Dancing with the Stars: (Not Quite) Ready to Rumba

I'm not particularly proud to admit that I've seen every performance episode of the American version of "Dancing with the Stars."

Still, based on all those gliterrific hours of experience, I've learned two things. Ok, I've learned more than two things (many of which I wish I didn't know), but here are the two that apply to last night: the rumba is the most difficult dance for the non-pros to execute and the paso doble is the most difficult dance to perform.

So why not make a group of celebrities who are still brushing up on their technique AND getting used to the idea of ballroom dancing in front of 20 million people perform these dances in only their second week! With one day less of prep work! LIIIIVVVEE! (Sorry, I got carried away.)

I know a significant number of people out there like watching rich and famous people fall on their faces, but I didn't particularly enjoy watching this group struggle to master two difficult dances. That made for a mostly lifeless and frustrating two hours (thank goodness for Warren Sapp). Honestly, if I had taken a shot every time a celebrity or pro complained about the time constraints this week, I'd be in the (black) market for a new liver today.

Anyway, I didn't even realize people were still referencing "The Matrix" until Warren and Kym's paso doble (pictured, right), but I'm glad the bullet time and leather lives on. Warren's paso tied Brooke for high score of the evening, but I much preferred the former's performance. He even made the pleather wardrobe malfunction at the end seem endearing, and, once again, impressed with his shockingly nimble footwork. I also got a kick out of the fact that he genuinely loved his outfit.

Brooke, on the other hand, performed an oddly passionless paso. The technique was there again, as usual, but I was pretty surprised at how much I didn't care for this performance (it looked more like a tango to me to be honest.) This week also marked the return of the inane field trips that are supposed to help the celebrities' dancing, and Brooke and Derek's trip to a karate class was, by far, the most inane field trip of all.

I think I even liked Cloris and Corky's paso better than Brooke's, but that didn't stop them from landing in the bottom of the leaderboard. Cloris considerably dialed down the crazy this week, and seemed to really put forth an effort. I thought the judges blew a great chance to give her generous reviews (which I felt she'd earned) for her engaging performance. Other than Warren's, Cloris' traditional paso was the most engaging of the night.

Lance and Lacey's paso was also engaging, but mostly because of the fact that it didn't look like a paso at all. There's a line between trying to do something different and antagonizing the judges (and by "the judges" I mean Len). Lance and Lacey now seem more preoccupied with doing their own thing and "pleasing the fans" than with trying to get good scores from the judges. That's good for them, but bad for me after I picked Lance to win this damn thing (I blame you, Lacey). This show isn't "So You Think You Can Dance" Lacey, and some of us are ok with that. Next week (if they're back) I'd like to, at least, see them try doing the dance they're supposed to do, just for fun.

Meanwhile, Misty May Treanor seemed too preoccupied with keeping her angry face to have fun during her paso. The fact that her and Maks were dressed almost exactly like Maks and Mel B. during their (excellent) paso two seasons ago didn't help matters. Misty performed decently, but still somehow managed to be too powerful and too hard for a dance that actually demands those things.

At least the paso, isn't as much of a chore as the rumba which calls for hip action and precise leg and arm action while telling a romantic story. So it's not really a shocker that almost all the couples failed.

Failing most spectacularly again was Kim Kardashian who, after a visit to the Pussycat Dolls (wait, THIS was the most inane field trip), still delivered a disconnected, herky-jerky wet mop of a performance. For some reasons, the judges are really pulling for her. Len probably just likes looking at her ass. Speaking of which, I got in trouble last night when, while watching with Erica, I commented that the camera cut away as Kim was shaking her ass. So not only is Kim's dancing boring, but she's getting me in trouble with my girlfriend. I think (hope) she's done after tonight.

Rocco's semi-disastrous, hip-action free rumba was mostly noteworthy because he appeared to feed partner Karina with some glitter towards the end. Meanwhile, Maurice continued to be oddly enthusiastic for someone who's just meh. The judges sense that he's holding back, though he wasn't holding back during he and Cheryl's visit to a belly-dancing show (getting up and joining the dancers), resulting in one of the few instances in hip action from the celebrities during his rumba.

Susan Lucci's rumba was lovely and competent, but fell closer to her tentative first performance than the quickstep that earned her "Most Improved" dancer honors last week. I was more interested in her commute between New York and L.A. to appear in "All My Children" and "DWTS." She got a pep talk from DWTS-alum and AMC co-star Cameron Mathison, who spoke a mile a minute about something. I was mostly distracted by all the baby pictures plastered on his wall. I hope that's his kid, otherwise it's time to call "Dateline."

Cody closed the show with a tunic, I mean a rumba that was entertaining and perfectly decent except that it made the already young contestant look even younger. Also, it made him look a bit like Ellen DeGeneres.

In fact, I'd say Toni Braxton was the only celeb to pull of the paso doble. Her performance was precise, confident (you have to be confident to perform in your underwear like Braxton did) and the chemistry was there with her partner Alec. And if that wasn't enough, the couple had the most entertaining field trip, even if we had to endure a few bars of Alec singing "Unbreak My Heart." And there's Edyta serving as the third wheel for a date between Toni and her husband! Good times.

So what'd you think of this episode? Was the Lance/Lacey kiss the least hot kiss this year or the least hot kiss ever? Which couple do you think Edyta's going to hang with next week? Finally, who do you think is going home?

Heroes: From Hiro to Zero

How bad was season 2 of "Heroes"?

It makes a decidedly subpar episode like last night's "One of Us, One of Them" look like a compelling spectacle. Not that there wasn't stuff in last night's hour to like, but an alarmingly high number of character are behaving in really stupid ways.

Let's get the stuff that didn't work out of the way first, shall we? Since Mohinder was not around in this episode (except in voice over) to make it considerably stupider, I guess Parkman had to pick up the slack. The less said about his spirit walk in the African plains, the better. Also, did we really need another white-eyed painter of the future? At least this one comes with a Walkman, which apparently helps you in painting of said future.

While Parkman's subplot was unintentionally silly, Hiro and Ando's pursuit of Daphne to a silent movie theatre in Berlin was intentionally silly, but no less stupid. I liked seeing the increasing friction between Hiro and Ando (pictured, left), and I think I spotted Hiro flirting a bit with his "nemesis" Daphne, but anyone with half a brain knew that Hiro and Ando's interference would eventually lead to the formula (which could destroy the world) falling into Daphne's hand. Hiro figured out that his and Daphne's powers weren't working because of the Haitian's presence. Still, I don't understand what he hoped to accomplish even if he got his hands on the Haitian's half of the formula, after stupidly fumbling away the half that had been entrusted to him (no doubt, he'd find a way to lose it to Daphne again).

Fortunately, Hiro and Ando got tossed into level five of the Company, where they can't do anything to stupid and a more likely to interact with more interesting characters.

One of my favorite things about last night's episode was that it gave Jack Coleman and Cristine Rose (the best two actors on the show) a chance to interact. Angela Petrelli welcomed Bennett back to the Company and partnered him with Sylar to find the escaped villains.

This turn of events just screams of something that seemed like a great idea in the writers' room, but, when you think about it, doesn't make too much sense. Unless she wanted some of the villains dead, why would Mrs. Petrelli send out Sylar, even after trying to convince him he wasn't a killer? (What if he had killed Jamie while Peter was still in there?) Also, while it's an excellent source of tension, is there any way Bennett would agree to be partnered with the man who violated his daughter? This second question wasn't as big of an issue after Bennett was reunited with the Haitian in the end and hinted that he had plans for Sylar in the future.

In the meantime, as non-sensical as it was I enjoyed watching Sylar get dressed up in his little suit and try to be a good boy. I also liked the brief moment where he and Bennett worked together, before they each (predictably) reverted to what they do.

In fact, the Bennett/Sylar team may have been a little TOO effective. I was convinced the "villains-on-the-run" storyline would play out over a long period of time. However, it just turned out to be the group robbing a bank, while the de-facto leader Knox (the scary Jamie Hector from "The Wire") waited for revenge revealed an interesting ability to feed off of people's fears. Of course, Knox was the only one of the villains to escape death (goodbye glasses guy who looked like Alton Brown) or captivity, so I'm sure we haven't heard the last of him.

Meanwhile, Future Peter showed up to remove Peter from Jamie's body and take him to the future, where I'm sure we'll see more apocalyptic landscapes and cast members with drastically different hair.

Speaking of which, Claire still had it in her mind that she was going to learn how to fight and take out villains. Helping others has been on the character's mind for a while (she wanted to use her blood to heal people last year), but, thanks to a weird intervention from biological (not real) mom Meredith in a storage container, she admitted she really wanted to hurt Sylar. The whole thing was kinda cheesy, but at least it was well-acted cheese (Hayden Panettiere is probably the most underrated member of the cast). It also furthers the question of how Claire has gone from wanting to kill Sylar to wanting to kill Peter in the future.

