Lost: The Dan with the Plan

While none of us liked having to do without a new episode of "Lost" last week, I was pumped to see the show come back with one of its more action-packed installments in recent memory.

And I’m not just talking about the fact that "The Variable" featured loads of gunfire and a solid explosion. (For once, it made sense that there would be a barrel of fuel in the middle of a firefight, since the skirmish took place at the motor pool.) I’m talking about the fact that in the space of a briskly-paced hour that never felt rushed, we got a ton of back story on Daniel Faraday (his youth; what brought him on the freighter to the Island), we got the apparent set up for the final two episodes of the season (teardrop) and a regular cast member was killed off.

Maybe.

Before all that, we revisited the Ben/Pen/Des shootout at the marina. Desmond was curiously rushed to a hospital with what appeared to be a life-threatening wound, despite the fact that he’d just had the strength to sprint at, tackle and pummel the hell out of Ben after being shot. Maybe he was exhausted from kicking so much ass and passed out. Seriously though, this can probably be chalked up to Desmond’s adrenaline aiding him in saving his family’s life. However, given the shady nature of that entire marina sequence when it first aired a few weeks back, (and the fact that Desmond ended up being totally ok after all) I wouldn’t be surprised if there was more to it.

While Penny fretted in the waiting room, she got a visit from Eloise Hawking who blamed her son (that would be Faraday, not icky Ben) for Desmond’s predicament. I thought it was very amusing that the woman who has dedicated a good portion of her life to forcing certain people (Daniel and Desmond that we’ve seen) to remain on their predestined tracks in life would scorn her son for sending someone off the rails by making an alteration in the past like Faraday did with Desmond. (Gotta love kids rebelling against their parents.) I also think that Fionnula Flanagan sometimes overdoes it with her "I’m saying something mysterious" line readings.

After this we got the back story on young Daniel, wannabe pianist with a bit of an odd accent that I suppose was meant to hint at his British parentage. The first we saw of him was Eloise squashing his dreams of being a Piano Man and, instead, imploring him to use his brain. Except, that it wasn’t a suggestion, it was a demand for Daniel to focus all his energy on becoming a brilliant scientist. (It only took five seasons, but the show finally decided to give a character some Mommy issues, instead of a totally messed up relationship with his dad. Oh wait, as was the case with Miles, daddy wasn’t around for Dan either, so nevermind.)

That meant there was no time for research assistant/girlfriend/eventual guinea pigs like Theresa (Eloise’s cold shoulder was particularly frosty). Another new thing we learned last night was that, before frying Theresa’s brain, Faraday tested his time-consciousness machine on himself, resulting in the broken, memory-impaired young man we saw last season sobbing as he learned of the (fake) Oceanic 815 freighter.

At that moment he got a visit from Charles Widmore - the man who’d funded his work at Oxford despite never meeting Faraday - who reassured Daniel that the wreckage was fake because he faked it (that settles that) and offered him a chance to regain his mental faculties by travelling to a magical Island of healing. In a surprise to Daniel, his mom flew in and said she was completely on board with the job, though (with a rare subtle piece of acting) Flanagan still conveyed some ambivalence.

In the final off-Island segment, Desmond was revealed to be ok (Des: "I promised I’d never leave you." Me: Gulp.) and Widmore was revealed to be Faraday’s father. Not exactly a major shocker given that we’d gotten hints during the scene where the two first met (I believe Widmore when he says he’d never met Dan before - maybe Ellie got pregnant and skipped town, er, skipped Island) and the fact that we knew from a few weeks back that Widmore and Ellie ruled the Island together for a while.

The flashback scenes were informative, captivating (thanks to great work from Jeremy Davies) and, as in the best episodes of "Lost", directly informed what we were seeing on the Island, where the real fireworks were going on.

Despite the explosions to come, the biggest thrills of the episode involved the normally stuttering, socially-awkward Daniel becoming a bold, still-awkward (asking for a beginner’s gun = LOL!) man of action. As soon as he landed, he informed Jack that Eloise was wrong about him belonging there. Still, the biggest"Holy s---" moment of the entire episode for me was Faraday cavalierly spilling the beans to Dr. Pierre Chang at the Orchid station (a new view of the season-opening sequence). To paraphrase Dan: "I’m a time-traveler, and this Chinese guy named Miles is YOUR Chinese son named Miles, because, how many Chinese guys named Miles could there be on a single island?" Though he left skeptical, I’m inclined to believe that Chang is inclined to believe Faraday, which is good because Faraday apparently just needed to spur Chang to do - something.

Dan also couldn’t help himself where Charlotte was concerned and tried to warn her about what’s going to happen to her in the future. Nice restraint by the writer/director in pulling away and showing them from a distance before the actual warning. Also, nice punch to the stomach by having Charlotte’s first, chocolate-centric words to Daniel be the exact same thing she said to him right before she died.

Actually, I found this entire exchange to be fantastically ironic. Daniel had arrived back on the Island having done a 180 from his "Whatever happened, happened" stance and extolling a "Yes we can change the past" attitude. However, by trying to change the past he did something that had already happened in a previous timeline, thereby keeping things the same (whatever happened, happened).

With Faraday back, Sawyer decided to call a time-travelers-only meeting (quiet in that closet, Phil!) at his house. (Unfortunately, Sayid is unable to attend because he’s a kiddie-shooting fugitive.) Faraday wanted to go in the jungle and implore his mom to get them back where/when they belong (when/wherever the hell THAT is), while Saywer wanted to start from square one and either live in the beach or the jungle.

Am I the only one who thought Sawyer’s plan seemed kinda dumb? Still, that was far from the dumbest thing he did at the meeting - that would be slipping up and calling Kate "freckles." That sound you heard was Juliet’s heart breaking. However, since Juliet isn’t so much a girly-girl and is more of a hardass, she didn’t cry about it and instead instantly suggested that Kate go with Jack and Faraday into the jungle and in hostile territory. (Translation: Step off, bitch.)

One of the most heartbreaking things to watch this season has been Sawyer’s perfect little existence in Dharma-ville falling apart afterJack and Co. returned. He’s making rash decisions (punching Phil and locking him up) instead of reading some Churchill beforehand, and he’s back to using nicknames ("H.G. Wells"!). Now, he’s been captured by that pain-in-the-ass Radzinsky before he could espcape to the beach with Juliet. (At least Hurley got away.) The more desperate he gets to keep things the way they are (which explains his disapproval of Farday’s new theories), the worse things are getting.

Daniel’s plan, on the other hand, consisted of evacuating everyone off the Island and detonating Jughead the H-bomb before the electromagnetic accident that caused the Dharma Initiative to build the Swan hatch could occur. That would, of course, negate the crash, the freighter to the Island and everything else we’ve seen. (Cue skeptical, worried looks on Jack and Kate’s faces.)

Before that, he tried to meet up with his mom in the jungle. Everything about this meeting was curious to me. Did Faraday go into the Others’ camp knowing he was going to be shot (which would explain his reckless, aggressive behavior) or was he just being an idiot. The big reveal, of course, is that it was his mother Ellie who pulled the trigger. (This would explain Older Eloise’s ambivalence about sending her son to the Island on his predetermined path).Daniel appeared to take his last gasp and reveal to young Ellie that he was her son.

So it appears that "whatever happened, happened" is still in play, since Ellie seemed keenly aware in the present that she would kill her son in the past. However, given the fact that by the end of the episode Eloise admitted to Penny that, for the first time in a long while, she didn’t know what was going to happen next, something must have happened (or IS going to happen) to disprove "whatever happened, happened." (Which is holding up pretty well so far.)

If this is really the end for Faraday, I’ll just take a quick moment to give Jeremy Davies kudos for a quirky, interesting, funny and ultimately heartbreaking performance. You expect quirky and even funny out of a TV physicist, but not so much heartbreaking.

So what’d you think of this episode? Do we think that Daniel was born in the Island (like Miles was) and that his vast intellect is a result of that (like Miles’ ability)? Has the reason that Eloise can’t see future events anymore happened yet? How do you think Daniel knew about the events of 1977 in such detail from his journal? (Was this a result from his eventually-botched time travel experiments on himself?) Could Sawyer and Juliet be any more done? Finally, (speaking of being done) do you think Daniel is dead? (Yes. I actually think his storyline - sans potential Ann Arbor-era episodes - is pretty much wrapped up, don’t you?)

Heroes: Same S---, Different Nate

Most people point to the second season of "Heroes" as the moment where the show went into its creative freefall.

(You can discuss amongst yourselves the varying degrees to which the show has clawed back from the depths of outright awfulness since that time. For me, that’s another discussion for another day.)

However, I like to think the decline of "Heroes" started just before that, with the season 1 finale. The entire season built towards an amazing showdown at Kirby Plaza featuring Sylar, an exploding Peter and the rest of the cast of characters. What we got instead was underwhelming and too-quick confrontation that left a bad taste in fans’ mouths over the subsequent summer. That bad taste only grew worse once the show came back for that notorious second season.

Flash forward two seasons (and three volumes) and we have the long-estranged Petrelli brothers, FINALLY coming together in solidarity as they prepare to face off with Sylar, the show’s most dangerous menace, in another season finale. As the brothers enter the room to take him on - the door closes?! Instead of seeing the fight for ourselves, we see Claire seeing the fight.

FAIL. I mean, God forbid we get to see something cool.

After the fight is over, Peter stumbles out and leaves the room with Claire. A little later Nathan is flung into the room and onto a piano. Nathan gets up, faces Sylar and after another awkward moment (honestly, a homeless cat could’ve done a better job choreographing this "fight") Sylar...we’ll get to that later.

All of this being said, I don’t think "An Invisible Thread" was nearly as bad as that season 1 finale, thanks to a couple of cool twists, and an awesomely tortured howl from Cristine Rose as Angela Petrelli. (Seriously, that howl may have been the best thing this season.)

In fact, I didn’t even think the non-fight was the worst part of the episode. I had more of a problem with the blatant stupidity demonstrated by some of the characters and by the writers for no other reason than to advance the plot to where it needed to be.

