picked three separate (“Here’s your best”) shots.

Nicole was up first and, instead of going for the coolest weapon, simply selected a sword, which left her a free hand, and allowed her to move easily. For her efforts, Nicole earned best picture. (It also happened to be my favorite of the bunch.)

The only misstep on Nicole’s part (at least in the judges’ eyes) is her “lack of personality.” (Cut to Kara with an “I told you so” expression on her face.) Here’s what the judges don’t get — Nicole’s monotone weirdness IS her personality, and what the judges really seem to be asking for is that Nicole act like a bubbly idiot. Nicole is infinitely more interesting than most of these girls (what do you know about Jennifer other than she’s Asian and that lazy eye thing?) and her weirdness actually seems to be throwing others (like Kara) off their games.

My other favorite pictures this week came from Laura (pictured, right, who appears to have a split personality — country bumpkin/killer nunchuck model) and Brittany. Still, my favorite Brittany moment came at the end of the episode when Tyra made a comment about her top being too low-cut. During Kara’s emotional elimination, the camera cut to Brittany, whose chest had been blurred out, despite the fact that nothing obscene could be seen since, frankly, there just isn’t that much there.

The worst of the bunch were, obviously, Kara (honestly, you could tell she was going home from about the 20-minute mark - good riddance!) and Sundai (who seems to be getting a little worse), who also comprised the bottom two.

It’s not even really a question of whether or not Sundai can win (she can’t) — it’s more like, “Will she be around for the inevitable trip abroad in the next few weeks?” (It’s gonna be close.

So what’d you think of this episode? What kind of social graces DOES a fetus have? Who takes their shoes off and puts them on a table? (Other than Brittany?) Anyone else happy to see Fo from last cycle getting work as a model? (In a related story, has anyone seen or heard ANYTHING from winner Teyona?) Finally, could there be anything better than a Laura/Nicole finale?)