NFL 2008 Week 13 Picks

As we approach Thanksgiving, I realize I have a lot of things to be thankful for this NFL season, so I'm going to get them all in before everything goes straight to hell.

I'm thankful that both my fantasy football teams are in the playoff hunt, I'm thankful that my favorite time, the Bucs, are tied for first place in the division, and I'm thankful that my picks continue to hold up decently (10-6 week, 110-65-1 overall).

Let's see if we can keep this party going.

TENNESSEE @ DETROIT
So I'm definitely one of those people who believe that the Lions playing on Thanksgiving every year because of "tradition" is stupid. Don't get me wrong — I have respect for certain traditions. But I would also like to see a good game on Thanksgiving every once in a while. It's not like the Lions are having an off year. They're having an off 40 years! They're awful. Get them off Thanksgiving. I guess this year's team should be glad that, playing a pissed off 10-1 Titans team, they won't jump ahead to a two touchdown lead this week, only to get their hearts broken. They'll be out of the game well before that happens.

SEATTLE @ DALLAS
I thought things were supposed to get better once Seattle QB Matt Hasselbeck came back. Unlike the 49ers, they might want to put more than one guy on T.O. this Thursday — might help.

ARIZONA @ PHILADELPHIA
Could the Eagles be any more done? They're crispy!

SAN FRANCISCO @ BUFFALO
Well Buffalo has certainly proven they can kick the crap out of terrible teams, while they most interesting thing about the Niners continues to be their insane coach.

BALTIMORE @ CINCINNATI
Was the Bengals deactivating WR Chad Johnson/Ocho Cinco against the Steelers last week supposed to be a punishment? I'd be relieved not to have to go out there in that uniform. They're terrible.

INDIANAPOLIS @ CLEVELAND
I barely had enough time to get excited about the Brady Quinn era before his broken finger snatched it away. Also, be on the lookout for the Colts to finish 11-5.

CAROLINA @ GREEN BAY
I'm not a big Carolina believer, and I'm counting on the Packers to pick up a win in Lambeau, assuming their collective ass isn't still sore from the spanking the Saints gave them.

MIAMI @ ST. LOUIS
If the Rams are intent on mailing in the rest of the season, then I'm mailing in this pick.

NEW ORLEANS @ TAMPA BAY
Mini-fantasy conflict of interest here. I need Drew Brees to have a big game, but I would also like to see my favorite team win. Forget this fantasy stuff, I'm rolling with and rooting for the Bucs, who are undefeated at home (despite potentially losing some $$ in the process).

N.Y. GIANTS @ WASHINGTON
I've watched the Redskins play a few times because I own Clinton Portis and Jason Campbell in one of my fantasy teams, and here's the thing. They kinda suck on offense. They don't REALLY suck, but they kinda suck (mostly Campbell). In a related story, the Giants continue to crush everyone in their way.

ATLANTA @ SAN DIEGO
I like Atlanta a lot, but not on the road against a Chargers team that desperately needs this win. (Funny how I'm not getting any smack talk from my nemeses, Chargers fans, this season.)

PITTSBURGH @ NEW ENGLAND
Probably the best game of the week. I'm going with New England because I still don't trust Pittsburgh's offensive line and because people are seriously asking whether Matt Cassel is better than Tom Brady. They've gotta be doing something right.

DENVER @ N.Y. JETS
I was thoroughly horrified by the Broncos uninspired, pathetic performance AT HOME against the Raiders. Oh, here comes the team that just beat the previously undefeated Titans.

OAKLAND @ KANSAS CITY
Kansas City appears to have more promise, but Oakland has two more wins. Someone find out how this is possible.

CHICAGO @ MINNESOTA
I don't think Kyle Orton is all the way back from his injury quite yet (not that Kyle Orton being "all the way back" is a guaranteed win). Also, I'm predicting (hoping for) a 300 yard, 2 TD game from Gus Frerotte. (That prediction may or may not have something to do with the fact that I'm starting him in my Yahoo league.)

JACKSONVILLE @ HOUSTON
If you can come up with a less inspiring/exciting Monday Night Football game in the last five years, I'm all ears.

The Shield: Serious Finale

I'm sad.

After I finished watching last night's 90-minute (plus commercials) series finale, I was actually surprised by how sad I felt.

I've seen every episode of this show, so I obviously wasn't expecting any sort of lighthearted finale that ended with something like Vic and Shane high-fiving each other and then driving off together to watch "The Day the Earth Stood Still". (Think you've got enough commercials for that one, FX?)

I also wasn't expecting a "crowd-pleasing" finale, because there's just no such thing. Ok, maybe there is for "Sex and the City" and "Friends" fans, but not for a show like "The Shield" where so many of the central characters have done truly deplorable things. They don't exactly get to ride off into the sunset, but we may not necessarily want to see them catch a bullet either.

Of course, part of the sadness is the fact that I'd just finished watching the final original episode of one of the best show's of the decade, one of the best cop shows ever, and the most consistently excellent and underappreciated drama in the last 20 years. ("The Wire" doesn't count because people talked about how it was underappreciated all the time — most of the time people don't even remember to forget about "The Shield.")

Still, the main reason I was sad was because, as the series finale progressed, it became increasingly clear where each character was headed, and almost all the results were tragic. We knew there was no way Shane and Mara would go to jail, we knew Claudette would die before she would be able to arrest Vic and we knew that Vic — well, we'll talk about him a little later. Whereas other episodes this season have been packed with tense "wow" scenes and moments, the series finale was packed with incredibly tense moments of dread, where you just kept waiting for something terrible to happen. (I'm sure the guy who got bit in the face by the snake would disagree with me that there weren't as many "wow" moments in the finale.)

Let's just get the minor complaints out of the way. I don't have any problem with Andre Benjamin's performance as Robert Huggins, the comic book store owner from a few seasons ago who was sick of the crime in his neighborhood and decided to run for mayor. In fact, I thought he was pretty great and I understand that the show wanted to reiterate its commentary on the relationship between the cities, police departments and the "prison complex."

I just selfishly wish some of his screen time had been devoted to Danny — really a glorified extra these days — or that Julien had more to do than longingly glance at a happy, openly gay couple. These two were a major part of the show at the start, but by the end only uttered a few lines per episode. I know some people out there were hoping for an appearance from Antwan Mitchell, Monica Rawlings or Jon Kavanaugh, but I commend creator Shawn Ryan for not going for a big splash return of a major character from the past (although he did slip it in over the closing credits mini music video). Fitting them into the story wouldn't have worked organically and I guess the same can be said for the likes of Danny, Julien and Tina (though Tina isn't a huge loss).

However, there were more pressing matters to get to for our main characters. Vic had to broker the Beltran bust, Corinne had to get herself into witness protection (I liked the "he's got his whole life to figure out what I did to him" line), Dutch had to try one more time to get Lloyd and Shane had to reach the destination he's been heading towards for a long time.

I've already talked, at length, about how much Walton Goggins deserves an Emmy for his performance as Shane, so I won't bore you with that. Though the Vendrells have been inching toward their tragic demise for a long time now, it was still heartbreaking to see the moment where Shane realized that he couldn't save Mara or Jackson (the dirty old man/druggie already knew he couldn't save himself).

The couple had returned home and, with Mara in agonizing pain, their current situation was pretty much the exact opposite of the idyllic scene from a few weeks ago with Shane playing piano and Mara and Jackson dancing while they were on the run. As a result, it's no great shock that Shane would want a little piece and serenity for his loved ones, but watching him blow his brains out in the middle of his surprisingly eloquent suicide note and seeing Mara and Jackson peacefully lying in bed was still jaw-droppingly awful. Still, as Shane would undoubtedly point out, he died with his loved ones nearby.

In contrast, Vic didn't even realize he was seeing his family for the last time, in what was probably one of the finale's more underrated scenes. Cathy Cahlin Ryan played this perfectly. Corinne knew she wasn't going to see Vic — a HUGE part of her life — ever again and the kids would never see their father again, but she couldn't show even a hint of those emotions, Ryan still had to convey said emotions for the audience.

At least one of my finale wishes came true. Dutch didn't get shot by Lloyd. Instead, the budding serial killer appears to have framed Dutch for the murder of his mom. I thoroughly enjoyed the ambiguous ending to this storyline over a cut-and-dry "Dutch gets Lloyd" or "Lloyd kills Dutch" resolution. We know Dutch has dark impulses (RIP strangled alley cat) and we also know that Lloyd is just not right in the head, so a case can be made for either scenario (though Claudette's confidence near the end seemed to suggest they had something). Heck, Rita may even still be alive — as Claudette said, "no body, no murder."

Another thing I loved was the generous amount of screen time given to CCH Pounder last night. The scene where she tells an in-denial Dutch that she's dying was unsentimental, yet touching, and her one-sided conversation with Mackey in the interrogation room was fantastic. (Chiklis also gave a master class in acting without dialogue in this episode.)

In fact, Vic just seemed to be out of words by the end of the episode. It appeared that he'd used up all his lies, excuses and justification by the time he ended up in an awkward-looking suit and tie, listening to the oppressive drone of the I.C.E. office he worked at.

He should maybe consider himself a bit lucky for even getting that. The first drug bust with Beltran didn't pan out when the heavy hitter declined to show up, so Vic and Ronnie set about finding him and the drugs and delivering the huge bust I.C.E. wanted (though I DID enjoy how completely disgusted Agt. Murray continued to be with Vic.)

