To Buy or Not To Buy: Season 6 of "24"

The following internal debate took place between 3 p.m. and 4 p.m.

***SPOILER ALERT*** for those who haven't seen Season 6 of "24".

To buy: So you know Season 6 of "24" is coming out on Tuesday. You're picking it up, right?
Not to buy: Eh, I'm not so sure.
To buy: Really?! This from the guy who once put Jack Bauer at the top of his list of TV crushes.
Not to buy: What can I say? Last season was an off year.
To buy: Every show has off years.
Not to buy: Ok, I was trying to be nice. Last season sucked. Everyone knows it. You think it's a coincidence they're finally changing the setting of the show and bringing back a beloved character from the dead for the upcoming season? They're desperate to get fans back.
To buy: Sounds like you're giving up on the show.
Not to buy: No, not at all. I'll be there. I'm still a big fan of the show, and the trailer totally got me pumped up. Their strategy worked on me.
To buy: So you still love the show, and you're going to keep watching it. Plus, you already own the previous five seasons on DVD. How could you not get Season 6?
Not to buy: Did you miss the part where I mentioned that it sucked?
To buy: It wasn't all bad. I mean, it got off to a decent start. I particularly remember you being shocked when that bomb went off in LA.
Not to buy: I also remember feeling like I was the one that got shot when Jack took out Curtis. Ok, so the first four hours were good, but the rest was garbage.
To buy: That's not entirely true. Kiefer Sutherland did some of the best acting this year he's ever done on the show.
Not to buy: That's true. Peter MacNicol was great as Tom Lennox, and Powers Boothe was good as the VP temporarily turned P. Also, James Morrison and Jayne Atkinson were solid as Bill Buchanan and Karen Hayes. I even liked Rick Schroeder running around like a little mini-Jack for a while.
To buy: See, it wasn't all bad.
Not to buy: You're right — except for all the ludicrous stuff with Jack's family being behind everything, the neutering of the Chloe character and the abandonment of a bunch of key storylines.
To buy: Oh yeah.
Not to buy: Hey, maybe the DVD has a special feature that tells you whether Logan survived his stab wound or not.
To buy. Good point. Wait, you're sarcastically taking a shot at the show, aren't you?
Not to buy: Yes.
To buy: Well, what about the DVD cover? Have you seen it? It's glorious. It's basically saying that Jack Bauer is America. Are you anti-America?
Not to buy: Whoa, how did we get to me hating America? Besides, according to Chris Berman, Brett Favre is America.
To buy: Oh yeah. Well what about the fact that you're a completist. I KNOW it would bug you to have every season of "24" except one.
Not to buy: Damnit!
To buy: What?
Not to buy: Nothing, just felt like letting one of those out, since we're talking "24". Seriously though, you're right about me being a completist. Although, I DO only have Rush Hour 2, and I've stubbornly refused to have Die Hard 2 join the other three Die Hard movies in my collection.
To buy: Good point — but you know this would still bug you. Plus, it's "24"!
Not to buy: Yeah, you're right. Well what about the fact that I'm a bit low on cash because of Christmas shopping I've done and Christmas shopping I still have to do.
To buy: You've already bought the gifts for the women (your girlfriend and mom). The guys'll be easy and a lot less expensive.
Not to buy: True. But what about the fact that I've gotta dish out money for The Wire: Season 4, Lost: Season 3, The Bourne Ultimatum, Harry Potter 5 and other DVDs this month.
To buy: John, you own more than 700 DVDs. I don't think one more season of one of your favorites is going to kill you. Plus, you've already made space for it in your collection (pictured, right).
Not to buy: So what? That's not big deal. I did that in one minute so I could have a picture to go along with this article.
To buy: That's actually really dorky.
Not to buy: Yeah, I know.
To buy: Also, Kiefer Sutherland might come to your house these holidays and tackle you like you're a Christmas tree.
Not to buy: I wouldn't want that.
To buy: So what's it going to be?
Not to buy: I don't know. Why don't we wrap up this internal debate and solicit suggestions from one of your (two) readers?

So, what do you think? Ever bought anything that you didn't really care for that much? If so, why? More importantly, what about me? Any thoughts on what I should do?

NFL Week 13 Picks

After yet another ok-but-not-great week (10-6 week, 103-63 overall), I'm starting to notice a trend. I mean, look at my record — I was four games over .500 for the week I'm 40 games over .500 for the season. My season record is basically a 10-6 season, so I'm basically a wild card team/low-level division champ.

After a not-promising start (I got my Thursday night pick wrong), I'm going to try and elevate myself into the first-round-bye level of NFL prognostication.

SAN DIEGO @ KANSAS CITY
You know, I keep picking the Chiefs at home because they're supposed to be this great home team, but I don't think it's worked out for me yet this season. I'm VERY nervously taking the Chargers, who tend to screw the pooch the week after they actually look good. Here's hoping the unpredictable Chargers just win the game and don't actually screw a pooch.

HOUSTON @ TENNESSEE
You know every time I do my picks, I compile my previous week's win-loss record from memory. I follow sports fairly closely, so I can remember who won on Sunday 99% of the time. Except when the Texans are involved. I ALWAYS have to look that score up because they never leave ANY impression on me. I think they're probably the most forgettable team in the league. What the hell was I talking about again? Also, Vince Young looks HORRIBLE. What's up with that? When are people going to start giving him crap for that (ala Eli and McNabb)?

JACKSONVILLE @ INDIANAPOLIS
Yes, I dared pick the Jags at home on Monday night weeks back and I got burned. Do I dare pick them at the top of their game in the RCA Dome against a banged up Colts team. No, I don't dare. It's like the old saying: "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on the Jags for once again tricking me into thinking they can beat the Colts."

BUFFALO @ WASHINGTON
RIP Sean Taylor. This was already going to be a tough game to pick before having to guess whether the Skins would be galvanized by the tragedy involving their teammate, or just not that interested in playing football. I'm going with the former.

SAN FRANCISCO @ CAROLINA
San Francisco showed signs of life last week. Meanwhile, Carolina is still trying to decide between Vinny Testaverde or David Carr. Not fun times for the Panthers and their soon to be ex-coach John Fox.

DETROIT @ MINNESOTA
Hmm, the Vikings have won a few games in a row, including a big, dominating win on the road, while the Lions are freeeeeeeee...free fallin! Also, the Lions are STILL, you know, the Lions. I'll go with the Vikes.

NY JETS @ MIAMI
I'm not sure which is more embarrassing — that the Dolphins are 0-11 or that the Jets are actually underdogs to a 0-11 team. Like everyone else, I like a good underdog story. Well, these two teams are mostly just dogs. I'm looking forward to watching my brother's little league game Saturday morning more than I am this debacle.

ATLANTA @ ST. LOUIS
This game is slightly more interesting if only for the moment when Joey Harrington or Gus Frerotte (or both) do something REALLY stupid. I wonder if there will be any walls for Gus to headbutt. This is another game that will be upstaged by my brother's little league baseball game, but I DO expect it to be more interesting than Jets/Dolphins.

SEATTLE @ PHILADELPHIA
This game just has "Donovan McNabb comes back from injury, stinks up the joint and has a meltdown after being booed because Philly fans are convinced A.J. Feely is a better quarterback" written all over it. They're gonna need a lot of space to write all of that.

CLEVELAND @ ARIZONA
This game has "shootout" written all over it (MUCH shorter than the writing all over Seattle/Philly). Also, how can you not like the Browns and their brown coach Romeo Crennel (who I had fired by now) and their poop-colored jerseys? Seriously though, I like this team.

DENVER @ OAKLAND
It might be a week too late, but I think certified genius Mike Shanahan will finally decide NOT to kick the ball to Devin Hester, and Denver will come out with a victory. On a related note, how mediocre/bad do you have to be till they stop referring to you as a genius, Mr. Shanahan/Mangini/Billick?

NY GIANTS @ CHICAGO
You know the Giants are in trouble when Rex Grossman looks like the steady quarterback coming into this game.

TAMPA BAY @ NEW ORLEANS
It was 2006 all over again with Bruce Gradkowski "leading" the offense to no first downs and 19 yards of total offense in the second half of their "win" over the Redskins following Jeff Garcia's injury. I'll be right back, I have to go massage Jeff Garcia's lower back for 45 minutes so he can play on Sunday.

CINCINNATI @ PITTSBURGH
Even when Carson Palmer has a good fantasy game for me, he throws all three of his TD passes to Chad Johnson — who was on my opponent's fantasy team. So I still lost. Damn! Anyway, I'm not buying this whole "we're competent" act the Bengals put on last week.

