American Idol: Yawn Inspiring

The only thing this season of “American Idol” has inspired me to do is change the channel or take a nap.

(And yet I continue to watch — this really is me at my most masochistic.)

Needless to say, I had low expectations for “Inspirational Songs” week, yet the Idols STILL managed to graze the low bar I had set for them.

I suppose we have to talk about Crystal Bowersox’s performance first because I assume that’s what people are talking about today. (Assuming people are still bothering to talk about this season.)

I do not believe her crying jag at the end of “People Get Ready” was intentional. (If it was, she needs to get out of the music business and start acting.) Maybe I’d buy that it was a manipulative move to garner votes if Crystal weren’t already the only-runner by a mile. (I WOULD say front-runner, but that implies that someone else from this season is in her league. She’s an only-runner.) Most importantly, it was nice to see someone, ANYONE (whether it be a singer, a judge, a Seacrest, a member of the viewing public) express that they give a damn about this season.

I’d love to tell you more, but my DVR cutout.

The real shame of Crystal breaking down and crying is that it’s obscuring a truly terrific and touching performance. She left the guitar (and piano) at home and delivered a knockout of an acapella intro. What’s more, my girlfriend Erica (who doubles as my technical advisor during this show) informed me that it’s VERY hard to stay on key when you’re singing acapella and the music comes in, which Crystal did. So there’s that.

Lee DeWyze grabbed the silver medal for the evening with a current-sounding cover of Simon and Garfunkel’s “The Boxer.” He got off to a shaky start, but ended up doing a very nice job. I was mostly pleased by how sweet he sounded singing a song I never would’ve picked for him. Still, every time the judges rush to overrate him (in a desperate bid to drum up “competition” for Crystal) it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Sorry, but I do NOT believe he had a “moment.” He’s good. Unfortunately (but fortunately for him), he’s “good” in a year where “good” is good enough for second place.

Unfortunately, the evening also featured a trio of song choices that you’d expect from a group of people who clearly have no clue (but still make you groan).

Yes, we were “treated” to the songs from “Space Jam”, “The Prince of Egypt”, and “Spider Man” thanks to the likes of Aaron Kelly, Siobhan Magnus and Michael Lynche, respectively.

After hitting some wonky notes in the beginning, Aaron ended up delivering a shockingly un-awful version of “I Believe I Can Fly.” The only problem is that it’s SUCH a typical song choice from the balladeering high school student and it’s a song that no one really wants to hear in 2010. (Unless it’s this version.)

For what feels like the 10th consecutive week, Siobhan delivered another baffling performance. (And not baffling in a good, interesting way like Adam Lambert’s “Ring of Fire.”) Siobhan sounded really good throughout her performance, but why would such a compelling, quirky girl pick such a square song?! The identity crisis continues.

Then there’s Michael Lynche, who allegedly always wanted to sing Chad Kroeger’s “Hero” in public. (Ugh.) To say I’m not a Nickelback fan is an understatement, but I actually think “Hero” is among Kroeger’s least offensive works. Still, it’s the freaking song from “Spider Man”, dude! The way Michael bristled when Simon pointed this out reminds me of the way Erica bristles when I point out Linkin Park’s “New Divide” is the “Transformers” song. Most offensively, Michael sounded kinda strained during the song’s most powerful parts. (His vocals are usually on point.)

That leaves Tim Urban and Casey James (pictured, right). One guy’s reach exceeded his grasp (or is that the other way around?), while the other guy doesn’t even seem to be trying.

I actually didn’t think Tim’s cover of the Goo Goo Dolls’ “Better Days” wasn’t too bad. At least it wasn’t as bad as Tim Urban: The Early Years (“Apologize”, et al). Still, he definitely bit off more than he can chew, and it’ll probably place him in the bottom 3 (again).

Still, I’ll take the guy who, at least, pushed himself vocally to the guy who had a cruise control switch implanted into his body.

Casey’s version of “Don’t Stop” was completely interchangeable with his bar band performances during Rolling Stones Week, Billboard #1 week and pretty much every performance of his during the finals besides “Jealous Guy.”

It was so boring that the most interesting part of the whole thing was me busting out my Casey James impersonation in which I mime holding a guitar and stiffly do a herky-jerky dance with a frozen/pained smile on my face. Apparently, it was so good that Erica suggested I dress as Casey James for Halloween. Scary.

So what’d you think of this episode? How many animals were harmed to create Siobhan’s ensemble? Did mentor Alicia Keys say anything remote interesting or insightful? Finally, who do you think is going home? (I think the bottom three will be Aaron, Tim and Siobhan, with Aaron going home.)