Of course, the drug bust only earned Vic immunity, which led to the second biggest show of emotion from Ronnie as he tried to go after Vic for betraying him while yelling "I was gonna run!" The biggest display of emotion from Ronnie came a few minutes earlier as he cried with a bit of sadness, but mostly relief upon hearing about Shane's suicide. On the other hand, Vic's reaction was a mix of horror and guilt (I didn't see any joy or relief in there).

So now Vic is in his worst nightmare — chained to a desk and forced to type and evaluate tedious reports for I.C.E. I'm not one of those guys that either needed to see Vic completely get away with everything or get killed for all his sins, so I believe this conclusion — isolated from all the friends and family he loves — is as good as it gets. (Vic enduring an orientation from an HR woman was probably the comedic highlight last night.)

I'd still argue that working a boring desk job still isn't anywhere near as bad as ACTUALLY going to prison. Still, given the final shot of the episode (and the show) —Vic grabbing his gun and heading out — I don't think it will be very long before he's up to his old tricks. And that's the way we love (and loathe) our Vic.

So what'd you think of the season finale? Is it more likely that Dutch actually killed Rita or that Aceveda actually put a hit out on Huggins? Will Dutch call Billings' lawyer? Finally, where do you like to think Vic was headed as he left the I.C.E. office? To find Corinne? To bust some gang banger heads? To go home and follow Shane's lead?

Thank you very much for reading my rambling recaps. I hope you enjoyed reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them after watching this fantastic show.

Heroes: Powers Outage

So the much-hyped eclipse finally occurred on “Heroes” and the results were, um, interesting.

In my continuing attempts to stay positive in regards to this show, I’ll say that there are many words that can be used (and that I’ve used myself) to describe the past season and a half of “Heroes.” That list includes sloppy, uninspired, repetitive, embarrassing, silly and suck. However, one word you won’t see on that list is “boring.”

As bad as “Heroes” has gotten recently, I don’t know that anyone could ever accuse the show of being “boring” (the same way no one can say a train wreck is boring).

Thanks to NBC’s relentless promo department, we knew two things: 1.) Rosie O’Donnell has a surefire hot mess of a variety show airing this Wednesday and 2.) the eclipse would cause the heroes to temporarily lose their powers.

Of course, this came at a most inopportune time for everyone. Sylar (not Gabriel since he’s apparently evil again) and Elle were looking for Claire the Catalyst per Arthur Petrelli’s orders. Meanwhile, Matt was trying to win back his (alleged) beloved Daphne with Hiro and Ando’s help, while Nathan and Peter tried to recruit the Haitian to help fight Arthur. Also, Mohinder grew increasingly scalier.

I was happy to see that the show still maintains a(n intentional) sense of humor about itself and its characters. It was a delight seeing Nathan and Peter crash land in the swamp after Nathan lost the ability to fly. It was even funnier to watch a few other characters try to use their power (Sylar and his finger, Matt and his turning his head sideways) with no results. I was also amused by the failing-light effect to convey the eclipse was still happening, though it did put a bit of a strain on my eyes.

Most of all, I enjoyed the triumphant return of Jack Coleman. After sitting out last week’s episode, H.R.G. was back and surprising me (and his daughter, and the powerless Sylar and Elle) once again by how much ass he kicks.

Sylar and Elle crashed H.R.G. and Claire’s training session right after the two appeared to make a breakthrough following Claire’s admission that she resented her father for always being gone. I’m not really sure why that issue came up last night, but I’m just happy that Claire can stop acting like a melodramatic hardass all the time and maybe go back to being a relatable, well-meaning young woman.

Since one of the complaints about this show was that there are too many characters with too many powers and last night’s episode mostly focused on the core cast, I was hoping that the eclipse taking their powers away would be the perfect opportunity to delve deeper into each character.

Unfortunately, with very few exceptions, most of the characters — besides H.R.G. and Angela Petrelli — are not very interesting. So, what we got was a series of scenes with characters getting in each other’s face.

Besides Claire and Bennett’s argument, we got a Nathan and Peter dustup in the Haitian jungle. I wasn’t very clear as to why they were mad with each other, but it all ended with Peter calling Nathan a puppet and Nathan calling Peter a nurse. Ooooh. They eventually caught up with the Haitian before being besieged by gunfire leading to Nathan’s capture by a Level 5 escapee (Did he HAVE to be the Haitian’s brother?) who’d been alerted to their whereabouts thanks to Tracy, who’s still working with Arthur.

Even more puzzling were Elle’s actions last night. Make up your mind, writers — does she feel conflicted and guilty about turning Sylar into the killer who was eventually responsible for her father’s death or is she just a power-hungry psychopath who just wants to take anything she wants. You can’t have both. And don’t give me that “she’s just crazy” talk. There’s a difference between writing a mentally unstable character and bad writing.

Finally, there was Matt, Hiro and Ando’s field trip to Kansas after Daphne freaked out for reasons known only to her and went home. The less said about this storyline the better. Hiro is still acting like a 10-year-old and Masi Oka’s performance continues to not be that different than his usual acting (maybe Future Hiro can show up and slap some sense into the 10-year-old). I’m also still not buying Matt and Daphne’s love for each other at all. The revelation that Daphne’s legs were useless without her power was meant to be a big reveal, but, I imagine, instead inspired a chorus of, “huh, ok” across the country. (Not exactly the same impact as Locke in the “Walkabout” episode of “Lost.”)

Then again, perhaps the big purpose of the trip was to introduce Seth Green and Breckin Meyer’s comic book nerd characters. Maybe they’ll become the new Hiro and Ando — I’m kind of over the old Hiro and Ando. Well, Hiro, at least.

Still, as is now customary with this show, JUST enough things happened to make me roll my eyes AND have me tune in to see what happens next week, when we’ll get part II of “The Eclipse.” I can almost certainly say it won’t be boring.

So what’d you think of the episode? Anyone else dreading, I mean looking forward to, the potential return of Maya? (This is only a good thing if it leads to more accidentally hilarious sex scenes with Mohinder.) Do eclipses typically last nearly an hour? How the hell did Mohinder cocoon himself like that? Finally, do you think H.R.G. will actually take out either Sylar or Elle (Please take Elle out before I start disliking Kristen Bell more than I already do thanks to this show.)

Dancing with the Stars: Final-ly Free

After a week's worth of buildup touting "Dancing with the Stars'" most competitive finale three — I actually believed that claim, in that all three finalists had a real shot at winning — Monday night's final performance episode was surprisingly meh.

And that was even after I got over my extreme annoyance that the first half hour of the show was a complete of waste of time. The segment in which each of the finalists recounted their favorite dance — and we had to sit through said dance — was SO "results show" and ended up having nothing to do with Monday's finale except giving us a sneak peek at the yellow color palette for the night's first performance.

Once the dancers hit the floor for the Samba Smackdown, I was actually pretty encouraged. I liked the idea of a Samba Smackdown and the freestyle round, as opposed to rehashing past dances like they've done in previous season finales.

I think each of the finalists did a pretty terrific job in their individual spots and the group portion of the dance.

Brooke drew a small disco ball with the number 1 tucked inside from a larger disco ball, which meant she and Derek would leadoff the dance. As usual, Brooke was incredibly impressive, but I felt like the dance showcased Derek a LOT more than Brooke (although I DID appreciate them throwing a samba roll in there for me). I'm especially talking about the moment where Brooke appeared to stick her hand out for Derek to grab, but he was too busy doing five turns in midair or something. As usual, the judges hardly noticed or cared. Well, Bruno definitely noticed Brooke and told her that "everyone would like to drive that model." This elicited the typical reaction anyone has to Bruno: "Huh", shortly followed by "Ick."

I actually thought Lance and Lacey's solo was WAY fiercer than Brooke's AND gave Lance more to do. Of course, the judges scored it a few points lower than Brooke's, highlighted by DANCMSTR's (and Lance and Lacey nemesis) 8. Really, Len? An 8?!

Warren brought up the rear and, as usual, was the crowd pleaser. As the judges pointed out, there appeared to be more content in his samba than usual, which is encouraging because there's a real chance that Warren might win the ugly mirror ball trophy, so it's nice to see him give a damn about getting better technically. Len, of course, was less than impressed, giving him a 7 (I thought anything lower than an 8 was banned from the final performance episode.)

Up next was the freestyle round. Tom repeatedly hyped it as the most eagerly anticipated portion of the competition, and I agreed with him. It's a chance for each couple to break out of the show's sometimes-constricting ballroom bubble AND show their creativity in the process.

While I don't agree AT ALL with Len's assessment that Brooke and Derek's freestyle was the best he'd ever seen (off the top of my head, Drew and Cheryl's freestyle was better), I still appreciated the incredible level of difficulty involved. I also appreciated the fact that Brooke eventually ditched that awful pink (ladies) dress she was wearing in favor of a sparkly pink pant and tank combo. Maybe, I'll appreciate it when I watch it again, but to me it felt a bit like a glorified and slightly stiff jive with a BUNCH of lifts thrown in.

Not to be outlifted, Kym made sure she threw enough lifts for Warren to execute during their freestyle to "Proud Mary." I liked that Warren and Kym, at least, started out ballroom dancing before launching into an all-lift fest, but my favorite part was still the fact that almost every time Kym did a lift, she'd lose about 8 percent of her sparkly costume (thanks to Tom for pointing out that each sparkle represents a full costume for Edyta). The dance earned a 10 from Len, following some self-reflection for giving their samba a 7.

While I feel that too many lifts in a freestyle can make viewers numb to genuine "wow" moments in a routine, I'd much rather see too many attempts at "wow" than not enough.