Finally, I continue to be surprised by how interested I am in Tracy's storyline. Whereas Nikki seemed to hate her power (with good reason, since it killed people), Tracy seems more curious, and that curiosity led her to New Orleans where she met Micah, who instantly recognized Tracy wasn't her mother. It was a surprisingly emotional scene between the two thanks to a nice job by Ali Larter and Noah Gray-Cabey, who I was happy to see hadn't had a freakish growth spurt (maybe they filmed this stuff last year).

With Micah's help, Tracy learned she'd been born on the same day as Nikki and delivered by a Dr. Zimmerman. When she visited the doctor (Tracy must have an incredible travel budget), Zimmerman seemed to welcome his creation in with open arms.

I'm interested to see what becomes of that, and I hope the show chooses wisely in which storylines it decides to develop and which storylines (and characters) it choose to drop going forward.

So what'd you think of this episode? Who was the woman in Parkman's painting? (Kinda looked a bit like Daphne to me, but that doesn't make any sense.) Where did Peter get the ability to force a person into another's consciousness? Why did Mrs. Petrelli feed that girl to Sylar in the beginning? Have we seen the last of Micah (or his cousing Monica)? Exactly how many Nikkis/Jessicas/Tracys are out there anyway? Finally, do you think Mrs. Petrelli is telling the truth about being Sylar's mom (I'm not buying it.)

Desperate Housewives: One Giant Leap

First off, sorry that this recap is a day late.

I've been RIDICULOUSLY sick the past two days (whereas I'm currently just "sick"), and I feel it would've been tough for me to write my recap while trying to see through a snot-covered monitor.

Now that I've grossed you out and probably discouraged you from reading anything I ever write again, let's jump into Sunday's season premiere of "Desperate Housewives" which, you may have heard, picks up five years in the future.

Coming into this episode, I was still debating whether the leap forward was a legit creative jolt for the show at a time (five seasons in) when programs start running out of new ideas or whether it was just, well, desperate. I mean, what's to stop ANY show from drumming up buzz by just shifting its narrative forward (or backward) and then filling in the gaps in the timeline later.

Based on the first episode of "Desperate Housewives" this season, I'm liking the move. It really seems like the show's writers thought about the decision and how it could rejuvenate some characters and introduce new storyline possibilities for the show.

I'm particularly liking what the writers have done with Gabby, giving Eva Longoria Parker something else to play besides the shallow vamp who occasionally showed some heart. Gabby is now a frumpy (for TV) mom, whose four-year-old daughter is a bit overweight. I believe the technical term is "porker." (As a former porker myself, I kid and actress Madison Lovato is very cute and looks to be a strong performer.) Gabby tried to convince Juanita that exercising might be fun, but, when that didn't work, decided that making her daughter chase a car for a few miles was the best solution (this was almost as bad of an idea as Lynette leaving her kids on the side of the road in the first season).

The car incident aside, Gabby seems to be a decent, caring mother. But what was more interesting was how far she's fallen from Glam Gabby to Mama Solis. She seemed to be ok with the transition until Edie made her dramatic return to Wisteria Lane and called Gabby out for letting herself go (Gabby: "I had two kids" Edie: "For breakfast?") Sure, Carlos is supportive, as usual, but I'm interested to see where Gabby goes from here, especially if she engages in another feud with Edie.

Edie's return was no surprise for anyone who'd seen the previews for the show, but I still like how they pulled it off. We were first introduced to her character in the pilot as she was washing her car to try to entice Mike, so having her in a typically-look-at-me leopard print bikini was a nice callback. I also liked her interactions with her former friends (Edie: "I have a husband now." Susan: "Whose?"). As someone who didn't particularly care for how her character was exiled (I didn't think Edie had behaved more awfully than usual), I was glad to see her brought back.

However, I was doubly impressed that the show found a way to bring Edie back AND introduce what looks to be the season's overarching mystery. The show introduced Neal McDonough as Dave, Edie's new husband and he proved to be compelling right from his very first scene when he bullied his neighbor into selling. It's obvious that apparent rage-a-holic Dave is after something in Wisteria Lane and, thanks to McDonough's talent for playing scary and charming, I'm interested in finding out what that is.

Of course, last night's episode wasn't perfect — I know that five years isn't a very long time, but I would've liked to have seen a couple of the characters (besides Gabby and Lynette's twins) look a little older/different. And no, Andrew putting on a suit does NOT automatically make me believe he's older. Maybe they should've tossed in a beard too.

In fact, while I liked the idea that Bree had become some sort of Martha Stewart-level celebrity homemaker, I didn't care for the fact that they've made her character so awful. I get that was hurt by her daughter Danielle showing up and taking her grandson Benjamin away, and that she was lonely during Orson's apparent prison sentence (more on that next week, it looks like), but I still don't see how that adds up to stealing Katherine's recipe without giving her credit for a cookbook. Since Marcia Cross and Dana Delaney are very good, they made this storyline work (especially Bree's disastrous TV segment), but I'm hoping there are better things ahead for these two, especially Katherine, who was too much of a non-factor. I'd also like to see a little more Orson than a few lines of dialogue and a portion of a karaoke performance of the Doors (Kyle McLachlan was in "The Doors".)

Meanwhile, things are pretty much the same in the Scavo household. The twins have graduated from promiscuous kids to borderline juvenile delinquents, while Tom acts more like a kid than a parent. The only difference is that Lynette finally called him out for that. While Tom destroying (the already scratched) mirror on his convertible to prove to the boys that he cared more about them than the car was funny, the storyline was really nothing new between Tom and Lynette. Tom acts like a jackass, Lynette becomes exasperated, and Tom, eventually, kinda comes around. I was hoping they'd throw in a twist. For example, from the weird, disconnected way Tom and Lynette were speaking in their first scene, I thought the couple had gotten a divorce — it just turned out that Tom's just REALLY into cleaning his car.

Finally, there's Susan. The episode seemed to want us to care about her plight the most. The episode opened with a sequence showing how Mike and Susan had been in a car accident that had killed a mother and her young child, while also implying that Mike had been killed in the accident too.

If you've read this recap, you probably know that I'm not the biggest fan in the world of James Denton's acting, so when the show tried to get us to believe that Mike was dead, I knew it wasn't that lucky. Apparently, Mike left because Susan couldn't forgive him for killing the other driver. I get that Susan feels some guilt over an accident that killed someone who was just like her, but this was just plain stupid. That "Stop" sign was down, and that accident was no one's fault. She scolded Mike for not showing enough remorse about the accident, but she didn't realize that lack of remorse was more the usual lack of expressiveness from Denton.

Still, Susan seems to be on her way to starting a new relationship with Jackson, the world's slowest housepainter, played by "Queer as Folk"s Gale Harrold. Sure, it's a little weird seeing him in love scenes with a woman, but I was mostly struck by how uninteresting his character was. Jackson seemed to really like Susan, and wanted to have a relationship with her, but it just didn't register with me. I was mostly distracted by his girly hairstyle, and I've never been less interested in a "declare your love through karaoke" scene than I was last night. I'm usually a sucker for those.

Susan eventually seemed to cave in a bit, but the best Jackson-related moment was clearly him walking through Susan's bushes in his underwear (another callback to season 1 with naked Susan in the bushes) and Bob and Lee taking a picture with their cell phone.

So what'd you think of this episode? Which missing or underused character are you looking forward to seeing more of this season? (I vote Bob and Lee, who scored a laugh without any dialogue last night.) Finally, what do you think Dave is after?

Conflict of Interest: Jamal Lewis/Clinton Portis/Vernon Davis edition

Each time I've had a conflict of interest this fantasy season, I've won in one league and lost another. Meanwhile, in week 3, where there was no conflict between my two leagues, I won in each league.

This week, I'm going to be a mess of conflicting emotions as I'll face Clinton Portis AND Jamal Lewis in one league, while owning each running back in another.

At what's sure to be my own peril, I'm actually going to dog my opponent in my Yahoo sports league. He's one of those poor souls that had Tom Brady, and his team is a little decimated by injuries and bye weeks. He's starting Donte Stallworth and Mewelde Moore against me this week (I can hear you asking "those guys are on NFL rosters this year?"). He's also got Jamal Lewis (pictured, top left). Meanwhile, my matchup in my NFL.com league is shaping up to be much tougher, so I'm actually going to hope that Lewis runs a bit wild against the Bengals and helps me win on NFL.com because I think I can absorb a big game from him and still win in the Yahoo league.

Dream statline for Jamal Lewis: 24 carries, 115 yards, 2 TDs in a loss to the Bengals.

Clinton Portis (pictured, bottom left), on the other hand, has a tougher matchup against Dallas. Not tough in the sense that Dallas can shut them down, but tough in that the Cowboys could jump all over the Skins and force Washington to abandon Portis and the run. As a result, I'd be perfectly happy with a more modest game from Portis.