NEW ENGLAND @ BALTIMORE
I love how everyone's talking about a "blueprint" to beat the Patriots. Well, fortunately, I work at a newspaper and I have inside info. New England WON last week. But since it's being widely reported otherwise, I expect them to bounce back big from their loss against the Ravens.

John's Quicky NFL Thursday Night Pick

I'll be back on Friday with a full slate of NFL picks, but I just thought I'd sneak in my quick Thursday night NFL pick before one of the biggest games of the season — which, of course, won't be available in the great majority of households.

GREEN BAY @ DALLAS
As always, when two ginormous entities fight (in this case, the NFL and cable companies), we lose. Unless, you work for a cable company, in which case you're part of the problem.

But I'm not going to go on some long rant about how the NFL is crazy for asking cable companies to pay almost twice as much to carry the NFL Network as they pay for carrying channels people actually use every day (like CNN) as opposed to four months out of the year. I kina like that cable (who is not blameless and also trying to save the most $$$ it possibly can get out of the deal) is standing up to the big bad NFL which pretty much always gets its way (like when it pretty much ordered ESPN to cancel "Playmakers" a FICTIONAL drama series that made pro football players look bad.

So, no — I'm definitely not going to rant about that (it's too late, isn't it?) Bottom line: the NFL people are idiots if they think people are going to just magically decide they NEED the NFL Network because one important game happens to be on it (last year's NFL contests were complete duds). Personally, I'll just watch the highlights on Sportscenter, like I do with 85% of the other games on Sundays. And if really wants to see this game, they can go to a sports bar or easily mooch off a pal who's got the NFL Network.

Oh yeah, the game! I like Green Bay on the road. I'm tired of underestimating the Packers this year and being wrong. I think their defense is the best Tony Romo and the Cowboys will see this year (yes, even better than New England's), and I like Brett Favre (pictured, right) to guide this young, exciting and impressive team, who is 14-1(!) in it last 15 games to a mini-upset. Also, Tony Romo (pictured, left) has been recently linked to Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears (think he has a type?), since breaking up with Carrie Underwood. I don't know who Favre is married to, but advantage Favre.

Oh well, at least if I'm wrong, no one will really know since no one's gonna be able to watch the damn game.

Project Runway Rundown: Just For Men

Who knew that with no new episodes of "The Office" (and "30 Rock", "Ugly Betty" and "Scrubs" running out soon), "Project Runway" would be the place to go for high comedy?

Last night's menswear challenge featured the absolute fashions ever shown on this program (and maybe anywhere). I loved the fact that the word "menswear" struck fear into the hearts of the gay boy and girl designers the same way people in Harry Potter are afraid to say "Voldemort."

When the designers found out they'd be designing a three-piece outfit for ex-NFL running back and Today Show correspondent Tiki Barber to wear on the air, the reactions were predictable, but no less funny. A few of the guys swooned how "gorgeous" he was, and Kevin, the straight guy in case you weren't listening the first dozen times, seemed to be the only guy who knew who the hell Tiki was.

Now obviously, I'm not a designer and I couldn't sew my way out of a wet paper bag. I also understand that designing for men is different than designing for women (I DID go to college). But is it really THAT different that only a handful of contestants managed to not design and construct embarrassingly bad ensembles and the rest appeared to be living through their worst nightmare?

At least the gay boys and girls got a brief break from hell when the male models they'd be working with for the week arrived. Other than the swooning from the boys, my favorite part was that the kookiest thing Elisa did this week was turn her back while her model undressed because she has a boyfriend, and that boyfriend is the only one she fits intimately. Hokay.

Predictable, a lot of the outfits were unfinished and in some cases (Carmen's shirt, Jack's jacket) entire pieces were left undone. That didn't stop Carmen from drooping a scarf around her model and fashioning a dicky to make up for his lack of shirt. Seriously. Stop by the gallery and check out some of these monstrosities.

The runway show was one for the ages, lowlighted by Sweet P's trainwreck of a collar and ridiculously oversized tie, Carmen's members only jacket monstrosity, and Ricky's droopy, oversized and boring suit. The highlights for the judges were Jack's simple striped shirt and pant, which I thought was simultaneously too simple and WAY too busy, I preferred Kit's casual, yet stylish ensemble, and even Kevin's vest and purple shirt because, like Tiki, I'm not afraid of colors.

Almost as entertaining as the outfits themselves were the judges facial expressions (impossible to reproduce on here) and comments, including Tiki (pictured, with Nina Garcia) complaining that he would look like a fool if he wore Ricky's outfit on TV, and that he didn't want to go on TV and look like an idiot after checking out Sweet P's creation.

In the end, I'm glad the judges spared Sweet P, who is fun and funny ("this is by far the worst thing I've ever designed). Mostly I was surprised they dumped Carmen (the stronger reality show contestant, in favor of Ricky, who's now made two appearances in the bottom three and is one episode away from a full-blown meltdown.

So what'd you think of this episode? What was the point of having Tiki's wife come in, other than prompting Christian (who's too-cool for this competish act is starting to get annoying) to randomly proclaim that "Asians are FIERCE!"? Why do you think Heidi Klum hates the color purple on men so much? What was more sketchy? Jack using his own pants for the pattern, or the other two contestants' piggy backing off of his pattern? (I say the latter). Finally, since they brought up the fact that ridiculously in-shape Jack is HIV positive, how long till that somehow becomes an issue? Two weeks? Three?

America's Next Top Recap: Shanghai Surprise

Well, damn.

I mean, on Tuesday night, Mel B. loses "Dancing with the Stars" to charming, but nowhere-near-as-good-a-dancer Helio Castroneves, who I'm CONVINVED would've lost if news of his split from his fiancée would've come out before the finale, angering his female fans who assume he may be hooking up with partner Julianne Hough. Ok, I assume that too.

Then on Wednesday night, my favorite contestant on this cycle of "Top Model" goes home. Damn.

As if losing second-favorite contestant Lisa last week wasn't enough, now I have a final heavily featuring dim Chantal, bitchy Bianca and bland Jenah to look forward to (and I use the term "look forward to" loosely). This is probably the least inspiring "Top Model" final four since, um, last year when we were down to Jaslene, Renee, Natasha (yay! Natasha) and Dionne/Wholahay.

It was go-see time last night, and I quickly asked my girl Erica if she cared to predict who would fail to come back in time (a "Top Model" tradition unlike any other). Since Erica hates guessing, I picked Heather to have some sort of meltdown while roaming the streets of Shanghai and Chantal to be late, just because she's so damn dumb. It turned out I was 2/3 right, with Jenah barely joining them in the losers' circle after being disqualified.

That made for a pretty low-key challenge victory for Bianca, who can finally stop whining about not winning a challenge (though I'm sure she'll find something new to whine about).

In addition to Heather wandering around trying to read her Chinese map ("It's all Greek to me"), the go-sees were pretty entertaining thanks to Chantal's inappropriately bright pink underwear, and the harshness of several of the designers, including the one who flat out told Jenah she couldn't walk.

That designer seemed to have almost as much disdain for Jenah as Nigel (pictured) does. After hinting at the animosity last week, Nigel showed up to photograph the girls this week, in a shoot for which the girls had to prove they could stand out in case they're ever surrounded by Chinese dragons and lions.

For some reason, Jenah decided that acting like an arrogant know-it-all with bad hair who is above the competition was a better strategy then being a bland girl with bad hair. To be fair, Nigel comes off as a bit humorless (remember how he got all huffy about a joke CariDee made two cycles ago about him having a stick up his ass? Of course you don't, because you're not a dork who writes about this show every week.)

Still, her attitude was completely off-putting and was largely responsible for landing her in the bottom two along with Heather, who had a very strong pic again, but not as strong as Saleisha, who had CLEARLY the best pic and is emerging as something oddly resembling a front-runner. The worst pic was Bianca (sleepy), followed by Chantal, who the judges continue sucking up to for no good reason. Look at that pic! I know she's going for a model-y pose, but that shot is forced and terrible. Saleisha went for model-y and got it, Chantal is just blah.

In the end, Heather went home mostly for only making it to one go-see. Sure Jenah, at least one designer completely hated Jenah's walk, but she DID see more, right? Ugh. I'm done with this show. Who am I kidding, no I'm not!

What'd you think of this episode? Can you give me ONE good reason why I should keep watching? How funny was it that, during Jaslene's Cover Girl commercial, there appeared to be approximately one dozen people in Baltimore to watch her throw out the first pitch? (my brother caught that one) Are you ok with the girls trying to trick each other by giving the competitors wrong directions? Finally, who is going to be Cover Girl of the Week now that Heather's not around to win it every week? (It's SO going to be Saleisha, right?!)