In a related story, Lancey's freestyle was a complete failure. Not only did it not feature any truly "wow" moments, it wasn't even that good of a hip hop routine (Jason and Edyta's freestyle from last season was more pure fun). Add to that the pitfalls in performing a hip-hop routine in your last chance to make an impression in a ballroom competition (again, see Taylor, Jason) and it adds up to Lance and Lacey leaving a bad taste in everybody's mouth after their final routine. The best part was their song choice, which inspired Len to throw up a gang sign and say "tricky, tricky, tricky" — ok, so it wasn't a complete waste.

As someone who's picked Lance to win all season and who considers last week's mambo to be the best dance of the season, I kinda hope he loses for crapping the bed so badly with the freestyle.

It's particularly disappointing for Lancey because I believe that if they'd finished anywhere near Brooke (or just in second place) the competition would be theirs because of his much bigger fan base.

On the other hand, you have to give Brooke credit — she went out there and did exactly what she was supposed to do. I don't believe Brooke's fan base is even close to being as big as Lance and Warren's, so she HAD to finish atop the leader board (and the judges had to over score her two more times ) for her to have a chance of winning.

Of course, the fact that Lance is tied with Warren opens the door for the big fella. Don't discount the idea that his fan base (he's, by far, the most popular competitor) might be big enough to overtake Brooke for the title. Then again, he's not even close to being worthy of the championship. I know the best dancer doesn't usually, I mean always, win, but Warren winning would be a new level of farce — even for this show.

So what'd you think of this episode? Which past contestant from this season are you looking forward to seeing the most during the final results show? (Don't say Cloris) Finally, who ya got? Going into last night, I would've said Lance, but after last night I say...Warren! (Sorry, there's just something disengaging about Brooke that stops me, and I suspect other, from fully embracing her.)

Rachel Getting Married Review

I don't live in the boondocks, but I don't exactly live in a major city either.

So, being a person who loves going to the movies, I have to keep my eyes peeled as I wait for smaller — usually independent — films to arrive in my backyard.

It seems simple, but it's trickier than it sounds. I'll usually read a great review for a small movie I want to see in a national magazine, but the movie is only coming out in New York and Los Angeles and won't be in the Tampa area until a month or two later. Since I'm very easily distracted, I've made a habit of checking Fandango every Friday to see what new movies (besides the major releases everyone gets to see) are making their debuts in this area. (I don't care what anyone says, but last year's "Margot at the Wedding" with Nicole Kidman and Jack Black NEVER came to this area. I looked every week.)

I'm telling you all this because this is exactly what happened with "Rachel Getting Married." Since more than a month ago, I've been reading great things about this dramedy and, particularly, star Anne Hathaway's potentially Oscar-worthy performance. Unfortunately, I'd kinda forgotten all about it until my routine Fandango check a week ago.

I'm very happy I stumbled upon it because it's definitely a movie worth watching, especially if you've ever had a strained relationship with your family — so, yeah, it's a movie for EVERYONE.
Anne Hathaway stars as Kym, the troubled black sheep in one of those impossibly affluent families with a fantastic cabin in the woods, who is temporarily let out of rehab to attend her sister Rachel's (Rosemarie DeWitt) wedding. Throughout the course of the days leading up to the wedding, fresh salt is poured on old family wounds and we gradually find out why Kym became estranged from her family.

I like Hathaway a lot and I'm glad to see that she's becoming a big star. However, when you become a big star, it obviously becomes harder to lose yourself in roles. On top of that, when a big star does a small movie like this, the more cynical people among us accuse them of blatantly grabbing for an Oscar.

I'm happy to report that, to me, Hathaway's performance doesn't have any of those qualities. She completely immerses herself in this messy, selfish, sad, vicious character and appears to be working her ass off as opposed to trying to win an award. She also, somehow, makes Kym likable and has the audience rooting for her to get better or make some sort of breakthrough. Of course, that could just be because I like Anne Hathaway.

While Hathaway certainly deserves all the raves she's been getting, I think DeWitt is equally as good as the solid, sensible and not-so-secretly attention-seeking Rachel. To be perfectly honest, I identified with her character — a steady individual who is probably a terrific person, but feels frustration because, most of the time, there are no awards for being a steady, wonderful person in real life. Rachel isn't boring; she's just not a drama queen like her sister, whom she genuinely cares about (though Rachel and Kym DO have a couple of painfully uncomfortable arguments in the movie). She feels like her father overlooks her, but I'm hoping DeWitt's work isn't overlooked during awards season.

Another standout is Bill Irwin as Rachel and Kym's relentlessly likable and overwhelmed dad. Irwin probably provides most of the movie's laughs, but watching his character try (and mostly fail) to satisfy both of his daughter's wishes is a little sad. Irwin plays both sides of the character well. Debra Winger is also fine as the girls' semi-estranged mom. I don't need everything spelled out for me, but I would've liked a little more information about Winger's character — mostly it was just good to see Debra Winger back on screen. I also liked Mather Zickel as a kindred spirit Kym meets during the festivities.

Director Jonathan Demme ("Silence of the Lambs") used herky jerky handheld cameras for the film. While the technique has been mostly used recently to lend urgency to action movies, it also works in this intimate setting. During the various fights and, especially, during the family gatherings, you feel like you're part of the action.

The only drawback for me was that Demme sometimes let a few of these sequences go on for too long. I get that he wants to establish what it's really like to be at an event like this — touching, funny, tedious — but having everyone in the cast make a mini-speech makes your eyes glaze over after a while. (Put it on the DVD, Demme!) Also, the final wedding reception sequence was almost as indulgently over long as the beginning of this review.

In short, I liked this movie a lot (though not as much as the similar "Dan in Real Life" or "Pieces of April") and it features two of the best performances the year. I'm glad I caught it before it snuck in and out of town.

Rachel Getting Married...A-

America's Next Top Recap: McKey to Victory

By the way, if you're annoyed at me giving away the result from the Cycle 11 season finale in this column's title, then you haven't been watching the last couple of weeks.

Whereas last cycle's finale between Whitney (who made another cameo this episode) and Anya was a photo finish, the latest season finale was probably most predictable and least suspenseful in "Top Model" history.

Don't get me wrong — I'm not mad at McKey (pictured with Tyra) for being awesome. She's probably the contestant who improved the most from the start of any cycle in the show's history. She takes great photos, looks fantastic in person and, I think, has a low-key underrated sense of humor. Then again, anyone's sense of humor looks low-key and underrated next to Samantha's, her fellow finalist. The only possible speed bumps I saw with McKey were her awkward walk (which actually works for some models) and her personality, which had the potential to be construed as bland. Mysteriously, this never became an issue with the judges — maybe that has something to do with the fact that they obviously wanted her to win.

Unfortunately, this didn't make for terribly compelling television.

I didn't even enjoy the train wreck (boat wreck, actually) that is the Cover Girl commercial as much as I usually do.

Since Analeigh delivered what the judges called "the best commercial in Top Model history" about a month ago, expectations were high for her spot. The difference is that, this time, the models were working without a teleprompter and with a hint of Dutch at the beginning.

Seeing how McKey was the clear frontrunner, it seems likely Analeigh felt she had to nail her commercial to have ANY chance of winning the title. Unfortunately, it appears that pressure is what caused her to completely blank out, leading Mr. Jay to feed her the lines.

So, kudos to Analeigh for delivering the best commercial — Samantha's was (surprisingly) too sluggish, and McKey's was totally forgettable. Unfortunately for her, the fact that Mr. Jay (wearing a particularly gay-tastic shirt) had to feed her lines cost Analeigh big time.

Of course, the highlight of all this was Samantha recounting the scenario in the commercial — three girls spot a guy while on vacation and kiss him(?) — and hoping the male model didn't have herpes. What would we have done without Samantha this season?

The girls also did a Cover Girl print ad. McKey rightfully earned praise for her shot, in which she smiled without showing teeth and looked sexy AND pretty. Meanwhile, the judges told Samantha that her smile looked forced, while Tyra gave one of her classic, impromptu lessons to Analeigh — this one was about being sexy and NOT being sexy with your mouth closed. My second favorite part of the judging panel was the name Addy van den Krommenacker. That's a name and a half, people!

The decision predictably came down to Samantha and Analeigh and the judges (mildly) unpredictably sent Analeigh packing. Let's get this straight. Neither of those girls would've beaten McKey, but I think Analeigh (and her solid walk) would've made things a LOT more interesting. Then again, the only model who I thought could realistically beat McKey was Marjorie and she was sent packing last week.

As it stood, Samantha didn't have a chance. At least she seemed to have a good time at the Seventeen magazine shoot (holy cripes these girls are young — or I'm just a lot older now!)

Later, the finalists got a look at Mr. Jay's warped vision for the final runway show, which he called a mix of Dr. Seuss and Willy Wonka. Personally, I thought it looked more like a long, windy, hilly, bumpy tongue.

After a pep talk from "black mama" Tyra, the girls hit the runway. Well, they didn't so much hit the runway as nervously make their way out there. Can you really blame them when you consider the insanity included getting a running start for the Tongue Hill portion of the runway.

Neither of the girls' walks were great. McKey looked stiff and hardly moved her arms (which kinda freaks me out), but she "worked her face" and looked confident/cocky. On the other hand, Samantha looked absolutely terrified almost the entire time, but managed to work her van den Krommenacker garment.

To help stretch out the show's hour-long running time despite already having the winner in mind, we got an extended comparison of both models' past work. What was most surprising and interesting (other than Tyra deciding to dress up like Wilhemina Slater) is the fact that Samantha looks and talks like a commercial model, but is actually very high fashion in her photographs.

Of course, this wasn't interesting enough to snatch the title away from McKey, who may or may not be the first winner strong enough to lift Tyra multiple times after her victory.