If you recall, we left our Heroes as they raced to Washington, D.C. Separately, Hiro and Ando, as well as Matt Parkman, wanted to stop Danko’s men in Building 26 once and for all. Meanwhile, the Petrelli-Bennett’s wanted to stop Sylar-disguised-as-Nathan from meeting the president, shaking his hand and being able to impersonate him.

Here’s a sampling of my "WTF/No way" moments from last night’s episode as they jumped in my head: WTF, Sylar can now move his vulnerable spot?! (This plot point is either a little too convenient or WAY too convenient?) Where the hell was Peter hanging out until the moment he found unconscious Nathan? WTF, why is Hiro’s body rejecting his power all of a sudden? (Other than to make us think he was the character who might die, of course,) WTF, why did Peter only absorb Sylar's shape-shifting ability when he touched him? No way does Claire believe for a second that guy is Nathan? (I guess a vague reference to Mexico IS enough to convince her, despite the fact that Sylar-as-Nathan was acting completely different) Oh wait, Claire has been an idiot for a solid year and a half now. No way Sylar would keep Nathan alive and lying on the floor for a prolonged period of time when he could just take his memory and his powers in about a minute. (What was his reasoning for this again?)

That reminds me of another disappointment I had with this episode. Last week, I was encouraged by the idea that Sylar (spurred by Micah/Rebel and unbeknownst to our Heroes) would use his politician-impersonating power for the good of other people with abilities. Of course, the writers COMPLETELY abandoned that idea and seemed content to have the character fall back into cartoon villain mode, though they also decided to ramp up the creepiness by having him hit on Claire. (Double ick.) I mean, Sylar’s a lot of things, but when did he become a pedophile?

Then there was the non-fight.

Look, I understand that a network TV show is never going to have the budget a summer blockbuster movie does. Also, contrary to popular opinion, I have an imagination and I don’t need to see every single thing. However, you can’t just have the build up this show has had in the past for certain confrontations and then cheat the audience. To be blunt, this show is NOT good enough in other areas (writing and acting) to deprive us of some eye candy. As far as the budgetary concerns, shows like "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "Supernatural" and even "Charmed" that probably didn’t have the resources "Heroes" does consistently deliver the goods in the action department.

I can see the dramatic reason for not showing the fight. The writers probably wanted us to wonder whether or not Peter was able to absorb Sylar’s power. If that’s the case, why not have them at least tussle in that room a little bit before the three fly off camera? Peter could then absorb the power during that time, eventually stumble back into the room and everything follows suit. (Including Nathan’s effectively gruesome death.)

Fortunately, the fact that Peter DID absorb the power led to the episode’s coolest sequence. Sylar got close enough to the president to shake his hand, but the president had been replaced by Peter in the limousine.

With Sylar incapacitated and Nathan dead, a few of the characters (and the writers) had an ingenious idea. Reasoning that Nathan would be essential to starting a new Company, Angela and HRG convinced Parkman (pictured, right) to wipe Sylar’s memory clean and make him believe that he was Nathan and that he’d been Nathan all along. I really liked how disturbing this twist was (Sylar losing his awful memories) and I liked the way it tied into Mohinder’s narration in the beginning (that I usually ignore).

In fact, the only thing I don’t like is that it once again shows the writers’ unwillingness to be completely done with a character/actor on the show. When the show was originally conceived, it was supposed to feature a rotating cast of characters, but since the original characters and cast became so popular, that became almost impossible to do. The result has been what has to be the record for non-deaths/fake deaths outside of the daytime soap opera arena.

By keeping Nathan alive, the show gets to keep Adrian Pasdar and Zachary Quinto’s services (while freeing up the latter/budding movie star to do other work). While this is a very convenient thing for the writers (and for both actors, whom I like) it once again has a faint whiff of cop out. The show needs to buck up and just kill one of these characters already without bending over backwards to find a way to bring them back. (Seriously, Adrian Pasdar has been killed or almost killed in three out of four volume finales, by my count.) That being said, this was BY FAR the smartest way the show has brought someone back from the dead.

Unfortunately, the memory wipe didn’t last as Nathan 2.0 is feeling a strange affinity toward clocks. Uh oh, time to call Parkman in for a brainwashing tune up!

So what’d you think of this episode? Were you glad to see Tracey back in the teaser for Volume V: Redemption? (It was a cool scene, but I saw "Obsessed" - there’s no way Ali Larter is THAT bootylicious.) Was there any reason to keep Danko alive? Is Claire of any use anymore? Will you be tuning in for "Redemption"?

Finally, thanks for following me along on these "Heroes" recaps. Like the show itself, I like to think they have potential, but more often than not turn out to be ridiculously, entertainingly bad.

American Idol: "Rat Pack"age Artists

I LOVED pretty much everything about the latest episode of "American Idol."

I LOVED the songs. The week’s theme was "Songs Popularized by the Rat Pack." Or as I like to call it, "Ways the Producers Continue to Rename Old Themes to Make Them Seem New." ("Grand Ole Opry Week" = "Country Week"). Either way, the music featured last night was some of the very best ever written and timeless in the best sense of the word. No "artistic" reimagining necessary.

I LOVED guest mentor Jamie Foxx. For the first time in a while, the show made the bold decision to feature a guest mentor who’s currently on the pop charts. (I believe the last time this happened, Gwen Stefani was the mentor two years ago.) I think this is especially crucial, since he’s presumably at the place these contestants want to be. At first, I was a little underwhelmed by the "surprise" reveal that Foxx was the mentor, since I’m often annoyed at how such a ridiculously-talented guy can act like a butthead so often. However, I was immediately won over by his genuine enthusiasm, his specific and helpful critiques (no generic Smokey Robinson-esque, "You’re all great" fawning) and his ability to do whatever he needed to do (call a contestant back into the room; invade someone’s minty personal space) to get a great performance out of them.

I LOVED that the judges not named Simon or Paula said something that was memorable for the right reasons. Kudos to Kara for championing Allison Iraheta’s potential place in the finals and to Randy for vocalizing what I felt was wrong with Matt Giraud’s performance. On the flip side, Simon pretty much had his worst night EVER. Still, the more I think about it, the more I come to this conclusion. Simon is a lot of things, but he’s not a tone-deaf idiot. As a result, I’ve decided to believe that his slamming of the superb work by Kris Allen and Allison and his weird praise for Matt’s song were a reverse-psychology ploy to mobilize the former two contestants’ fan bases, while maybe giving the latter’s fan base a false sense of security. (I swear I’m not usually a conspiracy theory nut)

I LOVED the performances. The judges and producers (rightfully) took a lot of heat for some of their earlier, dubious selections during auditions, Hollywood Week and the Wild Card round. However, with most of the fat stripped away, I think this has the potential to be the strongest final four in the show’s run. (Yes, even stronger than the fabled Hicks/McPhee/Yamin/Daughtry Final Four from season 5.) All of the singers last night were good. Unfortunately, it turns out that Matt is simply less good than his competition.

(I’ll know stop my annoying habit of starting every paragraph with "I LOVED") Matt certainly had the highest degree of difficulty with "My Funny Valentine" and I liked Foxx’s suggestion of changing the key to give Matt a different sound. Indeed, some of Matt’s performance sounded pretty great, while other parts sounded pretty jank. The bottom line is that Matt (with his Sinatra fedora) was the only singer last night who had any significant number of jank notes.

I suppose if I had to pick someone to join Matt in the bottom two, I’d pick Kris. It’s not because I agree with Simon’s assessment that Kris’ performance was "wet" (let’s not go there) or the repeated suggestion that he lacks star quality. I really liked his phrasing, and I liked that the band came in toward the end to change things up and I thought he sounded pretty terrific on "The Way You Look Tonight" (though I’m not quite as enthusiastic as Foxx). No I think he might be in the bottom two because he sang first, and everyone who followed (except for Matt) was simply better.

One of those people was Allison. At the risk of sounding like Randy, I’ll say it before and I’ll say it again - it’s incredible how good this 16, I mean 17-year-old girl is! As Paula pointed out, she hit every musical AND emotional note during her performance of "Someone to Watch Over Me." Though I’m not quite sure how much she followed it, Foxx’s advice to deromanticize the lyrics was smart, since one knock against Allison is that she doesn’t pick age-appropriate tunes. As I said before, I’ve chosen to believe that Simon’s earlier comment was meant to spur Allison’s fans to vote, because there’s literally no other explanation as to why he wouldn’t think she was any good.

Still, I have to say that my favorite moment from last night was watching Danny Gokey (pictured, left) finally, FINALLY deliver the performance we’ve been waiting for. Listening to his voice, we all knew he was capable of a breakout performance, so watching him clumsily, methodically and karaoke-ly take the Idol stage in the finals has been frustrating, since we had a pretty good idea he had this in him. I LOVED watching him work the verses with finesse for a change (Foxx made him pay attention to that by getting in his face) before going all Gokey on us in the end. This was his best work of the finals BY FAR and my favorite performance of the evening. I’m not so much thoroughly delighted because I love the guy or anything - I’m thoroughly delighted because NOW we’re going to have a hell of a final four (assuming he, Kris and Allison make it).

If you notice I left Adam out of that group. It’s not meant as disrespect - I just figure his title as this year’s "Idol" is pretty secure, so I didn’t need to say he’d be in the final four.

That being said, I didn’t LOVE his rendition of "Feeling Good." As I’ve written before, I’m more of a fan of (semi)restrained Adam, so his over-the-top take on the jazzy number seemed unnecessary and, yes, indulgent. However, watching him be the one person who attacks the stage (or a staircase this week, actually) each time is fantastic. Also, that glory note was just unbelievable. I keep waiting for him to have a letdown week (how can he possibly top that note?) but he just seems totally incapable of A) singing badly and B) being totally entertaining.

So what’d you think of this episode? Is there any way we could get Jamie Foxx to come back as a mentor next week or are we going to have to wait until he has another movie and/or album to promote? Why does Simon think that acting like an arrogant A-hole and having star quality are the same thing? Finally, who do you think is going home? (Is there any way it’s not Matt?)

