Dancing with the Stars: Hough Stuff

We got the guys out of the way on Monday, and on Tuesday the ladies took center stage on the dance floor.

As in my last recap, I’m just going to give you my freestyle thoughts on Tuesday’s performances (in order of appearance) as they pop into my head.

Debi Mazar & Maks: The “Graffiti Rock” clip was kinda classic, (in a tragic way) which begs the question: what’s “Graffiti Rock”? In saying that dancing is not a democracy, Maks had to stop short of saying “you have to do what I say to do well” because he can’t say “you have to do what I say to win” – since he’s never won this show. I predict their rehearsal footage will be consistently more entertaining than their dancing. Debi was surprisingly dainty during the salsa and unsurprisingly clunky. Nice to see Bruno get his semi-creepy cleavage comment to a female celeb out of the way with the first dancer.

Melissa Joan Hart & Mark: Why is he Mark Ballas JR. now? Mark being a big “Sabrina the Teenage Witch” fan probably made Melissa feel old, which, in turn, made me feel old when I think about Sabrina being an adult in her 30’s. If nothing else Melissa’s acting during the Viennese waltz is excellent. Her dancing so far – considerably less so. I think she can improve though. Not enough to win, but she can improve.

Mya & Dmitry: Nice self-awareness from Dmitri. (“I’m not afraid to show off my chest.”) It’s also nice to see a female celeb openly crushing on their pro for a change instead of the other way around. Lovely waltz, but not hold-y enough for Len, who didn’t even like the three bars in which they WERE in hold. I don’t agree with Len’s assessment (really? A ‘5’?!), and I also don’t agree that Dmitri let her down. (He can never let her down.) Nice turn by Tom on the “Have YOU been to three bars?” joke.

Kathy Ireland & Tony: Apparently models aren’t coordinated and a few weeks ago I learned on “Project Runway” that they don’t necessarily know too much about fashion. What the hell good are they?! I felt like I was watching their salsa at half speed. WAY too tentative. I don’t see her lasting very long. Finally, it turns out that when Kathy Ireland “lets herself go” she kinda looks like Rebecca Romijn.

Natalie Coughlin & Alec: I REALLY hope there was a mat on the floor when Natalie did her dive for the Matrix-y intro. She probably has the most intense facial expression (when she’s concentrating) I’ve ever seen. (Biting her lip to the point that she bleeds while she’s swimming – yikes.) Pretty impressive salsa from a technical standpoint and I think eventually she’ll get used to performing and get smoother. I love the professional athlete’s drive to excel at everything they do. Len brought up the valid point that none of the salsas so far have been HOT.

Macy Gray & Jonathan: I kinda love that she doesn’t appear to have any idea how funny she is. (See: her “ladylike” walk and her, “What?!” reaction when Jonathan told her that they’d be doing the Viennese waltz.) I didn’t think it was possible to do a sassy (and classy) Viennese waltz, but I believe that’s what we just got. Fortunately, the judges found it as compelling as I did. Bruno actually nailed it when he said that she looked like a child experiencing the world for the first time (and he didn’t mean it as an insult). She’s got the potential to win over a lot of people and stick around for a while. The only thing better than the censoring of Macy’s “I feel like I busted my cherry” was Tony Dovolani’s surprised/embarrassed reaction in the background. (Thank you, DVR.)

Joanna Krupa & Derek (pictured, right): I know he laughed, but I think Derek really SHOULD introduce himself by saying, “I’m rough, I’m tough, I’m Derek Hough.” (Derek is awesome.) This is a couple to watch. She had more hip action in her opening move than most celebs did in their entire salsas. Very impressive performance and this couple WILL definitely compete for the title. I repeat – Derek is awesome. (And Joanna is appropriately thrilled to have him as a partner.)

Kelly Osbourne & Louis: I’m surprised they went to the “Ozzie and Sharon” well this early. (Surprised and kinda happy – I hope we go back there.) I don’t know why I’m so surprised that Kelly’s waltz was so lovely, airy and delightful, but I am. (Pleasantly surprised!) I think she can do some things in this competition. (As long as she keeps her feet on the ground from here on out). Len summed it up perfectly – it was the best Viennese waltz of the night. I just hope she hasn’t peaked.

Foxtrot Relay: I agreed with the judges’ ranking: 1. Joanna 2. Natalie 3. Debi 4. Kathy.

Natalie (good dancing, but her segment was kinda dominated by her angry face) started first and was followed by Kathy (nice work out of her – she’s much-better suited for the foxtrot), Joanna (a little forceful, but still the best overall – I wonder if she can NOT do smoldering), and Debi (still a tentative, un-smooth performance but she did well with the performance aspect.)

Cha cha cha Relay: The judges ranked them 1. Mya 2. Kelly 3. Melissa 4. Macy. Personally, I would’ve switched Kelly and Melissa’s rankings.

Macy (kinda reminded me of my mom when she decides to dance at a party – can’t decide if that’s a good thing) started things off followed by Melissa (solid and still very enthusiastic and willing, but the natural dance talent just isn’t there), Mya (dominating the competition with her sharpness) and Kelly (she had negative hip action – hopefully Louis will help her with this before the Latin dances kill her.)

So what’d you think of this episode? Did you enjoy the male celeb’s performances or the ladies’? (Um, advantage WOMEN!) Finally, which female celebrity do you think will go home? (Unfortunately, I don’t think Kathy Ireland is long for this world.)