Overall, it was a blah finale to a blah-ish season. Here's hoping for the next cycle that the show doesn't wait until the next to last episode to break out the shady, drunken hot tube proposals.

So what'd you think of this episode? Wouldn't you rather see a good commercial from a model who had her lines fed to her than a choppy commercial from a model who "memorized" her lines? Who's got a brighter future? Samantha or Analeigh? Finally, admit it — you're totally going to practice being sexy with your mouth closed, right?

NFL 2008 Week 12 Picks

Welcome to the latest installment of John's football picks — where, unlike Donovan McNabb (pictured, left), we're fully aware that there are ties in the NFL (12-3-1 week, 100-59-1 season).

(You guys are totally ok with me counting the Eagles/Bengals game as a tie in my picks record right? I mean, technically I wasn't wrong, but I wasn't right plus who in their right mind would ever predict a tie. )

Ok, now that that's settled, on with the picks:

CINCINNATI @ PITTSBURGH
Ok, so we know that at least a few Eagles didn't know that last week's game could end in a tie. Presumably the Bengals knew they couldn't tie, were going all out to win and STILL couldn't take care of business. Fortunately, they won't have to worry about tying this week.

TAMPA BAY @ DETROIT
Why do analysts keep saying that Detroit "can't" go 0-16 because that's "hard to do" and that they "HAVE to win a game"? I don't know that these analysts have actually watched the Lions this season. They can go 0-16. Yes they can!

N.Y. JETS @ TENNESSEE
I'm still not as sky high on the Jets as others (though their win at New England was impressive). Mostly, I want to take this space to thank Titans RB Chris Johnson for killing my Yahoo fantasy team the last two weeks. Enjoy the view from my bench this week.

BUFFALO @ KANSAS CITY
I'm liking this frisky Chiefs team more and more and I'm liking Buffalo's sorry offense less and less. Throwing 3 interceptions in the first quarter (as Bills QB Trent Edwards did Monday night) is HARD to do — even harder than going 0-16 I think.

CHICAGO @ ST. LOUIS
If the Rams insist on mailing in their season, I'm going to have to insist on mailing in this pick.

NEW ENGLAND @ MIAMI
I guess I must be the only guy who isn't rushing to anoint Pats QB Matt Cassel the next big thing after finally throwing for more than 250 yards and a touchdown. Also, the Pats are usually shockingly poor in Miami.

MINNESOTA @ JACKSONVILLE
Honestly, Jacksonville. What happened to you? I know you lost some guys on the offensive line and one of your best run-stoppers, but still. Have fun trying to slow down Adrian Peterson.

PHILADELPHIA @ BALTIMORE
I know that this goes against the whole "Philly can only beat bad teams" corollary (in a related story, Baltimore is good), but there's just no way Donovan McNabb can say the stuff he said this week AND lose this crucial game, even on the road, right? Right?!

HOUSTON @ CLEVELAND
This should actually be one of the more high scoring games of the week. I don't know if I'm picking Cleveland because they showed some real life on Monday night or because I'm THAT disgusted with the Texans.

SAN FRANCISCO @ DALLAS
The Niners and the Cowboys clash to rekindle what was one of the best rivalries of the 90's. Well at least the Cowboys held up their end of the bargain by still being good.

OAKLAND @ DENVER
I thought you had to be able to play defense and run the ball to win in this league. The Broncos can do neither, but, amazingly, are still in a great position to win.

WASHINGTON @ SEATTLE
D.C. goes to the Pacific Northwest to show the Seahawks how they do it in the REAL Washington. Capitol style!

N.Y. GIANTS @ ARIZONA
Still not picking against the Giants until further notice because I like being right.

CAROLINA @ ATLANTA
I'm going with Atlanta, the unofficial new America's team, because they're good at home and because Carolina has barely escaped from Oakland and Detroit with wins the last two weeks. Yikes.

INDIANAPOLIS @ SAN DIEGO
As the Colts continue to improve the rest of the AFC is probably looking at each other and going, "Oh, oh."

GREEN BAY @ NEW ORLEANS
Both 5-5 teams need this game to realistically stay in playoff contention, though the Saints - the former unofficial America's team - need a little more because the Packers can still win their sorry division. More importantly, I'm likely going to need Drew Brees to have a huge game and singlehandedly give me a win and save my 6-5, sinking-like-a-stone fantasy team. Come on, Drew. Papa needs money for X-Mas shopping!

The Shield: These Are My Confessions

I'm not sure how many times I can claim an episode from season 7 was "the best episode EVER" of "The Shield" before I start to sound like a totally fawning fanboy.

Ah, what the hell!

Last night's episode was THE BEST EPISODE EVER (I reserve the right to change my mind after next week's 90-minute finale). This could easily be my shortest review ever since this episode can be summed up with a simple "wow!"

Ok, fine, you twisted my arm — I'll expand on this fantastic episode.

It opened with a tense sequence in which an increasingly desperate Shane attempted to rip off two druggies, one of whom had just won a lot of money gambling. The two guys knew Shane as "Trap" (not Cletus?) and they didn't know Shane was really a cop.

Or so Shane thought. As soon as his plan blew up and Shane was fighting those two guys hand-to-hand, I was just sitting in my couch waiting/dreading the moment where Mara burst in to help and took a shot in the stomach (I never would've dreamed I'd one day care about what happened to Mara). Of course, this show rarely goes the predictable route. Instead, we saw Mara kill an innocent woman and shoot another guy before the Vendrell/Hoovers made their escape.

The couple didn't exactly get away clean. Mara busted her collarbone (ouch!) while Shane picked up a bit of a drug habit after being forced to smoke some cocaine mixed with speed (yum). I laughed out loud after he told Mara that he did MORE drugs the next day to "even himself out." Shane's always been an idiot, but this is a whole new level for him. Then I realized that Shane was probably coked up when he was pointing the gun at Tina after she and Julien spotted his car — and that she's lucky she didn't get her face blown off (nice job out of Paula Garces in this scene).

Indeed, Vic and Shane seem locked in a race to see who can fall apart the fastest.

Since Shane was getting desperate and sloppy(er), Vic figured Shane would be caught within a few days, which meant he had to have his deal from I.C.E. pronto. That meant he had to convince Beltran to move up his planned drug shipment two days, which he did very easily and very convincingly in that singular way Vic can where he makes it seem like the best possible option in the world.

Unfortunately, his powers of persuasion were a bit less effective with Agt. Murray who refused to fast track Vic's immunity and employment request. I was actually on Vic's side in this instance. Although his purposes were selfish, Vic WAS responsible for salvaging her professional career, so seeing him brush him aside was unacceptable. I'm not really sure I 100% bought Aceveda (Vic's long time nemesis) stepping up to the plate for him, but soon Vic was back on the drug cartel bust and had gotten his deal.

The only problem was that the deal only covered him and not Ronnie. Since we've gotten to know Vic and his fierce loyalty over the last seven years, we knew there was no way he'd take the deal excluding Ronnie with his long time partner standing right there. We also knew this would likely be a mistake.

Unfortunately for Vic, his partner wasn't the one to walk into a Claudette/Dutch setup this week. Vic sniffed out the police, but watched his ex-wife get (fake) arrested. The fact that Vic went back and accepted the deal — and therefore leave his partner in the lurch in exchange for (fake)saving his ex-wife — is probably one of the kindest things he's ever (fake)done for her. It's kind of a tragedy that it's all for nothing.

Of course, this was all merely a buildup to the sequence that will go down with the best in this landmark show's history.

The condition of Vic's immunity and I.C.E. employment was that he was to confess EVERY ONE of his illegal activities. I swear that was followed by the longest dramatic pause this year before, tentatively, at first, confessing to killing Terry Crowley. He knew he'd done it, we knew he'd done it, but it was still jarring to hear Vic say those words out loud. Also, kudos to Laurie Holden, whose shocked/appalled expressions during Vic's confession are her best work on this show.

I know I've been rightfully singing the Emmy praises of Walton Goggins all season, but let's not forget Michael Chiklis. He was unbelievable in the confession scene. As Vic talked about his misdeeds, Chiklis infused the character with only a hint of shame, and a surprisingly healthy portion of defiance and, yes, PRIDE. "I was too good," he said of Acevada and Jon Kavanaugh's failed attempts to nail him. The key word in that statement being "was" since he's been finally forced to spill his guts and throw a loyal partner under the bus. Then again, as Victor Samuel Mackey would say: "I've done worse."

Almost as good was Claudette's absolute freakout after realizing that Vic had wormed away from her clutches YET AGAIN. The fact that she knew the truth and that Ronnie is likely going to prison for the rest of his life was no consolation to her. That's what the Coyote must feel like after failing to catch the Road Runner. She even (temporarily, I think) fired Dutch for his Mackey-esque dealings with Billings and the child molester they had arrested a few weeks ago. CCH Pounder is always incredible (I think it'd be compelling to watch her do a crossword puzzle), but she stood out last night. Hopefully, Emmy voters were watching this episode.

Which happened to be the Best. Episode. Ever. (Unless you can come up with a better one?)

So what'd you think of this episode? Honestly, why the hell haven't Shane and Mara skipped town? (My girlfriend and "Shield" newbie Erica wants to know!) Wasn't it weird that other cops seemed to know that Danny was gone, but the show made us think she was running away? Why do you think Lloyd has been calling Dutch with his mom's cell phone? (Please don't get shot, Dutch, please don't get shot.) Will Vic try to warn Ronnie? Finally, what's the one thing you DON'T want to see happen in the finale? (Please don't get shot, Dutch.)