Nip/Tuck/Thoughts: A Swingin' Good Episode

And I thought last week's episode was freaky-deaky.

Well it was, but Tuesday's episode "Chaz Darling" was almost as out-there.

It started with an appearance from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy"s (remember THAT show?) "culture guy" Jai Rodriguez, as Chaz, a Hollywood stylist and a friend of Eden's. That part wasn't too weird. What WAS odd (and completely unacceptable to image-conscious Chaz) was his over-sized left nipple. After Eden threatened to tell Sean about Christian banging Julia, he was forced to operate on Chaz for free.

I liked the scene early on with Christian vowing to set Eden straight telling her that, unlike his partner, he can handle little cock teases like Eden. And it was refreshing to see him actually do it. When Eden tried to blackmail some free (and completely unnecessary) lipo out of Christian by threatening to release a sex tape of Olivia and Julia, he framed her for stealing drugs from his office and convinced Olivia to send her to rehab. Although, I've enjoyed the Eden character, her little temptress act was running the risk of becoming slightly tiresome, so it's good that it seems like we'll get a bit of a break from her.

After getting a bit of a break from them, Matt and Kimber were a surprisingly large focus of last night's episode. And although I'm not the biggest Matt fan in the world, I like that we sorta found out how they got hooked on crystal meth. Kimber started doing it to lose the baby weight and after the Scientologists took her money, but that still doesn't exactly explain why Matt was so hooked.

I enjoyed Kimber ripping off the carpet from their dingy apartment's floor because she swore she could feel quarters (for more meth) on her bare feet. What I liked even better was Matt's temporary foray into the adult film world after Kimber unsuccessfully tried to make a comeback. You gotta love being introduced to characters named Ram (the "Dukes of Hazzard"s and "Smallville"s charming John Schneider) and his wife busty. Even better was the name of the gay porno ("First-Time Fairies) Matt was going to star in for a mere $5,000. Eventually, Kimber showed up to stop him from whoring himself, so that she could whore herself to their meth dealer instead. Alrighty.

Like I said, I enjoyed their subplot last night (and I would've enjoyed it even more if annoying Matt had actually had to go through with it), but next time we see these two, let's tie them together to the rest of the show, because last night it seemed like I was watching 2/3 of Nip/Tuck and 1/3 of Requiem for a Dream: The TV Series.

So if Christian's story was one of the 2/3 of Nip/Tuck, the other part was Sean (pictured) and his sex life with Kate. Yeah, that's still not going so well, and Kate tried to get it kick started by asking him his fantasy. It was the ol' reliable schoolboy fantasy (wonder where he got that one), which led to, possibly, the first good sex between the two, and two solid shots of Sean's ass (which has CLEARLY displaced Christian's ass as the go-to ass this year)

Meanwhile, Sean learned one of his patients (guest star Boris Kodjoe) hosted swingers parties where young black guys had sex with soccer moms and other desperate housewives while their husbands watched. Sean seemed a bit turned on, but when he told Kate, she seemed to get REALLY turned on.

It turned out it was a little TOO turned on for Sean's taste. The scene at the swingers party was simultaneously cheesy (the host's silk robe), creepy, sexy and funny (Sean frantically shouting "big wheel", his safe word for when he felt uncomfortable). In the end, Sean finally said what we were all thinking — their sex life was crappy because he was still grossed out by Kate crapping in the hot tub and the two broke up, but not before taking cheap shots at each other. I remember the phrases "fat ass" and "you're probably gonna get fat again" being thrown out there. Oh well.

So what'd you think of this episode? I know Eden is not right in the head, but who the hell wants to tape their own mom having sex? Will Sean still be on "Hearts 'N Scalpels" given his breakup with Kate (and that reality show previewed next week)? I thought Julia and Olivia were just visiting, so why are they still around? (Not that I mind having Olivia around, it's stupid Julia that needs to go) Finally, are you looking forward to next week's reality show gimmick? I think, given shows like "Dr. 90210", it could be a fun little romp.

The Mist Review

I was like, "whatever."

It was Black Friday, and I'd gotten my Christmas shopping done by noon, so I asked my brother, who was with me, to pick a movie, my treat. I secretly wanted him to pick either "Beowulf" (not too much of a long shot) or "No Country for Old Men" (which I REALLY wanted to see, but was a huge long shot). He ended up picking "The Mist".

I was like, "whatever."

Well, it turned out that, aside from one of the bleakest, cruelest endings I can remember, it turned out to be a good choice. It was well-acted, entertaining, and probably the scariest, thrillingiest horror movie I've seen this year. Let's just ignore the fact that I haven't really seen many horror movies this year.

But can you blame me? What passes for a horror movie these days is garbage by some hot shot director that things tying a woman up to a chair and finding creative ways to torture her is scary. It's not scary. It's disgusting, but not scary. Even though you could probably tell I skipped "Saw IV" and "Hostel Part II", I'm not uniformly against the torture porn genre. I liked the original "Saw" because it had a bit of imagination. Pretty much every copycat film since then has been a slap dash mess to see who can make their audience throw up first.

That's why it's a refreshing change to see a horror movie in the hands of a good director. In the case of "The Mist", that director is Frank Darabont ("The Shawshank Redemption", "The Green Mile") once again working from Stephen King source material.

Between wondering why Darabont doesn't make more movies, I wondered why Thomas Jane isn't an A-list star yet. Here, Jane is David Drayton, a movie poster artist in a small Maine town who, along with a colorful group of locals and out of town visitors, winds up trapped in a supermarket when a mysterious and all-consuming mist envelops the town.

Doesn't sound too scary right? I mean, it's just mist, and didn't we already kinda cover this territory in "The Fog". What Darabont and King's story get right (and what most horror movies seem to ignore) is that there's nothing scarier than the ugliness of human beings when they're scared or trapped (or both). Of course, there may or may not be scary, blood-thirsty monsters out in the mist more frightening than the pissed off humans, but you know what I'm trying to say.

Jane is granite-solid as the story's everyman protagonist. Honestly, this guy is handsome, has the physique to be an action star and, hello, can act. What's the deal, Hollywood? It's not his fault "The Punisher" was garbage — it was the director's and John Travolta's. Other standouts included Toby Jones as a meek-looking, but surprisingly awesome store employee, Andre Braugher (a fantastic, underused actor) as a know-it-all out-of-towner, and Oscar winner Marcia Gay Harden, as a religious nut who may be the scariest one of them all.

Seriously, Harden is terrific, alternately and easily playing scary, funny and lunatic (maybe channeling Piper Laurie in "Carrie", another Stephen King story). In John's world, she'd have a shot for an Oscar nom for "Best Supporting Actress". Then again, in John's world, "Ratatouille" would be a shoo-in for "Best Picture", but I digress.

Darabont drags out the final sequence out and then sorta screws the pooch at the end. Still, if you're looking for a solid, suspenseful, entertaining movie, with a group of interesting characters and a few laughs sprinkled in, I'd check this one out.

The Mist...B+

Dancing with the Stars: A Doll Finale

Sure, Marie Osmond's wind-up doll routine (pictured, left) was, what the kids would call, a hot mess.

But guess what? It was also pretty much the only memorable dance last night and, for better, or worse, the only one anybody's talking about.

The final performance episode was decidedly a downer, and it was everyone's fault. It was the contestants fault for just not dancing as well as they have in previous weeks (they looked tentative) it was the pro dancer's faults for crafting freestyle routines that weren't good enough (WAY too reliant on lifts), it was the judges fault for coming to their senses and giving appropriate/more realistic scores during the fi-nah-le (as opposed to earlier in the competition) and it's Samantha Harris' fault for still being employed on this show. At least Tom Bergeron didn't do anything wrong, he's still awesome.

Before the freestyle round, the contestants performed a judges' choice dance, and I wish I would've known that things would go downhill following Mel B's show-opening cha cha cha (probably my favorite dance of the night). Although it was rock solid Erica rightly pointed out that Mel seemed a bit nervous, while Carrie Ann correctly pointed out that it wasn't a showstopper.

Things only went downhill when Mel B came out to perform an impressive, but completely disjointed freestyle that featured a cool costume change but was heavy on the lifts and sitting on chairs, and lying on the floor, and not so much on the dancing (well, not for Mel at least, Maks danced great). Let me put on my professorly glasses (that I'm actually already wearing) and play amateur DANCMSTR. Ok class. Lifts should be in a routine to accentuate the dancing, not the other way around. Mel and Maks routine seemed to just sprinkle in some dancing if there was time between lifts.

At least Mel and Maks did their lifts very well. I was glad to hear Carrie Ann call out Helio and Julianne for slightly botching a few of their moves over the overwhelming roar of the standing ovation they almost deserved. Their freestyle was the best of the evening, but this season, that isn't saying much. THIS, is how you do a freestyle.