Dancing with the Stars: Prime Rib

How injury-plagued has this season of "Dancing with the Stars" been? Now the replacements are getting hurt!

We’ll talk about that unfortunate development - as well as the two awesome-for-their-own-reasons group dances - as we take a look at the six remaining couples in order of appearance.

Gilles Marini and Cheryl: In addition to the group dances, each couple took on a Latin dance. Unfortunately, my brain still has trouble processing that Lindy Hop (and jive) are "Latin" dances. We found out Gilles has a separated shoulder (ow!) but will use cortisone to treat/numb it. Maybe Gilles dropped Cheryl on her head so that she’d stop cursing at him. I actually think the injury was a blessing in disguise for the Lindy hop, since he had to ditch most of the lifts and actually, you know, DO the Lindy hop. Gilles kinda looked like a cartoon character which (I guess) suits the dance. I still think he’s infinitely more convincing as a heartthrob than he is as a spazz. Finally, Ace Ventura called - he wants his hairdo back.

Lil Kim and Derek: After last week’s Diet Lil’ Kim performance, she was truly unleashed for her paso doble and the results were fantastic. Just a GREAT traditional paso. (I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - Derek is a genius choreographer.) I suppose the only thing missing was more of a wow factor in the routine. Still, how did this only get one more point than Gilles?

Chuck Wicks and Julianne: Now that Chuck finally realized he’s on a ridiculous show and there’s no way to NOT look ridiculous, he’s considerably more fun! Even the rehearsals seem more relaxed. For the first time, I didn’t feel like Chuck and Julianne were trying to act like a couple - they just WERE a couple. Very impressive hip-action from Chuck during his cha cha, but the routine felt familiar and there were some stretches where Julianne was doing all the work (both of these things are Julianne’s fault). Very nice job from Chuck, but it didn’t deserve two 9s.

Shawn Johnson and Mark: Did someone slip some Ambien into Shawn’s Gatorade? Sure her samba was competent and well-performed, but she just didn’t seem like she was into the performance at all. (Which made Mark look more over-the-top than usual.) She actually seemed like she’d rather take a nap than be out there. Fortunately for her, Carrie Ann inexplicably gave her the 10 this week that she withheld for Shawn’s superior cha cha last week. Fortunately for us, the rehearsal footage (featuring Mark’s awesome mom Shirley admonishing Shawn for her baseball bat arms) sort of made up for the sleepy performance.

Melissa Rycroft and Tony: Just a damn shame. That pretty much sums it up. Ok, I’ll say more. There’s no doubt Melissa is one of the season’s best dancers, so the possibility that she might have to bow out due to a rib injury (I know from having BRUISED ribs that they’re no joke - I wouldn’t want to feel a hairline fracture. I mean it only hurts every time you breathe) is a damn shame. I also felt bad for a clearly embarrassed Tony after the judges had to assess their jive rehearsal footage, which featured Melissa forgetting her steps, hiking up her jeans and performing without bedazzling her back tattoo. Maybe the fact that Melissa was wearing a black sports bra will attract some extra votes and keep her in it. Just a damn shame.

Ty Murray and Chelsie: Ty is this season’s participant in the semi-annual Jerry Springer/Jason Taylor semi-necessary spray tanning field trip. (The difference between he and Dmitry WAS pretty jarring). Either way, I enjoyed his fun salsa routine, despite the fact that there was a noticeable lack of salsa after the beginning. LOVED Jewel’s "She’ll cut a bitch" face after Len suggested it was time for Ty to hit the trail.

Team Mambo: I swear to God I’ve been telling people that SOMEONE was going to perform a dance to "Single Ladies." With most of the season gone, I’d kinda given up hope. I should’ve known the producers were saving it for a special occasion. While the routine was fun, in the end, it was more of a tribute to Beyonce’s iconic video than it was a proper mambo (and it was scored accordingly). That being said, here are the things I liked as they jump into my brain:

Nice job by Lacey stepping in for Melissa with little notice (I know she’s a pro, but STILL); so Melissa was supposed to dance to a song with the lyric "If you want it, then you should’ve put a ring on it"?; wake up Shawn!; finally, Chuck is a bigger man than I for donning matching bra straps with his girlfriend.

Team Tango: I was still high from Team Mambo’s routine, but Team Tango for the win! If it weren’t for Kim’s obvious blunder during her solo, they might’ve earned 30. (Although Gilles footwork was apparently atrocious.) Though it’s probably easier to synch up a tango than it is a mambo, the team’s work at the end was fantastic. I LOVED having the celebs start by themselves (and having Gilles and Ty shirtless for no apparent reason) with Kim as the flirty Queen Bee. I still don’t think Len saying that Ty’s tango work will keep him in the competition will save him from getting a beat down by Jewel in the near future.

So what’d you think of this episode? Do you think Melissa will be back? Should someone be eliminated if she bows out? Finally, who do you think is going home? (Assuming Melissa comes back, I think it might be Chuck. I think Len’s diss would’ve spurred Ty’s fans to vote for him hard.)

24: Techie Support

I think I may have liked it a little more when I had NO IDEA what was going on.

Last night’s episode of "24" didn’t give us all the whos and the whys behind the day’s attacks on the United States (nor did I expect it to). However, the bits of information we got proved to be more puzzling than tantalizing, and more potentially-frustrating than revelatory.

I’ll get to that eventually, but first let’s talk about the rest of the hour which - as we gear up for the sure-to-be action-packed final hours of this great season - was once again heavy on exposition and light on explosions.

Well, it was light on literal explosions anyway. I love me a good Shouting Bauer as much as anyone, so I was delighted by the fact that Jack got to unleash his fury on not one, but two characters last night. One of those rants was even coherent!

Before he could do that, he’d have to regain the ability to talk. After the bioweapon paralyzed his body and allowed Tony to get away, Jack eventually regained the ability to speak thanks to Dr. Macer (who is apparently always close by) and instructed Renee to put out an APB for Tony Almeida. Renee asked if this meant that Tony had killed Moss, and Jack said yes. The show allowed for a brief, pained look on Renee’s face, which was just right because we saw plenty of her grief and sadness over Larry’s death last week.

After alerting President Taylor about Tony’s betrayal (that woman has needed notes to keep track of whether Jack and Tony are good or bad guys throughout the day), she informed Jack that Jonas Hodges had tried to kill himself. Jack correctly (as usual) surmised that the group Hodges alluded to had pressured him to kill himself. Jack told the president that he could make Hodges talk. (Taylor’s reaction = gulp.) However, Jack assured her he wouldn’t have to lay a finger on him. (Which is kinda the same thing he said when he interrogated Burnett, and we all know how THAT turned out.)

The long-awaited (by me) confrontation between Jack and Jonas started off great (Jonas ranting and begging a guard to lend him a gun so he could kill himself; "Relax Mr. Hodges: you’re already dead" was straight out of a James Bond movie) but ultimately ended up being a tad underwhelming.

I blame a combination of Jonas’ weakened physical state (making things too uneven in favor of Jack, who was obviously feeling weak himself), the weirdly blacked out room they were in, and the revelation that Hodges is apparently "Family Man of the Year" (not totally buying it) for this scene coming up short. I also blame a pretty stupid-sounding plan. Jonas doesn’t know any of the other big-wigs involved, but the plan was for them to launch a large-scale attack on the United States in about six months, blame a bunch of Ahmed and Mohammeds (everyone’s a little bit racist!) and show the government just how crucial companies like Starkwood are. I know Jonas is supposed to be a little stark raving mad, but isn’t this cut-off-your-major-cities-to-spite-your-face plan a little TOO crazy for the other members of the group? Thank goodness Jack called Jonas out when he tried to play the "we’re not so different" card.

Though the attack was initially supposed to occur early next year, Jack (again!) correctly guessed that the organization might move it up since the country was reeling. I liked that he and Tony (aka Bizarro Jack) were thinking the same way, since it was Tony who helped convince the group ("or gang or whatever the hell they call themselves") to move it up in the first place.

After suffocating the double-crossing Galvez with a shower curtain (I thought Galvez went out a little too easily for someone who’s supposed to be badass enough to kill a couple of armed FBI agents a few hours earlier), Tony eventually met up with the mysterious non-blonde (we’ll call her the "Moderator" because I think that’s a cool nickname) who tried to get Hodges to kill himself.

I’m sure we’ll find out more about the Moderator and her ties to Alan Wilson (who seems to have some sway over the shadowy group) and Tony. She convinced Wilson via IM ("Do it for me") to persuade the rest of the group to go through with Tony’s suggestion. As far as Tony is concerned, not only did they kiss, but Tony was comfortable enough to take a shower in front of her (and Galvez’s body) and come out half-naked. The hour for Tony and his crew ended with the kidnapping of Jibraan Al-Zarian (the innocent scapegoat in their plan) and his younger brother. The fact that these two weren’t killed immediately (since they’re just planning on using Al-Zarian’s dead body) is sort of encouraging for them, right?

Meanwhile, back at the FBI, Jack suggested looking through CTU’s servers to try to find private security companies with terrorist ties that might be part of Hodges’ group. Fortunately, this called for CTU’s ace computer analyst and Chloe made her return.

I LOVED everything about her scenes. I loved that she had made Morris sleep on the couch after he helped the FBI catch Jack. I liked her warm reaction to seeing Jack. ("You look like hell") I liked her telling Morris and Prescott to get out of town for their own safety. (Who’s the valiant male in that relationship?) and I loved her predictable friction with Janis. Mary Lynn Rajskub also did a good job of conveying the pain and incredulousness from Tony’s betrayal that Jack’s character can’t.

However, Chloe is also no dummy. She immediately realized something was very wrong with Jack after he blew up at Janis. Janis had expressed concerns about violating the Bill of Rights and Jack laid into her about her whiny attitude. Unfortunately, he also claimed that President David Palmer had allowed the use of the servers. I guess if you’re going to invoke dead presidents, bringing up David Palmer’s name is considerably better than busting out JFK or Lincoln. Hell it’s better than bringing up the name WAYNE Palmer.