Quantum of Solace Review

I hadn't been to the movies for a while. Part of it was because I'm kind of poor, but mostly it was because the selection over the past few months has been even poorer. (I'm not a "High School Musical" guy, and I feel they should've stopped after "Saw III.")

Either way, it was good to get back out to the movies. This was especially true since I was excited to see "Quantum of Solace," the follow-up to 2006's "Casino Royale" and the first sequel among James Bond's 22 big-screen adventures. I even did the dorky thing I do where I gently force my girlfriend to sit through a movie related to something I want to see in theatres under the guise of "Oh, I'm watching this just to refresh my memory."

It's a good thing we sat down and watched "Casino Royale" on Friday night because I don't understand how anyone who hasn't seen it can possibly follow what's going on in "Quantum of Solace."

The story picks up about 20 minutes after the end of "Royale" with Bond (Daniel Craig) kidnapping Mr. White (Jesper Christensen) to interrogate him about the organization responsible for the death of his beloved Vesper Lynd (the much-missed Eva Green).

Eventually, Bond and his superior M (Judi Dench, who actually provides most of what comic relief there is) uncover a sinister organization named QUANTUM, which features powerful players around the entire globe. More specifically, Bond learns about a Mr. Greene (Mathieu Amalric), who is interested in buying up land in the middle of a Bolivian desert and exploiting the region's secret natural resource.

Or something. To be honest, I wasn't 100% sure what was going on most of the time. I usually don't mind (that's what repeat viewings are for) if the reason is the complexity of the plot. However, in "Quantum of Solace" (as in most globe-trotting action movies) I couldn't follow what was happening because the movie jumps from one locale to another, and introduces and kills off characters, before anyone can figure out what just happened.

Of course, too much busyness and movement isn't the worst thing in an action movie.

Unfortunately, the movie ultimately leaves a bit to be desired in that department. Don't get me wrong, the opening car chase is a showstopper, and the movie manages to cram in fantastic land, air and sea sequences. However, by the movie's final showdown, the viewer is exhausted and the finale feels a bit anticlimactic.

Another problem for me is the nature of the action sequences themselves. I know the new James Bond movies take a big bone-crunching cue from the Jason Bourne flicks, but all the quick cuts and fast-editing make it hard to figure out who's in which car and what the hell just happened. I kinda wish directors would just set the camera down 50 feet from the action and let it unfold. I don't blame director Marc Forster (who is directing his first big action movie) — this is just the way action movies are made today.

One criticism of the movie I don't agree with is that the Daniel Craig movies aren't Bond-y enough. Personally, I don't miss the overly silly gadgets and groan-inducing one-liners. It may not be what fans are used to but, in this movie, Bond is still flying around the world, bedding women, using his smarts, and kicking ass while usually wearing a suit.

Craig's performance here, as in "Royale," is rock solid. He does a nice job of conveying the stoicism the new Bond has while mixing in just the right hint of rage in his blue eyes as his character looks for revenge (he has no problem using his license to kill).

Dench is very good in her limited screen time (as usual), but Amalric is a bit of a letdown. He neither poses a realistic physical challenge to Bond, nor is he an interesting enough to make up for that. He's just a vaguely lizardy French guy.

Olga Kurylenko certainly and terrifically looks the part of a Bond girl as Camille, who joins Bond on his mission for personal reasons. However, her character's and Bond's own single-minded determination keep the two characters from clicking and make her a sort of afterthought. In fact I enjoyed watching Jeffrey Wright and Giancarlo Giannini briefly reprise their "Royale" roles more than anything Kurylenko did.

I hate to keep comparing this movie to "Royale", but I feel like the comparison is fair since the two are closely related. Basically, nothing in this movie is as good as the scene in "Royale" when Bond and Vesper meet on the train.

While I appreciate the creative risk the producers of this franchise took in making their first sequel in more than 40 years, "Quantum of Solace" ultimately falls a bit short because it feels like a chapter in a book, as opposed to a complete, standalone work.

Quantum of Solace...C+

Dancing with the Stars: BassMSTR

Was it nerves or did they simply choke?

Whatever the reason, it led to three out of the four contestants stumbling in the next-to-last performance episode of "Dancing with the Stars."

In fact, the only real non Lance Bass-related highlight from the evening was Len "DANCMSTR" Goodman's annual visit to the final four to help them with their technique. But this segment ALWAYS delivers, lackluster episode or not. In fact, I think I'd rather watch outtakes from each of his visits rather than see most of last night's performances again.

Oh I guess seeing the top of Brooke's white thong and Kym's red thong were also highlights unless you were watching the show with your girlfriend who smacks you for noticing (ouch).

Each of the finalists performed a ballroom or Latin dance they hadn't done yet first, before performing one of the four new dances introduced earlier this year.

Brooke went first with what was allegedly a jive but was more of a mini-disaster. I'm not a DANCMSTR-level technician, but I've been dancing for a few years, so I think I can see SOME mistakes most people can't. Still, anybody could've seen that Brooke messed up multiple times and just seemed off. Maybe she was focusing on Palin-winking and playing to the crowd so much that she forgot her techniques. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't like she devolved into Cloris Leachman — it was more like she devolved into Toni Braxton. Carrie Ann added an extra kick to the stomach by saying she felt disrespected by Brooke's blatant lifts before the couple got straight 7s.

Fortunately for Brooke, she righted herself for her salsa, which was solid, but DID suffer just a bit coming off the heels of the hellaciously fast pro demonstration. Mostly though, the dance was memorable for Brooke's ridiculously fringed pants, the peekabo thong, and my realization that she's shaping up to be this year's Stacy Keibler.

Despite her early misstep, I'm expecting Brooke to cruise to the finals. But after last night, I feel for the first time that she'll finish THIRD behind the crowd-pleasing retired football player and the former boy bander turned "DWTS" champion. We've seen this movie before — it's what happened to Stacy Keibler, who finished third behind Jerry Rice and season 2 winner Drew Lachey.

Of course, a big reason for that scenario is the quantum leap Lance took last night. FINALLY, he's fully realizing the potential he's had from the beginning.

More importantly, both members of the couple were completely on last night. Instead of the manufactured edginess we've seen all year, Lacey choreographed a cool and dynamic mambo which, coupled with the excellent song choice of "Straight to Number One," was my favorite performance last night and earned the couple their first 10.

They added two more 10s to their repertoire after their fun energetic jitterbug, dedicated to Lance's sweet grandfather. Lance, impressively danced the majority of the jitterbug unbalanced after accidentally kicking off his left shoe (that rebel HAS to be barefoot, doesn't he?). In all seriousness, this was fantastic. I mean, I have trouble WALKING while wearing just one shoe. Great night for Lance, and the three generations of Bass men in the house.

Meanwhile, Warren's been pretty much assured a spot in the finals since he first dazzled the audience with his surprisingly light footwork and his continued tendency to bring down the house.

Unfortunately for him, the judges (who were finally, rightfully a bit on the tough side last night) called him out for lacking content in his dances after his mambo. The brilliance of Warren Sapp (and his partner Kym) is that, not only have I not really noticed this until now, I just don't care. I enjoy watching this guy dance. And you just can't teach that.

His jitterbug was decent, but mostly notable for having Warren dressed up like a black jack dealer for no apparent reason. Then again, I kinda liked that.

Finally, there's Cody, who is trying so hard and is so happy to have his partner Julianne back but is SO overmatched.

I don't think you can blame him for the odd choreography/concept of a military-themed paso doble. That performance earned Cody the "Hot Mess of the Week" award for a second straight episode, but, as the judges said, Cody DID look too wooden at times.

There was probably even less fluidity during his salsa. Honestly, his stiffness was often Kenny Mayne-esque. I give him points for attempting some salsa steps (Brooke and Derek appeared to do a mambo disguised as a salsa since Derek was unfamiliar with the salsa), but he is just flat out the worst dancer left. The show got to have its Julianne comeback episode and Cody lasted a LOT longer than I thought he would at the start of the season, but it's time for him to go home.

Before I go, I HAVE to talk about the DANCMSTR's segment, which opened with a terrific dream sequence featuring Cheryl Burke and Kym, and confirmed what we already assumed — Len totally sleeps in a ballroom dance costume.

He helped Lance with his pigeon toes (which we got to see really well after his shoe flew off), Brooke with her flexed legs (did anyone see if they were straight?), Cody with his hips (meh) and Warren with his footwork. Of course, the highlight was Warren teaching Len his solo moves from last week.

I love this segment so much that I both wish we got it more than once per season AND don't want it to change so that it stays special.

So what'd you think of this episode? Were you surprised/happy to see the newer dance styles return to the show? What was up with everybody doing lifts? Why did Kristi Yamaguchi appear to be in full hair and makeup last night? Did no one tell her she's actually performing on Tuesday? Finally, is there any way Cody makes it to the finals? (I'm thinking no.)

Heroes: Empathy for the Devil

Well, I'm happy to report there were more than a few truly effective moments in last night's "Heroes."

Of course, those moments accompanied the usual clumsy/sloppy writing and unintentionally funny shenanigans (like badass wannabe Claire saying "I'm the defensive player of the year" before diving out of a window, pictured, left — huh?), but I'll take the good any way I can get it.

For example, the fact that Arthur Petrelli inexplicably decided the best way to deal with Hiro was to make him think he was 10 years old again (or did Ando's interruption somehow affect what Arthur was doing) led to a few scenes reminding us why we fell in love with the character in the first place. Hiro was the only one who expressed childlike enthusiasm about having special abilities (as opposed to tedious angst), so seeing him prank people in that bowling alley was a welcome treat and pretty funny.

