Clash of the Titans Review

I’m not one of those people who act like someone pooped in their corn flakes whenever Hollywood announces that it’s remaking yet another classic film. (Except for “Singin’ in the Rain” — that should never, EVER be remade.)

Sure, the creative bankruptcy of the movie industry offends me. Other than that, I say have at it.

The way I see it, a remake is a good way to bring awareness of an older film to a younger audience that may not even know the original exists. More importantly, it’s not like the original film will cease to exist once the remake is released. (In fact, remakes seem to galvanize fans of the original and often wind up enhancing the older film’s reputation.)

All that being said, “Clash of the Titans” is, on paper, a better candidate than most to be remade. It’s not an untouchable masterpiece (yeah, not even close) so there was actually a pretty good chance that the material could be improved upon. On top of that, the stop motion animation from special effects master Ray Harryhausen was probably a bit outdated even when the original came out in 1981. With today’s technology, updating “Clash of the Titans” was not only not-sacrilege — it made sense!

That’s why it’s so disappointing that the new version came up short.

The new “Clash” follows Perseus (Sam Worthington), the mortal, demigod son of Zeus (Liam Neeson), who embarks on an epic journey to stop Hades (Ralph Fiennes) from spreading evil across the world.

Don’t get me wrong. There are some things to enjoy.

Obviously, the special effects stand out. The sequence where Perseus and his men face Medusa is terrific (as it should be). I also liked the intense sequence when Perseus is attacked by Acrysius (Jason Flemyng) and the rest of the men jump into the fray. (It had a touch of insanity that the rest of the movie would’ve benefited from.) I was less impressed by the sequence with the giant scorpions because it became all “Transformer”-y in that you couldn’t tell what the hell was going on and who was getting killed.

I’m also a big fan of talented and respected actors chewing the scenery and classing up big budget action movies, and “Clash” gives us Neeson and Fiennes. I thought Fiennes wheezy performance as Hades was more effective than Neeson who didn’t have nearly enough to do despite shining in his role as Zeus. (He literally shined as Zeus — the weird glow was the most memorable part of his performance.) Besides, Neeson and Fiennes, I thought Mads Mikkelsen (“Casino Royale”) did a nice job in the stock role of “Soldier Who Initially Hates Hero Before Grudgingly Growing to Accept Him.”

Speaking of our hero, I was a little underwhelmed by Worthington. He certainly looks the part and I actually liked that the actor’s Aussie accent snuck in there a few times, giving us a glimpse of personality that was otherwise lacking. Other than that, there wasn’t much there. As for Gemma Arterton as Io, a sort of guardian angel and love interest(?) for Perseus, I mostly wondered how the pale actress kept her skin from getting red in that hot sun.

I suspect Worthington and company were mostly let down by a script that was, at best, a combination of other superior films and, at worst, contained plot inconsistencies you could ride a giant scorpion through. (After toppling a statue of Zeus, why exactly were the humans celebrating? Hades showed up and decimated them, and there appeared to be 12 soldiers left in their entire army. Also, why did Acrysius wait nine months to kill his wife after finding out that Zeus had impregnated her? If he was so angry, why wouldn’t he kill her immediately?)

In the end, “Clash of the Titans” is a decent action movie that ends up being little more than a REALLY good looking episode of “Hercules” or “Xena.” Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

What can I say? I had low expectations going in and the movie met them.

Clash of the Titans…C+