At least it made up for a subpar jive that was mostly salvaged by Julianne's awesomeness. The jive just doesn't suit Helio (which is probably why those evil judges picked it), and I was glad to see them not be completely dazzled by Julianne's frenetic choreography and fantastic dance moves around Helio to notice that his footwork wasn't very good at all.

Then there's Marie. The judges threw her a samba for her first dance. I think we all remember what happened the last time she danced the samba. This time, she was able to stay upright and delivered an entertaining routine that was a little lacking in technique (I love how the judges just noticed that she's been a little lacking in technique during last night's finale).

Anyway, after a cute little bit during their audition footage in which they spied on Julianne and Helio, I don't think we were prepared for their doll-themed freestyle. Look, Marie was never going to do some upbeat number with a dozen lifts, and I like that she went in a different direction and I love the idea behind the routine, (which HAS been executed brilliantly) But as Bruno said, Marie's freestyle almost defies criticism. It was so dumbfounding that the camera didn't even cut to Donny Osmond standing and applauding because he was probably too confused to either stand or applaud.

Well, they criticized it anyway, digging through the attic and actually whipping out the "7" paddle that hadn't been seen on the show in about three weeks. Even Marie seemed pretty peeved, snapping back at the judges, not once, but twice.

Overall an underwhelming finale to an overall slightly underwhelming season. I mean, even these celebrities and the contestants seem over it.

So what'd you think of the fi-nah-le? Were you a bit let down, as I was? Which Spice Girl do you think is most likely to throw down against Carrie Ann after the judge dismissed their booing by saying, "Okay, Spice Girl!"? Probably not Posh, since Victoria Beckham hasn't show any emotion since — well, ever, as long as I've been watching her. Finally, are there enough doll collectors out there to make Marie the winner? I've got Mel B. winning the whole thing. What about you?

Heroes: Dumb and Dumber

Quick, who's stupider? Mohinder or Peter? (pictured)

Well, the answer is Mohinder. I mean, come on — NOBODY is stupider than Mohinder. Still, Peter sure seems determined to give him a run for his money as the outbreak of the Shanti Virus looms nearby.

I get that Peter feels he can trust Adam/Kensei because he helped him heal Nathan (by the way, where the hell has Nathan been for the past month), but how naïve and stupid can he possibly be that Adam/Kensei was obviously locked up for some reason, has a nasty streak (killing older Company member Victoria Pratt when he didn't have to) and is CLEARLY some sort of bad guy due to the character's roguish British accent. You can't trust those guys!

It doesn't help that his main motivation isn't so much preventing the death of 93% of the world's population, but his guilt for leaving his boring Irish girlfriend behind in the future.

The two set about finding the last surviving older member of the company, Victoria Pratt (Joanna Cassidy) — Peter wants to destroy the virus, while Adam/Kensei obviously wanted to kill Pratt and cross her off the list. Eventually, they found out the virus is sitting in the good old Primatech paper company in Odessa, Texas, so that's where Peter, Adam/Kensei, and Hiro (determined to stop him) headed.

This week we found out Ad/sei previously tried to release the virus 30 years ago, which led to him being locked away. We found that out because Hiro traveled back in time after finding a picture of his dad alongside his new nemesis. Obviously, Ad/sei wants to once again try to release the virus, and rid the world of 93% of humanity. It only took about 8 or 9 weeks to hash out (whereas we saw a bomb-decimated New York in season 1 VERY early on), but now we appear to finally have the main plot of the season.

I kinda like it. It's a nice little twist on Linderman's plot last year to have the bomb wipe out 0.7% of the world's population and install a hero in the White House. That plan seemed sinister, but Kensei seems content to just wipe out most of humanity and start from scratch. Either way, (the surprisingly American) David Anders has proven to be a one of the show's best additions. Ok, he's the only good addition.

Speaking of bad additions to the show, we finally got a much awaited subtraction as Alejandro finally bit the dust at the (still powerless) hands of Sylar. While it's good to see Sylar manipulating Maya and generally back to his old ways, Zachary Quinto and the writers were overplaying his evilocity just a bit. The only thing missing for Sylar to indicate to Maya that he's evil would've been for him to be twirling a mustache. Also, why couldn't Maya control herself all this time? Methinks she's probably been evil along, but that's been lost because she's been so cry-y and lame.

Still, I kinda like that he's had to use his brains (and no one else's) to get by lately, and it's ALWAYS good to see him taunting Mohinder.

Speaking of Mohinder, ugh, I don't really want to talk about him. We found out for sure that he was the one keeping Bennett alive and that he's not sure who to trust anymore within the Company. Honestly, I'm falling asleep writing this sentence.

Let's talk about the young ladies instead (yeah, ratings!) Seriously though, it was nice seeing a hero actually try to do something positive with their powers, although not as nice to see Monica captured while trying to retrieve Micah's backpack (black people = trouble!)

Meanwhile, Claire was mourning her dad most of the episode after Bob turned up with what he claimed were Noah's ashes. Although Claire knows this guy has lied before AND she knows the Company has some of her regenerative blood, I'll overlook the fact that she should put two and two together and probably allow for the possibility that her dad is still alive. I mean, she's upset. She's so upset that instead of punching Veronica Mars in the face, she punched her car window out! Honestly, what the hell was that about? God forbid those two actually fought and an interesting scene broke out.

Heading into the finale next week (let's get this writers' strike settled!), this episode was truly a mixed bag. Some good stuff (Sylar, Ad/sei), some not-so-good stuff (could've done more with Claire, Monica...and Mr. Muggles could've said a few words at Noah's funeral) and stupid stuff (Mohinder and Peter).

Anyway, what'd you think of this episode? How long will Peter wait until he blasts Hiro as the latter charged at him toward the end? If Alejandro didn't know any English, how was he able to read the article online about Sylar being a murderer? Where hell was Parkman when Sylar threatened Molly? Elle didn't look too happy with her dad scolding her, how much you wanna bet she ends up killing him? Why didn't Monica watch "The Matrix" or something to prepare her for her late-night excursion? Finally, will the virus actually be released and who will be the two (YES TWO!) "heroes" killed next week?

Desperate Housewives: Desperate Houseguys

You know, sometimes the guys have it just as hard as the women.

Take Mike for example. His life is practically hell. He's got to unclog sinks day and night while living in the suburbs (such hardship!) to support his new baby (which'll bring the number of kids Mike has to 1), buy patio furniture (don't laugh, that stuff is super expensive!) and pay for Julie's class trip (why can't HER dad pay for that?) That reminds me, this show could use a little Karl right about now.

Remember how entertaining he and Susan were together — certainly more entertaining than Mike and Susan. Mike was always boring, but he was obviously a lot better for Susan since he didn't cheat on her. Now that Mike is lying, sneaking around and seems to have contempt toward Susan, remind me why we're rooting for these two to stay together. I don't get why it should be so expensive for him either. Susan has a job illustrating children's books, right? Why is everything on him all of a sudden?

At least Teri Hatcher salvaged this storyline. Susan disapproved of daughter Julie dating a skeezy guy with a tongue piercing (and a webpage describing his piercings) and unwittingly set her daughter up with a drug-dealing pre-med college student. Although, these scenes were funny, it made little sense that Susan would set Julie up with someone so much older than Julie (is she even 18 yet?), but Teri Hatcher was at her bumbling best, telling Barrett to call her "mom", because that's what all the kids do.

Orson was a little desperate for attention himself since Bree was paying more attention to (and insisting on a family bed with) baby Benjamin than him. Their morning-after breakfast discussion about the subject was funny, but creepy in how openly they discussed their sex life in front of Andrew.

Ah yes, Andrew (pictured, right). He was definitely my favorite part of the episode. Two years ago, when he was absolutely terrorizing Bree, it would've been impossible for me to foresee the day where I would type that he was my favorite part of anything. But there he was with Bree, expressing how disappointed he was that Bree hadn't noticed how he'd turned his life around and thanking her for abandoning him by the side of the road. Old Andrew would've probably tried to sleep with Orson to get back at Bree, so this mature response tells me he's for real. The scene at his disgusting apartment was nicely capped off by him asking his mom to use a coaster.

My second favorite part was, after blunt advice from Tom, Bree's visiting Orson's office to have her cavity filled. Enough said. I'm just glad they resolved that mini-tiff in one episode.

Meanwhile, Carlos was freaking out about Victor's murder and wanted to confess to the police while Gabriel insisted they play it cool. Whether it's shouting about a murder in church with a cleaning lady 10 feet away or trying to sidestep the police's question, these two have to be the most inept couple ever to have an affair and murder the husband.