The only problem with this storyline is, um, everything else. So Ando can, not only, easily teach Hiro how to use his powers very easily, but he can actually physically help his friend teleport by blinking his eyes for him? Riiiight? Mostly though, I was embarrassed for Masi Oka during his scenes. It's pretty bad when you actually start feeling bad for a famous actor you'll never meet because his character and performance have become such a joke. At least the ratings for this show are sinking so much, less people are watching this travesty.

Ok, you're right, I'm sorry. I'm supposed to be thinking positive thoughts. It's difficult, but you have to believe me I'm trying.

Let's talk about Parkman going into Angela Petrelli's head to try to break the coma Arthur put her in. I actually thought the gratuitously flashy editing in the sequence really worked in conveying what it must be like to be engaged in a deadly mind game. It was, dare I say, "Shining"-esque in its creepiness.

Unfortunately, I'm just not buying the whole Parkman/Daphne romance at all after they proclaimed their love to each other inside Angela's head. So they've spent a few days together and they're in love? I get that Daphne is conflicted about her role in Arthur's plans because Parkman is a nice guy, but that doesn't necessarily equal love. For his part, Parkman seems to "love" Daphne because he's supposed to, according to his vision. Personally, I felt she had 10 times more chemistry with Hiro.

In fact, the most interesting part of this sequence is the revelation that Arthur still has some feelings from Angela, despite the fact that she poisoned him. In keeping with the season's theme, we're starting to see some signs that maybe Arthur isn't COMPLETELY evil. Of course, he still seems to have plans for world domination and appears to want Nathan onboard (I guess he changed his mind after trying to have him killed) or at least on his side for the forthcoming, allegedly game-changing eclipse and the upcoming fight against Angela and Team Primatech. Maybe Primatech and Pinehearst can settle their differences on the softball field.

I mean, even Arthur's villainous cronies don't seem that bad. Other than killing a few anonymous bystanders and robbing a bank, the escaped Level 5 villains have mostly been carrying out Arthur's orders instead of going on the deadly rampage suggested in the season premiere.

This week their assignment was, apparently, to hunt down Peter after he narrowly escaped Arthur's clutches. Eventually, it was revealed they were really after Claire since we're being led to believe her blood is the catalyst for making Mohinder's failed formula effective in giving people abilities. Apparently, the only person who knew about this catalyst was Kaito Nakamura, who hid the secret after apparently foreseeing a future where his son acted like a butthead for no apparent reason and lost his half of the formula.

I'm hoping for some sort of twist that reveals Claire is not the catalyst because it'd be nice to see her NOT be the main figure in our heroes' mission for a change ("Save the cheerleader, save the world", her blood being the key to curing the virus last season, etc.) I'm also hoping to see less of Hayden Panettiere's melodramatic acting.

On the other hand, I truly enjoyed Kristen Bell's performance as Elle for the first time last night. I've been critical of her performance ever since she first strutted her way on screen last season (it was like a caricature of a damaged badass), but last night, she brought it in her scenes with Zachary Quinto.

Arthur had locked Gabriel in a room with Elle after telling him the key to curing the hunger for power was to learn empathy. As cheesy as this sounded, I was impressed by how both actors sold it. Elle wanted to kill Sylar because Sylar killed her father and because she had an important part in making him a killer. Sylar proved capable of taking a beating without fighting back, resisted the urge to kill her for her power and eventually ended up being able to produce blue lightning on his own. I could've done without the cheesy, quasi-romantic moment afterward with Elle teaching him how to use the power. Unfortunately, it appears the writers felt like they had to throw something in there after establishing that these two had feelings for each other. It was dumb.

In fact, this entire episode was dumb. Fortunately, there were some good funny, creepy, dramatic moments this week to go along with the rampant dumbness.

So what do you think of this episode? Isn't it funny that Hiro's behavior as a 10-year-old isn't all that different from his behavior as a 28-year-old? Anyone else disappointed that the much-hyped eclipse didn't actually occur in this episode? I wasn't the only one hoping Mohinder would turn that mercy-kill needle on himself, right? What do you think Tracy has up her sleeve? Why didn't Sylar's pants get burned off, in addition to his shirts? Finally, what do you think will happen when (or if) all the heroes lose their powers? (Hopefully, something interesting.)

Desperate Housewives: Fire Escape

In the list of calamities that have struck the citizens of Wisteria Lane, last night's probably ranked near the bottom.

I'm sure those six nameless/faceless people who perished in the fire would disagree (R.I.P., um, whatever your names were), but, given the buildup to last night's episode, the body count following the fire at The White Horse was a letdown. And, no, Dave's doctor (who's nowhere near Edie's league) does NOT count as a major death and pales in comparison to the supermarket shootout and tornado that claimed the lives of the likes of Nora Huntington and Victor Lang, respectively.

It's too bad because the episode certainly had the opportunity to kill off a couple of characters to advance plot lines (Jackson, Mike, Mrs. Hildebrand). Also, by showing the fire at the start and devoting the rest of the hour to the moments leading up to the blaze, the writers had set up an interesting whodunit/whydunit with plenty of characters having enough motivation to start the fire. Too bad the end result was so lame.

At the start of the episode, we saw the fire flare up during Blue Odyssey's performance of "Mustang Sally" (overplayed much) in the Battle of the Bands they were hopelessly overmatched for. At least they had matching (dorky) T-shirts.

The action then flashed back to the day before, where most of the plotlines were repetitive and one was just downright disturbing.

I mean, we'd heard that Anne's husband Warren was abusive and would blow his top if he found out about her affair with Porter, but last night we REALLY saw what a monster this guy was.

After learning from Preston that Anne was pregnant, (not quite sure why he told her) Lynette went to confront Anne at her house. Unfortunately, Warren and his incredibly quiet shoes had come into the house, heard everything and proceeded to kick his wife's ass after Lynette left. Actually, he kicked his wife's stomach and face, repeatedly. Despite the fact that the fake blood on Gail O'Grady's face was a little distracting, this was brutal. Fortunately for her, Lynette had come back and helped fight Warren off.

Now, THIS is the way I like to see Lynette's fierceness applied (as opposed to beating up the same woman in a restroom last week). Also, while it's technically true that Lynette's visit to Anne is the reason Warren found out about the affair and beat her up, I don't buy Porter placing ALL the blame on his mom. I mean, maybe it has something to do with the fact that he's sleeping with a married woman. Ah, but he's young and immature, so I get him blaming his mom. Unfortunately for Porter, since Warren owns the White Horse, the police consider him suspect 1 in the fire.

And he'll likely stay that way since no one is likely to suspect the new local hero. We all know that Dave is the one who started the fire to help cover up strangling Dr. Heller (the terrified look frozen on Dr. Heller's dead face WAS pretty freaky). However, we didn't learn anything new on his storyline. Dr. Heller's presence confirmed that Dave was specifically in Fairview to get revenge for something and that person was a member of Dave's band. From the way the camera framed the shot of the band members from Dr. Heller's point of view, it appears that person is Mike (the camera showed Dave and Mike's names next to each other). These are both things we already know.

The only surprise was having Dave run back in to save Mike after Mike had run in to save Jackson. If Dave was really trying to get revenge against Mike, you'd think he'd leave him in there to die, so saving Mike's life threw me off a bit. However, when Dave creepily told him that "he wasn't done with him yet," it confirmed that Dave has something far more sinister planned for the plumber. A moment like that one — coupled with apparent remorse for killing Dr. Heller — shows how twisted Dave really is.

Unfortunately, most of the rest of the episode was a letdown.

Gabby and Mrs. Hildebrand basically acted in a remake of all their scenes from last week. Mrs. Hildebrand threw stacks of money their way (she put them in her will), while Gabby put up with it at first before eventually getting tired of Hildebrand's annoying intrusiveness. I thought, for a second, Mrs. Hildebrand would die in the fire after saying she was going to take the Solises out of her will the next morning, but Gabby saved her. That would've been a legit way to have Gabby living the high life again, but since that didn't happen, I'm kind of hoping the Hildebrand storyline is done unless they come up with something new.

One of the more far-fetched ideas would've been that Bree (or Andrew) started the fire to get rid of the reporter (Rachael Harris) determined to take down her "perfect" image in her story. But while Harris was good, we've seen the whole "Bree falls flat on her face while trying to prove that she's perfect" thing before. We saw it during her disastrous TV interview just earlier this season. At least this allowed neighborhood gays Lee and Bob some precious screen time.

Finally, there was Susan, who was being even more Susan-y than usual and completely overshadowed the temporary return of Andrea Bowen as her impossibly sensible daughter Julie. When Susan saw Julie's college professor boyfriend, she flipped out and went on to butt in on his engagement —not cool. Even less cool was her chastising him for his three divorces (um, Susan, your two divorces are NOT a lot less than his three). The annoying craziness almost made me forget just how sensible Julie was. She had no intention of getting married after being soured on the entire notion from watching her mom. Who could blame her?

So what'd you think of the episode? Do you think Anne miscarried as a result of the beating she took? Why did Dave lock Jackson in the bathroom? (Was it only because Jackson saw Dave coming out of the storage room?) Finally, do you really think Carlos is going to get his sight back?

Conflict of Interest: Bo Scaife edition

Ok, so I didn't even know what a Bo Scaife was before this season and I suspect you didn't either.

Well, he's the starting tight end on the undefeated Tennessee Titans and, thanks to their, how you say, "poopy," receiving corps, their best pass catcher. More importantly, he's my conflict of interest this week.