Dream statline for Clinton Portis: 18 carries, 70 yards, 1 TD in a loss to the Cowboys.

(I almost forgot to mention that 49ers tight end Vernon Davis, pictured right, is also a conflict of interest for me, but when you talked smack about going to the Pro Bowl at the start of the season, and you have a grand total of 4 catches for 68 yards in three games and you're not hurt, then it's not really worth my time to come up a dream statline for you. Sorry. Play better.)

NFL 2008 Week 4 Picks

I finally broke out with my picks last time out and had a pretty good week (12-4 week, 30-17 season).

And all it took was me picking a grand total of 4 out of 16 road teams to lose. Ok, so I didn't exactly step out on the biggest limb ever, but, hey, it worked out for me.

Let's see if things work out for me during a week in the NFL that features some brutal matchups. To be clear, hey're not brutal because they're hard to pick, but because the games are going to be hard to watch.

CLEVELAND @ CINCINNATI
When these two teams met in week 2 last year, they combined for more than 150 points and over 1,200 yards of offense. Ok, those numbers may not be exactly right, but you get the point. I'm taking Cincinnati because they FINALLY showed life against the Giants last week, while Cleveland continues to look awful (Soon to be former starting QB Derek Anderson's body language, pictured, left, says everything you need to know about the Browns season so far). This loss should double as the start of the Brady Quinn era.

MINNESOTA @ TENNESSEE
One of the better, more competitive games of the week, though it's not exactly expected to be a shootout. Who would've thought at the start of the season that Kerry Collins and Gus Frerotte would be headlining one of the best games of any week this NFL season? I'm taking the Vikes because I think they shut down the Titans run (their major strength) and get back to .500.

DENVER @ KANSAS CITY
Another week, another starting QB for the Chiefs. They got blown out by Atlanta last week and they're going to get blown out this week. They also lost serious ground in the competition for worst team in the league because...

BUFFALO @ ST. LOUIS
...The Rams decided it would be a good idea to bench one of their best players and start a guy who was last seen carted off the field after a concussion. Benching QB Marc Bulger doesn't make any sense unless their only goal is to CLEARLY be the worst team in the league. If so, well played Rams. In a related story, head coach Scott Linehan should probably update his resume.

SAN FRANCISCO @ NEW ORLEANS
I sat in a sports bar last weekend watching all the games, but I was watching this one very closely because Drew Brees is my QB in my two fantasy leagues. As great as he was, I was struck by how TERRIBLE the Saints defense is. That being said, they should still take care of the Niners.

ARIZONA @ N.Y. JETS
My how times have changed. In the past couple of years, whenever equally match AFC/NFC teams played, I favored the AFC. Now the power seems to be in the NFC, so I'm taking the first-place Cards over the Jets.

GREEN BAY @ TAMPA BAY
Yes, I'm ridiculously biased, but I really feel like the Bucs are going to take down the Packers. The Bucs D usually does great against young QBs (don't forget, this will be Aaron Rodgers' fourth career start). Also, Brian Griese is a lock to throw for 400 more yards, right?

ATLANTA @ CAROLINA
Right now, Atlanta is good enough to beat up crappy teams, but not good enough to win against good ones.

HOUSTON @ JACKSONVILLE
I don't really think Houston can beat Jacksonville, but they HAVE to win to keep their season (and my playoff prediction pick) alive. Still, it's a tough break for the Texans starting off with three straight games on the road thanks to Hurricane Ike.

SAN DIEGO @ OAKLAND
Oakland's been slacking lately by playing some halfway competent football and falling out of the "Worst Team in the League" sweepstakes. I think this'll be a close game, but Rivers, LT and the Chargers should torch them.

WASHINGTON @ DALLAS
I like the Redskins more than most people, and I think this'll be a good game, but I don't like them enough to go into Dallas and win.

CHICAGO @ PHILADELPHIA
Philly is, arguably, one fumbled snap away in the Dallas game from being 3-0. They COMPLETELY demolished a very good Pittsburgh team last week and this week they get to play Kyle Orton. Assuming Bryan Westbrook and Donovan McNabb are ok (a BIG assumption) they're the best team in the league — you heard it hear first.

BALTIMORE @ PITTSBURGH
Baltimore's defense seems to be drinking from the fountain of youth, but I just don't think their offense is going to score enough points to win against the Steelers.

America's Next Top Recap: The Eyes Have It

Well that was surprising.

I'm not just referring to the fact that "Top Model" dropped, not one, but two of its hopefuls last night. It's also not just the fact that one of those two was the show's most buzz-worthy contestants in years.

The big surprise for me is that I kinda cared. I watch this show to laugh at the ridiculosity of Tyra and Co., the unintentionally funny/dumb comments from its contestants, but I didn't realize I'd become so invested in this group of contestants this quickly.

I was actually stung a LOT more by Hannah's exit, because I was pretty much applauding on my couch when she told Marjorie and Analeigh at the start of the episode to stop with all the whining. I realize those two girls (and, actually, every girl) has self-esteem issues, but, I feel, specifically, Marjorie needs to get over it because she can be a real strong contender in this competition. So it was pretty fantastic to see Hannah vocalize what I felt (and what I've felt with past low-confidence girls) when she crashed their pity party.

The fun times for Hannah would end soon when the girls visited a bowling alley to get runway walking lessons from Ms. J. The girls had to walk to the end of the slick alley, which is tough to do in regular shoes — so it's good that Ms. J gave them those fantastic bowling shoes/high heels.

Hannah "fist on her waist" walk made her look like an angry headmistress. Other lowlights included Analeigh ignoring Ms. J's instructions to walk faster (she was probably just nervous) and Samantha struggling to stay on a straight line given that she's bow-legged. Joslyn (definitely a favorite of Ms. J's), on the other hand, did great and showed a lot of personality in her walk.

Soon, the girls head to a vintage bank (I didn't know such a thing existed) for a runway show featuring the work of edgy designer Jeremy Scott (more on this character a little later). The girls also found out they'd be walking the runway blind-folded. This seemed like it was going to be a disaster, but then the girls realized they could actually see a little bit, and that took a bit of air out of the challenge. Oh well.

After a faux bank robbery that just left the audience baffled, Joslyn, again, showed tons of personality on the runway, McKey wore a freakin' curtain rod (and wore it well!) while Analeigh (freaking out about being in last week's bottom two) showed a lot of improvement. On the other hand, Hannah still struggled miserably, Marjorie waddled like a duck and stopped halfway down the runway, and Samantha (pictured, right) swung her arms wildly and thought it'd be a good idea to lift her dress up at the end of the audience and flash the runway, despite the fact that Scott had repeatedly told her not to do that. Personally, I thought she lifted her dress up by accident when she put her hands on her hip, but the bottom line is that it happened.

Joslyn won and took Sheena and Isis (apparently, the two nicest people in the house) along with her on a Seventeen photo shoot because they'd look interesting together (does Joslyn already have a good editorial eye?) It was Samantha on the chopping block along with Hannah because one of the models was going to be kicked out following the runway show. Since Samantha's taken stronger pictures (and Hannah's walk WAS hideous, despite all the practice), we said goodbye to Hannah. Let's hope she finds a house in Alaska with electricity so she can keep watching the show.

It's too bad Hannah wasn't around because it would've been kinda great to see her and her crazy eyes in this week's photo shoot. Inspired by some silly vacation photos she took on vacation, Tyra decreed this week's challenge would feature the models in a swimming pool and that their faces would be photographed from the eyes up.

Mr. Jay, inexplicably dressed as a woman with a tight tank top and too-short shorts, told the girls the shoot would take place at their house. He also announced the guest photographer was one Nigel Barker in a wet suit. Joslyn wasn't in quite as good a mood in the pool since she couldn't swim. Then again, given the fact that they appeared to be in three feet of water, I don't understand why this was such a factor.

My favorite photos of the bunch were Clark (despite the fact that I still don't like her, GREAT job with the reflection), Lauren Brie (nice job with the hands AND the eyes), and Sheena (good intensity with the eyes, but for some reason, I can't get to her link on the site — I hope she hasn't been kicked off.)

My least favorites were Isis (WAY too sleepy) and — well, that was the only really bad one. Analeigh's was ok, but, as Paulina said, it was mostly interesting because of her leg work.

Meanwhile, Samantha's picture wasn't bad at all, but she found herself in the bottom two, mostly on the strength of her antics on the runway. Designer Jeremy Scott was back in the judges' panel and (hilariously) would NOT let it go. This dude (a white guy with a fade/mullet) was a terrific caricature of an "edgy" designer — the only problem was that he was being completely serious. It goes without saying that I loved that guy, despite the fact that his personal vendetta against Samantha made her cry and almost got her eliminated.

Instead, it was Isis going home because she didn't seem able to put aside the fear that her balls might start showing and deliver a strong look. Too bad, because she seemed like she had a lot of potential earlier this season, maintained a terrific attitude throughout, but just gradually got worse and worse in her performances.

