The Celebrity Apprentice: Thrust-worthy

How great/entertaining is Bret Michaels (pictured, right) on this show?
Watching him merrily hop around, thrust his pelvis, and hit on anything with two legs for a couple of hours on “The Celebrity Apprentice” made me completely forget that the rocker is presently fighting for his life after suffering a brain hemorrhage. The thought didn’t even pop back into my head until the brief “Get Well Soon” message at the end of the episode.

Fortunately, we were treated to one of the most entertaining (and certainly the most upbeat) episodes in “Celebrity Apprentice” history during this dark time because, let’s be honest — Bret Michaels getting fired (and he WAS the lowest fundraiser on the losing team) would’ve sucked!

After introducing us to his adorable son Barron (OF COURSE his name is “Barron”) and reacquainting us with his wife Melania (WTF — Why the Face, Melania?!) Trump reorganized the teams and introduced this week’s challenge. The new RockSolid consisted of Bret, Sharon and Maria, while Holly, Curtis, Cyndi and Summer made up Team Tenacity. Since I love Bret on this show — and Sharon and Maria were probably my two favorite players on Tenacity — you can guess which new team I favored. Sharon was even more excited than I was because it meant she got away from the snippiness of Tenacity. And, by “Tenacity”, I mean Holly.

For this week’s challenge, each team created an exercise class for a 24-Hour Fitness center. This was a fundraising task that pitted the two strongest fundraisers — Sharon and Holly — against each other as project managers. 24-Hour Fitness would also donate $24,000 to the team who created the best class.

Team RockSolid almost immediately came up with their “Work Out Like a Rock Star” concept and basically proceeded to play the entire time. I would have worried about them spending too much time goofing around and not enough time actually ironing out their concept, but the trio was having WAY too much fun for me to care.

RockSolid’s brainstorming session resulted in instant-classic “exercise moves”, such as the “tour bus thrust” (which Trump Jr. would like to see Bret demonstrate — ick), “praying to the porcelain God” (which Trump Sr. had never heard of), the “ménage a trios” (which got nixed for some reason), and the “pump up the weiner” (which got nixed for VERY obvious reasons). During this entire time, Bret went from hitting on Mickey the (disapproving) fitness instructor, to flirting with Lindsay the graphic designer, to checking out Maria while she practiced the moves.

Meanwhile, Team Tenacity — minus Cyndi, who left the first day to hang out with Lady GaGa and to be stalked by David Hasselhoff — was all business. In fact, they were SO businesslike, that their lack of fun or excitement became their defining storyline. Well, that and Holly potentially alienating all her fundraising resources for this task. There were also the unintentional laughs mined from their “Buns and Guns” concept and logo. (Sorry, but that little cartoon butt made me snicker every time they showed it.)

For each donation on this challenge, each team had to have a(n unwitting) physical body to actually take the class. This initially seemed like it was going to be a problem for Tenacity because the turnout at their first class was pathetic. It didn’t help matters that the representative from 24-Hour Fitness was observing Summer and Curtis during their abysmally-attended first class. (Oh well, at least Cyndi’s adorable mom showed up to support them.)

Fortunately for Tenacity, things picked up after that, and Holly Robinson Peete willed the gym’s fax machine to shoot out every donation she needed, including a $50,000 gift by Ron Burkle. (I’m pretty sure Holly mentioned his name enough times last night.)

Over on RockSolid, Maria led a rowdy, raucous class while Sharon walked around the room ready to (literally) whip people into shape. Lest you think Bret Michaels was laying low during all this, he actually got straddled in the middle of some “tour bus thrusts” by a married woman who had told him earlier that she was on his “Celebrity Freebie” list. Needless to say, Team RockSolid won the $24,000 for their more original, enjoyable exercise class. (I imaging 24-Hour Fitness will tone the concept WAY down.)

However, in a turn of events that sorta shocked me, Holly absolutely crushed Sharon in terms of fundraising, almost doubling the $100,000+ Sharon had brought in. The main reason I pegged Sharon as the inevitable winner is because of her combination of star power, entertainment value AND fundraising. Then I thought about it a bit more, and I realized that — as the great philosopher Rod Blagojevich might say — Holly “prematurely ejaculated” with her fundraising resources. On flip side, I suspect that Sharon held back a few of her resources for the finale.

That’s IF Sharon got to the finale. For a little while there, it seemed that someone from RockSolid (Bret, NO!!) would be booted. It looked like that person was going to be Sharon after Holly “tittle-tattled” on her by bringing up her desire to quit earlier. Sharon even seemed more than willing to accept the firing.

Then I glanced at my clock, saw that it was 10:55 p.m. and realized that both teams were still in the boardroom — Trump wasn’t going to fire anyone! Usually, I feel it’s a copout when a reality show eliminates no one, but given what’s happening in real life this week, I’m more than happy to make an exception if it means keeping RockSolid intact. This is also further evidence that Sharon has this in the bag —if Trump didn’t fire her this week, he’s never going to let her go!

So what’d you think of this episode? Who will Cyndi Lauper jet off to hang out with next? (David Hasselhoff?!) Who looks better shirtless — Bret or Curtis? Finally, which celebrities are on your “list”? (And, ladies, how far do we have to go until we get to Bret Michaels on your list?)