Dancing with the Stars: Getting Into (Movie) Character

I like “Dancing with the Stars.” I LOVE movies.

So obviously, I was a little more excited about “Movie Night” on “Dancing with the Stars” than I would be over an average episode.

After getting off to a slow start, the evening didn’t disappoint. I wouldn’t even count Kate Gosselin’s performance as a disappointment because I EXPECTED her to be life force-drainingly horrible. (Seriously, whenever she dances, it’s like there’s a Dementor in the room.)

Let’s get right to the couples and the movies they (allegedly) drew inspiration from, in order of appearance.

Niecy Nash and Louis: La Bamba Like the judges, I was mostly happy to see Niecy and Louis having fun on the dance floor after tackling the issue of interracial relationships and paying tribute to Niecy’s dead brother in consecutive weeks. Unfortunately, there isn’t much to say about Niecy’s actual dancing during her jive. Her shimmying boobs carried the routine, but it was still impossible to ignore the lack of sharpness and fluidity in her kicks and her general sluggish pace.

Chad Ochocinco and Chery: The Jungle Book Chad and Cheryl’s tiger print costume killed two birds with one stone, referencing Chad’s NFL team the Bengals AND their jungle-themed quickstep. Too bad the dance itself was disappointingly clumsy and disconnected (both literally and figuratively). Like Carrie Ann said, there would be quick moments when things looked good, but those moments just broke up the general dreariness. Also, it appears that Chad is genuinely getting on Cheryl’s nerves. Up next: getting on OUR nerves. (Assuming it hasn’t happened for you already.)

Erin Andrews and Maksim: Pulp Fiction Erin and Maks’ exasperation during their rehearsal footage is as charmingly real as Chad wants his and Cheryl’s to be. I have to admit that they got me with the half-speed opening (“Oh no,” I said), but I ended up really liking this routine. Erin is still a bit gangly with her arms, but she acquitted herself quite well during her side-by-side work with Maks. Still, I have to ask: why was Erin’s Mia Wallace wig blonde?!

Jake Pavelka (pictured, right) and Chelsie: Risky Business Congratulations to Jake for becoming the first contestant (that I can remember) to go shirtless AND pantsless in the same week. We’re making history here, people! Although his cha cha cha was characteristically messy, this was my favorite dance of his. I was impressed right off the bat when he managed to slip his pants on without falling (my girlfriend Erica was impressed with his “Top Gun”-inspired shirtless-ness during the rehearsal, but she won’t admit it). He still seems to get too excited when he does well (better lines this week), which leads him to screw up. His improvement just goes to prove (as if we didn’t know already) that Chelsie is an EXCELLENT teacher. Credit should also go to Jake, who always kind of looks like an idiot, but doesn’t seem to mind. He’s the anti-Kate.

Pamela Anderson and Damian: 9 to 5 The character during Pam’s quickstep was great, the footwork was pretty good, but the top half of her body (especially in hold, where they weren’t nearly close enough) was a bit of a letdown. (Probably one of the few times the top half of Pamela Anderson’s body has let someone down.) This is also the second week in a row I think she could’ve been asked to do a bit more by Damian. Still, she continues to be an impressive dancer and the move where they climbed on the chair and desk and back down onto the dance floor was pretty sweet.

Kate Gosselin and Tony: The Breakfast Club Kate got on my nerves as soon as she announced that she hasn’t seen “The Breakfast Club.” (Honestly, does this woman have ANY redeeming qualities?!) Tony is every bit as tired of Kate (“Zero energy, no motivation, and I have to push her every week. It’s exhausting," he said as she failed to suppress a yawn) as we are. Her foxtrot was absolutely more of a stroll (thanks Len) and a post-mortem (nailed it again Bruno). Ugh! The “Save Me” look on Tony’s face while Brooke gave out their numbers was priceless.

Nicole Scherzinger and Derek: Pretty Woman Not really sure why Derek decided sniffing Nicole’s shoe was a good idea during their staged Rodeo Drive shopping montage, but whatever. Their tango seemed like it was on fast forward, but I definitely appreciated that after the half-speed jives we got earlier in the evening. Still, I disagree with Len that it was their best dance. (Way too severe and little off-putting.) They still seem to be operating on a different league than everyone else, but the next couple is catching up...

Evan Lysacek and Anna: Armageddon After struggling to connect with this dude’s performances, this was my favorite dance of his. I especially have an appreciation for the guy’s work after getting a taste of his insane “Dancing with the Stars on Ice” schedule. The hip action during the rumba was there (better than I expected) and his lines were impeccable (as always). I also like that they didn’t tell their love story by slutting it up (despite the fact that the side of Anna’s dress was missing), instead letting their technique do the talking (as Carrie Ann pointed out).

So what’d you think of this episode? Is being compared to Tom Cruise still a compliment? (Sorry to burst your bubble Jake, but I don’t think so.) Can you fit between Louis Van Amstel’s legs? Finally, who do you think is going home? (I’m predicting Kate, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s Niecy.)