24: Jack in the Sack

The latest exciting, satisfying and mildly infuriating episode of “24” answered one of the most burning questions fans of the real-time drama have had about the show since it premiered in 2001 and become a phenomenon:

How long does it take Jack to have sex?

Is he a marathoner or a one-minute man (which would be understandable, given all that he has to do on an average day)? Turns out the answer is 20-25 minutes.

With President Hassan dead and the nuclear rods (remember those?) recovered, a downtrodden, guilt-ridden Jack was ready to called it a day after speaking to President Taylor (who tried to comfort him) and took a taxi to his NYC apartment with Renee. I don’t know about you, but I got a weird kick out of seeing Jack do something as relentlessly normal as preparing a pot of coffee in his apartment.

Now that the danger was out of the way (or so they thought) I had no problem with Jack and Renee addressing their relationship. I just wish their kiss (pictured, right) in Jack’s plain kitchen (I bet he’s there about as often as George Clooney’s character was in his apartment in “Up in the Air”) had been less awkward and more hot.

On paper, I like the idea of Jack and Renee together. I certainly like it more than the idea of Jack and drippy Audrey Raines because Renee can at least understand some of the stuff Jack has been through. Unfortunately, though Kiefer Sutherland and Annie Wersching have both done solid work together this year and last, I never saw any believable ROMANTIC chemistry between the two.

Making matters more uncomfortable for our would-be lovebirds was the sniper Russian sniper across the street. The guy had infiltrated the President Hassan crime scene and injected the wounded Samir with a toxin that would prevent him from being questioned by CTU. On his way out, he and Renee locked eyes for an instant. Turns out, he remembered Renee from dealings with Vladimir (remember him?!) six years ago. Novakovich, the Russian diplomat who was so obviously a bad guy last week, tried to talk him out of going after Jack and Renee, but the Russian wanted to tie up a loose end.

There are things that I liked and there are things that I didn’t like about Renee’s death.

I thought having her get shot off-screen while Jack was in the kitchen was chilling. I also really liked that the show realized that we viewers might still be getting our bearings after the death of a significant character last week. Instead of letting us get settled down, the show blindsided us with the death of another important character. With the show canceled, that sort of anything goes/no one is safe abandon can lead to some exciting TV over the next month.

So what didn’t I care for? I absolutely HATE the idea that the show feels like it needs to punish Jack whenever he dares experience a moment of happiness. I realize that the purpose was to give (a now vengeful) Jack something to fight for the rest of this season, but killing his latest love (literally) minutes after a rare optimistic moment for the character came off as exploitative and cheap. They should’ve just had him adopt a dog, and then have the dog get run over by a car on the way home. It felt inauthentic and baffling in a way that Hassan’s death didn’t. (I honestly expected those ER doctors to yell, “Psych!” after telling Jack that Renee hadn’t made it.)

Fortunately, there was plenty more to like about this episode.

How about our girl Chloe getting a promotion? With CTU New York in shambles, Homeland Security’s Tim Woods removed Brian Hastings and installed Chloe as the temporary head of CTU. I now pause to give the writers a ton of credit for making me feel bad for Hastings. I didn’t think that would ever be possible after his thoroughly douche-y behavior in the early hours of this season led me to nickname him CTU (Dick)Head Brian Hastings. I have a feeling we haven’t seen the last of him.

I LOVED how Hastings was barely out the door and Chloe was dealt her first crisis – the death of Samir. I worried that the writers would have Chloe get quickly overwhelmed, but I was pleasantly surprised that they instead had her react competently and decisively. She ordered a toxin test that revealed Samir was poisoned. Maybe Chloe should’ve been in charge a long time ago. Think about it – she’s smart and she always listens to Jack, who is right 98% of the time.

In all the excitement, the absolutely stellar return of Charles Logan (neck and neck with Sherry Palmer in the race for Best “24” Villain) was almost overshadowed. I say almost because Gregory Itzin re-inhabited the character in all his slimy glory and left no doubt that he would play a big part in the series’ endgame. Gone was the remorseful Logan who tried to help Jack in season six before he got stabbed by his ex-wife in season 6. (I think the show is officially pretending like season 6 never happened – fine by me.)

President Taylor had asked President Hassan’s widow, Dalia, to step into his position and sign the peace agreement in his stead. After some hesitation, she agreed (I always thought she was stronger than her husband anyway). This caused Novakovich to walk away from the peace talks because the whole point of orchestrating President Hassan’s assassination was to avoid the peace agreement.

At Ethan Kanin’s suggestion (the dude was barely getting wheeled out of the hospital before President Taylor asked for his advice) Taylor turned to Logan who has some sort of mysterious connection to the Russians that makes him extremely confident he’ll be able to get them back on board. The natural assumption is that Logan is in cahoots with the Russians, but that’s a bit too obvious for my taste. Even if that ends up being the case, I’m sure the excellent Itzin will make it compelling and interesting to watch.

So what’d you think of this episode? What’s up with Logan’s administrative assistant? Who’s going to die next? Finally, be honest – you kinda missed Dana Walsh, right? (Hell no!)