So what'd you think of this episode? How long was Nigel underwater waiting for Mr. Jay to introduce him before the photo shoot? When will we get to see more of Tyra's vacation photos? Judging from next week's previews, is Marjorie heading for a meltdown? Finally, is there any way we can make Jeremy Scott a permanent judge at panel? (Two months from now, he could still be railing at Samantha about raising up her dress.)

Project Runway Rundown: Musically Challenged

I've recently complained that the show's producers have decided to make the challenges unnecessarily impossible.

For example, it wasn't enough to do something avant garde, so they had to throw in astrological signs into the mix; it wasn't enough to design for a recent college grad, they had to throw their moms (and their opinions) into the mix.

Last night was no exception — it wasn't enough that they had to design for a fellow contestant, but they had to use a randomly assigned musical genre as inspiration. In the past, I've complained that these wacky twists have resulted in subpar fashion, and last night was no exception — two were pretty obvious, two were too tentative and another was (hilariously) off the mark.

What was different this week was that, in designing for and interacting with each other, we saw more of the final five's personality (THERE you are, Korto!) than we ever have. If nothing else, the musical element of the challenge turned out to be a great, inspired twist from a comedic standpoint. I don't remember the last time I laughed out loud so much at an episode of "Project Runway."

I figured we were in for a treat as soon as Leann took Suede's model. Suede wasn't happy and my girlfriend Erica mentioned that a move like that could bring on bad karma. Judging from the "hip-hop" outfit Leann had to wear on national TV, I think we can say Erica was right.

In the workroom, Tim drew weird looking red buttons from that terrific velvet bag to reveal that Kenley would be designing a hip-hop outfit for Leann, Leann would be designing a country outfit for Korto, Korto would be doing a punk look for Suede, Suede would be creating a rock-inspired look for Jerrell, and Jerrell would try to make Kenley look pop.

You'd think that Kenley would be the most scared designer given her assignment (I guess she was too busy being insane), but Korto seemed troubled by the outfit she had to create (she's not a fan of punk — shocker) AND the one she had to wear. Fortunately, Korto began to lighten up once she got in her cowboy boots, doing a little line dance and improvising a country song (Shania Jank!) that was 10 times better than Leann's rap (that girl is SO white!) I also enjoyed the multiple instances in which Korto huddled with Jerrell in a corner to, in essence, point and laugh at Kenley's idea of hip-hop.

Ah, Kenley. We knew from the previews for this week's episode that she'd be chastised by Tim, but by the time Tim came by for his workroom visit and the "blowup" occurred, it just didn't seem like THAT big of a deal. Don't get me wrong, Kenley absolutely deserved to be scolded by Tim for all the past brattiness/bitchiness in the workroom, runway and confessionals. It's just that, specifically, last night's exchange didn't seem so bad compared to some of Kenley's past work. Still, she had it coming.

I was also pleasantly surprised how receptive she seemed to wear and work Jerrell's "Kenley Spears" look (which you know was completely out of her comfort zone) and break out of her duds from 1954 (apparently, Jerrell did some historical research and exactly pin-pointed the year Kenley references with her clothes).

I wasn't so much surprised at the revelation that her idea of hip-hop was completely misguided. That's why it was funny/infuriating to hear her tell Tim that HE didn't know anything about the genre — it's not like she's a big authority on the matter. In fact, Kenley appeared to be under the impression that Alicia Keys was hip-hop just because she's black. She probably thinks Whitney Houston is hip hop.

Right before the runway show, Kenley repeatedly asked Jerrell whether the accessories she was using looked hip-hop. Jerrell barely contained his laughter and nodded. You may think it's cold of Jerrell to sabotage a fellow competitor (who actually worked with him pretty well), but I say when you're a bitch to every one of your colleagues all the time, they're a LOT less likely to help you. Jerrell also admitted that he entertained the idea of sabotaging Suede. That was probably before he realized that Suede doesn't need help sabotaging himself.

The runway show this week was less a fashion showcase than a hilariously kooky Halloween contest. Highlights included Leann's hair (pictured, left), Suede's gigantic emo bang and blue eye shadow, Korto's butt, and Kenley's breasts (though that last one was mostly a personal highlight for guest judge LL Cool J).

Jerrell and Korto's outfits ("Yes they can!") were selected as the top two. The judges said Jerrell's pop outfit was easily recognizable as pop and stopped just short of slutty. Heidi had concerns about Kenley's breasts (that's a fun sentence), but seemed to come around. However, the win went to Korto, who'd bleached Suede's jeans and constructed a strong, cohesive look. Personally, I thought Jerrell's was a little better than Korto's, and a LOT better than the two looks he won for the past couple of weeks.

That left Leann in the bottom three again, for not going country enough. Still, we knew she'd be safe because Kenley had misfired so spectacularly and because Suede has a permanent spot reserved in the bottom two. Everything about Kenley's look was wrong — the high-waisted mom jeans, the weird printed blouse, the jacket. On top of that, Kenley threw in her customary attitude, until LL (King of Hip Hop) Cool J finally seemed to convince her she'd misfired.

In the end, she avoided elimination because Suede was LONG overdue. Sure, his look for Jerrell was more boring than what Jerrell wears on a Tuesday afternoon (except for the tight pants which left a definite penis outline - ewww!), but it was NOT worse than Kenley's. His auf'ing was a career achievement award for weeks and weeks of sucktitude. Goodbye Suede. Can't really say John will miss you.

So what'd you think of this episode? LL Cool J is a "fashion icon"? Really? Why the hell did they make them re-select models at the start of the show, if they weren't going to be used this week? Finally, is there any way Kenley crashes the Korto-Leann-Jerrell Bryant Park party (if you've read the spoilers, please keep the answer to yourself).

Dancing with the Stars: No Laughing Matter

Despite the fact the great majority of dancers stepped up their game from Monday night's season premiere, I just wasn't feeling the second performance episode as much.

Maybe it's because the novelty of Cloris Leachman's gleefully crazy behavior isn't there (and, dare I say, is getting a little irritating). I also don't think it has to do with the (cruel) way of having the contestants stand on the dance floor while awaiting their fates and then instantly have to dance. Think about it — you're standing there, waiting to get your name called and perform this routine that you learned in a few days' time, and then somebody else gets called. And then it starts over and over again. Except for Jeffrey (pictured, right), who didn't get to show us the quickstep he'd presumably learned. I thought the guy deserved one more chance, but he'll probably be glad to get out of there with at least one working eye.

I think it has to do with the fact that I probably jinxed the judges. One day after praising them for diversifying their scores and raising their standards a bit, they made themselves mostly irrelevant last night — 8 out of the 12 couples who performed last night scored between 21-23 points.

Brooke Burke to the top of the leaderboard again with a 26. However, her most significant achievement was accidentally discovering a way to put babies to sleep — strap them onto your chest and do a quickstep! This came after Derek kept telling her that her breasts shouldn't be touching his chest, which made the dance better and probably saved him an ass kicking from Shannon Elizabeth.

While Brooke got the highest scores, I'd definitely have to give the Most Improved Award to Susan Lucci. All things considered, I thought she was the worst dancer Monday night, but the technique on the quickstep was good and she appeared surprisingly lively (good job by Tony in calming the perfectionist down.)

My Least Improved Award has to go to Kim Kardashian. I WILL give her credit for showing remarkable restraint by waiting until her second performance to use "Baby Got Back" (Heather Mills never dared dance to "Gold Digger"). But if Kim is going to go there, I would've liked to have seen her have some fun with it. Maybe it was because she was the last person to be safe and was stiff from standing on that dance floor with a nervous smile for the better part of two hours, but she just seems totally unwilling to let herself go and enjoy the show.

That hasn't been a problem for a few other contestants, including Misty May Treanor, Warren Sapp and Maurice Green.

Treanor has proven to be a surprisingly good performer and her "attacking" style of dancing actually worked for her mambo, one of my favorites. I'm not surprised that Sapp is a good performer (he's always been a ham), but I WAS a little shocked at how well he moved around the dance floor during his quickstep. Len and Carrie Ann busted him for sloppy footwork that I didn't see because I was too busy marveling at Sapp. He's like that hippo in "Fantasia" (and I swear I mean that as a compliment.) On the other hand, Maurice Green is clearly having a blast, but he's not very good on technique. Still, bonus points for busting out "the worm," which led us to find out that Len had no idea what it was and called it "that 'Free Willy' move."

Meanwhile, Cody scored a higher score for his quickstep (which was pretty good) than he did for his opening cha cha, which I liked better. Oh well, better late than never on getting love from the judges, I suppose. I just wish they'd stop referring to how "young" he is. We get it already!