I own him on my NFL.com league and my opponent has him in my Yahoo sports league. Here's the bottom line: I'm kinda sinking like a stone in my Yahoo league. Two weeks ago I was second in the league with a 6-2 record, now I'm 6-4 and in a four-way tie for two of the league's four playoff spots. For extra fun, I'm playing the top team in the league this week.

So despite the fact that I could pretty much punch a playoff ticket with another win in my NFL.com league (where a few people are threatening to do their Cleveland Browns impression and quit on the season), I'm gonna go ahead and root for Scaife to have a subpar game so I can right the ship in my Yahoo league and pick up a win I desperately need.

Dream statline: 4 catches, 35 yards, 0 TDs in a win against the Jaguars.

America's Next Top Recap: Senses and Sensibility

Gee, "Top Model." Thanks for waiting until the next to last week to unleash this cycle's best episode.

And the best part is that my enjoyment of this episode had nothing to do with Marjorie being eliminated, despite the fact that I've been bagging on her for her whiny, woe-is-me attitude throughout the competition. I was actually really surprised at how disappointed I was following her elimination after Marjorie successfully made a conscious effort to readjust her attitude.

I'll touch on that a bit more later (that's what she said) because there's so much great stuff to talk about, including an awesome(ly ridiculous) tutorial by Paulina, a fantastic challenge, drunken hot tub fun (what is this? "America's Next Top Real World Contestant), and an awesome photo shoot. Ok, the photo shoot was mostly vague and lame.

The final four met Paulina for a lesson on using their five senses to help sell unlikely items, like toilet paper, fish and a letter(?). Since Paulina always tells it the way it is (the reason she annoys my girlfriend Erica, but also the reason I like her), she broke the girls down with tremendous accuracy, especially when she said that Samantha is a clown, Marjorie is the most real and that Analeigh is a great actress. McKey even seemed to pull a nice moment out of her ass when she said the stinky fish reminded her of the beach in the morning.

Later, the girls found out they'd be starring in a dialogue-free commercial with male model Mark Vanderloo. After seeing the storyboards for the commercial — which involved a female jogger checking out a hot guy in a cab, kissing him and stealing his cab — I was excited to see each of the girls actually try this commercial shoot. Then I realized the show is dealing with a CW-size budget (this ain't CBS, ABC or NBC) and the best they could afford was a treadmill.

At first, I was disappointed, but very solid performances from all the girls (including two GREAT ones) and Vanderloo's charm made this the best challenge in recent memory.

Samantha was her usual clownish self (fortunately she decided against giving Mark tongue), but I continue to find her "sweet idiot" act oddly endearing. Analeigh delivered, by far, the best acting performance, while McKey looked the most convincing as a jogger, was a bit awkward, but did a VERY nice job during her kiss (I like her shy look after the kiss and that she threw her arms around him). In the end, Marjorie had calmed her nerves enough to not fall off the treadmill (I wasn't the only one worried, right?) and deliver a funny, awkward, but winning performance that, according to Erica, was straight out of a Menthos commercial (in a good way).

Marjorie won a $10,000 denim shopping spree and shared it with BFF Analeigh, who had a strong case for winning the challenge herself. When Marjorie decided to split the shopping spree evenly, I felt that she was being a bit TOO generous, but Analeigh would soon earn that $5,000 worth of jeans.

For the first time in what seems like a long time, the contestants on this show had some boys (the boat drivers from go-sees, who came bearing pizza) over for some drunken fun. Well, it was drunken fun for Marjorie, at least. Meanwhile, the rest of the girls' idea of a party (charades, magic tricks) was more my speed.

From the beginning (and the editing of the episode), Marjorie was the only girl drinking, and she was downing wine early and often. She kissed one of the guys on a dare and eventually ended up in the hot tub fully clothed (for a change) with a guy named Bernard, who was in his underwear and said the now-immortal line, "C'mon, let's get married." Needless to say, it was great!

Even better was the way Analeigh played the "sober best friend looking out for her drunken girlfriend" part excellently. This show of solidarity was a refreshing change from the usual cutthroat insanity we usually see on reality shows, especially this one. And, honestly — who HASN'T had a party guest that won't leave?

I guess there was nowhere to go but down because this week's photo shoot was shockingly unimaginative. The girls were wearing over-the-top hair and makeup. In a field. With windmills in the background. Because they're in Amsterdam. Whatever.

Analeigh's airborne photo was named the best of the week, but the judges (and Mr. Jay) REALLY seemed to favor McKey's entire body of work during the shoot. I would argue that the chain McKey had during her shoot was a LOT easier to maneuver and work with than a rake or a shovel, but I don't want to take away from her stellar performance.

The bottom two ended up being Samantha and Marjorie. Samantha failed to impress the judges with her personal style at panel again, while she failed to impress Mr. Jay during the photo shoot until he was finally able to coax a few decent shots out of her. How dare she actually force him to do his job instead of allowing him to just sit in his chair saying, "Ooh, that's pretty."

On the other hand, Marjorie was oddly catatonic during her shoot. Mr. Jay mentioned that she looked crazy or high, but I thought she looked more like a zombie. I'm not really sure what happened there, since Marjorie seemed to have shed her nerves for the most part.

Of course, the worst part was when the judging panel criticized her for acting TOO composed and losing a significant part of her personality. This was after they'd implored her repeatedly to get her nerves under control. Now they decide she's "too composed." Holy mixed messages, Tyra! I also didn't agree with the idea that Marjorie seemed "condescending" just because she was calmly listening to the judges' critiques, instead of her usual nervous shivering.

Mostly it's a shame because Marjorie was good enough to win the competition. Instead, we'll have two girls in the finale who are capital C commercial and McKey, who may be the most improved contestant (in almost every way) the competition has ever seen.

So what'd you think of this episode? Were you also surprised that Marjorie's drinking wasn't a factor in her elimination? (No scolding from Tyra? No hangover at the photo shoot?) Is there an age limit for "Truth or Dare"? Finally, is there any way McKey doesn't win?

NFL 2008 Week 11 Picks

Every team in the NFL is done with their bye weeks, so that means we’re now entering the stretch run (it also means you don’t have to worry about your sitting the best guys on your fantasy football team).

Like most NFL teams, I want to finish the year strong. Last week was good (11-3 week, 88-56 overall), but I want this next crop of picks to be even better. Like New York Giants/Tennessee Titans good.

N.Y. JETS @ NEW ENGLAND
Just like I figured, the Jets crushed a pathetic team at home and now everyone’s talking themselves into believing they’re serious playoff contenders. I’m gonna go ahead and stay with the best coach in the league at home over an up-and-down, infuriating bunch who only show up once every couple of weeks.

DENVER @ ATLANTA
Atlanta is kicking as at home, while Denver can’t stop anybody and are so thin at running back they called me earlier this week to see if I was interested before settling on former Bronco Tatum Bell. Everybody better keep an eye on their suitcases.

PHILADELPHIA @ CINCINNATI
Philadelphia’s like Atlanta. They look terrific against bad teams, and less so against good teams. I’m going to go ahead and put the 1-8 Bengals in the “bad” pile.

CHICAGO @ GREEN BAY
Both teams HAVE to have this game to gain the upper hand in the skintight NFC South. I’m going with the Packers because they’re choices DON’T include a hobbled Kyle Orton or a healthy Rex Grossman at QB.

HOUSTON @ INDIANAPOLIS
I’m done with you Houston. Also, welcome to the 2008 season Colts!

NEW ORLEANS @ KANSAS CITY
I’ve been impressed by how frisky the 1-8 Chiefs have been in their last few games. I’d be even more impressed if they’d won any of those contests.

OAKLAND @ MIAMI
So this week the Raiders fired the guy who’d been calling their plays on offense. What the hell took so long? Unfortunately, the new guy will still be calling plays for the same crappy players.

BALTIMORE @ N.Y. GIANTS
I’m just not going to pick against the Giants anymore. I learned my lesson. This should be the game of the week if you like watching two great defenses go at it. Oh wait, NO ONE likes that.

MINNESOTA @ TAMPA BAY
If there’s a less impressive 6-3 team than the Bucs, I’d like to see them. That being said, I like them at home against the Vikings, who are riding shotgun on the Mediocritymobile along with the Bucs.

DETROIT @ CAROLINA
I don’t know who you are out there reading this sentence right now, but I can guarantee YOU were more ready to play football last week than Daunte Culpepper (pictured, left) was for the Lions.

ST. LOUIS @ SAN FRANCISCO
But what will Niners coach Mike Singletary’s post game press conference be like when his team actually wins? Do we even want that?

ARIZONA @ SEATTLE
Seattle quarterback Matt Hasselbeck is scheduled to make his long-awaited return from injury just in time to get crushed by the Cardinals.

SAN DIEGO @ PITTSBURGH
Why does no one seem concerned about the fact that Pittsburgh’s best two players on offense, Ben Roethlisberger and Willie Parker, are injured? Do we have THAT much faith in the Byron Leftwich/Mewelde Moore duo?

TENNESSEE @ JACKSONVILLE
There were reports that Jaguars players were laughing at the Lions last week during their blowout win. There are also unconfirmed reports of football experts laughing at the Jaguars after they lost to the then-winless Bengals. Also, a look at their 4-5 record, after they were considered to be a Super Bowl team, drew some hearty laughs.

DALLAS @ WASHINGTON
The Cowboys will be charged up with the return of starting QB Tony Romo, beat the Redskins (who will be missing RB Clinton Portis almost as much as my fantasy team will) and lead to a bunch of “they’re back” stories. This crazy league is SO predictable sometimes.

CLEVELAND @ BUFFALO
Buffalo’s in the middle of a free fall, while Cleveland players have been accused of quitting on the team. Do I HAVE to pick a winner? Ok, lemme get a coin.