So what’d you think of this episode? What exactly are First Daughter Olivia and her shady, randomly-gay associate Martin up to in regards to not letting Hodges skip away to Witness Protection? (And will Aaron get hurt trying to foil it?) What do you think about what we’ve learned regarding the evil plan so far? For me it doesn’t make sense for the group to go through with the plan at this point (or at any point) since the FBI and other agencies are privy to it and blaming someone like Al-Zarian will be pointless and the government will not turn to them for "protection".

Finally, why do you think Tony is involved? Is it money? (Meh) Hatred of government?(Probably) Or could he possibly still be working for the good guys and trying to bring the group down himself? (This would be a lot easier to believe if he weren’t gunning down FBI agents in cold blood.)

Desperate Housewives: Change of Plan

It’s not easy to get over the death of a loved one.

Ok so "Desperate Housewives" isn’t exactly real life, and Edie Britt wasn’t exactly a "loved one." What I’m trying to say is that, after last week’s solid-yet-momentum-slowing tribute to Edie, the show had some trouble getting back into the season’s storylines and back into its groove.

Then again, maybe the problem is that some of the current storylines weren’t that good to begin with.

I’ve never been a fan of the Orson/kleptomaniac storyline, so I was a little disappointed to see the show lead off there. Turns out the (latest) woman he was trying to rob was an elderly lady named Rose Kemper who was taken to the hospital after witnessing Edie’s crash and became convinced that it was Death who’d come after her. (I guess, in her belief system, Death wears a ski mask, covets knick-knacks and can be vanquished by a baseball bat.)

When Katherine relayed Mrs. Kemper’s story to Bree, who was in the hospital visiting Orson, Bree knew her hubby had lied to her again. Orson had claimed that he’d hit his head after going for a walk, falling and hitting his head on the curb. The fact that Bree believed this obviously-BS story in the first place is the main reason I hate this storyline.

I understand Bree WANTING to believe her husband after all they’ve been through. However, the overly harsh and dark turn Orson has taken (I still say it’s a "Desperate" effort to give Kyle McLachlan something to do) is now having the unfortunate side effect of making Bree look like a gullible weakling. It’s too bad, because I really liked the Bree/Orson, uber-WASPy pairing for a while. Thank goodness for bitchy Andrew, who’d expressed immediate skepticism about Orson’s decision to be "happy" and had put a divorce attorney on speed dial for Bree to apparently use toward the end of this episode.

Meanwhile, the season’s major mystery had a mildly surprising twist, but still ended up feeling like a missed opportunity.

Dave Williams was in full-blown depression mode, causing his neighbors to worry. First, Mike tried to reach out to him (bad choice since he’s the unknowing object of Dave’s rage). After that, Susan (the object of some viewers’ rage) gave it a shot, leading to a funny sequence in which she became convinced that Dave was suicidal after seeing the gun from his hunting trip. She proceeded to confiscate every possible item from a potential Do It Yourself Suicide Kit (knives, belts, ties) before getting pulled over for talking on a cell while driving (Katherine, on the other hand, uses a Blutooth). Unfortunately, the picnic basket of death sitting was in plain sight on the passenger seat and she was arrested.

I also think the show ALMOST did something interesting with Dave. Was he this upset because he caused Edie’s death (that’d be the second wife he’s lost) or because his plan didn’t work? I would’ve liked to have seen this explored.

Eventually, Susan opened up to Dave about knowing what it’s like to live with guilt. Dave felt guilty about causing Edie’s crash/death, while Susan felt guilty about being the driver in that fateful car accident a few years ago that killed Dave’s family. Earlier in the episode, Mike and Susan had a meaningful exchange about the crash and how they did "what they had to do." At this, I perked up thinking that the show would maybe have two of its most popular characters involved in something unseemly. (Maybe one of them was driving drunk? Maybe Dave’s wife was still alive after the crash, but they fled the scene?) Perhaps it would also help explain to me why Mike and Susan broke up in the first place. (I’m only a little ashamed to say that I STILL don’t get it.)

However, what really happened turned out to be disappointingly safe. Susan was driving the car, but the couple pretended that Mike was driving because Susan didn’t have her license. Just when I thought the show was about to do something edgy and maybe have Susan, its most innocent, lightweight character, do something dark, the writers chickened out. Too bad. On the other hand, Depressed Dave is gone, and Creepy Dave is back and apparently threatening to kill M.J. as a way to punish Susan.

While those two storylines continue to slump forward, I’m enjoying a new one involving the show’s best actress (Felicity Huffman), the show’s funniest character (Gabby) and the two most interesting male characters on the show (Tom and Carlos).

As much as I like watching the lead actresses do their things in a group setting, I liked getting fresh pairings last night. We’d gotten a hint of Tom the homemaker dishing with Gabby a few weeks ago, but last night the two teamed up so Gabby could stage a coup at her Garden Club (which featured a disappointingly high amount of gardening for Gabby’s taste). All that was tossed aside when Tom was a little too receptive to the attentions of neighborhood slut Patty (who I guess inherited the title after Edie’s death).

I’d liked Tom earlier in the episode as he worked out his biceps to desperately get his overworked wife’s attention, and I felt bad for him when she showed little sexual interest in him. However, by the middle of the episode, he’d gone back to acting like an idiot (as usual).

Still, it’s not like Lynette is completely blameless. After Carlos had come to pick her up for work, she slipped, hit her head in the tub, and Carlos lugged her unconscious, naked body to the bed. Since Tom had freaked out about Lynette using Carlos’ office shower, she thought it’d be best if they didn’t share this little anecdote with him. Of course, everything came to a head in a disastrously funny dinner party between the two couples. Like Carlos, I liked that Tom and Lynette still care enough to get jealous. I also liked the subtle reference to the Solises improved relationship - Carlos had shared the Lynette bathtub story with his wife - a lot more than earlier episodes when the writers would stop just short of pulling out neon signs saying "Gabby and Carlos are good people now!"

This storyline could’ve been a one-episode thing, but Carlos’ mildly sexual-harassment-y comment about liking what he saw from Lynette means this one might be around for a while - which is ok by me. Unlike other threats to these two marriages (John the Gardener, Rick the Pizza Guy) I think it’s interesting that the potential infidelity will have two Housewives squaring off against each other.

So what’d you think of this episode? Were you happy or disappointed to hear Mary Alice back as the dead narrator? (I was disappointed - I understand that Nicolette Sheridan is done with the show, but, from a dramatic point of view, it just doesn’t make sense for Mary Alice to know and have opinions on some of the newer characters. Writing the narration from a different character’s point of view would’ve been interesting.) How long until Mike and Katherine break up? (Could he have been more freaked out by her "I want to spend my life with you" declaration?) Finally, there’s no way Carlos and Lynette are going to do anything, right? Right?!

Hell's Kitchen: What Show Have YOU Ben Watching

Thank goodness for Paula, right?

I was starting to get worried that I was the only person involved with this show (and yes, watching this ridiculous program and writing about it every week makes me feel "involved") who could see that Ben (pictured, left) was nothing more than a delusional, pompous jackass.

However, judging by last week’s episode (where everyone seemed to agree a Danny/Paula/Ben final 3 was a foregone conclusion) and the promos for this one (promising a "SHOCKING" elimination which turned out to be Ben) it seemed like everyone had pretty much agreed that Ben was definitely, 100% for sure a better chef than Ben.

Thank goodness for Paula.

We’ll get into why I now want her to win more than ever, but first let’s talk about the rest of this relatively ho-hum episode. (Ho-hum is what happens when most of the basket cases are gone and all you’re left with are people who can actually cook.)

The chefs arrived in "Hell’s Kitchen" the day after elimination and were treated to three dishes by Chef Ramsay himself. Unfortunately, it seems like none of them have ever watched this show before because it was pretty obvious that this was going to be the challenge where Ramsay would ask them to recreate one of his signature dishes.

The contestants had 30 minutes and it seemed pretty obvious who was going to win from the beginning, since Danny was the only person shown that actually bothered to repeatedly taste the fish stew dish that had been chosen. Ben was too busy trying to keep his work secret from everyone else (kind of a dick move) while Andrea was too busy watching everyone else work.

I know the show feels like it has to make EVERY challenge seem incredibly close, but last night the manufactured drama was particularly stupid. Ramsay said Paula lost since she chose to use water instead of chicken stock. Um, how about Danny won because he was the only person that actually used the correct fish (red snapper instead of halibut) for the FISH stew?! Seems like a pretty important call to me.

As a reward, Danny won a trip up in a biplane with Chef Ramsay riding shotgun on a different plane. It looked like it was a fun day, but I personally would’ve been terrified the entire time and repeatedly asking Ramsay, "Couldn’t you just take me out to a nice lunch somewhere?"Back in "Hell’s Kitchen" nothing too interesting was going on (this would become a recurring theme for the rest of the episode) so what we got was a bunch of footage edited in a way to show us how whiny and annoying Andrea is. Pretty blah stuff.

Through a combination of (semi)competent chefs and the fact that there just aren’t that many people left to create personal drama, yesterday’s episode was pretty blah overall.

For example, Chef Ramsay had a big reveal for the chefs before the dinner service up in the contestants’ room. Instead of a new wardrobe, a past contestant, a celebrity or anything else that might’ve been interesting, the chefs discovered (and pretended to be psyched about) Ramsay-sanctioned pots and pans. Actually, I take it back - the fact that Ramsay took advantage of such a boring episode to shill his cookware was pretty amusing.

The dinner service started and something genuinely "shocking" happened. Not only was everyone doing well (Ben was rocking the risotto, Paula was kicking the scallops’ ass, Andrea was excelling at the tough meat station), but I found myself rooting for them to do well and for not too much to go wrong.

Ah, but all good things come to an end. Paula struggled a bit and Ben served bland risotto. That wasn’t Ben’s only screw up and it was amusing to see Ramsay take time out from the dinner service just to make sure Ben didn’t go off the rails mentally. In a related note, I never realized how hilarious it would be to hear someone repeatedly yell "PLAIN SALAD" at the top of his lungs.Since the dinner service was so drama-free, I found myself looking for things to happen. (Well, except for the lingering shot of that one patron’s breast - we didn’t have to look too hard to see that.