After drugging Carlos to stop him from confessing, Gaby was taken to the hospital, where it looked like she was off the hook since Victor couldn't remember anything. However, I rightly guessed that he was pretending (go me!) as he and his severely chapped lips told her that he remembered everything. It's not clear why he's pretending, but I'm guessing it's something to do with blackmailing Gaby into staying with him because who wouldn't want a wife around that has almost killed you (twice) and clearly doesn't want to be with you.

There WAS one desperate housewife in the block as Lynette frantically searched Fairview's bars and morgues for her mother Stella. Eventually her stepfather turned up and announced that he was meeting Stella to give her money and brought Lynette along. Although this is the first we've ever seen (or even heard) of Lynette's having a stepfather, Felicity Huffman's scenes with a silky smooth Richard Chamberlain conveyed genuine warmth between the two characters.

And when it was revealed that the reason his marriage to Stella failed was because he was gay, I didn't immediately understand how that would change anything. Fortunately, Lynette and the writers cleared that one up for me (for those of you scoring at home, it was because Stella wasn't at fault for the failure of her marriage to the one decent guy Lynette knew)

So what'd you think of this episode? When do you think Susan will actually start to appear pregnant? Do you think we'll ever see Barrett again? How is Katherine going to react once she runs into Adam's stalky female friend from Chicago (where the hell WAS Katherine in this episode)? When is Edie going to get a life? Finally, what's up with that death scream from Lynette in the previews for next week's tornado-tastic episode? You think they're going to kill one of the regular characters?

Dan In Real Life Review

You know, I don’t even care about the fact that I’m probably wildly overrating it in my mind. I loved this movie.

Steve Carell stars as Dan Burns, a family advice column writer and widowed father of three daughters. Dan and his girls head to an impossibly roomy and comfortably luxurious company for a get-together with his family, including younger brother Mitch (Dane Cook), who’s bringing his new girlfriend.

While in town, he meets an alluring woman (I can tell she’s alluring by her appealingly dark look and French accent) who he clicks with right away. I don’t think it’s giving away too much to say that ***SPOILER ALERT*** she turns out to be Mitch’s girlfriend. ***END OF SPOILER ALERT***

And that’s pretty much the whole movie. Storyline wise at least. The rest of the time, we’re basically watching Dan lose his mind while (mostly unsuccessfully) hiding it from the rest of his family.

Carell is outstanding and Oscar worthy as Dan, dialing down the Michael Scott silliness from “The Office” just enough and amping up his Andy Stitzer sweetness from “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” to the appropriate level. Still, his performance is so much more than a simple mash up of those two films. It’s also sad. But since the character is played by Carell, and he inherently has a sweetness about him, we root for him (or at least I do) to get the girl (or at least not continue to be humiliated) by the end.

Also, with the writer’s strike in full swing, this is the only way I’m going to get my fix-o-Carell. And don’t even think about suggesting I watch “Evan Almighty” on DVD.

Juliette Binoche is solid as Anne Marie (or Annie or Marie depending on which brother you ask), though I’d say 60 percent of her effectiveness is due to her just having that thinking man’s appeal from being Juliette Binoche, 20 percent is due to the writing for her character (they even allude to the fact that she has NO flaws in the movie) and 20 percent is anything Binoche actually did.

Dane Cook was great. Yes, THAT Dane Cook! His character is someone who’s a perfectly nice and likable guy, maybe a bit immature, maybe a bit of a lout, but overall a good guy. He and Carell had fantastic chemistry as brothers, and the scene where they sing “Open the Door to Your Heart” was simultaneously adorable and heartbreaking. Or as Erica put it, they’re the best brothers ever.

In fact, I enjoyed pretty much every performance, including John Mahoney and Dianne Wiest as Dan’s well-meaning, but gently-prying parents. Alison Pill, Brittany Robertson and Marlene Lawtson were also terrific as Dan’s most sensible, most frightening(ly realistic?), and most adorable daughter.

This movie comes from director Peter Hedges, who previously directed the extremely underrated “Pieces of April.” That movie was edgier than “Dan”, but the latter movie’s sweetness works for the source material.

Even though some of the hijinks played out in a “Meet the Parents”-esque fashion, Hedges never let the movie devolve into slapstick. I also like the little details he sprinkled in throughout, like the group workout for the entire family (looks like fun) and the crossword puzzle solving challenge pitting the men against the woman (definitely have to do that some time). On the other hand, a subplot with Dan running into the same policeman kinda fell flat.

Like I said, I know this movie will be called corny by some, but I don’t care. I thought (as I did with “Pieces of April”) that this was a beautiful little movie and one of my favorites this year.

Dan In Real Life…A

Project Runway Rundown: Carrie On

After a strong debut that gave us an idea what the designers were all about (if not who the hell they actually were), the second episode of Project Runway's fourth season was even better.

It started off with the designers getting to actually pick their models, and they all chose to work with the model they'd had the week before — except for Ricky, who rather randomly dumped his. Is it one of the show's secret rules (like that pattern-making debacle from Season 3) that there has to be SOMEONE who changes models, just to mix things up? I wouldn't be surprised.

A few moments later in the workroom, Tim Gunn announced that they would be working with a fashion icon this week. And what do you know? A real, live fashion icon walked through the door: Sarah Jessica Parker. I mean, who's more fashion icon-y than her? I think she's probably more of a fashion icon at this point than she is an actress. Mostly, I was glad it wasn't a fakeout and the subject wasn't Miss Piggy or RuPaul or someone like that.

Then came the "challenge" part of the fashion icon challenge. The contestants were to design a two-piece outfit for Parker's Bitten line (targeted for everyday women) using a $15 budget. After they all picked themselves up off the floor, they got to pitch their ideas and SJP would then pick seven team captains.

Among the highlights of the pitch meetings were Chris being endearingly nervous upon meeting SJP, Kevin seemingly snubbing Parker's handshake at the end of their meeting (though I think he just really didn't see her), Carmen like the opera and Webber like the baller being herself, and Elisa actually being named one of the captains.

She ended up being partnered with Sweet P Vaughn, who couldn't have been less thrilled. Actually, she went on to become less thrilled when she started working with Elisa, who actually spit on her garment to mark her work. Eww.

What happened next was surprising and refreshing for reality TV. Instead of shutting down, sabotaging her team and letting Elisa take the fall, Sweet P stood up for herself and reined in Elisa's kookiness. By that same token, Elisa, to her credit, was not above listening to Elisa's ideas, and the two produced one of the evening's top ensembles against all odds.

Not doing quite as well were pale Marion and pseudo creepy Steven. I finally realized who Steven reminds me of — a young John Malkovich. I don't believe I've actually seen Malkovich when he was young, but this is what I like to imagine he was like.
On the runway, Victorya and Kevin joined Elisa and Sweet P in the top two, while Christian and Carmen joined Marion and Steven in the bottom. Victorya and Kevin won the challenge (though I personally liked Elisa and Sweet P's design better).

Then there were the losers. Sure Christian completely missed the mark of the challenge and designed some sort of retro-futuristic motorcorss jacket that no normal woman would ever fit in (if she'd even want to wear it), but he was outdone by Marion and Steven's ensemble, which was described by the judges as "sad Pocahontas", "Cousin Itt", and "absolutely awful" (ok, that last one was my reaction). I mean, the fabric was too clumpy, the fit was bad, and the color was depressing. It may have been the worst thing I've ever seen on this show.

No surprise then that Marion went home, treating us to another week of Christian's hair and giving Steven another week to creep everyone out and Carmen to act like the conceited/sassy black woman we expect her to be.

So what'd you think of this episode? Why wouldn't Victorya just spell her name with that second "I"? To me, people like that just scream "notice me!!!" Perhaps it's because, other than the spelling of her name, she hasn't distinguished herself as a personality at all. Do you have any favorites so far? Finally, honestly — is there anything more depressing than Marion's design?

America's Next Top Recap: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Models

Just because I decided to take a couple of days off for Thanksgiving, doesn't mean you're going to get away with not reading my recaps. I hope you didn't think I abandoned you. It's just that writing these can be hard work (Oh! My index finger!), but I'm going to suck it up because one of the things I'm thankful for is my readers. Both of you.

So the girls in the running took their flight to China Wednesday night as illustrated in a truly cheesy graphic showing their model-y poses superimposed on the side of an airplane.
Things only got loonier from there, especially for my two favorite contestants this season, er cycle — Heather and Lisa.