The Shield: A Walk in the Park

Ok, so I think we can pretty much all agree that there is really no such thing as a BAD episode of "The Shield." Shawn Ryan and his writers, directors and cast have done a remarkable job of sustaining an incredibly high level of quality for seven seasons.

So let's just go ahead and call last night's episode "disappointing."

Of course, there were more than a few things to like and even a couple of noteworthy plot development. However, when you consider that after "Petty Cash" there are only TWO original episodes of "The Shield" left, the hour mostly had the characters stuck in neutral and felt more like a setup for the show's conclusion.

Vic was still running around trying to desperately prove himself to both I.C.E. and cartel bigwig Beltran. Shane, Mara and Jackson were still on the lam, Claudette was still determined to bust Shane and, ESPECIALLY Vic, while Ronnie was still scrambling to help Vic at the Barn while fighting the urge to flee the country. Oh yeah, Billings is still a completely incompetent tool (but we kinda like him that way).

Even the big exchange of money at the (crackhead) park was a big flop for both Claudette and the audience since Beltran's cartel guys prevented Vic from showing up and delivering the money himself. You've gotta believe Vic's luck is going to run out sometime in the next two episodes.

In an effort to become Beltran's new (and effective) Pezuela, Vic offered to facilitate a pact between Beltran's cartel and the area's black drug dealers. The scene (pictured, right) where Vic convinced the group, who looked like they watched "Shaft" everyday and were stuck in 1975, was another triumph for Michael Chiklis. Vic Mackey keeps pulling off near-impossible moves to manipulate others and save himself and a big part of that is due to Chiklis mix of menace, profane charm and intensity.

Of course, Vic got the $200,000 from the dealers, discreetly separated $100,000 to give to Shane and Mara and had Ronnie pick up the cash and deliver it to Corinne at the local sketchy park.

By that time, Shane and Mara had set up Vic to be busted. Mara convinced Claudette that she was working behind her husband's back and that Shane would show up at the park to collect the cash and that Claudette would be able to arrest Vic and Shane. Instead, Vic was supposed to show up with a huge wad of cash he couldn't account for and Claudette could get her man, who still elicited sympathy from his ex-wife.

So when Ronnie showed up instead and dropped the money off quickly, Claudette was furious. I mean, is there anybody who could've said "God damn it!" better than CCH Pounder. On the other hand, they have Ronnie "dead to rights," according to Dutch (thanks to the wire Corinne was wearing) after years of being the one Strike Team member who kept his hands clean. Like I said last week — he should've run when he had the chance.

The way you can tell your world is slowly unraveling is when you have to depend on Billings for ANYTHING. Since Claudette had sent Ronnie along with Julien on a murder, Ronnie was counting on Billings to intercept the letter from Shane to Claudette that allegedly included on of their indiscretions (or an angry letter from one of Ronnie's many conquests, as Billings was led to believe). Of course, Billings completely blew the task, but Ronnie got a hold of the letter anyway, which turned out to be a trick by Shane. The letter mocked Ronnie by telling him he got "punked," but it could've just as easily been written to us in the audience — this episode was a big tease!

The murder of a promising high school football star that Julien was investigating was only slightly interesting. Sure, it was a nice twist to have the killer be a mother who shot the athlete by accident because she was targeting the college coach who rejected her son a year before, but this storyline mostly felt like a throwaway. We've known that places like Farmington are tough ever since "Boyz in the Hood" almost 20 years ago.

I was actually more interested by Julien's increasing distance between himself and his former Strike Teammates. I feel like he has a significant role to play in the final two episodes, though that may be wishful thinking on my part for a character and an actor who was a HUGE part of the show at the start and is now a glorified extra.

Even the Shane and Mara scenes were just ok. Since Shane obviously wasn't going to get himself arrested trying to collect Vic's money, he set about acquiring some cash in different ways. I'll admit that it was amusing watching him unsuccessfully try to rob from a stash house and, for a second, I thought it would've been the cruelest of fates to have him get shot by a random insane homeless guy. On the other hand, the scene where Shane and Mara broke into the safe to steal the cashiers' checks while they held a helpful cleaning crew hostage was just odd.

In the end, the scenes were meant to illustrate how alone Shane and Mara were in the world (Mara's obviously not close to her family either, as we saw in the last episode). But we already knew these two were ABSOLUTELY devoted to each other and that they're all the other person needs, so we didn't need that reiterated.

Finally, Aceveda is annoying us almost as much as he's annoying Vic. He's not buying the story in the paper about Pezuela killing himself and threatened to tell Beltran the truth. I get that Aceveda's always been kind of an ass, but I'm having trouble believing he would actually jeopardize a major investigation and (as much as he hates him) risk Mackey or anyone else's life, just so he can get credit for helping bring Beltran down.

They've been setting up Aceveda to do something major, and he's been increasingly desperate and petty for a good while now. Just hurry up and do something man.

I realize this episode is the classic "calm before the storm," but I guess I just expected more with only three episodes left until the END OF THE SHOW. If they wanted to spin their wheels on the main Vic/Shane storyline, maybe they could've devoted some time to the minor characters. Just sayin'. Either way, can't wait for the next two weeks.

So what'd you think of this episode? Which reference to past "Shield" episodes were you happier to see? Van Bro or the name "Cletus Van Damme" on the envelope Shane sent to Claudette? Do Claudette and Dutch really have anything on Ronnie? (I didn't catch anything really incriminating.) Finally, there are several rumors out there that the finale will feature FOUR significant deaths — who do you think that could be? (I'm going with Aceveda, Dutch, Shane and Ronnie.)

Dancing with the Stars: Ham Solos

Ok, so now that Susan Lucci and her freakishly skinny arms are gone, we can finally get down to the real competition between the final five talented (yet oddly unexciting) dancers.

In keeping with this season's Lacey-esque theme of wanting to change things for no apparent reason, the show introduced a 15-second solo for each celebrity during their Latin round. Unlike most of the other changes, I felt like this one worked.

Brooke Burke stayed atop the leaderboard with two fierce, impressive and challenging routines. Her tango was up first and, while I loved the first part, I agree with Len that the couple seemed a bit off in the middle. However, Len lost me after that when he started giving really specific critiques to Brooke because (thanks to Carrie Ann proclaiming that she's as good as the pros) of the impossibly high standards she has to meet now. Meanwhile, Bruno and Carrie Ann predictably gushed about the tango and Carrie Ann even ignored a lift (which my girl Erica caught), thereby confirming my theory that Bruno and Carrie Ann don't even watch Brooke dance anymore and just give her 10s.

Well that's not exactly true, since Bruno was CLEARLY watching Brooke shake her ass in front of the judges table during her mambo solo. As the judges said, her solo fit most naturally with the dance, but I also found it to be the least interesting thing (Bruno would disagree) in a ridiculously challenging mambo routine. Brooke's wig, on the other hand, was just ridiculous.

On the other hand, Cody's solo was probably technically the worst, but I enjoyed it the most. Bonus points for incorporating a one-armed pushup, a dive onto the judges table and the slightest hint of a samba.

Unfortunately, that was pretty much the highlight of the night for Cody. The judges gave him decent marks on his charming fox trot and his (weirdly slow and plodding) samba (pictured, left), but both were pretty forgettable except for that solo. In fact, I think I enjoyed watching Edyta try to keep Cody's friends from drooling on her more than anything Cody did on the dance floor, which is part of the reason why he was tied for last place on the leaderboard.

Fortunately for him, the judges and producers don't seem to want him to go anywhere (and miss the chance to see Julianne Hough's return), since the ever-improving Maurice Greene got under-scored for both of his dances and tied Cody for last place.

I think his quickstep (where he travelled around the entire floor very easily) was his best dance yet and I like that he admitted that being a sprinter had nothing to do with his success in the dance (seriously, people). He deserved a 9. Similarly, his paso doble (including impressive cape work) was an improvement over his solo performance during his solo in last week's team battle, but the judges seemed decidedly lukewarm. By dropping him into a tie with Cody, the show is essentially asking the fans to decide who gets to stay — advantage Cody (and comeback kid Julianne).

It was nice to see Warren Sapp bounce back this week and have some fun. I actually preferred his fun tango to Brooke's more polished, technical performance of the same dance. On the other hand, his jive was kind of a mess. I know he's a big guy and I continue to be astonished by his light-footedness, but that jive just didn't look right. And neither did his solo, which I'm guessing was supposed to have some Charleston action, but mainly made him look like he was playing hopscotch. The judges disagreed and gave him high marks.

Finally, there was Lance and Lacey, who this week decided to play it relatively straight for Len's sake, after last week's barefoot debacle. And next week, they'll take a chance after playing it safe this week. I see the pattern and I say "whatever". The best part is that, no matter what they do, Len always gives them a lower score than the other two judges. I guess he's a Backstreet Boys guy.

Unfortunately, Lance didn't do anything memorable on the dance floor. His fox trot was mostly charming, but sometimes clunky, while his samba was fun, but unspectacular. The most memorable thing about his solo was that Carrie Ann inexplicably called him out for looking upwards too much (I'll admit that I sometimes forget that set has a balcony), but seriously, who cares? Almost as inexplicably, Len called his footwork "atrocious". Really, Len? It's THAT bad? Why didn't you say anything before? Go listen to "I Want It That Way" and ease up a bit on this couple already.

So what'd you think of this episode? I know we grade people on a curve (hello, Cloris), but is Len being too tough on Brooke? Will Carrie Ann ever complain about something people care about? Finally, is there any chance Maurice sticks around instead of Cody?