The Celebrity Apprentice: Failure to Communicate

Is Rod Blagojevich the dumbest, most incompetent person in the history of the world or is he some sort of evil genius?

Now, if you’re looking at the picture accompanying this recap, you’re probably thinking that the word “genius” has no business being in the same sentence as the word “Blagojevich.” (He had his sunglasses on — his eyes could’ve been open!)

On top of that, the serial introducer (even when no one was around on the flight to Orlando, he said “Hi, how are ya” to the camera) has been the biggest non-Cyndi Lauper source of unintentional comedy this season.

But hear me out. Blago obviously has a big trial coming up. What if presenting himself as a computer-illiterate buffoon is part of his master plan to appear completely incompetent. (Perhaps SO incompetent that he’s not fit to stand trial.) It could happen right? RIGHT?! (Help me out here: I’m trying to give the people of Illinois the benefit of the doubt by not assuming that they elected someone with the mental capacity of a dim eight year old to run their state.)

Ok, you’re right — he’s probably just a dumbo.

And as of today, he’s a dumbo that will be sorely missed on this season of “The Celebrity Apprentice” because few before (and I suspect after) him delivered the (accidental) funny on such a consistent basis.

As Trump said a few times (he said a lot of things a few times — they were struggling to fill two hours last night), this challenge was all about communication. And Harry Potter. But mostly communication.

The project managers — Rod for RockSolid and Selita Ebanks for Tenacity — were whisked away from their teams and flown to Orlando so they could get first-hand intel for the week’s challenge: creating an interactive display to promote Universal Studios’ new Wizarding World of Harry Potter ride.

Selita was at a distinct advantage because she’s operated a technological device in the last five years. As a result, she was able to send her team camera-phone pictures of hard-to-decipher drawings and keep them posted of her activities. Blago, on the other hand, just learned how to answer his cell five minutes ago. If the challenge hadn’t been announced AFTER the project managers were chosen, I would’ve believed that Michael Johnson (who nominated Blago as project manager) deliberately set up the ex-governor.

All that being said, I actually agreed with the governor when he said that his lack of communication skills was probably blown out of proportion. To me, his biggest failing was that his trip to Orlando ended up being a gigantic waste of time because he got so many of the “Harry Potter”-related facts wrong during the interactive display and presentation. (More on that later.) As a “Harry Potter” fan, THAT was more offensive to me than him not being able to text.

Although it was painfully obvious Team Tenacity was destined to win, things weren’t all rosy with the women. Cyndi had tried introducing a dry-erase board that would outline everyone’s specific tasks (aw, she’s being all structured) only to be met with eye rolls from Summer Sanders and, especially, Holly Robinson-Peete.

That prompted Sharon to come to Cyndi’s defense by stating that they should be happy Cyndi’s there because watching the likes of Holly and Summer would be like watching “ice melt.” While I don’t totally agree with this statement — I think Sharon and Holly will be the last two women standing — Sharon was simply reiterating the point that “making for good TV” absolutely determines how far you make it in “The Celebrity Apprentice.” It’s why Cyndi survived week 1. It’s also the reason the Donald did everything in his power to not fire Blago.

After I saw the women’s display — loved the special effect by Summer Sanders, and LOVED the spotlight that came on when the wand chose each kid — I turned to my girlfriend Erica and said, “There’s no way the men won.” I mean, even Cyndi’s battiness was put to excellent use (“MUGGLES AND WIZARDS, MUGGLES AND WIZARDS!”) The only real problem I saw was Selita’s attempt at a busted English accent during her presentation — especially when Sharon (and her authentic English accent) was standing a few feet away. Oh well.

At least the men had fun with how horrible their presentation was. (It’s actually a microcosm of the season — the men are more entertaining, but the women end up winning.) Their display featured Goldberg doing double duty as the Whomping Willow (he almost passed out, and Trump mocked him for it, leading to a weird/tense moment in the boardroom) and the Sorting Hat. At least Goldberg got the name of the houses correctly.

As Bret broke it down for us, the men also had Headmaster Blagojovich (“Hi, how are ya?”) talking about “Hogworth” (instead of Hogwarts) and the different classes (instead of houses) like Ravencloth (instead of Ravenclaw). (I'm shocked he didn't say "Henry Potter" at least once.) There was also Michael Johnson as an “Evil Monk of Darkness”, Curtis Stone saying things like “I’m gonna let you use my wand just once” and lots and lots of fog. The whole thing looked like a cheap amusement park haunted house, which is actually what Bret was going for.

During the boardroom, Trump did everything short of telling Blago, “If you don’t bring Bret back with you, I have no choice but to fire you, and I don’t want to do that because you’re reality TV gold.” Earlier in the episode, I let the thought that Blago was crazy like a fox creep into my mind. I thought maybe he’d passed along all the responsibility to Bret knowing full-well that he could later cite Bret as the reason they lost and knowing full well that Trump did not want to fire him.

But no. In a weird display of misguided integrity (where was that during his time as governor?) Blagojevich flat-out refused to put any blame for RockSolid’s loss on Bret’s shoulders. Instead, he brought Curtis and Michael back to the boardroom because he didn’t like that they were sitting and eating ribs when he came back from Orlando (at least that’s my theory).

It’s just as well. I do NOT believe Trump would’ve fired Bret Michaels, even if Blago had brought him back to the boardroom. I just think Trump wanted to make the boardroom at least a little interesting.

If Bret had been a more boring personality, I could maybe see Trump pulling the trigger. However, on top of deserving to stay on merit, Bret is also CLEARLY the second most entertaining person on Team RockSolid. To me, it doesn’t make sense to dump someone who makes really good TV and is somewhat competent (Bret) in favor of someone who makes great TV (Blago).

Goodbye, Rod Blagojevich. I found it perfectly fitting that one of his last acts on the show was introducing himself to the elevator operator on his way out. The man may not be able to type a sentence or send an email, but he can sure as well introduce himself to people.

So what’d you think of this episode? Is there anyone Bret Michaels won’t hit on? (This time it was Erin Burnett — do we even want him to stop?) Did you like the way that promo piece of paper looked when surrounded by those Gryffindor scarves? (Blago sure didn’t.) Finally, why does Holly Robinson-Peete act like her charity is more important than anyone else’s?