Heather (pictured) had a mini meltdown when she was left without a bed in their Chinese penthouse. When Saleisha refused to share her oversized bed, I had a quick flashback to last week when Saleisha and Lisa ran in the shower after Heather had called it, now this. Next week, I expect Saleisha to sneak ahead of Heather and commandeer the stove to make an egg white omelet, followed by Heather hitting her over the head, knocking that truly odd hairstyle off of her and saying, "strike three, bitch!"

Seriously though, there are two sides to this. The girls have to know that Heather tends to overreact to little things like this. They also have to know she's the favorite in the competition, so I'm not surprised to see them slightly go out of their way to mess with her (though Chantal DID stand up for her, making me like her a bit for the first time). On the other hand, Heather's completely overreacting and needs to fill her prescriptions for chill pills.

She regained her footing for this week's challenge. Actually, she didn't, because the challenge involved the girls doing martial arts poses while suspended in mid-air. I loved the girls' reactions when the martial artists introduced themselves by staging a fight. It was a mixture incredulousness, fear, and embarrassment (for the guys, because the thing was so cheesy).

Saleisha and Heather (the challenge winner) excelled, while Bianca, who made like Ambreal and revealed a crippling fear of heights, wasn't in the air for more than two seconds before she quit. Good. Though she's been less insufferable the past few weeks, this girl talks WAY too much (or at least she's edited that way). Let's hear more from Heather, who usually has something interesting/funny to say. Let's just not hear more from Chantal (who got to accompany Heather on a shopping spree) because she's still stupid.

Later, the girls got together and shot mostly hideous commercials for Queen Latifah's Cover Girl Line. Honestly, only Saleisha made a commercial which was halfway decent, while Heather and Lisa made commercials that could easily be labeled a disaster. Heather (who knew she could looks so happy?!) and Lisa's pictures were a different story. They were my favorites this week, while Chantal's Sunnybrook Farm shot (Mr. Jay's words) was clearly the worst.

In the panel, Ms. J's hair grew another few inches, while the judges rightly criticized the awfulness of the commercials. We also learned that Nigel apparently hates Jenah, who didn't help matters this week by displaying a crappy "whatevah" attitude.

It came down to Heather and Lisa, with Lisa getting the boot. Such a shame, because she started off with great potential, but completely lost her confidence a few weeks back and never got it back. Honestly, she seemed like she was on the verge of crying for the past three episodes. It was painful. At least now she's out of her misery. I hope.

So what'd you think of this episode? Is Saleisha messing with Heather on purpose (and in a much subtler way than Bianca does) or is it just coincidence? Since they're in Asia, and they did martial arts this week, what stereotypical activity will they have the girls to next week? Maybe math? Finally, with only five, beautiful young ladies standing before you, who do you like to be in the top 3?

NFL Week 12 Picks

Last week I did decently (10-6 week, 93-57 overall). This week I have to hurry up and sneak my picks in before the first Thanksgiving game starts. Let's do this:

GREEN BAY @ DETROIT
Green Bay's playing better than ever (well, you know, this season) while Detroit keeps for getting to run the ball and are playing as badly as ever (see for them I actually mean as badly as they've usually played in the franchise's pathetic history)

NY JETS @ DALLAS
If this were in New York, I swear I'd take the Jets because last time the 'Boys had a big game coming up next week (as they do against the Pack next week) they completely gagged and should've lost in Buffalo (the week before they lost to the Patriots). Instead, I look for Tony Romo to light up the Jets the same way he did my Bucs last year for Thanksgiving, making me throw up most of my turkey.

INDIANAPOLIS @ ATLANTA
The NFL Network can have this crappy game.

SEATTLE @ ST. LOUIS (upset)
Although Seattle's been great lately, St. Louis is much improved and I like them at home. Ok, you got me. Mostly I wanted to pick an upset, and this is as good a chance as any.

MINNESOTA @ NY GIANTS
Maybe the Giants won't completely fold this year. It helps to play a mediocre-to-crappy team like the Vikes.

BUFFALO @ JACKSONVILLE
Buffalo's ass will still be red from getting spanked by the Patriots. Also, Jacksonville might be the second best team in the AFC right now. Yeah, I said it.

CAROLINA @ NEW ORLEANS
Who the hell can figure out either of these two teams. I'll take New Orleans at home, even though I keep taking them at home and they keep losing. Where's that magic from last year?

WASHINGTON @ TAMPA BAY
These two always have close and competitive games, and I expect the same this year. I'll take the Bucs at home because they're getting healthier, playing well, and can maintain a nice lead in the division while the Redskins feel like they're fading.

HOUSTON @ CLEVELAND
Cleveland will win, and they won't win a field goal that JUST makes it by two feet. That was a GREAT ending, by the way. Still, with Andre Johnson back for the Texans, I'd expect this game to be in the 30s or 40s.

TENNESSEE @ CINCINNATI
I'm done with the Bengals. The Titans will run the ball and keep the ball away from the Bengals offense, which is turning the ball over WAY too much when they actually get their hands on it.

OAKLAND @ KANSAS CITY
You know, even though they got off to a decent start, Oakland is pretty much just as terrible as they were last year.

SAN FRANCISCO @ ARIZONA
San Francisco may not score a touchdown again this season. I mean, I just don't see it happening for them again.

BALTIMORE @ SAN DIEGO
San Diego's bad, but they're not worse than Baltimore, are they? Are they?

DENVER @ CHICAGO
Denver's finally showing signs of life, while the Bears are NOT who we thought they were (we thought they could play defense).

PHILADELPHIA @ NEW ENGLAND
Even if Donovan McNabb weren't questionable, you've gotta like New England. The question at this point is whether they'll score 40. In the first half.

MIAMI @ PITTSBURGH
You know, I think I want Miami to go winless this year, almost as much as I'd like to see the Patriots go undefeated. I'm tired of seeing all these guys from the '72 Dolphins pop up anytime a team starts off 10-0 or something and start running their mouths about their undefeated season and how they were better and "don't call me when you're in town, call me when you're on my block" and blah blah blah. You get extremely defensive because since you know you only had to play 14 regular season games, when someone goes undefeated now, they'll be considered greater. Shut up! Somebody tell these old dudes to get a life.

Finally, Happy Thanksgiving!

Nip/Tuck/Thoughts: The Return of Rosie

Bird flu! Borderline necrophilia! Ass Bandits! Big-breasted nuns!

The weirdest, freakiest combination ever? No. Just another Tuesday night on Nip/Tuck. An episode would have to be pretty out there to completely overshadow the return of Rosie O'Donnell as Dawn Budge.

Thankfully, except for a couple of brief appearances by Julia, this episode chose to largely forego any of the Julia, Matt, Kimber nonsense that was weighing down the last two episodes and the show's two main characters.

I was puzzled last week when Christian became an accidental escort, but after watching him follow up on that storyline this week, I came to appreciate it and enjoy it. Since the move to California, Sean's the one who's become the star and sex symbol, while Christian has pretty much lost his identity.

How that led him to become an escort to freaky deaky older women, I don't know. What I do know is that his character is adrift and trying to find himself, and I'd much rather see him act out in this way than have him (predictably, cruelly) try to sabotage Sean yet again. Christian also met a nun who wanted a breast reduction, but the character was mostly there to try to guide Christian back to the right path. Also, to show us a nun with HUGE breasteses!

Seriously though, I liked them delving back into Christian's past (his abusive foster father) and maybe understanding why he is the way he is. I'd rather watch that than, say, Matt's eyebrows.

Sean, on the other hand, is having even bigger misgivings about his relationship with Kate, as he slowly realizes that the actress has some serious issues. Of course, Olivia's daughter Eden isn't helping matters by tempting him every chance she gets and sending him naughty text messages. Of course, Eden ALSO has serious issues (is she just messing with Annie to mess with Sean or is she really just a psycho), but she's younger and, right now, hotter than Kate, so Sean can't wait to bang her.

I liked what this episode revealed about each main character. I already spoke about Christian. On the other hand, what does Sean (the perennial nice guy) do, given everything I just said? He suggests he and Kate get married, of course. Ooh boy, this isn't going to end well.

Just like Dawn Budge's hang gliding trip didn't end well. You can say what you want about Rosie O'Donnell in real life, but I think she's just great on this show and a complete breath of fresh air. Is it just me or do Dylan Walsh and, especially, Julian McMahon always look like they're about to crack up when they're in a scene with Rosie?

After being exhilarated by an eagle attack, Dawn (pictured) wanted McNamara/Troy to fix her face so she could fly to outer space(?!) Given her real-life persona, I thought it was a nice joke to have her mouth sewn up for part of the time.

I thought it was genius to pair her up with Oliver Platt's Freddy Prune following an accident on the set of "Hearts 'N Scalpels". Dawn earned a trip to the set after being molested by the Ass Bandit, a guy who apparently sneaks into doctors' offices, pretends to be a physician and manually collects stool samples from people, just so he can stick his finger in them.