In another corner of the ballroom, fresh off of being crowned by me as the eventual winner of the competition (I haven't been right yet), Lance performed a quickstep that was, to use the technical term, pretty damn shitty. On top of that, he told all of America that his partner had taught him how to pee on a dog (he really meant a move that had him looking like he was "peeing like a dog"). Overall, not a good week for Lance.

Toni Braxton, on the other hand, remembered to breath, a delivered a fun, solid quickstep. I just wish she wasn't such a downer during her rehearsal packages. I get that she's worried about her health, but with the way she constantly frets, I'm honestly afraid she's going to drop dead during one of her performances. Not fun times.

Ted and Rocco both performed mambos that were almost identical in their stiffness, awkwardness and joyful dorkiness, but Rocco's inexplicably scored 2 points higher. Sorry, but I just don't think Rocco's any good, but then again neither does he. I get self-deprecation, but sometimes he just takes the "I don't know anything about dancing thing" too far. Then again, it's entirely possible I'm just annoyed because I like Ted better.

Finally, there's the Cloris Leachman show. I actually loved the line about how she's older than the mambo, but I wasn't loving her red-hot mess of a performance. Here's a quick multiple choice:

"Which of the following were NOT featured in Cloris Leachman's mambo?"

A. Crotch-grabbing

B. Faux-growling

C. Tickling

D. Fondling

E. Mambo

On top of that, I feel like her antics are getting to be too much. Maybe they can fence off the judges' table when they're giving their critiques. By the way, the answer is E.

So what'd you think of this episode? I'm pretty sure Brooke isn't the only one on her show, so why do we only hear about her being a mom? Is Cloris' act getting old or are you still loving it? Finally, I've never watched "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" (I swear!), so tell me — is Kim always this boring? I've got her going home, what about you?

The Shield: Box-ing Day

It certainly wasn't the flashiest episode of "The Shield" you'll ever see, but I think last night's episode was the best of the season so far.

After a few weeks of slightly redundant plotting, we got some definite forward movement in the Mexican/Armenian gang war storyline, a fresh take on the Dutch/Billings dynamic (a case that didn't involve Billings being an ass for 90% of the time) and, most importantly, a pay off to the question as to why Laurie Holden's Agent Olivia Murray is even there. (Pretty soon, I'm expecting a pay off to all those lingering camera shots of an increasingly disapproving Ronnie.)

I'll start at the end first with the episode-ending revelation by Aceveda that Agent Murray is one of the people in Pezuela's blackmail box, which means Pezuela controls her. Of course, this is a problem because earlier in the episode, Vic asked Agt. Murray to check up on Armando Rios, one of Pezuela's most trusted guys.

Pezuela had burned down a building in Little Armenia (and a couple of Rezian's soldiers along with it) in his search for the blackmail box. Sensing he was overmatched, Rezian demanded a meeting with the Mexicans to tell them he didn't have the blackmail box. Since that wasn't likely to score him a meeting (that didn't involve him being shot), Rezian eventually decided to pretend he had the blackmail box, just so Pezuela would agree to the meet. The only problem is that Pezuela had no intention of going to the meeting himself, and sent Rios instead.

While I've loved watching Vic and his silver tongue improv his way out of impossible situations before, it was also very interesting watching him deal with all the curve balls coming at him (Rezian pretending he had the box when Vic knew he was lying, and Pezuela refusing to go to the meeting). The meeting between Rios' and Rezian's men was tense, especially when Rezian started acting all reasonable and convinced the Mexicans that he didn't have the box and would actually help them find it. I also liked the scene where Vic helped Rios escape arrest after Julien tracked him down (and Murray pretended not to be able too). It's too bad they waited so long to introduce the idea that Julien's do-gooderness seriously interferes with the Strike Team agenda.

Vic's next play was to go to Aceveda and convince him to get one of his colleagues to get an Armenian community project approved, so that it looked like the Armenians still had some sway over city officials. The poor sap chosen was the City Controller who had screwed Vic over last season, so I don't think too many people watching shed tears when the guy was gunned down by Pezuela's men.

Pezuela thinks he's sending a message to the Armenians that, if they use the blackmail box, the person who helps them will be killed. He still has no idea that Vic and Aceveda really have it (or does he, thanks to Agt. Murray?) While Vic doesn't want to play either side of the Mexican/Armenian conflict too strong, what I find disconcerting is that I get the feeling he sort of favors Pezuela, who has the power to let Vic keep his job, over Rezian, who has the power to keep Vic's family alive. Maybe it's because we see Shane dealing more directly with Rezian, or maybe it's because Pezuela seems a LOT smarter than Rezian, but I just feel like Vic seems a lot more worried about appeasing the Mexicans right now.

Then again, maybe Vic is just subconsciously over his family. Oh wait, maybe that's just me. Vic went and apologized to Cassidy for grabbing her too hard, but she refused to apologize for leaving her autistic brother alone and wandering in the street. Now, as you know, this blog doesn't condone violence against women (or children) at all, but I didn't feel like Vic had to apologize to Cassidy at all. All he did was grab her — and she was being an insufferable little bitch. If I sat around waiting for an apology for all the times my mom grabbed me hard, I'd be waiting for a long time.

Anyway, this storyline led the writers to a clever way of incorporating Danny into the show. I wasn't sure what she'd been doing since she'd apparently accepted Dutch's suggestion of more administrative work, so I thought having her receive an unexpected visit from Cassidy (who wanted to see her half brother) was a good way to include her. Catherine Dent played the scene (and the one where Corrine shows up to pick up Cassidy) perfectly too, with the right mix of politeness to her guests and the awkwardness the situation demanded. Despite what Cassidy told Danny she read about Vic (Terry Crowley's murder), having Danny go up to Vic and ask him to waive his parental rights sort of came out of nowhere. Then again, with a runaway teen in her house earlier, I can't say I blame her.

Finally, there was Dutch (pictured, left, and back in profiler mode) and the case Lloyd, the potential serial killer. Lloyd had shot and killed a classmate that had broken into his house during a presumed robbery attempt. The only problem is that Lloyd and his mom (Frances Fisher) had almost zero money, so Dutch eventually theorized that Lloyd had tricked his classmate into "robbing" his house just to be able to kill him.

For a show that's often intense and hard-hitting, I enjoyed the slow-burn of this storyline. We watched Dutch methodically work the boy and his mom. Lloyd's going to need a middle and last name if he's ever going to become a serial killer (maybe something like Lloyd Alan Kessler). Anyway, the kid was cool as a cucumber and didn't crack under the Dutch man's intense interrogation. While I loved this storyline, I would actually kind of prefer that they leave the question of whether Lloyd is a serial killer in training or not open — I think it's more chilling that way.

So what'd you think of this episode? Did we know that Vic was famous enough that his daughter could look up his exploits on the Internet? Do you think we'll see Lloyd again before the show ends? Finally, how do you think Vic is going to deal with Agt. Murray?

Dancing with the Stars: Crazy Like a Fox Trot

I wasn't as down on the most recent season of "Dancing with the Stars" as other people were.

That being said, if the rest of this is season is anything like last night's premiere, we should be in for a treat — last night was the craziest-ass episode every in the history of this crazy-ass show.

In fact, all of the craziness wasn't even Cloris Leachman-related (more on her, pictured, right, in a bit). The first bit of wackiness I noticed was actually one of the saner moves the show could've pulled off (sane = unusual on this show) — the judges rediscovered the numbers 4-7 when giving their scores. I realize the judges weren't exactly handing out 10s in past season premieres, but too often the show's scores had become an indistinguishable sea of 8s, bunching all the celebs together and making the judges' presence kinda pointless. It was a little shocking and more impactful seeing (well-deserved) 4s out there. I also liked having all 13 couples perform, instead of segregating the men and the women.

They set the tone right away after the first dance, which featured the only person in the cast I hadn't even come close to hearing of in my entire life. I don't know what a Cody Linley is, but I was surprised the judges low-balled him with straight 6s for his opening cha cha. I thought the dance was, at least, a 7, but the judges sent a message right away that they weren't messing around, so I was ok with it. I was also probably ok with it because Linley seems like he's a little stupid (or maybe he's just "young" as we were constantly reminded by everyone involved in the show, in reference to his partnership with Julianne Hough).

The show not only featured its youngest contestant ever, but also its oldest. Unfortunately, no one will remember tomorrow that Cloris Leachman's fox trot was shockingly decent at times (especially for someone who's 82!!), but they WILL remember the multiple s---s she dropped while her score was announce and the way she wandered over to the judge's table during each of their critiques, (loved the way Len told her to "mind her cleavage"). The most underrated part of the whole fiasco for me was the way her partner Corky Ballas had to forcibly guide her to her mark during their scores and away from the dance floor after the show was running long. Don't get me wrong, I like the unpredictability she brings to the show, but I didn't end up loving her shtick last night as much as I thought I would.

The more pleasant surprises included a pair of charming fox trots, and two solid cha chas.

