Dancing with the Stars: The Muppet Show

The men and women performed on separate nights last week, and, overall, the female celebrities were more impressive.

On Monday, all the celebrities performed together for first time on the same night in one insane, Muppet-filled(?!) extravaganza.

Let’s talk about the couples, in order of appearance. (Note: My comments will generally be shorter than usual in reference to the dances being shorter than usual last night.)

Joanna Krupa & Derek: After landing at the top of the leader board last week, I’m afraid I have to give her the Least Improved Dancer award for her overly spastic jive. Then again, all anyone could think during Krupa’s dance was HAIR. (Honestly, she looked like a Thundercat.)

Natalie Coughlin & Alec: Her quickstep was decent, but as soon as we saw that her rehearsal footage was focused on her inability to BREATHE during her dances, we just knew that’s what the judges would focus on. Hopefully, she’ll be a little more relaxed by the third week.

Chuck Lidell & Anna T.: The powerful tango suited Chuck well, but I still thought it was slightly underwhelming. When I heard Anna say she wanted to incorporate MMA moves into this routine I groaned (see, “Kung Fu Fighting” last week), but she actually did it in a subtle way – it was actually so subtle, I missed it. The only thing more confusing than his head tattoo was Anna ripping off Chuck’s jacket to reveal suspenders. Um, ok.

Melissa Joan Hart & Mark: I think I liked the Minnie Mouse jive motif better when Mark did the same thing for Kristi Yamaguchi. Anyway, this was a definite improvement for Melissa, who performed better than she did last week. She still seems slightly uncomfortable, but in an “I’m really trying to get better” way, as opposed to an “I don’t wanna be here” way.

Michael Irvin & Anna D: The judges called him one of the most improved dancers of the night and I would agree with them, except that I didn’t think he was that bad last week. He gets bonus points from me for his “smile-and-thumbs-up” at the camera (pictured, right), at the end of his quickstep. That’s totally something I would do at the end of a dance – if there were a camera on me. I like him ten times more as a dancer than I ever did as an NFL player or analyst.

Debi Mazar & Maks: They produced the most dramatic rehearsal footage of the week with Debi lightly slapping Maks for driving her too hard. That’s just the way Maks is and I like how they both responded. Unfortunately, I liked it more than their inevitable tango to the “Moulin Rouge” version of “Roxanne.” (Erica correctly pointed out that it sounded like “Cookie Monster” was singing – foreshadowing alert!) It just doesn’t seem like Debi is going to get good.

Louie Vito & Chelsie: This was actually one of my favorite performances of the night. He wins the Most Improved Dancer award from me. I thought Louie showed surprisingly good rhythm during the jive. He was so good that I only spent PART of the time wondering why he was wearing that ridiculously-oversized leather jacket (was that Chuck Lidell’s jacket?) The judges ripped him for not being in time with the music a few times, but I thought the performance was absolutely charming. I wish he’d stop with all the flips/tumbling moves – he doesn’t need to do that to entertain people.

Aaron Carter & Karina: It’s kind of easy to see how Maks and Karina were engaged (and eventually broke up) after watching her berate Aaron in almost the exact same way Maks berated Debi. Aaron and Karina (inexplicably accompanied by Muppets Animal and Gonzo) performed a solid quickstep, but three “9”s? Really?! (Aaroon was in green, so I guess he's Kermit.) To be honest, my favorite part of Aaron’s segment was watching bandleader Harold Wheeler’s “acting” when Animal interrupted him at the beginning.

Kelly Osbourne & Louis: The only reason I don’t name Kelly my Least Improved Dancer award is because her problems seem to mostly come from Kelly being WAY too far inside her own head. Of course, this could end up being just as crippling as any technical proficiencies, but I’m betting (hoping ) Kelly can figure it out. Her tango went south quickly after she screwed up a move.

Kathy Ireland & Tony: With Ashley Hamilton and Macy Gray gone, Kathy Ireland is CLEARLY the worst dancer. Even worse, she’s not as interestingly-insane as Macy and we don’t even get any shots of George Hamilton in the crowd thanks to her. What the hell good is she? Even Tony (“I’m trying” when the judges criticized their chemistry-free quickstep) seems at a loss.

Mark Dacascos & Lacey: Pretty solid tango all-around and he deserves credit for a nice recovery after he took a slight stumble to finish VERY strong.. He’s still too (in)tense, but I still get the sense that he’s going to figure it out and make an extended run in this competition.

Mya & Dmitry: Her jive was CLEARLY the best dance of the night (but tied atop the leader board with Aaron). She was the only celeb that looked like she could be a pro dancer out there. The only thing that can stop her is people not voting for her.

Tom DeLay & Cheryl Burke: Once again, the tango suited another non-limber, slow-footed competitor. Things were actually going decently until Tom almost dropped Cheryl on the ground after their dip. When you combine that misstep with his foot injury, I WOULD say that Tom is a candidate to go home – if Kathy Ireland weren’t around.

Donny Osmond & Kym: Are we sure that Kym was wearing a bottom of any kind? Anyway, Donny’s waltz was surprisingly lively and (not-surprisingly) entertaining. The old guy (the rehearsal footage inexplicably focused on his age) did a nice job of keeping up, and I think he’s a contender for the finals.

So what’d you think of this episode? Did you like Baz Luhrmann as Len’s replacement? (To me, he relied too much on giving safe “7”s and was like most guest judges – too scared to be too mean to these people he hardly knows or has hardly seen.) Am I the only one who thinks the judges are overrating Aaron? Finally, who do you think is going home? (I’m sticking with my Kathy Ireland prediction from last week, damnit!)