For example, when that patron gave Jean-Philippe the engagement ring so he could propose to his girlfriend, I was convinced something horrible would happen, but it turned out to be a semi-sweet moment. Also, when it turned out that Andrea had miscounted the Beef Wellingtons, tarnishing an otherwise mostly-perfect service, I had a horrible moment when I thought Danny (or Ben) may have messed with the meat in order to sabotage her. (Now THAT, would’ve been a shocking elimination if it happened and Ramsay had found out about it.)

But nope. Neither turned out to be the case. The final four couldn’t come up with a consensus. Ben, once again, listed his years of experience and condescendingly asked Andrea to do the same. Neither would put themselves on the chopping block and Danny had voted for Andrea (continuing to fuel my crazy sabotage theory).

This was when Paula stepped up and officially became the person I’m rooting for. She called out Ben for repeatedly flaking out during dinner services despite all his alleged experience. I don’t know if Paula felt kinship with sister Andrea, but I was just SO glad to hear someone on the show finally step up and get in Ben’s grill. (For his part, Ben was genuinely "floored." Ugh, get a clue dude!)

Ben continued to insist that Ramsay constantly yelled at him because he "saw something in him." Meanwhile, I continue to insist that Ramsay constantly yelled at him because he kept f---ing up!

In the end, Ramsay kicked Ben to the curb (yay!) and gave him some encouragement and praise for the way he handled criticism. That’s one thing I’ll give Ben credit for. He never EVER emotionally cracked under Ramsay’s withering gaze and he continued to fight. Then again, I could probably make the case that the reason Ramsay’s words didn’t affect Ben was because he was too dumb to realize that Ramsay meant them.

So what’d you think of this episode? Didn’t that woman look a little put-off when her fiancé proposed? (Like, instead of a ring, Jean-Philippe had served her a dead mosquito on top of her dessert? Is there ANY way Andrea sneaks into the final 3? (Um, not unless pericarditis is contagious and Danny or Paula caught it.) Finally, who do you like for the win? I like Paula for the reasons stated above and because Danny seems a tad too full of himself (though with good reason, unlike Ben.)

America's Next Top Recap: Going Bananas

With the (not-so) triumphant return of the cheesiest graphic on TV right now (that would be the glossy model photos superimposed on an airplane’s windows) the contestants made their way to Sao Paolo, the modeling capital of Brazil. Or South America. (Heck, why not THE WORLD?!)

All of the girls were thrilled to be in Brazil, except for Natalie who repeatedly complained about not being near the beach, working in a “poor neighborhood,” the sleeping situation, and pretty much everything else. She just generally had a stank(ier than usual) attitude. (Foreshadowing!)

As soon as the girls arrived, they had to team up and participate in a (not-quite)Amazing Race to locate the woman who was the inspiration for the song “The Girl from Ipanema.” Fo was still annoyed that Teyona didn’t share her reward with her last week, despite the fact that no one besides Fo thinks that Fo and Teyona are friends. (At least not based on what we’ve been shown on camera.)

Aminat and Teyona (actual friends) got off to a fast start, but were eventually overtaken by Fo and Natalie (who won the challenge and a bunch of ridiculously over priced flip flops), as well as Celia and Allison, who had been stuck with the slowest cab driver in the bunch.

Since there was no drama in the new house (besides Natalie’s whining) the show’s producers generously decided to give us a second challenge in which the girls took a beginner’s capoeira lesson from a guy I’m 99% sure was named “Eddy Murphy” (but looked like Don Cheadle in disguise — go figure).

Mr. Jay and Ms. J apparated out of nowhere and announced that the girls would incorporate their capoeira skills into an impromptu photo shoot. Unfortunately, Teyona didn’t hear the “photo shoot” part and just did capoeira. Celia, who had accidentally kicked Aminat in the face during their session (thank God this didn’t become a thing), took good photos, but her arms got in the way of her face for most of them. Natalie looked like she was doing apathetic cheerleader kicks, while Aminat’s face continued to be underwhelming in photos.

Fo, meanwhile, had a bit of an angry puppy face, but her excellent body angles helped her win. Not only did she earn 50% more frames for her shoot later on, but she got to pick which model would lose 50% of her shots. Fo picked Teyona and tried to convince herself that it was mostly because Teyona was strong competition. However, we all know it was because Teyona didn’t acknowledge their imaginary friendship.

The two had a minor faceoff back at the house after Teyona announced that she took Fo’s choice as a compliment. Fo finally reminded Teyona (to her face, instead of whining to us) that she had snubbed her last week. (I bet it felt good for Fo to get it out in the open.)

As has been the case with (seemingly) every single contestant who has earned extra frames, Fo needed them during the Carmen Miranda/Chiquita banana photo shoot (which was set in a favela/ghetto for no apparent reason.)

It’s not that Fo’s picture was bad, it’s just that she totally mimicked Carmen Miranda’s original pose and didn’t bring anything new to the table. My favorites were Allison, (pictured, right, who COMPLETELY brightened up the favela — hmm, maybe that contrast is the reason the photo shoot was set there) who earned top picture honors, despite the fact that my other favorite Teyona’s picture was a little better (maybe the judges didn’t want to give her two straight Top Pics).

My least favorites were Celia (a little sleepy), Aminat (underwhelming face AGAIN) and Natalie (even sleepier than Celia, despite Mr. Jay’s assurances).

The bottom two was comprised of Natalie and Aminat. This was Aminat’s third appearance in the bottom two. You know what they say — “Strike three, you’re out-standingly shiny skin and statue-esque body are keeping you around, despite the fact that you CANNOT take a photo to save your life.” (People say that, right?)

On the other hand, I can’t get TOO bent out of shape about Natalie’s ouster. She’s always been cocky and arrogant (as Aminat is happy to point out), but up until last night, at least Natalie bothered to back up her talk. Goodbye, Natalie. I hope you’re back in the United States in a warm weather city and near a beach — so you can stop complaining.

So what’d you think of this episode? Was I the only one surprised to know the Girl from Ipanema was a real person? (And still alive?) Were the judges planting the seed for Celia's elimination by bringing up her age or setting up the "obstacle" for her to overcome as a future champion? Finally, how racist was Natalie’s obvious disgust about having to shoot in the favela? (A little racist? Kinda racist? Not racist at all?)

Heroes: Identity Crisis

Ok, so that was kind of a freaky episode.

Unfortunately, I don’t exactly mean "freaky" in a "satisfyingly suspenseful" way. I mean freaky in an "I felt a little uncomfortable because I didn’t know whether to laugh or be scared" way.

It’s too bad because "I Am Sylar" actually got off to a strong start.

Given that the character of Sylar has been yanked around more than any other on this show (and maybe on primetime TV) ( he’s a villain/he’s a budding hero, he found his father/wait, that’s not his father/ok THIS guy is his father, he’s scary/he’s cheeky ) I was happy to see the writers explore something about him that has been in play since season 1.

If you’ll recall this character has always struggled with who he really is. When we first got a glimpse into his past during the first season, Gabriel Gray was a lonely watchmaker who knew how things worked and was positively giddy when Chandra Suresh approached him with the news that he might be special. Last night, Sylar was barely hanging on to his own identity and was increasingly becoming Agt. Taub, which has been his disguise since faking his own death. The scene when he woke up as Agt. Taub and with an extra tooth was disturbing (and confusing until he finally explained what the hell was happening).

After dispatching of a man named Tom Miller (Clint Howard, making a rare appearance in a non-Ron Howard project) and cherrypicking his destructive ability, Sylar realized he needed something to ground him and remind him of who he really is. Enter his (adoptive) mother - you know, the snowglobe-loving older lady he’d killed in a fit of rage after she realized he was a monster. He used his connections as Agt. Taub to acquire the file on her death and set about reconnecting with her in a decidedly "Psycho"-tic way.

Meanwhile, Danko had gotten a read on Rebel/Micah and, after basically telling Sylar to "deal with it" in regards to his identity crisis, enlisted the help of "Agt. Taub" in capturing him.

Here’s where the episode went a little off the rails for me. Maybe it’s just me, but I just don’t buy that Sylar not only hesitates in killing Micah and taking his fantastic ability, but actively helps him escape. Then again, Sylar seemed bored and disinterested earlier in the episode right up until the moment he killed Mr. Miller. I guess Micah is just that much more persuasive.

The fact that he kept Micah alive led to the episode’s freakiest sequence in which we learned Sylar was having conversations with his dead mother by actually morphing into her. To me this was 30% scary, 70% funny. Fortunately, Micah, with his split-personality mom, is one of the few people on the planet who had experience with this sort of thing. He once again implored Sylar use his powers for good (he was apparently the one who planted the idea in his head about impersonating Nathan), before the semi bad guy scared him away.

While I like the mini-twist of Sylar potentially impersonating Nathan (pictured, left with Sylar) for the good of people with abilities ("I don’t want to be you, I want to be better") instead of the nefarious motives we’d all assumed he had, this mostly feels like another frustrating twist for the character. After meeting with his biological dad earlier this season, it seemed like he’d recovered his killer instinct. Now, after a brief encounter with a kid he barely knows, he seems determined to make things better for people with abilities. Whatever.

Danko seemed to recognize what was going on and tried to double cross Sylar after Nathan had been subdued. Unfortunately, Sylar survived and I just don’t like Danko’s long-term prospects on this show.

In other "Heroes" news, it took Matt Parkman approximately 15 minutes to get over the death of the alleged love of his life (Daphne) and try to rekindle the romance with his ex-wife. Sure, you can say that Matt just wants to make sure he stays in Matt Jr.’s life, but I was a little taken aback by how easily and eagerly he wanted to reconcile with a woman who cheated on him and never mentioned that he had a son.

Hiro and Ando were back on our screens. Fortunately, instead of having the duo act like clowns, the show thankfully (FINALLY) decided to explore the shift in their dynamic thanks to Ando’s new power. Before, Ando was literally powerless to complain about being bait because he was, well, power less. Now that he has a power, I agree that he SHOULD have a say because he might be equally helpful.