I liked Ted McGinley's work on "Married with Children" and I thought he was, by far, the best thing in "Major League: Back to the Minors" (ok, so he was the only good thing), but I was still a little surprised at how utterly pleasant he was. I thought the judges low-balled his fox trot (that was better than an 18), but I think he'll be around a bit longer, and has a strong shot at winning the Steve Guttenberg Nice Guy Award.

Recent Olympic gold beach volleyball player Misty May-Treanor easily made a name for herself last night in the competition and made up for the fact that she wasn't her more recognizable partner, Kerri Walsh (who was in the audience). I was afraid she'd be another Monica Seles, but, though she does need to soften her moves a bit, she seems like a natural dancer. I think she's the dark horse of the season (especially since she's partnered with super-popular Maks, making his return to the show)

Still, the most surprising performance of the evening was Brooke Burke's cha cha, which featured, by far, the best hip action of the evening. Partner Derek Hough (who had girlfriend Shannon Elizabeth in the crowd, probably keeping a watchful eye) and his choreography was a little disappointing, but that didn't keep Burke from the top of the evening's charts with a 23. I liked it better than Toni Braxton's cha cha, which was well-performed, but not as good technically. Braxton has potential, but seems timid and afraid to push herself, given her heart condition. Then again, that's the sort of storyline the show loves.

Despite Burke being atop the leaderboard, the star of the evening was undoubtedly Warren Sapp, who proved to be surprisingly light on his feet and seemed able to keep up with partner Kym "Boobs" Johnson. I'm curious to see what he does with a ballroom dance, but he already seems to be the crowd favorite.

Right around this point, I'd love to tell you something about Maurice Green's performance, but I can't remember any of it. That's not good, but he's in the middle of the pack scoreboard-wise, so he should be fine. I DO remember Kim Kardashian's chemistry-free fox trot with Mark Ballas (maybe she was turned off by his awful pink jacket) and I remember snickering along with the rest of America when she wondered why she was so unbalanced (altogether now: it's your ASS!) Kardashian will also be back next, and hopefully she'll cut a little loose after such a restrained performance. I also hope my girlfriend stops believing that I have a crush on her — it makes it a little uncomfortable watching her dance when we watch the show together.

The three worst dancers of the evening for me were Jeffrey Ross, Susan Lucci and Rocco DiSpirito. In fact, I feel like Lucci's awfulness was pretty underrated last night. Carrie Ann had it right when she said Lucci looked frail out there, and watching her dance made me uncomfortable. I felt like partner Tony Dovolani was going to break her. I know that dancers usually lose a ton of weight when they go on this show, but if that happens here, Lucci will completely disappear.

I'm predicting either Jeffrey Ross or Rocco DiSpirito will be the first person eliminated. Despite the fact that he seems to have a decent attitude, I think Rocco's going to be the first to go. I think Ross gets a pass because of the eye-injury and because most of his jokes were kinda funny (as opposed to Adam Corolla last year, who kept talking and talking and talking until something hit) and he really appeared to be trying. I also think Ross' partner Edyta has a lot more fans than Rocco's partner Karina (also playing injured). In the end, Rocco was just more forgettable. (I mean, the Hannah Montana guy was forgettable too, but at least he has that Miley Cyrus fan base to help him out, right?)

I saved the best for last because Lance Bass (technically speaking) appears to be in a different league than his competition. Don't get me wrong, there are a few people that could come up there and join him and the judges correctly didn't overreact (Len's old fogy reaction was pretty predictable), but Lance's "modern" cha cha with new pro Lacey Schwimmer of "So You Think You Can Dance" fame was the best dance of the night. (Are they "Lancey"?)

That's why he's my ridiculously early pick to win this competition. Sure, it doesn't seem like I'm going out on a huge limb, but remember that the most talented contestant often doesn't win (ask Joey Fatone, Mario Lopez, Stacey Keibler, Scary Spice, etc.). Kristi Yamaguchi was the exception last year. I think Lance has the skills (and, more importantly, the fan base) to win the competition. I know that Lacey has a lot of SYTYCD fans, but I worry her need to bring "edginess" to DWTS will end up turning a lot of people off. I don't know if it's possible for this show to be edgy (or if I'd even want it to be.)

So what'd you think of this episode? I'm not the only one who has fun spotting the former contestants in the audience, right? (Joey Fatone! Marlee Matlin! Kristi Yamaguchi!) Wasn't Samantha Harris surprisingly sane tonight? Finally, who's your favorite and your not-so-favorite so far?

Heroes: Back to the Future (again)

Last night's season 3 premiere of "Heroes" succeeded in pretty much every area where last year's premiere tanked.

The two-hour, back-to-back episodes, entitled "The Second Coming" and "The Butterfly Effect" were action-packed, directly addressed last season's cliffhangers, and laid the groundwork for the rest of the season. I recently re-watched season 2 on DVD, and while it wasn't quite as horrible as everyone remembers, there were plenty of things that were problematic. I'm not going to waste time rehashing all of those, but I will mention that the stakes for the season — the Shanti Virus' apocalyptic effect on the world — weren't even brought up until episode 6 or 7.

By contrast, the stakes for this season were established almost immediately as we caught up with Peter four years from now in a future where heroes have been exposed and are evidently hunted (by other heroes with flattering hair dye).

In my gushing about the season premiere, I didn't mean to imply the show was perfect. I mean ANOTHER doomsday future scenario? Really? Still, despite the fact that all the time-hopping makes it a little tricky for slow viewers like me to keep track of who the hell is where and when (thank you, DVR!), the show did a good job of quickly establishing what was on the line, while still providing some mystery (what would possibly make Claire hunt her beloved uncle in the future).
Peter (pictured, left with future Claire) quickly deduced that he had to travel back to the present day, where Nathan was about to out all those with superhuman abilities. It was a neat twist to have Future Peter as the shooter who took out Nathan (it would've been even neater if I hadn't stupidly read about it in online a month ago). Future Peter wasn't done wreaking havoc — after Present Peter and Parkman gave chase, we eventually found out that Future Peter had banished Parkman to a desert wasteland and Present Peter into the consciousness of a dangerous, prisoner of the Company. My favorite part of the aftermath of Nathan's shooting was the clever idea that what seemed like Future Peter's most insignificant interaction with a fellow hero (the phone call from Claire while he was in the ambulance with Nathan) eventually leads to future being screwed anyway.

Future Peter (in present Peter disguise) tells Claire to stay in California, which leads her to get attacked by Sylar, which leads him to getting Claire's power, which allows him to break into the company and bust out the level 5 villains (including present Peter) and set the tone for the future (for both the characters in the show and the audience). Think about it — we only saw a glimpse of what those bad guys can do.

Sylar got from New York to California pretty quickly (too quickly?), but the confrontation between him and Claire was horror-movie-quality creepy. Eventually, he caught Claire and took her power "Hannibal"-style, but left her alive. Later, Claire's mom asked (without asking) if she had been raped. Claire said no, but there was no doubt she'd been violated in a profound way by Sylar, who left her questioning whether she still had a soul since she could no longer feel pain.

She sought advice from Peter, who was inexplicably acting like an idiot and brushed her off. Milo Ventimiglia is probably the most frustrating actor in the cast, in the way he runs hot and cold. For example, he's often served as the heart of the show, and he's doing a decent job portraying two decent characters, but sometimes his acting is kinda laughable. It's especially laughable whenever he's in a scene with the excellent Cristine Rose as Angela Petrelli, who can easily sell a potential silly scenario like Mrs. Petrelli asking her Future son what he did with her Present son (got that?).

It's also nice to see Sylar back at close to full-strength after spending 99.5 % of last season completely powerless and stuck with (ugh) Maya and Alejandro. Sure, Sylar really DOES need to stop monologuing and just take care of business at times, but you can tell Zachary Quinto is having a good time.

Another highlight was the breakout at level 5, which reintroduced us to Bennett (once again, Jack Coleman is the best actor on this show, along with Cristine Rose). Sylar had taken out Bob (that was kind of a cold way to write Stephen Tobolowski out of the show — I thought he was pretty decent) and taken his ability (the turning things to gold thing was FINALLY cool when he made that gun gold). He almost did the same to Elle, but she (involuntarily) sent out a shockwave that knocked Sylar out — and allowed the rest of the villains to escape. Oops. Mrs. Petrelli (now running the company) kicked Elle out, which was shame because I'd finally come around to enjoying the character once Elle showed her vulnerable, damaged side towards the end of season 2 (what does that say about me?) Now it's up to the Company and Bennett to hunt down the escaped villains.

As I recently re-watched those season 2 episodes, I realized what a truly strong actor Masi Oka is. Sure, he's always been a fan favorite and the main source for comedy relief, but the guy can really bring it when it comes to dramatic moments too — which is why it was such a disappointment to see him saddled with such a ridiculously stupid storyline.