All together now: Ewwwwwwwwwww!

Anyway, the scene with Dawn and Freddy Prune (where she was buying him a new ass) was inspired looniness, particularly Freddie's rant ("Wanna see my fantasy football roster?") when he correctly noticed that Sean and Christian (and me) had all assumed he was gay. Help me out with one thing though — did he know about the Ass Bandit from Dawn and thus allowed him to do his thing? Because when the bandit paid him a visit, he seemed to enjoy the prying hands a bit too much.

So what'd you think of this episode? Is Christian's client's fantasy about being screwed back to life while being hypothermic and almost dead a real fetish I don't know about? If so, how have I been missing out on that one? Does it have a name? If it does have a name, it's kinda scary that enough people are doing it for it to earn a name. Do you think we'll see Christian's nun or the Ass Bandit again? Finally, was I the only one kinda put off by seeing sweet little Annie in Sean's office for a consult (though I should've expected it and been surprised it hadn't happened sooner)?

Dancing with the Stars: DANCMSTR Class

So what do you think happened to all the judges' paddles on "Dancing with the Stars" numbered 1-8? Were they recycled? Given to another needy reality competition show? Wait a minute, why am I STARTING OFF the recap with questions when that's how it's supposed to be ending?!

Even though the judges were handing out 30s like they were candy last night (especially to Helio and Mel B., who each scored a perfect 60 for their two dances), what was probably my favorite dance of the evening didn't get one.

Instead, Marie's quickstep to quickstep to "Good Mornin'" (yay! "Singin' in the Rain"!was tagged with a 29, which seemed downright disrespectful given the scores flying around last night. Still, their routine was cute, funny and had plenty of content, which the judges had lectured Marie on last week. In fact, you could've had a drinking game involving the use of the word "content" that would've had you knocked out before the start of their dance. It was almost as frequent as references to Marie's family.

Not to be outdone, said family was incorporated into the end of their madcap (as described by Bruno perfectly) mambo, which ended with Marie sprawled across her siblings' laps, achieving the rare "kinda cute/kinda creepy" daily double.

Of course, Marie landed at the bottom of the leaderboard again even though (for my money) she outdanced Jennie Garth. Jennie and Derek's tango at the beginning was solid, but done in by a completely weird song choice and Jennie only committing about 97 percent. Maybe she was still distracted by thoughts of a surprisingly nimble Mickey Mouse showing off his moves.

She later redeemed herself with a cha cha cha that was probably (no definitely!) her best dance of the season, and maybe even deserving of the perfect 30 she got from the judges. Still, I have a feeling it'll be Marie joining Mel B. and Helio in the finals. How would you feel about that Jennie? "Umm, I don't know why'd you put US there?" I've said it before, and I'll say it again Jennie, but if you don't give a damn about being there, why should I give a damn about you being there?

As I mentioned before, Helio and Mel B. scored perfect 60s last night. The only problem is that I really only thought one of each of their routines were worthy of that score.

So while I like Mel B's Viennese waltz after watching it a second time, I still think it was a bit too step-py and not enough glide-y (which I'm told are official words). Still, I like that they tried to do something unexpected and surprising for a Viennese waltz. As for their paso doble, the judges summed it up perfectly in showing their amazement that Mel could follow up her fierce performance of "Free Your Mind" with an equally fierce, but mostly different paso doble.(The couples had a hand in choosing what dance to do for their performances.) Bonus points for composing herself after a seemingly awkward start before the music started.

In my mind Mel B slightly outdanced Helio, who delivered a fox trot that I REALLY liked (I don't care for the fox trot at all) and I thought earned his 30. His cha cha cha afterwards — not so much. I like that it was silly and complicated (as all of Julianne's routines are), but the problem was that Helio was doing most of the silly moves, while Julianne was handling the complicated ones.

In between, we had the Len Goodman (pictured, right) paying his now-yearly visit to the couples and lecturing them on what they need to work on (Marie's hips, Jennie's arms, etc). In fact, Len probably had the best night he's ever had on the show, highlighted by his outta leftfield singing of the "SexyBack" lyric "I'll let you whip me if I misbehave" following Mel B.'s paso. Yikes.

So what'd you think of last night's episode? Do you think a weird song choice (or a weird version of a perfectly good song) can affect how a dance is perceived? Which Spice Girl do you think producers will try to coax into participating next year (since they were hanging around the set)? Who do you have advancing into the final 3? Finally, how awesome was it to see Len's DANCMSTR limo back again?

Heroes: The Things They Do For Their Kids

My remote control is lucky to survive last night's episode of "Heroes", after my least favorite character killed my favorite one. I think the only reason I didn't fling my remote against the wall is because I was completely stunned when it happened.

In fact, "Cautionary Tales" was probably my favorite episode of the season so far, making for two consecutive very strong (non-flashback) episodes. That bodes well for where the season is going, but I also can't help but notice neither of these episodes featured the Wonder Twins or any of the other surplus garbage clogging this season.

Instead, last night was probably one of the most emotional episodes ever, starting with a fierce fight between Claire and Noah, after the father announced they were moving again. Claire, wanting to stay with West, objected and eventually left her father after declaring that she hated him. Although the dialogue was slightly melodramatic and it was basically a "Heroes"-up version of a typical father-daughter fight over a boyfriend, the exchange was saved by the strong performances of Jack Coleman and Hayden Panettiere (pictured, left), who have real chemistry as father and daughter.

Also having great chemistry were Masi Oka and George Takei. It nice that Takei got the chance to play Kaito Nakamura one more time after a distraught Hiro traveled back one week in time to save his father. Kaito, of course, refused Hiro's help even after his son took him back to his mother's grave to remind him how much it hurt to lose someone. Eventually, Kaito told Hiro that just because they "had the power of gods, didn't mean they should play God." Well said, sir.

I really liked that Takei got the play the more approving side of Kaito toward the end (as opposed to the stern father when he was introduced) and their final scene together when Kaito tells Hiro that he's proud of him right before he meets his death was one of the best from a very good episode. Also, I actually kinda cheered when Hiro stopped time and we actually found out who the killer was (LOVED Hiro's reaction when he saw it was his hero-turned nemesis Kensei) instead of having it drag on for another week or two.

Now that he's locked away in a nightmare room, Matt doesn't have to worry about his father anymore. However, Papa Parkman DID impart a bit of useful wisdom to Matt before he revealed himself to be fully evil — Parkman's abilities can develop, as they did last night. Instead of pulling people's thoughts from their head, he's able to push his own onto other people and have them do what he wants, first with Molly, then his boss and, eventually to Angela Petrelli. This was another rock-solid scene with Angela (Cristine Rose is great on this show) cautioning Matt that he was getting close to becoming like his dad.

Later, the show displayed some refreshing subtlety when it was revealed that the name of the woman in the picture is Victoria Pratt and Matt had ignored Angela's pleas and maybe nudged a bit toward the dark side.

Having slightly less chemistry as parent and child were Bob and, as was confirmed last night, his daughter Elle, who was assigned to be Mohinder's new partner. I lost track of how many times Mohinder has flip-flopped his allegiances, but last night it seemed like he was resigned to help capture Claire so they could use her blood to cure Nikki, (why does he care so much about curing Nikki again?) even if that meant killing Noah, which was part of his assignment.

Eventually, the show actually delivered with the action (which it sadly fails to do on a regular basis). After some questionable flying effects when West took Noah for a ride to find out if Claire had really betrayed him, we got some cool hero on hero action with West taking out Elle and later Elle turning around and taking out West and Claire as they tried to fly away and escape.

Then there was the shot hear 'round the world (well, my living room instead). Even though the first of Isaac's paintings came true (Mohinder holding the gun), I was holding out hope that something would happen to stop the second one from becoming true. Just to illustrate how essential Jack Coleman is to this show, try to imagine another actor saying the line "Did you remember to pack Mr. Muggles' doggy bath?" and make it sound half as badass as he did.

So obviously I was thrilled and genuinely surprised (nice one writers!) when it was revealed that Claire's blood was being used to bring Noah back to life. Still — Mohinder's dead to me.

So what'd you think of last night's episode? How long do you think it took Claire to gather enough rocks to put together that cheesy "Sorry" sign for West? Is West now firmly a good guy after it was teased that he might use his power for evil? How cute was young Hiro? Who in the world would give Mohinder a gun?!

