Nip/Tuck/Thoughts: The Return of Rosie

Bird flu! Borderline necrophilia! Ass Bandits! Big-breasted nuns!

The weirdest, freakiest combination ever? No. Just another Tuesday night on Nip/Tuck. An episode would have to be pretty out there to completely overshadow the return of Rosie O'Donnell as Dawn Budge.

Thankfully, except for a couple of brief appearances by Julia, this episode chose to largely forego any of the Julia, Matt, Kimber nonsense that was weighing down the last two episodes and the show's two main characters.

I was puzzled last week when Christian became an accidental escort, but after watching him follow up on that storyline this week, I came to appreciate it and enjoy it. Since the move to California, Sean's the one who's become the star and sex symbol, while Christian has pretty much lost his identity.

How that led him to become an escort to freaky deaky older women, I don't know. What I do know is that his character is adrift and trying to find himself, and I'd much rather see him act out in this way than have him (predictably, cruelly) try to sabotage Sean yet again. Christian also met a nun who wanted a breast reduction, but the character was mostly there to try to guide Christian back to the right path. Also, to show us a nun with HUGE breasteses!

Seriously though, I liked them delving back into Christian's past (his abusive foster father) and maybe understanding why he is the way he is. I'd rather watch that than, say, Matt's eyebrows.

Sean, on the other hand, is having even bigger misgivings about his relationship with Kate, as he slowly realizes that the actress has some serious issues. Of course, Olivia's daughter Eden isn't helping matters by tempting him every chance she gets and sending him naughty text messages. Of course, Eden ALSO has serious issues (is she just messing with Annie to mess with Sean or is she really just a psycho), but she's younger and, right now, hotter than Kate, so Sean can't wait to bang her.

I liked what this episode revealed about each main character. I already spoke about Christian. On the other hand, what does Sean (the perennial nice guy) do, given everything I just said? He suggests he and Kate get married, of course. Ooh boy, this isn't going to end well.

Just like Dawn Budge's hang gliding trip didn't end well. You can say what you want about Rosie O'Donnell in real life, but I think she's just great on this show and a complete breath of fresh air. Is it just me or do Dylan Walsh and, especially, Julian McMahon always look like they're about to crack up when they're in a scene with Rosie?

After being exhilarated by an eagle attack, Dawn (pictured) wanted McNamara/Troy to fix her face so she could fly to outer space(?!) Given her real-life persona, I thought it was a nice joke to have her mouth sewn up for part of the time.

I thought it was genius to pair her up with Oliver Platt's Freddy Prune following an accident on the set of "Hearts 'N Scalpels". Dawn earned a trip to the set after being molested by the Ass Bandit, a guy who apparently sneaks into doctors' offices, pretends to be a physician and manually collects stool samples from people, just so he can stick his finger in them.

All together now: Ewwwwwwwwwww!

Anyway, the scene with Dawn and Freddy Prune (where she was buying him a new ass) was inspired looniness, particularly Freddie's rant ("Wanna see my fantasy football roster?") when he correctly noticed that Sean and Christian (and me) had all assumed he was gay. Help me out with one thing though — did he know about the Ass Bandit from Dawn and thus allowed him to do his thing? Because when the bandit paid him a visit, he seemed to enjoy the prying hands a bit too much.

So what'd you think of this episode? Is Christian's client's fantasy about being screwed back to life while being hypothermic and almost dead a real fetish I don't know about? If so, how have I been missing out on that one? Does it have a name? If it does have a name, it's kinda scary that enough people are doing it for it to earn a name. Do you think we'll see Christian's nun or the Ass Bandit again? Finally, was I the only one kinda put off by seeing sweet little Annie in Sean's office for a consult (though I should've expected it and been surprised it hadn't happened sooner)?