I liked the idea that Hiro — one of the few characters who embraces and cherishes his gifts instead of being all emo about it — was bored out of his mind with no quest and no purpose. However, the idea that Hiro's father, Kaito (hello again George Takei!) left behind half of a secret formula that could destroy the world for Hiro to guard is contrived beyond belief. Let me get this straight — Kaito had access to his secret and told his son about it, knowing full well his son would open the safe anyway, leading to disaster. Why not keep the safe a secret or at least throw away the button that gave Hiro access to the safe? Also, why make the password Hiro's fingerprint? Well, obviously the answer is because if Kaito did any of those things, then there would be no way for the show to introduce Daphne the speedster who stole the formula right out of Hiro's hands (leading to some admittedly cool special effects). Unless Kaito meant for the formula to get stolen, this doesn't make any sense.

The best thing to come out of this is the interesting Hiro/Ando dynamic going forward. Hiro took a peek into the future and saw his best buddy zapping him right before Japan was demolished. Since that time, Hiro was very hesitant to trust Ando, which is probably what will lead Ando to turn on his friend and is the kind of self-fulfilling prophecy thing I like.

One thing I wasn't so hot on was something that must be a real challenge to the writers — avoiding the temptation to bring EVERY character back from the dead. It must be hard for them not to do it since they have time travel and Claire's regenerative blood, among other tools at their disposal. So, while I was delighted to see Nathan back from the dead courtesy of Linderman (it's good to see the charismatic Malcolm McDowell again), his resurrection takes some of the punch away from his emotional death. I was also less delighted with his awkward/cheesy (or is it hammy) religious speechifying.

I was surprisingly more intrigued by the way the show brought back Ali Larter as Tracy, an aid to Gov. Malden of Texas who thinks the governor should team up with Nathan, and not as Nikki, the super schizo. As we all saw, Nikki very clearly died in a fire in New Orleans at the end of last season, so seeing Larter as a completely new character was a bit disconcerting at first. Then again, I remembered Bob telling Nikki during an episode in season 2 that some hero's psyche becomes fractured upon receiving their powers, resulting in multiple personalities. Maybe Tracy is just another result of that. Either way, I'm definitely interested in finding out what's up with Tracy (and her ice cold touch) than I was in anything Nikki did last year.

My point is that pretty soon, the list of people who haven't died on this show is going to be shorter than the list of people who HAVE kicked the bucket (Claire, Peter, Nathan, Nikki, Maya, Bennett, etc.) Please writers — next time you kill someone, keep them dead.

May I suggest Mohinder or Maya? It's no secret that I'm no Mohinder fan (and I'm not alone), but last night took things to the heights of ridiculousness. Every scene was a disaster, from the way Maya was oddly glammed up for her scenes in Mohinder's grimy apartment and lab to the overacting contest between Sendhil Ramamurthy and Dania Ramirez.

And that was before Mohinder discovered a way to give ordinary people superhuman abilities with Maya's help. Maya urged him to throw the formula away, which led to a faux-melodramatic scene where Mohinder pretended like he was going to toss the serum (a garbage can would've been fine, I think), but instead injected himself. Mohinder said each person injected with the serum would have powers manifest in different ways, so Mohinder became the Beast, minus the blue fur. Side effects include creepy cockiness and a tendency toward sex scenes that were probably supposed to be hot, but turn out embarrassingly funny. Also, your skin falls off eventually.

It's frustrating because the one thing I DID like about the character of Mohinder was that he didn't have powers and (along with Bennett) gave the audience an outsider's perspective of these superpowered beings. Now he's just like everyone else. So can he please die like everyone else, at least once?

So what'd you think of this episode? Is it an upgrade over last season? I wasn't the only one who thought Matt was reading the turtle's mind, right? ("Thank you, turtle" was my favorite line of the episode) Did you notice that after Tracy iced (get it?) the reporter, the camera lingered on his remains for just a little too long? (Or am I reading too much into it?) When and how do you think Peter gets his scar? Finally, if you had to kill off one character (that stayed dead!) who would it be? (I think you know my answer to that one.)

NFL 2008 Week 3 Picks

Last weekend saw some great games (San Diego/Denver, Philly/Dallas), and this weekend has even more potentially terrific matchups. Of course, that makes it sort of a nightmare for my NFL picks purposes.

After doing extremely meh with my picks (9-6 week, 18-13 season), I'm hoping to break through and have a great weekend (I don't like my chances).

KANSAS CITY @ ATLANTA
Kansas City could be the worst team in the league (though the Rams might have something to say about that), so I'm taking the Falcons to beat up another lousy team at home (like they did with the Lions in week 1).

OAKLAND @ BUFFALO
I'm done underestimating the Buffalo Bills (for now — I KNOW they can beat the Raiders).

TAMPA BAY @ CHICAGO
The Bears have looked better than anyone could've dreamed off, and Tampa Bay is going to be rolling into town without its best receiver (Joey Galloway) and with a starting QB the Bears know very well because he played for them last year. Not fun times for me.

HOUSTON @ TENNESSEE
I realize it's an entirely different sport, but I don't think the Houston Astros have won a game since Hurricane Ike hit Texas. You've gotta think that's messing with a lot of the Texans' heads. Also, Tennessee is better.

CAROLINA @ MINNESOTA
You may have heard, I'm not a fan of Tarvaris Jackson, but I also don't really think Gus Frerotte (pictured, right) is the answer. In fact, I don't think he's the answer to any question, except "who was the idiot that hurt his neck when he head-butted a wall that one time?" So why am I picking the Vikes in this game? They HAVE to win this game to keep their season alive.

MIAMI @ NEW ENGLAND
Joey Porter guaranteed the Dolphins would get their first win of the season against New England. Unfortunately, no one's really listened to anything Joey Porter's had to say ever since he left Pittsburgh a few years ago.

CINCINNATI @ N.Y. GIANTS
I'm done picking against the Giants, especially when they go up against the flat-out embarrassing Bengals.

ARIZONA @ WASHINGTON
This is actually a pretty interesting game, since Washington bounced back nicely. I think Skins' RB Clinton Portis is the difference here, runs all over Arizona and helps them pick up the win.

DETROIT @ SAN FRANCISCO
I don't like Detroit, but I've picked 8 straight road teams to win. Come on!

ST. LOUIS @ SEATTLE
St. Louis is locked up in a real tight race with K.C. for worst team in the league, so I think they'll lose to Seattle, despite the fact that I could suit up as one of QB Matt Hasselbeck's receivers, and I don't think anyone would notice/mind.

NEW ORLEANS @ DENVER
This should be a high-scoring shoot out, and I'll take the Broncos at home, because I don't see anyway the Saints and their sorry defense can slow Denver QB Jay Cutler down.

PITTSBURGH @ PHILADELPHIA
I was incredibly impressed with the Eagles in their Monday night loss the Cowboys. If DeSean Jackson can manage to hang on to the ball long enough to get in the end zone, I think they beat the Steelers.

JACKSONVILLE @ INDIANAPOLIS
This is a must win for the Jaguars, another trendy Super Bowl pick in danger of falling to 0-3. The Colts lost DB Bob Sanders, their best defensive weapon against the run, which is a problem because the Jags love to run the ball.

CLEVELAND @ BALTIMORE
This is a must win for the Browns, another trendy — oh, nevermind, they really suck.

DALLAS @ GREEN BAY
Probably the game of the week, and I like the Packers at home. However, I'm not ready to take Aaron Rodgers in his first HUGE game over Tony Romo and company.

N.Y. JETS @ SAN DIEGO
This is a must win for the Chargers, another trendy Super Bowl pick in danger of falling to 0-3. I think Brett Favre is going to light up the Monday night stage and lead the Jets to victory after the Chargers find yet another excruciating way to lose.

America's Next Top Recap: Makeover Madness

I'd forgotten what this week's episode of "Top Model" was going to be about, so when I clicked "Info" on my TV remote, read the description and remembered that it was going to be the makeover episode, I actually let out a cry of "Yay, makeovers!"

Almost immediately, I realized that I was WAY too excited, but that didn't change the fact that last night's episode kicked ass. No manufactured drama in the house (ok, well a little), and a much bigger emphasis on the girls and the competition.

But first, we were treated (subjected to?) some more "acting" by Tyra. As both of my readers know, I LOVE it when Tyra "acts", but her "performance" this time was overshadowed by Ms. J as an apple-carrying evil queen (great commitment!) and Mr. Jay (and the return of his floppy hair) as Prince Couture. Also, all this silliness sort of underminded the semi-serious, inspirational and interesting story about how Tyra switched from being a high fashion model to a Victoria's Secret/ swimsuit model because European clients had demanded that she lose 15 lbs. Tyra's mom's reaction: "Screw it, let's order a pizza" (which is also curiously a frequent reaction from my girlfriend Erica).