Finally, who is keeping Noah alive? Is it Mohinder? (since it appears Noah is stashed away in some secret room) Maybe they came up with the plan in those few minutes when they were alone together in Noah's car. Or are Bob and the company keeping Noah alive in case Claire doesn't want to cooperate or out of some sort of compassion (in case you didn't get it from last night's hints, Bob and Noah are different sides of the same coin)?

NFL Week 11 Picks

It's Friday, I'm feeling lazy and, after breaking even last week (7-7 week, 83-51 overall), what do you say we just get these picks done. Of course now that I'll put little-to-no effort this week, I expect to probably have one of my best weeks. Let's do this.

CLEVELAND @ BALTIMORE
Hey, Baltimore — I liked you better when you were the Cleveland Browns! (Told you I'd use it again) Cleveland's not nearly as good on the road as they are at home, but Baltimore is not nearly as good as Cleveland right now. I know Steve McNair was playing pathetically, but they can't possibly be excited about the Kyle Boller era.

SAN DIEGO @ JACKSONVILLE
Jacksonville absolutely kicked Tennessee's ass on the road (a good team), while San Diego barely hung on to beat the Colts at home when they were missing seven starters, lost their best defensive player for the season and Peyton Manning threw six picks. Although I never pick them correctly, I'll go with the Jags.

MIAMI @ PHILADELPHIA
Miami almost ruined their perfect(ly terrible) season last week by beating the Bills. I expect them to get their mojo back and lose to Philly on the road by two touchdowns.

OAKLAND @ MINNESOTA
Both teams are pretty bad, but only Minnesota lost the best running back in the league to injury. Chester Taylor is a capable backup, but look for them to have to throw it more with (gasp!) Tarvaris Jackson or (double gasp!) Brooks Boellinger.

KANSAS CITY @ INDIANAPOLIS
Kansas City is kinda back to sucking again, and although the Colts are being devastated by injuries, I love them to win in their dome against almost anyone. Also, I'm sure Peyton Manning will give the team one of his Priceless pep talks and get them back on track.

CAROLINA @ GREEN BAY
Green Bay looked great last week at home, while Carolina lost to the Falcons. Seriously, what IS the deal with Carolina? Anybody?

N.Y. GIANTS @ DETROIT
Probably one of the best games of the week, and both coming off of bad losses. Though Detroit's loss was worse (losing to Arizona? Really?!), the Giants looked like the team I've seen collapse in the second half of the past couple of seasons against the Cowboys. They gave up huge plays to Dallas, and inexplicably got delay of game penalty after delay of game penalty — at home! I imagine they'll struggle in Detroit's dome, where the Lions can throw the ball down the field very easily and crowd noise will be factor.

ATLANTA @ TAMPA BAY
I like the division-leading Bucs (how is that possible?) coming off the bye week. Actually, I like pretty much every team against Atlanta (except for Carolina last week, apparently)

NEW ORLEANS @ HOUSTON
Houston's just kinda crashed and burned in recent weeks, though they DO get their best receiver back (Andre Johnson) this week. The Saints inexplicably lost to the winless Rams last week, but I expect them to bounce back.

ARIZONA @ CINCINNATI
I expect this to be a complete shootout, as both teams have weak secondaries and love to sling the ball down the field. I just like Cincinnati's weapons better, especially now that they have Chris Henry back, which seemed to give them a lift last week and will continue to do so as long as he stays out of jail.

PITTSBURGH @ N.Y. JETS
What do you want me to say? The Jets have no chance. They're actually the most depressing team to watch other than San Francisco.

CHICAGO @ SEATTLE
Seattle looked good on Monday night against the Niners (then again, who hasn't look good against San Fran), but Rex Grossman also looked good against the Raiders. I mean, after he bobbled the first snap he looked good. I'm taking the Seahawks at home.

ST. LOUIS @ SAN FRANCISCO
I can't possibly take the Niners after dissing them in my last two items. Yes I can because the Rams are actually the last team they beat and one of only three teams in the league that have fewer wins than they do. That being said, Niners QB Alex Smith (pictured, right, in a familiar situation) is really, truly, terrible.

WASHINGTON @ DALLAS
Washington's too inconsistent, and Dallas has a chance to pretty much wrap up the division, seeing as how they haven't lost to an NFC East opponent all year. God it hurts to pick them the same way Harry Potter's scar hurt him when he was doing that mind-meld thing with Voldemort.

NEW ENGLAND @ BUFFALO
This was a sure thing BEFORE Buffalo lost their best player (RB Marshawn Lynch) for this contest.

TENNESSEE @ DENVER (mini-upset)
I'm a sucker for picking the Broncos at home. Also, they momentarily saved their season by beating division foe Kansas City last week (in a division nobody seems to want), while Tennessee looked terrible against the Jags. It'll be interesting to see if the Broncos can run the ball agains the Titans since Tennessee has one of the best run defenses (which could be missing Albert Haynesworth, one of the league's best run-stoppers). Jay Cutler (who has underwhelmed) is going to have to step up at some point, right?

Project Runway Rundown: Train Wreck

Finally, Project Runway has come back to my television.

After more than a year since the end of the last installment (the one that the slightly jerky tattooed Jeffrey won), we jumped right into this new season with a one-hour premiere.

Two reasons I liked last night's episode more than the usual two-hour premiere with audition footage. 1. Two hours of ANY reality show is just too much and inevitably leads to drawn out segments and (the main reason) 2. Out of all the reality shows out there, the contestants on "Project Runway" are absolutely the most talented. So if we sat through auditions and saw awful ones, they wouldn't be as bad or as entertaining as listening to someone who's a terrible singer (like on "American Idol"). Also, as a straight dude I sometimes can't tell the difference between a crazy-good design and a crazy-bad one.

I felt the urge to remind you that I'm straight after watching jean designer Kevin felt compelled to do the same. Also, because I'm writing back to back recaps of "America's Next Top Model" and this show within a space of two hours. Honestly, what is Kevin doing? He should spend less time trying to make sure he can hook up with women who watch the show once he gets eliminated and more time trying to win.

Of course, the downside of last night's hour-long premiere was that we didn't really get to know the great majority of the designers, who introduced themselves in rapid-fire succession before the first commercial break. For example, my early favorites are the fat guy who makes costumes, the smooth bald dude, the guy with the 80's hair, and the crazy "multi-media artist" lady. My sources tell me their names are actually Chris, Rami, Christian and Elisa. Chris even made a dress out of salad once — since he certainly hasn't been eating any. Ohhhhhhh! (Sorry, that was really mean — I apologize to my fat readers.)

Everyone else kinda blended in together. Except for the black woman who used to be a model (Carmen) and claimed that gave her a big advantage over everyone else. (huh?) Also, Ricky the lingerie guy who designed, you guessed it, lingerie for the first challenge.

Instead of making a dress out of garbage, salad (hello Chris) or other random items as is "Runway" tradition, the first challenge was about letting the designers express who they are. I LOVED this idea. Given the time constraints and the number of contestants (which I estimated at 32, j/k) it was a good way of having certain people stand out. After meeting in Bryant Park, they all (except for Chris, who huffed and puffed) toward tents with fabric for their design.

It's also a good way of weeding out the weaker, inexperienced ones. It reminded me of the complete collapse of Michael last year, who dominated the competition last year until the "express who you are as a designer challenge" and he crapped the bed because he was really young and had no idea who he was as a designer.

The standouts for me and the judges this week were challenge-winner Rami (am I the only one who thought his beautiful dress was slightly unflattering?) and Christian (whose jacket sleeve pattern was as asymmetrical as his haircut). The bottom two came down to crazy Elisa, who concoted a vaguely bad gown, which was taken to another level of badness by a train composed of discarded, grass-stained fabric and Simone, whose construction was poor. The orangey Michael Kors also pointed out that her jacket clashed with her dress (which I honestly didn't think was that bad at all.) Not surprisingly, boring lost out to crazy and Simone went home, which is bad for her, but great for viewers as we have loopy Elisa around at least one more week.

So what'd you think of the season premiere? Who are your early favorites? I like Chris (despite the fat jokes), Rami, Christian, Elisa and Jack (who just seems like a nice guy). My least favorites are Carmen, Kit Pistol and Sweet P Vaughn. The latter two mostly because they're adults who refer to themselves as "Kit Pistol" and "Sweet P Vaughn" (they sound like porn stars). Does it seem like Tim Gunn (pictured, left, with Heidi Klum) is getting slightly tired of saying "Make it work" and "carry on"?

How do you think this cast compares to seasons past? Who do you like to win? I'm going with Rami and his elegant designs because risk-taker Jeffrey won last year, and boring, I mean, safe Chloe Dao before that, and I'm just assuming it alternates. Finally, if you've done dresses for Jessica Alba (as Rami has), what the hell are you doing on "Project Runway"?