Last night, Hiro seemed mostly put out by this new development, and I can understand his pain. He’s used to being Superman with Ando being Jimmy Olsen. Now he has to deal with a Batman who wants to give his feedback all the time (and invades his time-stopping space). What wasn’t shown last night is that perhaps Hiro is also worried about Ando’s growing influence because Ando killed him in a vision of the future.

I’ll be curious to see if this gets addressed in a future epi- wait a minute, we’re already at the season finale. That kinda snuck up on me! What’s the one thing you’d like to see in the season finale?

Also, what’d you think of this episode? Is it just me or did this episode totally add on the scene of Danko pointing out Agt. Taub as the person for Sylar to emulate during the "Previously on" montage? (I honestly don’t remember that happening before.) Why didn’t Danko’s knife kill Sylar? (Did he just miss the precise spot on the back of his head he was supposed to hit?) Where was Peter in the episode-ending montage? (My guess is he’s somewhere near Nathan) Finally, why doesn’t the name Crimson Arc work for you? (Besides conjuring images of menstruation, I think it’s a pretty girly name.)

American Idol: Summer Night

Once again I didn’t expect to like the week’s theme for “American Idol” and yet again I was pleasantly surprised.

This trend — which has also meant that themes I thought would be interesting (“Songs of the Cinema”) turned out to be bombs — has become almost as predictable as the fact that Adam Lambert will wow us next week with a manic performance after slicking his hair back and slowing things down last night.

When I heard this week we’d be “treated” to “Disco Night”, I rolled my eyes. Why would the show force the Idols — some of whom get criticized for not being current — to perform songs from a much-reviled genre and from a very specific period of time (late 1970’s – early 1980’s)? Due to these constrictions, we got the obligatory Bee Gees tunes, and not one, not two, but THREE Donna Summer songs.

The wonderful surprise was that almost every one of the seven finalists (except for Danny Go-karao-key and Lil “I’m Every Woman and No Woman at the Same Time” Rounds) performed these tunes in such a way that they were barely recognizable as “disco” which, ironically, turned out to be the saving grace for “Disco Night.”

Let’s just get Danny Gokey and Lil Rounds out of the way, because I feel like I could copy/paste my comments about their performances from the past month and they would be applicable to last night’s show.

Once again, Danny sounded great a good deal of the time during “September” (though I defer to more musically-inclined people to tell me whether Kara’s right about him always being “pitch perfect”), but the performance was nothing special or innovative. It was just solid. It’s getting to the point where “solid” is not good enough for someone Paula anointed as a finalist last night.

At least Danny mostly has the good sense to keep his trap shut during the judges’ critiques. After what seemed like the 20th straight week of underwhelming work and crushing unoriginality (this week Lil played the role of Chaka Khan in “I’m Every Woman”) Lil once again back talked the judges by insisting that she had fun on stage. I mean, it’s great that Lil is having fun on stage, but I doubt many of the 20 million people watching (other than her indignant parents) share the sentiment.

How bad has it gotten for Lil Rounds? Her back talk to the judges (“I thought I did great; I had fun!”) has become as predictable and unoriginal as her performances. The only bright side is that my girlfriend Erica unveiled a solid Lil Rounds impersonation that’s not quite up to par with her Kara DioGuardi impression, but still pretty good.

Let’s move to the other end of the spectrum with Adam Lambert, Allison Iraheta and Kris Allen, who completely reinvented their tunes.

I kinda felt like smacking Simon when he acted surprised, saying he’d expected Adam to come out in full, FABULOUS disco glory. Anyone with a brain has picked up on Mr. Lambert’s pattern and knew it was Adam’s turn to show us his soft side. All that stuff aside, he delivered another amazing vocal with a ballad-y version of “If I Can’t Have You.” While he was VERY good (but not so good that he made me cry like Paula) I thought his arrangement was a tad sluggish, and I’d still rank this performance below Adam’s work on “Tracks of my Tears” and “Mad World.”

I’d also rank his performance below Kris Allen and Allison Iraheta’s work. Sure, no one can out sing Adam, but I loved the innovation and swagger that Kris and Allison, respectively, brought to their performances.

In fact, Kris was pretty up front about being out of his element during “Disco Night.” That didn’t stop him from taking a song about a woman with a “great work ethic” (“She Works Hard for the Money”) and turning it into something that suited his musical style, while actually highlighting the songs lyrics. Out of all the finalists, Kris is the one (more so than schizo-Adam) whose future track as a recording artist I can see 100% clearly. So someone please explained to me why Simon spent more time asking Kris about his potential cross-dressing habits than he did praising his work.

Allison (pictured, right) would actually be a close second. She brought her patented rocker grrl vibe to the overplayed “Hot Stuff” and made it sound like something completely new. Randy and Kara inexplicably slammed the arrangement, but I think the slowed down tempo (and generous flame action on the screen behind her) suited Allison perfectly. Also, that final note was hella fierce.

That leaves Anoop and Matt battling to stay off the double elimination tandem bike that Lil Rounds is riding around.

Given the incredible swell of positive emotion after his save last week, I actually think Matt is going to be around next week. He sang “Staying Alive” (judges’ save reference!) and sorta updated the “Saturday Night Fever” (not “Saturday Night Live”, Kara) classic. It kinda sounded like “Staying Alive 2000.” (And yes, I meant to say “2000” not “2009.”) Unfortunately, as was the case last week, the song started off very strong, but began to fall apart towards the end as Matt began riffing like there was no tomorrow.

I still say he’ll have enough to outlast Anoop, who was burdened by the absolute cheesiest arrangement of the night during Donna Summer’s “Dim the Lights.” I thought he sounded great during the slower portion of the song in the beginning. Once the song sped up, the performance became kinda stupid, despite the fact that Anoop looked like he was having fun for a change (until that bum last note). I understand why Anoop wanted to show us he could do ballads (which he’s shown) AND up-tempo, but he just came up a bit short last night. That being said, this was NOT his worst performance of the finals, Simon. (That would be “Beat It.”) Oh well, at least he got a new haircut and some scruffy facial hair out of it.

So what’d you think of this episode? Should Adam switch up his routine next week or is this a case of, “If it ain’t broke, don’t’ fix it”? Why does Randy feel the need to tell people on a singing competition that they can sing? Finally, who do you think is going home? (I’m thinking it’ll be Lil and Anoop.)

Dancing with the Stars: Group Effort

I actually like the group dances on “Dancing with the Stars.”

It’s not even because it gives one of the most ridiculous shows on TV a chance to take the Absurd-o-Meter up a few notches (last night’s routine tackled every 1960’s cliché imaginable).

I like them because when we see all the celebs dance at the same time we can see who’s really good and who has no chance of winning. (See: Last season’s legendarily bad performance by Susan Lucci during the Top 6 group dance, which, I believe, directly led to her being FINALLY being eliminated.)

Most surprisingly, this was the episode that finally made me like Chuck Wicks.

Without further ado, let’s get to talking about the dancers and their performances of styles they hadn’t yet tackled, in order of appearance.

Melissa Rycroft and Tony: Carrie Ann called this the best Argentine tango of the season and I’m inclined to agree with her — except that Giles’ Argentine tango earlier in the season earned a 30. I still think this one — with its intricate leg work (those legs were telling a story all by themselves!) and breathtaking lifts — was a little better. My only question is whether to give special/wonderfully-random guest mentor Teri Hatcher ALL of the credit or SOME of the credit.

Lawrence Taylor and Edyta: Hey, did you know that the celebs designed the pro’s outfits this week? I don’t blame you for forgetting, since this was pretty much the only instance in which that little tidbit became an issue. I don’t know where the judges got off giving LT straight 7s. He started off well, but his waltz eventually dipped into the disaster zone — a dress over the Edyta’s head here, a botched kneeling move there — which just goes to show what happens when you put too much clothes on Edyta. More importantly, LT is SO over this whole thing. He looked surly during the goofy, Brady Bunch-ish graphic touting the group dance. He acted grumpy during the group rehearsal. Finally, this week he actually went back and played golf. Why don’t the fans just do him a favor and let him stay there?

Lil’ Kim and Derek: The “bedroom” dance seemed like a natural fit for Kim, but this was the week in which she and Derek decided to tone things down for Len’s benefit. It didn’t work since he gave them the exact same 8 from last week and the confusing comment that he “likes raunch, but doesn’t score it very highly. (Huh?!) It also made me wonder if Carrie Ann or Bruno ever get offended that the celebs don’t go out of their way to please THEM. (Then again, Bruno is pretty easily amused.)

Chuck Wicks and Julianne: As I mentioned before, I enjoyed Chuck Wicks more this week than I have during his entire run on this show — and that was BEFORE he busted out the blonde wig for the group dance and the instant classic sexytime pinky-near-the-mouth look for the camera! (Pictured, left) During his samba, he finally, FINALLY seemed to realize he was (wearing red pajamas) on a ridiculous show and cut loose. The blonde wig eventually reinforced Chuck’s newfound freedom. All that being said, I think the judges got a little carried away giving him the same exact score as Giles.

Ty Murray and Chelsie: There isn’t much to say about Ty that I haven’t said before. When he has to dance alone, he’s kind of a train wreck (like he was during the men’s portion of the group dance at the beginning) and stiffer than a Shawn Johnson cardboard cutout. When he’s in hold, he’s pretty good. Also, the guy continues to charm off the dance floor (I had no idea that was him dressed up as a hippie during the group dance rehearsal). Finally, why did it look like he was starting a lawnmower before he rode Chelsie like a bull?

Shawn Johnson and Mark: I can objectively see that Melissa and Giles are better dancers, so why do I consistently enjoy Shawn and Lil’ Kim’s performances more. To me, Shawn’s cha cha cha was one of the more enjoyable routines of the night. GREAT mixture of the polish and precision Shawn naturally has as an Olympian with some newfound flair as a dancer (LOVED their side-by-side moves). Hopefully she’ll take time out from accepting awards to do even better on this show? (How is it possible she hadn’t gotten a 10 until last night?!)