Somehow all the princely shenanigans tied into this year's makeovers, which featured hilarious commentary by the Good Fierce Witch Tyra in a little bubble on the bottom left part of the screen. Actually, I can't be sure if what she was saying was hilarious, but I was just laughing that the whole thing was even happening.

I really liked the idea of covering the mirrors so the contestants couldn't see what the stylists were doing to them. This way, the girls would have to wait until after the makeovers were done to have their meltdowns, instead of melting down DURING the change (which is just rude to the stylists).

My favorite new looks were Marjorie going from blonde to brunette, and Samantha (crier 1), who I think is the most improved mostly because I didn't know who the hell she was before last night. Now, she's the girl with the sleek short blonde new 'do. Also, while I didn't care for it at first, I eventually warmed up to Elina's KA-RAZY new curly red hair. It's the most drastic change superficially and emotionally because Elina's old hairstyle seemed to match her blunt, dark, mysterious personality. Fortunately, Elina (pictured, left) is REALLY good, so she eventually rocked the new hair too.

However, since most of the girls this year weren't as sorely in need of changes as girls in past cycles, I didn't care for a lot of the makeovers. For example, I get that they wanted to make Sheena look different than Kimora, but her highlights make her look more, um, average. Clark's dark hair looks completely fake (as opposed to Hannah's brown hair, which suits her), though she's "still a blonde inside", and seemed happy about it. I would say that McKey needed a change more than anyone, and while her new Linda Evangelista hairdo is an improvement, I'm still not really feeling it. To me, she went from pretty bad, to slightly less bad hair.

Everyone else's changes (Joslyn, Isis, Brittany, Lauren Brie, etc.) didn't look any different to me, but what do I know? I'm a guy.

During the week's challenge at Wal-Mart (Joslyn was REALLY excited about shopping at Wal-Mart), millions of women (and more than a few guys) were disappointed to be reminded that Nigel Barker is married. Also, the girls had to apply Cover Girl makeup and come up with an impromptu, 30-second description of the product.

We got a quick montage of the girls mostly screwing up (maybe to Marjorie Walgreens is the same thing as Wal-Mart) while Hannah and Samantha did the best, and Hannah's adorable (and dorky) delivery winning. I guess that softens the blow of being labeled a racist. She said she'd be able to Google herself online now, which she couldn't do before because Alaska doesn't have electricity.

Speaking of that, the drama in the house this week was limited to Brittany talking about her mom and Elina saying that she hated hers for no good reason. Wha?! Sure, Elina stopped short of admitting that she just uses her mom, but I kinda like that she's a little crazy.

The week's photo shoot was a swimsuit modeling gig at photographer Russell James' house, he of the majestic hair (it was more of a mane, really), who shot Tyra's Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover. Mr. Jay let Mr. James and model/designer Susan Holmes direct, and, instead counseled the girls before their shoots.

My favorite of the bunch were Marjorie (again), McKey (nice action with the body), Samantha (I seriously didn't know who she was until this week) and Elina, who managed to win despite the fact that her photo showed about 0.5% of her swimsuit (and after Ms. J criticized Marjorie for not showing enough of hers).

My least favorite were Brittany (the photo just did nothing for me or the judges) and Analeigh (who really had the worst photo of the bunch, making her arms look gigantic). The two also struggled on set, with Brittany losing the ability to walk normally, and Analeigh uncomfortably fondling a rock, but my favorite segment from the set was Hannah and her crazy eyes (she thought she was smiling with them).

Since Brittany got a LOT more screen time this episode than Analeigh, she was sent packing for being too "pretty" (a death sentence on this show) and now has a lot of homework to do (study a bunch of fashion magazines). Personally, I would've sent Analeigh and her awkward pose packing because I felt that Brittany had a lot more potential.

So what'd you think of this episode? What was your favorite and least favorite makeover? How exactly did Isis hide his/her balls? Finally, isn't it odd that the first three girls eliminated this season have all been black? This show is racist! (I'm just kidding. This show's not racist — unlike Hannah.)

Project Runway Rundown: Moms and Grads

For the second week in a row, the producers behind "Project Runway" decided to WAY overstuff the week's challenge and for the second week in a row it resulted in a couple of decent outfits and a lot of heinousity on the runway.

Last week the designers had to be avant garde AND be inspired by an astrological sign. This time, the designers had to create an outfit for recent college grads that will help them in their upcoming chosen careers. As if melding their own aesthetic with a guest client isn't hard enough (usually they deal with blank slate models), the show threw in the girls' moms into the mix for extra spice.

Of course the designers figured out the guests on the runway were SOMEBODY'S moms, though Jerrell (pictured, right) was the one who pointed out it wasn't the designers' moms because he didn't see his or Korto's mom on the runway. I would say his assuming Korto's mom is black is a little racist if I hadn't been thinking the exact same thing right before he said it. The challenge was sponsored by TRESemme, which was appropriate because all the college grads were hair disasters.

In the workroom, the designers met with their clients and we found out that Kenley apparently had herself cloned more than 20 years ago ("I shall call her mini-me). Meanwhile, Joe (in his last moment of clarity on this show before going back to his clueless self) summed up the challenge perfectly (moms won't like what their daughters like and vice versa). Also, Korto called herself a hip mom and crowned herself the new queen of leatha, and Jerrell bonded big time with his fellow lanky, androgynous client.

Also, Suede was partnered with a client who wanted pants, but Suede said Suede doesn't (can't?) make pants and pushed a dress on her. If only there were still a designer around who was really good at making pants still in the competition (we still miss you, Terri).

You just knew there was going to be a pain-in-the-ass mom in the bunch, and Leann had the misfortune of being paired with her. The mom complained about the pattern on Leann's dress and, most hilariously, about the fact that the dress made her daughter look too flat-chested — because we all know elementary school teachers (like her daughter) are all about the boobs. Still, even she wasn't THAT bad, at least not compared to Christian's sassy partner during last year's prom challenge.

The time in the workroom was dominated by Kenley dissing everyone else's outfit and pumping up her own (what else is new?). Still, Jerrell got in his own digs, mostly at Joe's expense, who decided to make a jacket with a pocketsquare for his client (which she didn't want) and a pinstripe skirt (her client didn't like pinstripes). The main difference between Jerrell and Kenley is that Jerrell doesn't appear to have total contempt and misplaced superiority over every other person in the competition, and his comments are (intentionally) funny more often than not (his calling Kenley's client's mom "Hedda Lettuce was a nice call back to Suede's trouble during the drag queen challenge).

Kenley on the other hand is continuing her rapid slide, once again ignoring Tim Gunn's advice. I can admire a designer who sticks to his or her vision, but I just can't behind one that gleefully says "I never change anything for Tim", as if that's a good idea. This is two week's in a row she's done so (though the tulle DID seem shorter on the runway).

That didn't keep her out of the top three for this week, though the judges could NOT have been more lukewarm about her dress. Never has the word "charming" sounded more condescending than when Nina used it to describe Kenley's ensemble. To me, it looked like an "Ugly Betty" outfit (and, no, that's not a compliment).

Jerrell and top 3 mainstay Korto also earned high marks with Jerrell taking top marks because he made the controversial decision of listening to his client's wishes and getting to know her a bit. I wish his outfit had a little more color (and I wish he'd stop wearing ridonkulous hats), but he deserved the win over Korto, who made another pretty print dress/impeccable jacket ensemble.

That left Leann and her off-the-mark jacket, Joe and his hopelessly dated, unimaginative outfit, and Suede with his inexplicable outfit in the bottom three.

I thought the judges could've been a little harder on Leann (what elementary school teacher in the world would dress like that), but we all knew she wasn't going anywhere.

Instead, they were content to tear into Suede and his terrible jacket with the random print pockets, and the fact that nothing about the outfit said "photographer" (his client's profession). Suede tried to defend his outfit by saying it could be worn to work and to go out, but guest judge Cynthia Rowley ("Design Star") had a great comeback by suggestion that she go home and change before she goes out again.

While Suede's long overdue for an auf'ing and his outfit was a disaster last night, I still agree with the judges' call to get rid of Joe. I don't know what the opposite of creative is, but that's been Joe too many times this season (maybe the opposite of creative is "joe"). Of course, when I go on a job interview, I think to wear a jacket, and I'd probably reach for my pinstripe pants. Then again, I'm not competing in a major creative competition looking for the next fresh fashion designer. Joe boringly designed the most generic "job interview" outfit ever. Also, the blouse was a mess, and the jacket was too tight. No wonder Kenley let out another laugh on the runway. And, what's this? Her mini-me laughs in the exact same way too! (Best moment of the episode.)

So what'd you think of this episode? Who doesn't like pinstripes? Has there been a more unlikely guest judge on this show than next week's guest LL Cool J? How awesome does that Tim Gunn/Kenley confrontation from next week's previews look? Finally, why is Suede still here? (Honestly, put this guy out of his misery — it seems like he's dying inside a little more each week.)