American Idol: Urban Legend

How did I know the latest episode of “American Idol” was particularly insane?

Well, Ryan’s Seacrest’s off-putting and bizarre behavior was a major red flag. When he wasn’t slow dancing with a big burly dude during Tim Urban’s performance or rubbing his hands through some guy’s afro, he was lamenting that his tongue wasn’t as talented as guest mentor Adam Lambert’s.

Most egregiously of all (at least judging from the deflated reaction by the live studio audience) was his unnecessarily cruel swipe at former “Idol” co-host Brian Dunkleman. NOT cool. (On the other hand, Tom Hanks recently cast Peter Scolari in his latest movie proving, once again, that he’s the Anti-Seacrest.) I guess the stress of working 18 jobs is finally catching up to poor Ryan.

All that being said, the Seacrest Insanity wasn’t my biggest clue that Elvis Week on “American Idol” came this short of causing mass hysteria (“dogs and cats living together”). THAT moment came when my girlfriend Erica told me her favorite performance of the night came from Tim Urban (pictured, left) — and I couldn’t reasonably find a way to disagree with her.

Such is life in this runaway train wreck that is season 9 of “American Idol.”

Although we’re still grading him on a curve, Tim sang his song in tune and (in a stunning turn of events) actually seemed to feel and connect with the words he was singing. Most importantly, his performance was actually something I could actually envision hearing on the radio in 2010, (those types of performances are few and far between this year) even if he did chicken out on using his head voice for a good portion of the latter part of “Can’t Help Falling in Love”, as Adam had suggested.

That’s why Ryan’s clownish slow dance was doubly disrespectful to Tim and the “Idol” stage. (In the old days, it used to be that Tim’s performances themselves were disrespectful to Tim and the “Idol” stage.)

Besides Tim, the other performances I enjoyed came from Crystal Bowersox, Lee DeWyze and Michael Lynche, although I have my reservations about each one.

All the judges seemed to agree that Crystal’s take on “Saved” was another “solid” performance, but in a season as unpredictable as this one, “solid” can be a dangerous word. They actually seemed disappointed that she was merely “solid.” Though I liked the electric guitar and the extra half-dose of swagger, I have to concur. It wasn’t anything special — just solid. Fortunately for her, she’s still light years ahead of her competition.

And, yes, I still maintain she’s well ahead of the competition no matter how much the judges try to talk themselves/us into thinking Lee DeWyze is a viable candidate for the “Idol” crown. I mean, he’s a viable candidate in that, at times, he’s the second best competitor in a sucky season, but that doesn’t mean we have a music superstar on our hands. That being said, I really liked his take on “A Little More Conversation” from a musical standpoint. I only wish he’d heeded Adam’s advice about having fun on stage, and I hope he’ll listen to Kara and try to be more playful next week (for once I actually wished Simon had shut up after his condescending put-down of Kara for her “playful” remark).

Then there’s Michael, who performed a low-key, engaging, heartfelt cover of “In the Ghetto.” Randy called it “sleepy”, which I’m guessing is code for “a little boring”, but I actually thought it sounded like a lullaby in a good way. Whatever fans this guy has out there SHOULD be galvanized into voting for him after he was eliminated (and saved) last week and following a really good performance.

Michael and Casey James seem to alternate each week for the semi-coveted title of “Middle of the Pack Contender Who Occasionally Looks Like He Could Crack the Top 3.” Casey took a step back this week after a forgettable cover of an obscure Elvis track (how many of you had “Lawdy Miss Clawdy” on your iPods before last night?) that lacked excitement. Casey seemingly ignored Adam’s advice to make it more dynamic. (What was the point of all of Adam’s great advice if these people ended up ignoring him?)

For the second week in a row, I didn’t like Siobhan Magnus as much as I wanted to. I thought the first half of her take on “Suspicious Minds” was super corny (I probably had more issues with the arrangement than the singing) and it felt more like a stopgap until the second half, where Siobhan was REALLY able to cut loose. Her performances are getting to be a bit schizophrenic. Even more alarmingly, she’s trending downward right now and the judges’ conflicting feedback (and the fact that Siobhan is openly frustrated) has me worried that she could be the next Didi Benami or Katie Stevens, singers who had absolutely no idea what to do on the “Idol” stage.

What’s that? Katie Stevens is still in this show?! (Well, not after tonight I’m guessing.) Simply put, I did not believe her performance of “Baby What do You Want Me To Do.” She was as robotic as ever as she, literally, went through her paces. (“I’m going to sassily walk to the front of the stage” “Now I’m going to stand over by the horn section”…)

At least Aaron Kelly appears to know that he’s completely lost (slamming his own choice of “Blue Suede Shoes” before he started singing), but it doesn’t make him any less vulnerable to the bottom 3. The bluesy breakdown toward the end of his performance only seemed ok because the faster-paced first half was so ill-advised and phony.

Finally, there’s Andrew Garcia who got slapped with the b-word (“boring”) before he even took the “Idol” stage last night. (Adam tagged him with it.) Once he DID hit the stage, Andrew lethargically dragged the mic stand around as he performed a depressingly lounge-y version of “Hound Dog.”

This was just a horrible choice of song on several levels. Firstly, there’s no way to sing “Hound Dog” without doing it like The King, which is a no-win situation. On top of that, Andrew has chosen to slow down a song for the second time (the other was “Sugar, We’re Going Down”) that frankly sounds really stupid when the tempo is slowed and you actually listen to the lyrics. Or maybe it’s just me not wanting to hear him say “Well, you ain’t never caught a rabbit/ and you ain’t no friend of mine” about 10 straight times on national TV.

So what’d you think of this episode? Was Ryan leading or following during his slow dance? Did Matthew Morrison’s hat distract you as much during the judges’ critiques? Finally, which two singers are going home? (I’ve got Katie, Aaron and Michael in the bottom 3, with Katie and Aaron going home.)