Gilles Marini and Cheryl: Giles, you’re a GREAT dancer, but you have to slow down. Cheryl’s right about Giles “Latin” arms, and I thought getting him training underwater in a pool was ingenious for improving his arm movements (and not-so-subtle eye candy for the women, who pretty much got an entire outline of Giles’ package). Still, his waltz felt a bit rushed, but it won’t hurt his status as one of the show’s front-runner, and the top dog among the men.

So what’d you think of this episode? Did ANYONE see the alleged blunder in Melissa’s performance that Len pointed out? What was the point of having the celebs “design” the pros outfits? (Does anyone actually believe LT or Ty Murray slaved in a workroom, “Project Runway” style?) Who do you think is going home? (Please let it be LT) Finally, who do you think Chuck resembled most with his wig— Shaggy, Kurt Cobain or Derek Hough? (Please don’t say Derek Hough — that would be CREEPY.)

24: Waiting for Some Answers

After last week’s shocking, “Tony IS evil after all” twist, we wanted answers! (At least I did.)

Well other than some vague, quick references to the Bigger Bad Jonas Hodges alluded to last week (headed by Bruce Willis’ best friend in “Armageddon”/Will Patton?) we didn’t get much in the way of an explanation for Tony’s latest turn.

Since there are five episodes left in this terrific season of “24” I’m going to give the writers some slack in when they reveal what’s really going on. Unfortunately, that meant last night’s episode was relatively tame and mostly served as a tease for more exciting things to come. Oh well — at least there was a cool explosion.

For example, last night we saw Kim going to the airport to fly back to L.A. after Jack begged her not to go through with the stem cell treatment to (maybe) save his life. Father and daughter both agreed that they didn’t want to see Jack suffer because of the pain it would cause the other. Of course, the more significant reveal was that Jack has a granddaughter named after his dead wife Teri (Awww.) To be honest, I was just as pleased to see that Kim ended up with a more age-appropriate guy named Stephen instead of her jerky last beau (played by an older, skeezier C. Thomas Howell).

This was all well and good, but it all seems to be a setup for the sure-to-come moment where Kim returns from the airport to help save her father’s life. And given the state of her father at the end of the episode, he’s might need that help sooner rather than later. (More on that in a bit.)

Another way this episode had me looking ahead was with Jonas Hodges. The hour opened with a nifty, chilling sequence in which Jonas’ favorite attorney was drugged and replaced with a doppelganger who went to the White House to see Hodges. She implored Jonas to kill himself with a cardiac-inducing red pill (“Why oh why didn’t I take the blue pill?) so that he couldn’t be prosecuted and spill secrets about the Bigger Bad, and so that Starkwood’s legacy would remain relatively clean. After an encounter with a soldier who spoke highly of Starkwood, Jonas made up his mind, downed the pill and I silently cursed because it looked like “24” might lose its best villain since Charles Logan.

Except that in the previews for next week’s episode we see Hodges in a bed, clinging to life — and about to be confronted by Jack Bauer. Now THAT’S something I wanna see!

One of the brighter spots in THIS episode was the work of Annie Wersching. Renee asked about Larry Moss’ status about 27 times before the FBI team finally arrived on the scene and broke the news that Moss had been killed to her. Wersching did a great job of showing us how wrecked Renee was by the news (she and Larry CLEARLY had more than just a one-night stand), but how the FBI agent still had to act all steely since she was in charge. I really enjoyed the scene where Jack sensitively tried to comfort her and get her to focus by explaining that the reason he prefers to work alone is because he lost a few partners when he started out. I thought it was interesting that she barked at him, “Don’t’ tell me how to feel” after all her talk earlier in the season about how Jack didn’t ever FEEL anything.

Of course, going into the episode, we all had Tony (pictured, right) on our minds.

While I complained earlier in this column that the hour didn’t give us very many answers, one of the answers the show DID give us last night was that, YES, Tony is a bad guy. (To all of you out there hoping that Tony merely subdued Moss and that Tony was still somehow a good guy, my condolences.)

As if that point wasn’t hammered home enough, we got Tony — after shooting himself and lying about Moss’s death — imploring his accomplice Galvez to lure a bunch of FBI agents into a building and blow it up so Galvez could escape in the aftermath. Galvez: “You want me to blow up a couple dozen FBI agents?” Tony: “You got a problem with that?”

Unfortunately for Tony he wasn’t counting on Jack (the only competent person in D.C.) to show up and start poking holes in Tony’s story about how he and Moss had been shot. The guy who was debriefing Jack had also raised a red flag, but Jack got distracted after figuring out that Renee and a bunch of FBI agents had walked into a C-4 trap.

After the explosion, Jack got back to Debriefing Guy and found out that Tony had been lying about killing a source he’d interrogated. Jack ran to confront Tony right as he helped Galvez (posing as a wounded FBI guy) into an ambulance. I liked that they made Tony seem just as competent as Jack (he kept his cool and his story to Jack was perfectly plausible). Still, Jack wasn’t buying it and he would’ve taken Tony down if he hadn’t gotten the most inopportune case of the shakes in recent history. Unfortunately, Tony had pickpocketed Jack’s medication, probably during the moment he took Jack’s arm and told him he was sorry about his incurable disease. That’s a great job by the writers using the audience’s wish to believe Tony is good to distract us from another slyly evil act.

Of course, the main problem is that this still felt like a preview to the heavyweight championship fight that’s sure to come at the end of the season. While this episode may not have been the best this season has to offer, I’m still excited to see Jack face off against Hodges and, eventually, Tony. (Maybe the show can hook us up with a Renee vs. Evil Fake Blonde undercard.)

So what’d you think of this episode? How is Moss’s ex-wife going to react after Janis tells her that Larry is dead? (Apparently better than she would if Renee notified her — the slut.) What do you think are Tony’s motivations? Finally, wasn’t it weird seeing Carlos Bernard do that environmental commercial right after Tony coldly left Jack shaking and convulsing on the ground? (You just messed up our hero — how am I supposed to believe ANYTHING you say?!)

Gounod's "Faust" at the Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center

I’d never been to the opera before, so I apologize in advance if I sound like an idiot.

I’ve always been curious about it since I generally enjoy the fine arts (as opposed to the coarse arts), but I’ve never had a chance to go.

Enter my upstairs neighbor Heather, who offered my girlfriend Erica and I free tickets see Charles Francois Gounod’s “Faust” at the Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center.

Since I was going to my first opera, I threw on a tie and Erica and I headed out. We barely made it to our seats after coming in from Orlando earlier in the day (it was SO dark in the theatre that we couldn’t even see the person sitting next to us — who was Heather!) and we sat down just as the show started.

I was familiar with the story of Faust — depressed, suicidal Dr. Faust (Vale Rideout) sells his soul to the devil (Mark Doss) in exchange for youth, vitality and the chance to hook up with the beautiful Marguerite (Rachel Watkins) — so I figured I’d be able to follow the story, despite the fact that it would be sung in a different language.

Immediately I was hit by two surprises: 1.) the show was in French (not German like I assumed) so I was able to understand 15% of what was said thanks to my intermediate French classes in college. 2.) There were supertitles available above the stage that translated everything that was sung into English. I honestly did NOT know that would be there (told you I was an idiot).

The staging of the production was relatively simple, but very impressive. The set design was well done, pretty and unintrusive (and deceptively basic), and the use of pyrotechnics early on (that Mephistopheles DOES like to make a grand entrance) fit in well with the story. Most of all, I was impressed by the subtle uses of lighting to convey tone shifts in different scenes.

The cast was mostly impressive too. As is usually the case whenever the devil is a character in a production (it’s an undeniably juicy role) Mephistopheles was the real star and Doss stole the show. He was the unquestioned crowd-pleaser and definitely got the devil’s charismatic side across (though I would’ve liked to have seen a bit more of the scary side).

Though the character is a little underdeveloped, Watkins did a nice job of showing us the character’s arc from innocent, hesitant young girl to a woman driven completely mad.

Ironically enough, I thought Rideout was the least effective of the three leads as the title character. I thought he was fantastic when he played Dr. Faust at an advanced age at the start, but as soon as he became a young man, he just wasn’t as interesting. His stage presence and singing (I detected a bum note or two) were a bit lacking. I guess I liked him a lot more as a suicidal old man.

Among the supporting cast, I liked Guido LeBron as Valentine, Marguerite’s pious brother, and Cheri Rose Katz in a brief turn as Marguerite’s neighbor (who is a little past her prime).

Unfortunately, there were also some problems with the story (I still have no idea why ***SPOILER ALERT*** Faust abandons Marguerite ***END OF SPOILER ALERT***) and the tone of the production.

The fact that Erica turned to me at the end and asked me if I thought it was a comedy or a tragedy — and I couldn’t give her a firm answer — is not really good. (My final verdict is that it’s a tragedy with comedic elements — I think.) Still, the biggest problem for me is that the ending (which I won’t spoil here) is painfully eye-roll inducing.

Despite all that, I thoroughly enjoyed my first night (ok, it was 2 p.m.) at the opera and I’m definitely looking forward to doing it again sometime — especially if someone wants to give me awesome orchestra seats for free again.

Gounod’s “Faust”...B

Desperate Housewives: True Britt

If the show wanted a flashback-heavy hour to celebrate its 100th episode a few months ago, then they really should’ve used last night’s Edie-centric installment.

If you recall, I was in the minority in that I kinda hated previously-unseen/outta-leftfield handyman Eli Scruggs and the emotionally manipulative 100th episode. Besides building a milestone episode around a completely new character, my main problems with it were that 1.) Eli was ridiculously, unrealistically saintly and that 2.) it wasn’t believable that a man who had such a big impact on the women’s lives (he may have saved the life of one of Lynette’s sons) had never even been mentioned before.

Last night’s episode was very similar in structure — each of the Housewives (except for Katherine) recalled a personal moment where Edie Britt touched their lives. However, the main reason THIS flashback episode worked for me was because it revolved around a character we actually knew and cared about (even if you hated her) and doubled as an effective tribute and farewell to said character.

Of course, the episode wasn’t perfect. I realize the show’s writers don’t want to dance on a (fictional) person’s grave (or urn, in this case), but they definitely flirted with some revisionist history by almost making the character a little too saintly. (Edie was the reason Lynette got the courage to fight cancer? Edie happened to be the reason Bree finally decided to support Orson in prison?!)

Overall though, the episode did a good job of not compromising the Edie character we all knew (she was still sleeping with other people’s husbands in these flashbacks) while revealing a side of her we never got to see. It’s a side that HAD to be there to explain why, despite all the drama, the rest of the Housewives (kinda) remained friends with her all this time.

We first saw how Susan and Edie had met and I liked the twist that Edie’s biggest nemesis on the Lane was actually her friend at first. Unfortunately, Susan severely disapproved of Edie’s homewrecking ways. More importantly, I think there was an element of Susan shooting the messenger in the dissolution of their friendship since Edie was the first person to tell her that Karl was cheating on her. (I kinda wish the episode had explored this a bit more.) Of course, Edie eventually sleeping with Karl may have also contributed to the dissolution of the friendship.

Up next, Lynette relayed a story about how she had been feeling sorry for herself and weak due to her cancer (Katherine cameo!) before Edie took her to a bar to do tequila shooters and play pool against a one-armed-man. (Why aren’t more oncologists using this treatment?) While I don’t completely buy that Lynette would become so meek and defeated, I liked the detail of everyone in the bar knowing Edie’s name. Also, Edie being the one to whip Lynette into shape makes sense since they’re, arguably, the two strongest, most plain-talking women on the block. (Bree is too passive aggressive and Gabby is too scheme-y.) It makes me wish Nicolette Sheridan and Felicity Huffman had had more scenes together.

Bree followed with a far-fetched story about how she found out that Edie had been regularly visiting Orson in prison during her banishment. While it was mildly amusing to watch Bree interact with the gruff female prison guard (she may as well been a different species to Bree) and Kyle McLachlan was more effective in his brief, sad scene last night than he has been in his ridiculous kleptomaniac storyline recently, this just didn’t work for me. I liked that we got a quick glimpse at Edie’s life during her “banishment” from Wisteria Lane, but this mostly felt like the writers stretching for a way to connect Edie and Bree. (They also kinda stretched to connect Edie with Lynette, but that felt more plausible.)

By contrast, I can totally see Edie and Gabby going out on the town (pictured, right) and getting into a competition to prove who the hottest woman on Wisteria Lane was. (Susan didn’t make it on the ballot, unfortunately). Gabby won (couldn’t either woman just grab a bunch of swizzle sticks from the bar) and was promptly abandoned at the bar by Edie. When Gabby caught up with her, instead of getting in a predictable screaming match/cat fight, the two had a heart-to-heart in which Edie revealed that she’d always known that she was going to die before the age of 50.

If you thought this was also a little too dramatically convenient, I can absolutely see your point. However, I think it was kind of perfect.

It helps explain Edie’s consequences-be-damned, live-for-now attitude. It explains her obsession with staying young(ish)-looking (she wasn’t ever planning on making it to 80). On the flip side, this was a rare private, bare-your-soul moment between Edie and Gabby, so it makes perfect sense that Gabby wouldn’t run out and tell the rest of her friends. If Edie had said something like “I’m going to kill myself”, then Gabby would look like an idiot for not telling anyone. However, the intimacy of the moment is consistent with why Gabby wouldn’t ever tell anyone until Edie was dead and she was holding her friend’s urn during a road trip.

Susan, Lynette, Bree, Gabby and Mrs. McCluskey were on their way to deliver the news of Edie’s death to her son Travers (still a stupid name). This led to the least effective part of the episode, in which Mrs. McCluskey tried to tell an angry Travers that Edie had COMPLETELY abandoned him as a baby because she wasn’t ready to be a mom. I get that Edie supposedly made this noble sacrifice for her freakishly rapid-aging son, but it still felt hollow. I mean, wasn’t there any way for her son to live with his dad and for Edie to still be some kind of presence in his life? I guess it was the one flashback that made Edie look bad — but I don’t think that was the writers’ intention. To be honest, I would’ve been happier if it had been revealed that the reason Travers hated his mom was because she named him “Travers.”

Overall, I liked the storytelling structure of the episode — instead of a stick and a campfire, we got an urn and an SUV — and the final scene with the women spreading Edie’s ashes throughout Wisteria Lane was touching, a little gross (I don’t want any Edie on my plants!) and totally consistent with the show (Susan kinda stealing Edie’s thunder).

So what’d you think of this episode? How the hell does Susan stay in shape if she doesn’t know how to cook good, healthy food (microwave burritos don’t count) AND she doesn’t like to run? Did you think this episode was an effective goodbye to Edie? (It kinda made me wish that Nicolette Sheridan had been given more to do recently.) Would you like Edie as the new dead narrator? (Yes, please.) Finally, who wants to be the first to buy Susan a thesaurus? (“One of a kind” CAN be boiled down to one word, Susan. Have you heard of the word “unique”?)

Hell's Kitchen: You Gotta Have Heart

Ok, “Hell’s Kitchen”, you got me.

Don’t get me wrong, I never thought the whole “Hell’s Kitchen closes!” thing was any kind of permanent development. However, I DID think the show would try to get at least some mileage out of the faux-storyline.

Then again, since we all knew there was no way “Hell’s Kitchen” was closing, I was happy to see the show do away with the farce in the opening minutes of the episode. It turns out the reason Chef Ramsay was closing “Hell’s Kitchen” was because he was taking the five finalists to the Borgata Hotel Casino & Spa in Atlantic City.

So the chefs got all clean and proper (did anyone else get a little scared when Andrea joyfully jumped on Ben while he was shaving) and traveled via Borgata Airlines to Atlantic City. Unfortunately, the first portion of the episode – with the chefs getting a tour of the Borgata Hotel, the adjacent restaurants and the empty space that the Borgata restaurant will occupy – was incredibly BO-RING.

Here’s my issue. In theory, it SHOULD be inspiring (and a little touching) to see how much this competition has meant to the chefs and to see them in awe of the incredible prize that they’re working for. The problem is that this particular reality show spends the OVERWHELMING majority of its time (and actually seems to delight in) showing us that these “chefs” are buffoonish, incompetent, crude clowns that shouldn’t be trusted to run a Wendy’s. Now we’re supposed to feel happy for them and believe they actually deserve to be handed the keys to such a prestigious position? It’s not working for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t actually have any ill-feelings towards any of these fools (ok, maybe Lazy Lacey). It’s just that none of these people (not the contestants, not Ramsay) are shown in a particularly flattering light. All of that is by design, of course, since “Hell’s Kitchen” is pretty much humiliation porn. (And I’m ok with that.)

All that being said, it’s a damn shame about Robert (pictured, left).

Not-Bobby had to leave a dinner with a Borgata big-wig due to chest pains, and eventually was forced to drop out of the competition. While, I didn’t like his chances to win it all, it’s always unfortunate to see someone drop out early. I hope the guy gets himself in better shape so that he can reduce the chances of any future health scares. It was nice to see his fellow chefs (and Ramsay) treat him with such kindness and express genuine disappointment that their guy was gone. Goodbye Robert. I won’t miss your mediocre-at-best Chef Ramsay impersonation, but I’ll miss your self-deprecating sense of humor.

However, it was back to business for everyone else. The final four were tasked with creating signature dishes. All four seemed to do a good job, until Ben presented his dish, which was light on prawns and heavy on prawn tail. The winner turned out to be Andrea, who didn’t so much COOK her raw rice and tuna-in-tea-leave dish (much to the chagrin of Ben and Danny) but still earned immunity from being fired.

After that, Ben did a lot of freaking out because, apparently, everyone assumed that Andrea would DEFINITELY be the next person to go and now she had immunity. It’s not that I disagree with the thesis that Andrea is the weakest (she is), but I don’t see why everyone else seemed to lump Ben in with Danny and Paula as the CLEAR top three. To me Danny and Paula are in a class of their own. Meanwhile, based on what we’ve seen on TV, Ben is only slightly better than Andrea (and the case could probably be made that they’re equal or that Andrea is slightly better.)

With Andrea having immunity, we kind of knew how dinner service was going to go right? It was disastrous for Andrea. I’m not sure that this makes things better, but I don’t think there’s any way she was dogging it or trying to sabotage her teammates – she’s just majorly incompetent during dinner service.

Just as predictably, Ben was no better. Sure, part of the reason he fell behind on the garnish station was because Andrea was screwing up. Still, Ben’s brain did the meltdown thing that Lacey and Andrea’s has done in past dinner services that renders contestants unable to comprehend dinner orders from Chef Ramsay. To his credit, Ben somewhat rallied after being thrown out by Ramsay and was able to finish the dinner service. I think Ben’s cluelessness and delusional behavior actually help him bounce back from harsh criticism.

In front-runner news, we hardly got a peep out of Danny during the dinner service for the second week in a row (except for when he jumped in to help Andrea on the fish station), while Paula kicked ass on the meat station again, and ended up reluctantly throwing Andrea under the bus. (The fact that she hesitated showed that she’s a good person.)

Each chef had to nominate two people for elimination and none of the chefs eligible to be fired wanted to put themselves on the chopping block Since she had immunity, Andrea had the tiebreaker vote and announced Ben and Paula (who laughed when she heard her name). Predictably, Ramsay sent Paula back in line and called Andrea forward. (Did you catch the way her lower lip quivered?)

Since Ramsay plays fast and loose with his elimination procedures, I wouldn’t have been surprised to see him fire Andrea anyway, despite having immunity. However, given the fact that the show had lost Robert earlier in the hour, it wasn’t at all surprising when Ramsay decided to fire no one. As a result, Lucky Ben and Fortunate Andrea live to fight another day – until one of them gets eliminated next week.

So what’d you think of this episode? Do you miss Robert? How great was the look on Ben’s face when Danny joked that he needed ALL the basil during the signature dish challenge? Finally, should Ramsay had waived the immunity and fired Andrea or should he have just fired Ben (because he kinda sucks)?